非常高兴向大家介绍 I'm delighted to introduce
这门课的第一位客座教授 the first guest lecturer for this Introduction to Psychology course
彼得·萨洛威院长 Dean Peter Salovey
彼得是我的一位老朋友 老同事 Peter is an old friend and colleague
你们中很多人 Many of you--
我想 在座的各位都认识他 I think everybody here knows of him
他是耶鲁大学的院长 through his role as Dean of Yale College
在这里 关于他 I'll just, in this context of this introduction
我想再做两点介绍 mention two other things about him
在做院长之前 One is prior to being dean
实际上 作为院长的同时 and in fact, still as a dean
他是一位活跃的科学家 he's an active scientist
尤其在社会心理学领域 and in particular，a social psychologist
积极投身于研究健康心理学 actively involved in studying health psychology
适当地应用心理手段维持人的身体健康 the proper use of psychological methods to frame health messages
同时 他创立并发展了 and also is the founder and developer
情商这一概念 of the idea of emotional intelligence
对此 他做了大量研究 an idea he's done a huge amount of research on
第二 彼得 一直以来 Secondly, Peter is or was
都是耶鲁大学的明星教师 an active and extremely well-known teacher at Yale College
他曾教过耶鲁大学历史上最大的一门课程 He taught at one point the largest course ever in Yale College
法律心理学 a course on Psychology in Law
人气之高 空前绝后 which broke every record ever had here
前前后后 And before that, during that, and after that
他成为了心理学导论老师中的一个传说 he was a legendary Introduction to Psychology teacher
我想 他不止是个传说 And I think—and he had some reason
今天你们就会让你们大开眼界 for why he was so legendary with his lecture
听他讲心理学中的"爱" today on the topic of love
鼓掌 [applause]
非常感谢 Thanks very much
非常感谢布鲁姆教授 Okay. Thank you very much, Professor Bloom
很高兴今天来给诸位做讲座 It really is a pleasure to come and lecture to you today
今儿是情人节 和大家分享一下我对爱的看法 on Valentine's Day on the topic of love
我的主要研究领域是人类情感 My main area of research is human emotion
爱是一种情感 And love is an emotion
这里所说的爱 不是我个人研究的爱 It's not one that I study personally
至少不是在实验室研究的爱 at least not in the lab
但是是个挺有意思的话题 and--but it is fun to talk about
爱出现在 And it is a topic that lends itself
许多心理学现象当中 to many social psychological phenomena
非常开心今天能来客串演讲 It's also great to be able to come in and guest lecture
做了院长之后 我怀念的事情之一 One of the things I very much miss since serving as dean
就是给学生讲心理学110这门课 is the opportunity to teach Psychology 110
虽然我非常喜欢当院长 And although I love being dean
但我确实怀念给学生讲心理学导论 I do miss teaching Introductory Psychology
享受向学生展示观点的感觉 the feeling of exposing people to ideas
有些观点 可能你们闻所未闻 that maybe you hadn't heard before
我觉得 今天我要讲的一些观点 Well, I suspect some of the ideas in this talk
你们就从来没听过 you'll have not heard before
出于许多原因 and for a variety of reasons
你们会注意到 A couple of the things you'll notice
我今天所说的一些实验 is that some of the experiments I'll talk about today
以后都不可能再做 are not the kinds of experiments that can be done anymore
因为人们觉得在道德上不能接受 They're not considered ethically acceptable
但在50年代 60年代和70年代早期是能做的 but they were done in the 50's and 60's and early 70's
因为当时的道德标准和今天不一样 when ethical standards were different
现在还能向你们讲这些实验 and so we can teach them
但你们无法亲身经历 We just can't give you the same experiences
但是在今天课堂上涉及的研究中 that some of the college students
过去一些学生曾经就经历过 that we'll talk about today in these studies had
我还想说 The other thing I will mention is that
某种男性为主和异性恋的特征 there is a certain androcentric and heterosexual quality
存在于爱的社会心理学研究中 to much of the social psychological research on romantic love
在实验中 你们会看到 You'll see that in the experiments
通常 受试者为男性 Usually, the participants are men
测试目标为女性 and usually the targets are women in these experiments
我不认同这是研究爱的唯一途径 I'm not endorsing this as the only way to study love
但是事实往往如此 It just happens to be the way
实验通常就是这样做的 these experiments were done
所以 一开始我提醒大家注意这点 and so I mention this caution right from the beginning
我们必须思考 We'll have to think about--
你们首先应该思考 One of the things you should think about
是否这些实验 is do you think these experiments
普遍适用于其他类型的两性关系 generalized to other kinds of dyadic relationships
我希望你们 And that's a question that I think
在听课的同时思考这个问题 you can ask throughout this lecture
好 开始上课吧 Okay. So let's get started
首先 And to start things off
我们需要思考一个定义 I think what we need to do is consider a definition
我要定义的是爱 I'm going to define what love is
但我所讲的大多数实验 but then most of the experiments I'm going to talk about
更多关注的 与其是说爱 不如说是一种吸引 are really focused more on attraction than love—
双方互生爱意 who finds each other of romantic interest
可能发展出一段恋情 that might then develop into a love relationship
首先 让我们谈谈什么是爱 But let's start with a definition of love
我选择这样一个定义 And I'm going to pick a definition
是我原来的同事罗伯特·斯腾伯格提出的 from a former colleague, Robert Sternberg
他现在是塔夫斯大学一所学院院长 who is now the dean at Tufts University
曾经在耶鲁教过30年左右的书 but was here on our faculty at Yale for nearly thirty years or so
在他的爱情三角理论中 And he has a theory of love that
他认为 爱由三个基本成分组成 argues that it's made up of three components
亲密 激情和承诺 intimacy, passion, and commitment
有时也叫决定承诺 or what is sometimes called decision commitment
这样说相对直白 And these are relatively straightforward
斯腾伯格认为 爱不存在 He argued that you don't have love
如果不能满足这三个要素 if you don't have all three of these elements
亲近是一种亲密感 Intimacy is the feeling of closeness
和某人联系非常紧密 of connectedness with someone, of bonding
你可以这样理解亲近 你和某人分享秘密 Operationally, you could think of intimacy as you share secrets
只和这个人分享 you share information with this person
别人不知道 that you don't share with anybody else
这就是亲近 Okay. That's really what intimacy is
来自于分享属于你们俩的秘密 the bond that comes from sharing information
为外人所不知 that isn't shared with other--with many other people
第二大因素是激情 Second element is passion
激情对于你们不陌生 Passion is what you think it is
激情是-- Passion is the--
你可以说 是产生爱情的动力 we would say the drive that leads to romance
可以理解为生理上的吸引或性 You can think of it as physical attraction or sex
斯腾伯格认为 And Sternberg argues that
激情是爱情的必要因素 this is a required component of a love relationship
尽管如此 它并不是 It is not, however,
在卡尔霍恩宿舍洗澡的必需因素(耶鲁一栋宿舍) a required component of taking a shower in Calhoun College.
爱的第三大因素 The third element of love in Sternberg's theory
斯腾伯格称之为决定或承诺 is what he calls decision or commitment
决定双方开始一段爱情 the decision that one is in a love relationship
愿意承认这是爱情 the willingness to label it as such
并承诺维持爱情 and a commitment to maintain that relationship
至少维持一段时间 at least for some period of time
斯腾伯格认为 Sternberg would argue
如果不承认爱一个人 it's not love if you don't call it love
也没有愿望呵护这段感情 那不叫爱 and if you don't have some desire to maintain the relationship
如果具备这三个要素 So if you have all three of these
亲近 激情和承诺 intimacy, passion and commitment
在斯腾伯格看来 才算真正的爱 in Sternberg's theory you have love
关于这个理论 有意思的是 Now what's interesting about the theory is
如果只具备其中一个 what do you have if you only have one out of three
或者两个 那叫什么呢? or two out of three?
这种关系和爱有什么不同 What do you have and how is it different
如果具备其中的某两个要素? if you have a different two out of three?
这种理论有趣的是 These are--What's interesting about this kind of theorizing is
它提供了很多种排列的可能性 it give--it gives rise to many different permutations
将其区分 that when you break them down
仔细研究 and start to look at them carefully
会非常有趣 can be quite interesting
我是这样做的 So what I've done is
我接受了斯腾伯格的爱的三角理论 I've taken Sternberg's three elements
亲近 激情和承诺 of love, intimacy, passion and commitment
然后列举出 and I've listed out
所有可能的不同关系 the different kinds of relationships one would have
如果一个因素都不满足 或者满足两个或三个因素的情况 if you had zero, one, two or three out of the three elements
我使用了 And I'm using names or types
斯腾伯格理论中的名词和分类 that Sternberg uses in his theory
这些都来自于他 These are really from him
有些很明显 Some of these are pretty obvious
如果没有亲近 If you don't have intimacy
没有激情 if you don't have passion
也没有承诺 if you don't have commitment
这不是爱 you don't have love
斯腾伯格称之为无爱 Sternberg calls this non-love
这可真是个学术术语啊 That's the technical term
他主要的意思是 And [laughs] essentially what he's saying is
你和现在邻桌同学的关系 the relationship you now have to the person sitting next to you
假如坐你旁边的是一个陌生人 presuming that you're sitting next to a random person
不在学校里没见到过 that you didn't know from your college
可能这就是无爱 is probably non-love
如果是其他情况 If it's something else
我们可以下课的时候讨论 we could talk about it at the end of the lecture
或许 我等会儿会讲到 or perhaps when I get to it in a moment
好 我们开始增加因素 Now let's start to add elements
首先 亲近 Let's add intimacy
即分享秘密 This is sharing secrets
亲密的关系 a feeling of closeness, connectedness, bonding
比如 我们和一个人 Let's say we have that with someone
不存在激情 but we don't have passion
即没有性觉醒 that is, no sexual arousal
也没有承诺厮守终生 and no commitment to maintain the relationship
这种是喜欢式爱情 This is liking
斯滕伯格称之为喜欢式爱情 Sternberg calls it liking. And liking
这种爱存在于很多友情中 is really what is happening in most typical friendships
不是和你最亲密的朋友 not your closest friendship
而是普通朋友 but friendships of a casual kind
你觉得没有距离感 You feel close
你们俩守着同一份秘密 you share certain information with that person
不向其他人透露 that you don't share with other--many other people
你不是生理上被吸引 but you're not physically attracted
也没做出任何承诺 and there's no particular commitment
去长期呵护这段感情 to maintaining this for a long period of time
那么 如果不亲密 Now, what if you're not intimate
不做承诺 you're not committed
但是有激情呢? but you're passionate
你感受到性觉醒 you feel that sexual arousal
斯滕伯格称之为迷恋式爱情 This is what Sternberg would call infatuation
可能说的正是你们 And that term probably works for you too
一见钟情式的 infatuated love, and this is love at first sight
我不认识你 I don't know you,
和你之前没有任何秘密 we've never shared any secrets because I don't know you
我不承诺这就是爱情 I'm not committed to defining this as anything
对未来也不做任何期许 I'm not committed to the future
事实上 我不图天长地久 In fact, I'm not thinking about the future
只求曾经拥有 I'm thinking about right now "
亲爱的 我为你着迷 but boy, am I attracted
对 这就是迷恋 Right. That's infatuation
也就是斯腾伯格所说的迷恋式爱情 and that's what Sternberg means by infatuated love
第三种只具备一个因素的关系 The third kind of one-element relationship is
没有亲近 there's no intimacy
没有感情纽带 没有亲密感 没有秘密 right, no bonding, no closeness, no secrets
没有生理吸引力 没有性觉醒 no physical attraction, no sexual arousal
但是老天爷 还不得不维持着这段关系 but by gosh, we are going to maintain this relationship
承诺至死不渝 we are committed to it for all time
这种是空洞式爱情 Sternberg calls that empty love.
空洞式很有意思 Empty love is kind of interesting.
经常而言 这处于一段濒临破裂感情的最后阶段 It's often the final stage of long-term relationships that have gone bad.
不再分享秘密 "We don't share information with each other anymore
不再亲近 so there's no intimacy.
对双方的身体提不起兴趣 We don't feel physically attracted to each other anymore,
没有激情 there's no passion,
纯粹为了孩子而生活在一起 but we'd better stay together for the kids, right?
或者为了顾全家庭的脸面 Or we've got to stay together for appearance's sake
最好还是生活在一起 or we'd better stay together
如果任由关系破裂 经济上对双方是一个灾难 because financially it would be a disaster if we don't
各种原因不解释 惟独不包括亲近和激情 or all of the reasons other than intimacy and passion
两个人承诺在一起 that people might commit to each other.
以上为空洞式爱情 That's what Sternberg calls empty love.
有趣的是 Now what's interesting is
在婚姻包办的社会里 in societies where marriages are arranged
这初始阶段的爱情 this is often the first stage of a love relationship.
两个人 These two people
没打过照面儿 who have maybe never seen each other before,
没掏过心窝儿 who have never shared secrets
因此 没有亲近感 so there's no intimacy,
从未-- who have never--
他们是否被对方身体吸引 我们不得而知 don't know if they're physically attracted to each other
洞房时 才知道对方长什么样子 or on their wedding day revealed to each other
之后从法律上或宗教上成为夫妻 承诺一辈子共患难 and committed legally and sometimes religiously to each other. Right?
当时 只有单纯的承诺 The commitment is there
不再有其他因素 but at that moment nothing else might be there.
有趣的是 What's interesting of course is that
这中婚姻似乎 such relationships don't seem to
离婚的可能还小一些 have any greater chance of ending in divorce
相比那些为爱走进婚姻殿堂的 than people who marry for love.
但是有一个让人混淆的问题 But there's a big confound, there's a big problem
存在于这种关系的研究中 in studies of those kind of relationships.
什么问题? What might it be?
谁能说说 Anybody.
我刚才的陈述中存在什么问题? What might be the problem in the statement I just made
我说的这些种关系 that these kind of relationships are
也能像因爱而生的婚姻一样长久 just as likely to survive as people who marry for love?
恩 Yes.
学生: [听不见] Student: [inaudible]
对 这种关系可能存在 Yeah. So they may occur
更可能存在于反对离婚的社会中 they're more likely to occur in societies that frown on divorce.
离婚社会代价太大 They make it very costly, socially costly, to divorce,
因此双方由于各种原因不分开 so then they stay together for all kinds of reasons,
不是所有原因都是好的 not always such good ones.
好 那么 All right. Now，
"三个中占有两个就不错了" 这首歌是谁唱的来着? who was it who sang the song "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"
是肉块乐队吗? 是么? Was that Meat Loaf? Who was it?
是的 It was Meat Loaf.
布鲁姆教授说是肉块乐队 All right. Professor Bloom says it was Meat Loaf.
那就是的 It was Meat Loaf.
你们所有人都怀疑 "有这么一个叫肉块的歌手吗" You're all saying, "there was a singer called Meat Loaf?"
肉块乐队唱过这首歌"三个中占有两个就不错了" Meat Loaf sang the song "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad."
我们看看是不是这样 Let's see if two out of three ain't bad.
如果有亲近关系 What if you have intimacy,we share secrets,
和激情体验 passion, we feel physically attracted to each other
但是不做承诺 but we're not making any commitments here."
斯腾伯格称之为浪漫式爱情 Sternberg calls that "romantic love."
爱慕对方身体 This is physical attraction
关系亲密 但没有承诺 with close bonding but no commitment,
就像罗密欧遇到了朱丽叶 Romeo and Juliet when they first met.
爱情经常以这种形式开场 This is often the way relationships start
我们喜欢对方 享受肌肤之亲 "We like each other, I'm physically attracted to each other, I--
享受一起度过的时光 to you, I enjoy spending time with you
但不做长远的承诺 but I'm not making any long-term commitments.
甚至不愿意 So I'm not even willing
用爱来表达我们之间的关系 to use the L words in describing what it is we have." Right?
你们许多人可能曾经有过这样的感情 Many of you might have been in relationships of this sort.
这就是浪漫 浪漫式爱情 That's romance. That's romantic love.
那么 如果有亲近感 Now, what if you have intimacy,
有共同的秘密 we share secrets with each other,
但是没有激情体验 but there's no particular physical attraction
但是双方共同承诺维持感情 but we are really committed to this relationship.
这种情况 斯腾伯格称之为伴侣式爱情 This is what Sternberg calls "companionate love."
他/她是你最好的朋友 This is your best friend.
我们亲密无间 We are committed to sharing intimacy,
一生一世 to being friends forever
有没有激情体验无关痛痒 but physical attraction is not part of the equation here.
这种关系 This is sort of the--
可能是希腊哲学中的理想爱情 maybe the Greek ideal in relationships of some kind.
好 如果有激情 All right. What if we have passion,
你让我欲火燃烧 但我们之间并不亲近 I'm sexually attracted to you, but no intimacy.
关于你 我不想了解太多 "I don't want to really know that much about you,
也不想和你分享我的秘密 I don't want to really share anything of me with you,
但是我承诺 but I am committed
和你保持这种肉体关系 to maintaining this physical attraction to you" [laughter]
斯腾伯格把这种感情叫做愚蠢式爱情 Well, that's what Sternberg calls "fatuous love."
旋风般恋爱 It's a whirlwind courtship.
好莱坞式的爱情 It's a Hollywood romance.
可能导致奉子成婚 It might lead to a shotgun wedding.
你可能在拉斯维加斯 Maybe you find yourself in Las Vegas
一天半内闪婚 and you get married for a day and a half
突然意识到好像不太妥 and then realize that this wasn't such a good idea.
可能你是布来妮 是个流行歌手 And maybe your name is Britney and you're a singer. [laughter]
不管怎样 你们弄明白了 Well, anyway, you've got the idea.
这就是愚蠢式爱情 That's fatuous love.
我们基本上只有激情的承诺 We are basically committed to each other for sex
长时间维持这种关系很困难 but it's very hard to make those relationships last a long time
因为可能双方没有任何共同点 because we might not have anything in common,
没有共享的东西 we might not share anything with each other,
我们可能互不信任 we might not trust each other,
不是特别亲近 we are not particularly bonded to each other.
同时 On the other hand,
如果亲近 激情和承诺三者兼而有之 if you have all three, intimacy, passion, commitment,
这就是完美式爱情 完整的爱情 this is "consummate love" according to Sternberg complete love.
斯腾伯格如是定义爱 This is how he defines love.
好的 现在你们明白了爱的定义 Okay. So now you have a definition of love
现在给你们布置个家庭作业 and you can now, as a homework assignment,
今天晚上给自己认识的人列张清单 sit down tonight and make a list of every person you know
以爱的三个要素为依据 by the three elements of love
然后开始在格子里打钩 and just start putting the check marks in the boxes
将所有你对别人的爱得分加起来 and tallying up your personal love box score.
我们不想收集这些信息 And we don't want to collect those.
也不想看到 We don't even want to see those
但是你们可以弄着玩 but you can have fun with that.
也可以叫别人这样做 Then you can ask the other people to do it too
然后相互比较一下得分 and you can compare with each other. [laughter]
如果看到对比后 还能够挺过来 And if you all survive this exercise
说明你离坚强又近了一步 you'll be better for it. [laughter]
你会越挫越勇 What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
这个练习的言外之意在此 That's the idea behind that exercise.
社会心理学中的爱 All right. Now the social psychology of love
真正而言 应该是吸引 really has been a social psychology of attraction.
什么让双方互相吸引? What makes people find each other attractive?
什么让双方亲密无间? What makes them want to be intimate?
为什么认为对方是个不错的性伴侣? What makes them physically desirable to each other?
为什么作出承诺 What might lead to a commitment,
决定承诺维持双方的关系? a decision to make a commitment to make the relationship last?
真是太给力了 This is just so nice.
我这儿一边正做关于爱的讲座 I'm giving this lecture on love
你们俩在前排还手拉着手呢 and the two of you are holding hands here in the front row.
真的是-- It's really-- [laughter]
鼓掌 And-- [applause]
好的 Yeah. Okay. [laughter]
再温习一下 Good. Just checking. [laughter] Okay. So,
社会心理学意义上的吸引 what's interesting about the social psychology of attraction is
集中在7个因素上 it has focused on seven variables.
我将其分为两组 And I've divided these into two groups,
三大因素和四个有趣因素 the big three and the more interesting four.
我称之为三大 And I call them the big—
是指三大因素 The big three are three variables
力量很强悍 that the effects are so powerful
我们几乎不用说得太细 that they almost don't need to be discussed in much detail.
四个有趣因素 The more interesting four
才是我要讲的重点 are the ones I'm going to focus on in this lecture
因为它们更加微妙 because they're a bit more subtle and
由此发生的事情 你不曾听闻过 they may be things that you've never heard of before.
首先 我们快速地说说三大可变因素 But let's quickly talk about the big three.
我们理解的前提 The way to understand the big three
是假设其他因素相同 is with the phrase "all other things being equal."
假定其他因素相同 All other things being equal,
空间上相近的人 people who find themselves in close spatial proximity to each other
如课堂上共用一把椅子扶手 like sharing an armrest in a lecture,
更可能为对方所吸引 will be more likely to be attracted to each other
并开始一段浪漫的爱情 and form a romantic relationship.
假设其他条件一样 Okay, all other things being equal.
关于这点 曾经做过很多有趣的实验 Now this has been tested in lots of interesting ways.
纽约市就做过这类实验 Studies have been done in the city of New York
在纽约 where you can--
如果你生活在曼哈顿 if you live in Manhattan
你能准确地测量 you can actually get a very nice metric
生活不同街道的人相互距离多远 of how far apart people live from each other in city blocks. Right?
整个城市呈格网状 You have a nice grid pattern
你可以数数 and you can use a city block metric
人们相隔多少个街区 to add up the number of blocks between people's doors.
住得近的更可能 And people who live more closely together are more likely
最后发展成为恋人 to end up in romantic relationships with each other.
这似乎显而易见 对吧? It seems kind of obvious. Right?
在大学校园也一样 This even works on college campuses.
我们可以用脚步测量 We can measure in feet
从你宿舍门 the distance between the door to your room
到校园里任何一间宿舍门的距离 and the door to every other room of a student on campus
这里存在一种相关性 and there will be a correlation between the likelihood of--
而且是一种负相关 it's a negative correlation--the likelihood
和一个人发展恋情的可能性越小 of getting into a romantic relationship with a person
如果你宿舍和对方宿舍离得越远 and the number of feet between your door and that person's door.
离得越近 越可能发展恋情 The fewer feet, the more likely a romantic relationship,
在其他条件一样的情况下 all other things being equal.
其他条件相同是一个很重要的限定词 对吧? Now, all other things being equal is a big qualifier. Right?
如果我们能精确地控制其他可变因素 But if we could statistically control for every other variable,
那么只需要测测距离 all I'd need to do is measure the distance
你宿舍门到其他宿舍门的距离 from your door to everybody else's door on campus
我就能够计算出 and I could chart out
校园里谁爱上了谁 who's going to fall in love with whom on the Yale campus.
某种意义上 这个观点-- Now, this idea in a way is--
我不知道 可能有点违反直觉 I don't know. Maybe it's a little counterintuitive.
可能对陌生人有一种文化迷思 There is a kind of cultural myth around the stranger,
你不认识他 the person you don't know,
却将要爱上他 who you will--who you fall in love with.
这和我们说的 And that is not likely to be the case
近距离产生爱情不是一回事儿 if it's the person who is nearby. Right?
你们将发现 And you'll see as we go through the other big--
在我们讨论其他两大可变因素的时候 the other two "big three"
主题上有些重合 that there is a kind of repetition of this theme.
你爱上的不是陌生人 It isn't the stranger you fall in love with.
我们继续 All right. Let's continue down.
相似性 Similarity.
你们可能听过一个成语 You've probably heard the phrase
物以类聚 人以群分 "Birds of a feather flock together"
恋爱还真是这样 and that's true when it comes to romance.
心理学家在 On any dimension that psychologists have measured
这类研究中的研究维度 in these kinds of studies,
双方越相似 when people are more similar
被对方吸引的可能性就越大 they are more likely to find each other attractive.
在身高和年龄方面比较突出 This could be obvious things like height or age
在其他方面 but it also could be things like
像对待死刑的态度 attitudes toward capital punishment,
稀饭红袜队（美国职棒大联盟棒球队名） preference for the Red Sox over the Yankees. Right?
这些都是相似的方面 All of these are dimensions of similarity.
如果其他因素相同 All things being equal,
越相似 the more similar
越容易相互吸引 the more likely you'll find each other attractive.
因此 彼此不同的人没有吸引力 So, opposites don't really attract.
人以群分 Birds of a feather may flock together
反差太大 不容易吸引对方 but opposites don't really attract each other.
经常讲到这里 Now, usually at this point
课堂上会有人举手并发言 somebody in the lecture hall raises their hand and says,
我和男朋友/女朋友 Well, my boyfriend or my girlfriend and I
是两个完全不一样的人 are complete opposites
萨洛维教授 你对此作何解释? and how do you account for that, Professor Salovey?"
通常我会看着他说 And I usually look at them and I say
"你走运" "Good luck." [laughter]
当然 其他因素可能不尽相同 And of course all things might not be equal.
可能有其他因素发挥作用 There may be other variables at play
但是 如果所有因素都一样 but, all things being equal,
如果两个人相似 就不会轻视对方 similarity does not breed contempt.
相似倒是会产生魅力 Similarity breeds attraction. Okay?
没有意思吗? Isn't it interesting?
有很多俗语表达的意思 We have all of these common sayings
相互矛盾 that contradict each other
经过实证 其中一些比其他的 and then empirically, some of them turn out to
更有说服力 have more evidence supporting them than others.
那么 不同的人相互吸引吗? So "opposites attract?"
没多少证据 Not much evidence.
相似的人会相轻? "Similarity breeds contempt?"
也没多少证据 Not much evidence.
物以类聚 人以群分? "Birds of a feather flock together?"
不管怎样 这是有些证据支撑的 Yeah, there's some evidence for that anyway.
最后 熟悉度 Finally, familiarity.
我们往往 Familiarity--We tend to fall in love
容易爱上身边的人 with people in our environment
相互非常了解 with whom we are already familiar.
想象一下 一个醉人的夜晚 The idea that some enchanted evening
你遇到了一个陌生人 we will see a stranger--
"新男色男孩"乐队在哪里?[耶鲁校园内为情侣献唱的清唱组合] Where are The New Blue when you need them? [laughter]
一个醉人的夜晚 Some enchanted evening
你在拥挤的人群中邂逅了一位陌生人 you will see a stranger across a crowded room. Right?
这是哪首歌里面的来着? What musical is that from?
"南太平洋" "South Pacific."
很好 Very good.
你在人群中邂逅陌生人 You will see a stranger across a crowded room.
这是一种文化迷思 That's kind of a cultural myth.
这种情况当然会发生 但是更为常见的是 Of course it happens, but much more common
你遇到一个已经相识的人 is somebody you already know,
这个人 你看到过很多次 somebody you have seen repetitively
突然间 你发现 you suddenly find attraction--
对方非常迷人 并开始和他交往 attractive and a relationship forms. Okay?
三大可变因素 So the big three
相似性 People who are similar to you,
熟悉度 people who are already familiar to you,
空间接近性 people who are nearby in space.
如果其他因素相同 These are the people, all things being equal,
是决定吸引力的 that you will find attractive. Okay?
三大因素 So those are the big three.
是三大主要因素 Those are big main effects.
这三大重要因素 通过实验就很容易能观察出来 Those are big, easy to observe in various ways in the lab.
熟悉度不仅仅适用于人 By the way, the familiarity idea doesn't just work for people.
我给你们看一些陌生语言里的词汇 I can show you words in a language that you don't speak
在你们眼前一闪而过 and I can flash those words to you very quickly
之后 我再给你们看这些词汇 and I can later repeat some of those words
但掺进来一些你们没见过的词汇 and mix in some new ones that you've never seen before
可以说 and I can say, "I don't know--
我知道你们不懂这些词汇的意思 I know you don't know what any of these words mean.
我知道你们不会读这些字母 I know you can't read these characters
但是 如果你必须告诉我 but just, if you had to tell me,
它们当中 你喜欢哪些词汇 which ones do you like
不喜欢哪些 and which ones don't you like
对于每个词 到底有多喜欢? or how much do you like each one?
你喜欢的词是之前看到过的 The ones you will like are the ones you saw earlier,
你对它们已经比较熟悉 the ones that you already have familiarity.
如果你不记得曾经见到过它们 Even if you don't remember having seen them,
尽管对这些词汇 只是匆匆一瞥 even if that familiarity was generated with such quick exposures
你不记得见到过 that you don't remember even having seen anything,
熟悉度还是会发挥效应 you will get that familiarity effect.
对吧? 好 Okay? Good.
四个更有意思的因素 The more interesting four.
为什么有意思 These are more interesting
因为它们有一些复杂 because they're a little bit complicated,
和微妙 a little bit subtle.
首先 说我最喜欢的一个因素吧 Let's start with actually the one that is my favorite.
能力 This is "competence."
想想你生活中的人 Think about other people in your environment.
想想那些有能力的人 Think about people who are competent. Generally--
和无能的人 And think about people who are incompetent.
一般而言 我们更花痴 Generally, we are more attracted to people
那些有能力的人 who seem competent to us.
这还不够有趣 Now, that isn't very interesting.
更有意思的还在后头 And it turns out that's not really the effect.
是的 我们更喜欢有能力的人 Yes, we're more attracted to people who are competent
而非没能力的人 than people who we think are incompetent
但是那些能力超群的人 but people who are super competent,
那种全能型的人 people who seem competent on all dimensions,
又我们感到恐慌 they're kind of threatening to us.
让我们自惭形秽 对吧? They don't make us feel so good about ourselves. Right?
自愧不如 They make us feel a bit diminished by comparison.
因此 真正地 So, what we really like--
对我们真正有魅力的人 The kind of person we're really attracted to
是那些偶尔失态的能人 is the competent individual who occasionally blunders.
心理学上 这叫"失态效应" And this is called the Pratfall Effect,
我们对有能力之人的喜爱之情再次升华 that our liking for the competent person grows
当他们犯错 when they make a mistake,
出洋相 when they do something embarrassing,
经历很衰的事情时 when they have a failure experience. Okay?
这点可以在公众人物身上体现出来 You can see this with public figures. Public figures
他们能力卓越 但偶尔失态 who are viewed as competent but who pratfall,
犯错 who make a mistake,
有时 犯完错后 他们的人气蹿升 sometimes they are even more popular after the mistake. Okay?
时任美国总统比尔·克林顿 I think of Bill Clinton when he was President.
任期结束时 人气很高 His popularity at the end of his term,
尽管大家都心知肚明 despite what everyone would agree,
不管你喜不喜欢比尔·克林顿 whether you like Bill Clinton or not,
和莱温斯基乱搞男女关系就是一个错误 was a big mistake with Monica Lewinsky
但是他的人气并未因此受到很大影响 his popularity didn't suffer very much.
媒体中人很多都说 A lot of people in the media would describe him,
这展现了他人性的一面 "Well, he's just--It just shows he's human."
和常人一样 总统也会犯错 He makes mistakes like the rest of us,
尽管这个篓子捅得有点大 even though that was a pretty big mistake. Right?
有时候错误不那么严重 And you could see this even with smaller pratfalls.
公众人物在出丑之后更加受人喜欢 Sometimes public figures are liked even more after their pratfall.
"失态效应"的经典实验 Now, the classic experiment, the classic pratfall experiment,
描述起来 很迷人 is just a beautiful one to describe.
可以称得上是艺术 It's a work of art.
我给你们简单说一下 So, let me tell you a little bit about it.
你参加了这个实验 You're in this experiment.
来到实验室 You're brought to the lab
然后在听采访磁带 and you're listening to a tape recording of interviews
被采访者可能代表学校 with people who are described as possible representatives
去参加一档智力竞争节目 from your college to appear on a quiz show.
叫做“学院杯"竞赛 The quiz show is called "College Bowl,"
现在可能没有了 which I don't think is on anymore
我上学那会儿还有这个比赛 but was on when I was in college.
你们听着采访录音带 And you're listening to interviews
被采访者是耶鲁的参赛候选人 with possible contestants from Yale
代表耶鲁参加"学院杯" who are going to be on "College Bowl."
你必须决定-- You have to decide how much--
你被告知必须决定 What you're told is you have to decide
选谁参加"学院杯" who should be chosen to be on "College Bowl."
你听这采访磁带 And you listen to these interviews.
有趣的是 Now what's interesting is
被采访者有两种人 there's two types of people,
几近完美的人和资质平平的人 the nearly perfect person and the mediocre person.
前者 The nearly perfect person
92%的问题回答正确 answered 92% of the questions correctly,
谦恭地承认是优等生联合会一员 admitted modestly to being a member of the campus honor society
年刊编辑 was the editor of the yearbook,
校田径赛队员 and ran varsity track.
接近完美了 That's the nearly perfect person.
后者回答正确30%的问题 The mediocre person answers only 30% of the questions correctly
坦白学习成绩一般 admits that he has only average grades
给年刊做校对 he worked on the yearbook as a proofreader
尝试参加校田径运动队 但没成功 and he tried out for the track team but didn't make it.
你看 他们身上 很多因素都还挺一致 So, you see, they're keeping a lot of the elements consistent
一种是水平一般 but in one case he's kind of an average performer
另一种近乎完美 and in the other case nearly perfect.
那么 这两种人 Now, which of these two people
听过录音之后 你觉得那种更有吸引力呢? do you find more attractive in listening to the tape?
因此 当他们问你 So, when they ask you questions about
觉得谁应该去参加这个智力竞猜节目 which person should be on the quiz show,
你们会说更有能力的人应该去 people say the more competent person.
但是他们也会问这样的问题 But they also ask questions like,
你觉得这个人多有魅力? "How attractive do you find this person?"
你们现在只是在听录音带 Now, you're only listening to an audiotape.
究竟这人多有魅力 How attractive do you find this person?
结果不言而喻 And the results are pretty obvious.
大家更为有能力的人更有魅力 The competent person is rated as much more attractive,
比那个平庸的人 吸引人得多 对吧? considerably more attractive, than the mediocre person. Okay?
如果故事到这儿就戛然而止 If this were the end of the story though,
未免过于乏味 it would be a kind of boring story
故事还在继续 and it's not the end of the story.
这时 发生了一件事儿 Now, what happens is
他们要求半数的受访者 half of the participants in the experiment
听过这些磁带的人 who have listened to each of these tapes--
只能听磁带 You only get to listen to one tape.
实验中出现了采访者失态的环节 Half of them are assigned to the blunder condition.
在这一环节 And what happens in the blunder condition
录音还在继续 is the tape continues
你听到了杯子砰砰作响 and what you hear is the clattering of dishes,
有个人在说 a person saying--the person saying,
"该死的 撒了一身的咖啡 这西装可是新买的啊!" "Oh, my goodness. I've spilled coffee all over my new suit." Okay?
这就是失态环节 让人难堪 That's the blunder. That's the pratfall.
这时再问你 Now you're asked,
"你觉得谁更有魅力?" "Who do you find more attractive?"
结果 And look what happens.
对有能力之人的魅力指数评价 Your rating of the attractiveness of the competent person
一路高涨 grows even higher.
有能力的人 偶尔出丑 The competent person who blunders,
大爱啊 this is the person that I love.
不幸的是 本来就是平庸之辈 再出丑 Unfortunately, the mediocre person who blunders,
你会觉得他更平庸 对吧? you now think is even more mediocre. [laughter] Right?
这些实验藏着令人心酸的讽刺 This is the sad irony in these experiments.
不管怎样 有能力的人始终有魅力 The effect works both ways so the mediocre
平庸之人只会更让你更看不起 become even more lowered in your esteem, in your regard.
给你们讲一个和实验相关的故事 发生在我自己身上 Now, I'll tell you a little personal story
想当年我来耶鲁求学 about my coming to Yale that relates to this experiment.
这个实验 This is one of the most famous experiments
是社会心理学史上最有名的实验 in the history of social psychology.
在这里 我不想展开 I wouldn't quite put it up there.
可能不久后 你们将会接触到 You'll hear maybe later about,
可能已经知道心理学家米尔格拉姆 or maybe you've already about Milgram
阿施“权威服从”实验 and maybe Asch conformity
盗贼洞穴心理实验 and maybe Robber's Cave.
这些可能比我将讲的这个实验更有名 Those are even better known than this,
但我们现在要讲的实验 but this is right up there.
是最有名的五大实验之一 This is a top five experiment.
是艾伦特·埃利奥特 What--So--And it was done by Elliot Aronson
他现在已经退休 who has retired now, but for many years
之前在加州大学圣克鲁兹分校教学多年 taught at the university of California CaSanta Cruz.
你们不需要知道名字 The name is not one that you need to know.
1981年 我来耶鲁上研究生 In any case, I came to Yale in 1981 as a graduate student
当时 我在寻找一个指导老师 and I was looking for an adviser
我拜访了 and I was kind of interviewing
一个叫朱迪·罗宾的老师 with a faculty member at Yale at the time named Judy Rodin.
有人可能知道她 Some of you may know that name
后来 她成为了 because she went on later
宾夕法尼亚大学的校长 to become the President of the University of Pennsylvania
现在是洛克菲勒基金会主席 and now is the President of the Rockefeller Foundation.
我拜访她 和她进行了会议式交谈 But I was interviewing with her and set up a meeting.
谈话中 我试图说服她 And what I was trying to persuade her in this meeting
接受我这个学生 was to take me on as one of her students,
做我的指导老师 to let--to be my adviser.
那时 研究生学习才开始三到四周 And it's about my third or fourth week of graduate school
我很紧张 and I'm pretty nervous about this.
对于研究生新生 她看上去很威严 And she could be intimidating to a first-year graduate student.
记得当时我拿着一杯咖啡 And I remember I was holding this mug of coffee
恳求她 and I was pleading with her,
试图让他接受我 trying to convince her to take me on as her student,
我说:"朱迪, 我做事儿挺麻利的 and I was saying, "Judy, I'll get a lot done.
我会勤恳学习 I'll work really hard.
我会分析数据 擅长写作." I can analyze data. I can write."
我一边说 And I'm talking about myself and I'm swinging--
一边手舞足蹈 I'm using my hands as I talk.
我拿着一杯咖啡晃来晃去 I'm swinging this cup of coffee around.
很快 在交谈中 And fairly soon into the conversation
我就展示了一些原理 I demonstrated some principle
可能你们在物理课上学过 that you've probably learned in your physics class
要使静止的物体保持静止 having to do with an object at rest remaining at rest
必须有外力作用 unless acted upon by a force.
当时 这个物体就是杯子里的咖啡 Well, the object at rest was the coffee in the cup
当我把甩出去的咖啡杯收回来时 and when I pulled the coffee cup out from under the coffee
咖啡正好洒在她的桌子上 it landed right on her desk and began--
我几乎慢动作地看着 I watched in slow motion as this wave of coffee
咖啡水从我的桌子流到她桌子边 just moved from my side of the desk to her side of the desk.
她猛地站起来 往后退了一步 She jumped up and jumped back
赶紧拾掇着桌面上的文件 and started moving papers around
给了我一个眼神 and really was giving me this look
好像在说"为什么还不滚?" like "Why don't you just leave?"
我想尽力挽回局面 So, I was trying to save the moment as best as I could,
我看着她 说道 and I looked at her and I said,
"朱迪 你还记得一个实验吗? "Judy, do you remember that old experiment
是艾伦特做的关于吸引力的实验" that Elliot Aronson did on attractiveness?" [laughter]
她瞟了我一眼 She looked at me kind of out of the corner of her eye
我说"我失态了 and I said, "Well, that was my blunder. [laughter]
你应该更喜欢我才对” Now you're going to like me even more." [laughter]
她摇了摇头 无奈地说, And she just shook her head and she said,
"彼特 彼特 彼特, 你知道要达到这个效果 "Peter, Peter, Peter. You know that effect only works
首先我得认为你能干 " if I think you're competent first." [laughter]
不管怎样 这是我刚入耶鲁的情形 Anyway, that was my introduction to Yale,
开始耶鲁的研究生生活 graduate school at Yale. [laughter]
总之 这是关于"失态效应"的实验 All right. So blundering.
除非你是一个有能力的人 Only blunder if you're competent first
失态会为你加分 and it will make you more attractive.
这就是所谓的"失态效应" That is the Pratfall Effect.
继续 Let's move on
我要加快进度 and I'm going to move a little bit quickly through all this
因为我想留点时间 because I want to leave time
最后回答你们的问题 for a few questions at the end of the lecture.
现在说一下生理吸引力 Let's talk about physical attractiveness
这是第二个有趣因素 as number two of the more interesting four.
生理吸引力让我们比较困惑 Now physical attractiveness is one that really bothers us.
我们不相信 We don't like to believe
生活中生理吸引力有多重要 that physical attractiveness accounts for much in life.
似乎老天不太公平 It seems unfair. Except at the margins,
我们不太能改变自己的长相 there isn't much we can do about physical attractiveness.
当我们没有出现在The Rumpus（一份列出耶鲁校园最漂亮的人名单的有嘲讽意味的报纸） And when we're not pictured in The Rumpus
真是太打击人了 it can really hurt. [laughter]
因此 我们都愿意承认 So, we all like to believe
外貌很重要 that physical attractiveness matters.
但有趣的是 And the interesting thing is
如果你在大学生中做调查 if you do surveys of college students
如果你问他们 and you say to them,
你们认为谈恋爱对方要符合哪些条件 Rate how important different characteristics are
按重要性排序 in relationships that you might be involved in,"
学生会说温情 they will say that warmth is important,
善解人意 秀外慧中 sensitivity is important, intelligence is important,
富有爱心 风趣幽默 compassion is important, a sense of humor is important,
认为容貌无所谓 and they'll say that looks aren't important.
如果你衡量这些品质-- But if you measure all of those things--
让我们换种顺序 Let's do it in a different order.
如果你安排他们去相亲 If you send everybody out on a blind date
相亲之后 你再观察 and then you look at, after the blind date,
多少人在第一次相亲后 how many of those people who are matched up blindly
还会继续约会 actually go on a second date,
最后走到了一起 actually get together again,
什么因素影响后续约会的可能性? what predicts who gets together again?
是温情? Was it the rating of warmth?
不是 No.
善解人意? Sensitivity?
不是 No.
聪慧过人? Intelligence?
也不是 No.
不是爱心 也不是幽默感 Compassion? No. Sense of humor? No.
究竟是什么? What was it?
瞧 Looks.
我们认为外表不重要 So we believe that looks don't matter
很不幸的是 他们口是心非 and unfortunately they do.
好消息的是 Now, the good news in all of this is
这只是一种研究生理吸引力的实验 the studies that looked at physical attractiveness in this way
关注点是 were just looking at
预测相亲后约会可能性的因素 what predicts a second date after a first date.
很显然, 能预测长期恋情的因素 Obviously, what predicts a long-term relationship
可能没有长相因素那么肤浅 are probably things less superficial than looks,
起码除了长相 还有其他因素 or at least other things in addition to looks.
但长相对关系的发展确实非常重要 But it is a great predictor of a second date.
每年的调查 学生都会说 And college students year after year say,
长相不重要 "But it's not important."
长期以来 这种脱节 And it's one of those classic disassociations
我们认为不重要的 between what we think is unimportant
通过实证研究 证明时重要 and what empirically turns out to be more important.
关于外表吸引力 Alright well, there are very interesting studies
还做过一些其他的实验 that have been done with physical attractiveness.
在密尼苏达州立大学 At the University of Minnesota,
通过计算机算法将同学分组 a computer algorithm paired people up.
这个算法不是很复杂 It couldn't have been a very complicated algorithm
基本上是给校园里的人随机配对 because it basically paired people up randomly on the campus.
但是通过计算机-- But the computer--
校园所有学生的数据 but a lot of data about all the students on campus were--
收集起来-- was collected--were collected
然后同学随机配对 and people were then randomly paired up
按照这种配对一起跳舞 and sent to the dance.
一段时间后 还对他们进行跟踪调查 And then they were tracked over time.
如同上一个实验 And just as in the thought experiment I just gave you,
该大学学生表现得一样 the University of Minnesota students acted in the same way.
如果计算机-- If the computer--
如果他们认为自己的搭档有魅力 If they rated their partner as attractive,
随机配对的组合 the randomly assigned partner,
他们更有可能继续发展关系 they were more likely to continue the relationship.
有意思的是 为什么呢? Now it's interesting to ask, "why?"
我们必须看看其他的实验 And we have to start to look at other experiments
来揭开外表吸引力的真面纱 to try to get at what is it about physical attractiveness
了解为什么它能促使男女双方继续交往? that makes people want to pursue the relationship?
曾经阿伦森·埃利奥特 And once again Elliot Aronson, the person
那个做失态实验的心理学家 who did the blunder experiment, the "Pratfall" experiment,
他也做了一些关于外表吸引力的成功实验 he did some nice work on attractiveness as well.
在一个试验中 And in one experiment,
许多人知道“卷曲的假发”实验 which many people know as the "Frizzy Wig" experiment,
他是这样做的 he did the following.
他邀请了一个助手 He invited a confederate, a graduate student
和他一起在实验室工作的研究生 who was working with him in his lab--
心理学家-社会心理学家总是称 Psychologists--Social psychologists always call people
在实验室任职的研究生"助手" who are in the employ of the experimenter "confederates."
那不意味着 It doesn't mean
他们成长于梅森—狄克森线以南 that they grew up south of the Mason-Dixon Line
挥动某种旗帜 or wave a certain kind of flag
或者-但是更广泛是"stooge"表示助手 or--but the older term for it was "stooge."
他们会说 They would say,
我们请了一个助手在试验中充当实验中一个角色 "We hired a stooge to act in the following role in the experiment."
但是我认为相当多的大学生 But I think a certain generation of college students
认为助手只能是莫伊,拉里或者克里 thought stooges were only named Moe, Larry, and Curly
并且他们开始用"助手"这个词 and so they started to use the phrase "confederate."
现在,他们经常会说"我们雇佣了一个演员" Now, they'll usually just say, "We hired an actor."
不管怎么说 他们请的这个助手 But anyway, the confederate that they hired
在大多数人眼中亭亭玉立 was a woman who was naturally attractive in most people's view
他们可以把她包装得更漂亮 but they made her look either more attractive
或打扮成丑女无敌 or less attractive
让她穿些邋遢的衣服,失败的妆容还带上卷曲的假发 by giving her kind of frumpy clothes, bad make-up, and a frizzy wig.
这个实验 And it was the frizzy wig
让人们记住了"卷曲的假发" that everybody remembers from this experiment.
她在实验中扮演的 And what she does in the experiment is
是一个临床心理学的学生 she poses as a graduate student in clinical psychology
正在访问男性受试者 who is interviewing male participants ?
受试者仅限男性 only men in this experiment.
采访结束时 And at the end of the interview
她给每个受试者 she gives them her own
自己对他们人格的评价 personal clinical evaluation of their personality. Okay?
这个实验就是这样 So, that's all it is.
他们和这个女人的交谈 They have this interview with this woman.
她要么非常漂亮 She's either made to look very good
要么带个卷假发显得有点对不起观众 or she's made to look kind of ugly with this frizzy wig
然后他们和这个女人谈话 and they talk to her.
她给他们一个人格评估 She gives them an evaluation of their personality.
一半受试者得到了好评价 Half of the subjects receive a favorable personality assessment.
而另一半的结果不容乐观 Half of them receive a kind of unfavorable evaluation.
那么 他们反应怎样呢? How do they respond?
当她打扮得很入时时 Well, when she was made to look attractive
他们会非常高兴 they were delighted
如果这个女人给自己积极回应 when she gave them positive feedback about themselves.
当她打扮得 When she was made to--When she gave--
当她打扮得很漂亮 When she was made to look attractive
却给他们不好的评价时 but gave them unfavorable information about themselves,
他们真的很苦恼 they were really upset about it.
当她打扮不漂亮时 When she was made to look unattractive
她怎么评价 他们也不怎么在乎 they didn't really care what kind of information she gave.
评价积极与否并不重要 It didn't really matter whether it was positive or not.
没有什么不同 It didn't really make any difference.
这非常有趣 It was interesting.
当一个漂亮女人 In the condition where she was made to look attractive
对自己评价不好时 but gave you bad feedback about yourself,
这种条件下的人 often the subjects in that condition
常常会以后寻找机会 would look for an opportunity
和她相处 to interact with her in the future,
明显想证明她的判断是错的 obviously to try to prove that her evaluation was wrong.
这对他们来说很重要 It mattered that much to them.
所以一些关于有魅力人的观点 So there's kind of this idea that attractive people,
他们的回应对我们更有影响力 their feedback to us has more impact.
我没说 这样公平 I'm not saying this is fair,
没说这样理性 I'm not saying it's rational
我并不赞成 I'm not endorsing it,
但是实证上 对不起 but empirically-- [coughs] excuse me--
通过实证 我们可以明白 empirically we can see it,
有时候有魅力的人 that somehow the attractive---
给我们的回应对我们更重要 the feedback from the attractive person matters more to us.
第三点有趣的因素是 Okay. Number three of the more interesting four.
得到和失去 Gain, loss.
这是心理学上一个普遍的观点 This is really a general idea in psychology
某种意义上 that we are in a way wired up
比起稳定状态 我们对变化更敏感 to be more sensitive to change than to steady states.
你可以思考为什么这样说对呢 And you could imagine why that might be true.
变化通常意味着危险和机遇 Change often signals danger or opportunity
如果我们能调整适应变化 and if we are especially tuned-in to change,
我们生存能力更强 it helps us survive
并且能传递我们的基因 是不是? and it helps us pass along our genes. Okay?
因此 我们对变化更敏感 So we're more sensitive to change.
变化在爱情中起什么作用呢? How does that play out in love?
在爱情里 Well, in love we are--
对我们重要的 what is very powerful to us
不仅仅是有人总积极地对你说 is not just that someone always is positive toward us,
"我爱你 爱你 爱你--" 对吧? "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love --" Right?
这样会腻烦的 It wears out its welcome.
更强大的是 What's more powerful is
不看好你的人 the person who was not that positive to us
对你态度变好 but over time becomes more positive.
他们对我们态度的转变首先是积极的, 对吧? The first derivative of their regard for us is positive. Okay?
这就是艾伦森所说的"增益效应" Aronson calls this the "Gain Effect."
我们会被那些越来越 We are really attracted to people whose regard for us
看得起我们的人所吸引 是不是? is gaining momentum over time. Okay?
即使在一段时间内 And even if over a period of time
他们对我们的评价依然不高 the average amount of their regard is lower
但是因为起点较低 because they started lower
只要是在日益改善 总比一开始就对我们评价好的人更有吸引力 and then got higher than someone who was always high,
正是开始低而慢慢增加的人 it's the ones who were first lower who then went up
会引起我们的注意 that capture our attention.
态度的改观 The first derivative is more important
比一开始对我们的看法更为重要 than just the position of their regard for us,
会越来越好 getting better and better.
现在 有趣的是 同样存在一个"流失效应" Now, what's interesting is there is also a loss effect.
真正伤害我们的人 People who really hurt us
并不是那些看轻我们的人 are not the people who have always been negative.
一见到你就讨厌的人 The person who every time they sees you hates you,
他们说讨厌你 says they hate you
边说边做着鄙夷的手势 and accompanies it with an obscene gesture--
但这些人并不会伤害到你 after a while this person can't hurt you. Right?
瑞基·斯卡格斯 唱过一首乡村歌曲 There's a country song that Ricky Skaggs sings
其中有句歌词 that has the phrase in it
"没人能像你爱的人那样伤害你" "Nothing can hurt you like the person you love."
真正伤害你的 That's what hurts,
是一直对你好的那个人-- the person who always was positive who now--
开始冷淡你 whose regard starts to fade.
你只会被所爱的人伤害 对吧? Oh. You can only hurt the one you love. Right?
之所以这样说 是因为 You can only hurt the one you love because
你总期待着他们给你积极地回应 you are expecting positive feedback from the one you love.
当回应变得消极时 And when that turns negative,
就会成为一个打击 it's a blow.
你心口会痛 It's a blow to the solar plexus. Right?
所以你只会被所爱的人伤害 So you can only hurt the one you can love
但是一直爱你的人 but the one who always loves you
有时不善于表达他们对你的爱意 sometimes has trouble showing you that they love you.
爱你不深的人 The one who didn't really love you that much
开始对你示爱 but then starts to show you that they love you,
这样的人会强烈影响你的行为 that person is a powerful influence on your behavior.
好的 最后 Okay. The last--Oops.
回来 最后一项研究-- Come back. The last set of studies--
你们是否谈论过沙各特和辛格的"情绪现象"吗? Have you talked about Schacter, Singer's "Emotions"?
我现在给大家描述一下这个现象 Okay. So let me describe to you this phenomenon.
这个现象 This is a phenomenon
这是一个产生性觉醒错觉的现象 about the misattribution for the causes of arousal.
你感觉到性觉醒 You feel physiologically aroused
但是不能确定是什么原因 but you're not completely sure why,
你不得不给出一个解释 and you have to make up an explanation for it.
我想做的是 I think what I want to do--
有时你的解释是正确的 And sometimes that explanation is accurate,
但是有趣的解释是 but the ones that are interesting here
是那些你犯了张冠李戴的错误 are the ones where you misattribute the cause of the arousal--
你错误了认为是爱 you make a mistake and think it's love
而实际可能是其他的原因 when it might be due to something else.
让我们做一个思维的实验 So, let's do a thought experiment.
我是一个耶鲁的学生 I'm a Yale college student,
出于实验的需要 for the purposes of this thought experiment
我住在皮尔逊校园里 and I live in Pierson
我需要走很远的路去新教堂街 because I need to walk a great distance to Chapel Street,
去新教堂街上的星巴克店 to the Starbuck's on Chapel Street.
我刚认识了一个朋友 And I have a friend who I don't know that well, somebody
几周来 我们上课坐在同一排 who was sitting next to me in class a few weeks in a row.
一天 我邀请她说" 周五晚上 一起去听新蓝色男孩乐队的演唱会吧？" And I said, "Would you like to go see The New Blue in concert
"听完演唱会再去喝咖啡?" and then get coffee after it Friday night?"
她说"好啊 我想去" And she says to me, "Sure. I would do that."
周五晚 新蓝色男孩乐队 And so The New Blue concert takes place
在达文波特剧院的地下一层开唱 in the Pierson-Davenport Theater in the basement there
这个小剧院此前是一个壁球场 what used to be a squash court is now a little theater
我们演唱会听得很开心 and we enjoy ourselves at the concert
结束后 我说"一起去星巴克河北咖啡吧" and then I say, "Let's go to Starbuck's and get a coffee."
然后 我们从皮尔逊学院出发 And so, we walk that distance from Pierson College
沿着约克街走 down to the York Street Gate,
越过新教堂街 over to Chapel Street,
向左转 make the left on Chapel Street,
又穿过一条街道 another block down to High
走到星巴克 walk into the Starbuck's.
这时 她对我说 And she says to me,
"我最好喝一杯无咖啡因的咖啡" "You know, I'd better have a decaf
因为现在有点晚了 我怕失眠 because it's kind of late and I want to be able to sleep."
我说"行啊 你想喝什么就点什么吧" And I say, "That's fine. Whatever you want."
她说,"恩 She says, "Yeah.
我要一杯双倍浓度无咖啡因的穆哈咖啡-- So I'll have a decaf double espresso mocha skinny with a--
还有什么其他种类?" What? What other dimensions are there? [laughter] Right?
"双倍浓度无咖啡因少泡沫的穆哈咖啡." "A double espresso mocha skinny frothed." [laughter]
我说,"好的 可以 我要一杯咖啡" And I say, "Okay. Fine. I'll have a coffee." [laughter]
然后我去点喝的 对服务员说 And I go up there and I order the drinks.
"我要一小杯咖啡," "I'll have a small coffee please
"还要一杯双倍浓度无咖啡因少泡沫的穆哈咖啡" and a double espresso mocha skinny frothed"
除非店员弄错了 except the barista makes a mistake.
在星巴克出现之前, 有"barista"这个词吗? Did the word "barista" exist before Starbuck's? [laughter]
我认为没有 I don't think so.
店员弄错了 The barista makes a mistake.
他错听成带咖啡因 The barista uses caffeinated coffee in the drink
而不是无咖啡因 instead of decaf,
没有告诉别人，也没有告诉我 doesn't tell anybody, doesn't tell me.
我看不出来 I don't see it.
我回到桌位上 双手拿着我的黑咖啡 I just come back with my black coffee
和一杯双倍浓度无咖啡因少泡沫的穆哈咖啡 and my double espresso mocha latte skinny frothed,
其实不是无咖啡因的 except it isn't espresso.
它带了双倍浓度的咖啡因 It's got two shots of caffeinated espresso.
对不起，这是带了咖啡因的 I'm sorry. It isn't decaffeinated.
有双倍的咖啡因在里面 It's got two shots of caffeinated espresso in it.
我把它放在桌上 And I put it down on the table
我们聊得很投机 and we're having this nice conversation
喝着各自的咖啡 and we're drinking our beverages
时间到了12:30或1:00左右 星巴克要打烊了 and it's about 12:30/1:00 now and Starbuck's is closing
是时候回皮尔逊学院了 and it's time to walk back to Pierson.
我们要走回校园 And we're walking back to Pierson
我们离开星巴克 and we leave the Starbuck's,
在新教堂街向左转 we make a left on Chapel Street,
走回约克大街 we're walking up to York,
我有点儿犯困了 I'm getting a little sleepy,
但朋友看着我说, but my friend looks at me and says,
"呵 我觉得挺有趣的" "Huh. I feel a little funny."
到底发生了什么? What's actually happening?
她的心跳开始加速 Her heart is beating a little faster, [sound of heartbeat]
掌心开始冒汗 her palms are beginning to sweat,
呼吸变得短促 her breath is coming a little shorter than it otherwise would.
"我不知道 这里很热吗?" "I don't know. Is it warm in here?"
她说, And she said,
"我好久没有过这样的感觉了" "I don't think I've felt this way in a very long time."[laughter]
"天 不会是咖啡的原因" "Gee. It couldn't be the coffee."
"我要的是无咖啡因咖啡 到底是什么呢?" "I ordered decaf. What could this be? What.."
她转过身来看着我 And she turns and she looks at me [laughter]
说道,"这是怎样的一天啊" and she says, "What a day this has been."
"一种罕见的感觉" "What a rare mood I'm in. "
"这是为什么呢 就像恋爱中一样" "Why, it's almost like being in love." [laughter]
跟恋爱一样的感觉 And it is almost like being in love
其实什么都不是 except what it really is
而是双倍浓度的咖啡因 is two shots of caffeinated espresso [laughter]
导致心跳加速 causing a rapid heart rate
呼吸急促 掌心冒汗 an increase in respiration, sweaty palms,
但我没意识到--她没意识到那是什么 but I don't realize--she doesn't realize that's what it is.
她转向于最突现的-- She turns to the most salient--
社会心理学家会说-- and this is the way social psychologists would say it--
转向于直接社会环境中最突现的实体-- turns to the most salient object in her immediate social environment--
这个实体就是我-- that would be me--and [laughter]
并说 她恋爱了 says she's in love.
这就是张冠李戴-- That's the idea of misattribution--
错误认定性觉醒因素 aroused due to something else,
"我不知道这是什么" "don't know what that is."
最好是如果你不知道是什么 It's best if you don't know what that is
甚至如果你错误认定 or even if you do mistakenly attribute it, misattribute it,
以为是生理吸引力，浪漫，亲密，激情和承诺 to physical attraction, romance, intimacy, passion and commitment,
那是爱情 it's love.
好的 我不一定是在建议你们 All right. Now, I don't necessarily recommend
周末亲自做这个实验 that you do this thought experiment in vivo this weekend,
即使你觉得寂寞 although if you're lonely
可能想尝试一下 you might want to try it but [laughter]
但是我们可以正确理解这个观点 we can go--we can take this idea right--
通过做研究 We can actually do research on this.
我们可以在实验室里研究 We could take it into the lab.
但是 在此之前 But before I tell you about lab experiments
让我告诉你们关于这个观点最著名的现场试验 let me tell you about the most famous field experiment on this idea.
我们称之为"摆桥"实验 We call this the "Rickety Bridge" experiment.
在英国伦敦剑桥大学有一座桥 And there is a bridge at the University of British Columbia
横跨流经校园的一条河 that crosses a river that runs through campus and the rickety--
河上面 其实有两座桥 There's actually two bridges.
摆桥是索桥的一种 The rickety bridge is one that's kind of a rope bridge.
距河面几百尺高 It's hundreds of feet above the river.
在和风中摇晃 It sways in the breeze.
桥宽仅三尺左右 It's only about three feet wide.
你得小心扶着过桥 You kind of hold on to it carefully and you cross the river.
过河是相当的惊险 It's a pretty scary way to cross that river.
有人见过这座桥吗? Has anybody been--seen this bridge?
现在还在 It's still there.
你知道这座桥 很好 Yes. You know this bridge. Okay.
还有一种路可以过桥 There's another way to cross the river.
另外一座桥离水面近 It's on a low bridge near the water,
实木板材质的 又结实又宽 扶手 solid wood planks, nice and wide, hand railings
也是实木材做的 made out of solid wood,
通过这座桥也可以过河 and you can cross the bridge that way.
因此 在剑桥大学里 两个调查者所做的 So, what two investigators at the University of British Columbia did
同样是安排 is they simply positioned, once again,
一个迷人的演员或助手站在桥的一侧 an attractive actor or confederate on one side of the bridge.
助手是一个女人 她和过桥的男人会面 She was a woman and she met men crossing the bridge.
她会拦住他们 And she would intercept them
当他们分别横过摇晃的桥和低矮平稳的桥时 as they came across the rickety bridge, or the low bridge,
她会问一些问题 and she would ask them a few questions and
最后一个问题是"能为我写一个故事吗?" conclude with, "Can you write me a story? "
我将解决实验中遇到的瓶颈 You would help me out with my experiment
如果你能立即给我写一个小故事 if you'd just write a little story right now."
然后她收集所有的故事并说 Then she would collect their story and she would say,
"关于实验 如果有任何问题 "If you have any questions about this experiment, "
尽管给我打电话” "here is my phone number."
实际上，实验里会发生这样的事情 Actually, this happens when you're in experiments.
你会得到实验者的号码 You get the phone number of the experimenter.
会发生什么呢? What happens?
过摇晃桥的男学生 Well, the men, male students, who cross the rickety bridge,
写的故事很性感 很有爱 they wrote these sexy stories with interesting content,
还有点淫秽的主题 with kind of little bit ribald themes.
过结实桥的男学生 And the people on the solid bridge,
写的故事无聊透顶 they just wrote pretty boring stories.
前一组男学生 The people who crossed the rickety bridge
之后更可能联系这个女人说 were more likely to call her up later and say,
"我想谈谈之前的实验 "Yeah. I'd like to talk about that experiment I was in.
我们可以约在星巴克里谈?" Could we meet at the Starbuck's?" [laughter]
"你喝不带咖啡因的咖啡 对吧?" "You drink decaf, don't you?" Right?
后一组男学生 And the people on the low bridge
不太可能实验后会联系她 were much less likely to call her up. Okay?
为什么? What was going on?
恩 这被解释为性觉醒的错觉 Well, this was interpreted as misattributed arousal.
在摇摇摆摆的桥上面 On the rickety bridge
你在几百尺高的水上悬着 在微风中荡来荡去 you're swaying in the breeze hundreds of feet above the water,
桥似乎也不稳 the bridge seems unstable.
可能你过得了河 Maybe you'll make it.
也可能过不了 Maybe you won't.
你的心砰砰直跳 Your heart is beating,
手心发汗 your palms are sweating,
呼吸变得困难 you're breathing harder.
你见到对面的女人 她似乎更加风姿绰约 You meet this person and she seems more attractive
因为你感觉是这样的 because you're feeling all these things.
你认为这是吸引力的因素 And you attribute it to the attraction.
现在 有一个理由说明为什么这个研究很垃圾 Now, there's a reason why this study is bad science.
研究中有一个主要缺陷 There's a major flaw in this study.
何出此言 The clue to the flaw is that
因为这个研究根本就称不上实验 you can't even call this study an experiment.
究竟是什么缺陷? What's the flaw?
谁能说一说? Anybody?
好 你来 Yes.
学生:[听不清] Student: [inaudible]
过摇晃桥的男学生 People who take the rickety bridge
可能更倾向于冒险 might be the kind of people who are more looking for adventure
不像那些过平稳桥的男学生 than the people who take the solid bridge.
换种方式说 Right. Another way of saying it is
受试者并不是随机安排在 there isn't random assignment of the subjects
这个研究中的两种情况下 to the two conditions in the study.
没有随机安排 That's no random assignment;
不满足实验的条件 it's not an experiment.
如果两种情况下的受试者不是随机安排的 You--By not randomly assigning people to these two conditions,
或许你所捕捉的 you may be capturing
只是一类人中的个体差异 just individual differences in the kind of person who,
这类人 当看到一个更稳定,更安全,更低的桥 会说 when there's a perfectly stable, safe, low bridge, says,
"啊哈 我不走那座桥 "Huh uh. I won't want to go on that bridge.
我要走另外一座桥 I want to go on the bridge
我得冒着生命危险去教室" where I have to risk my life to get to class." [laughter]
我们是否应该感到吃惊呢? And then should it surprise us that that's the kind of person
正是这类人会为给一个陌生人打电话 who would call a perfect stranger on the telephone
并为对方写一个性感小故事 and write a sexy story and give it to them? [laughter] Right?
我们不会大惊小怪 We're not so surprised.
因此 我们必须做的是 So what we have to do, of course,
把实验带回实验室 is take it in to the lab
在随机安排下 更系统地做这个实验 and do this in a more systematic way with random assignment.
我想以这个结论结束本次演讲 And this is how I'll want to finish up today.
我们可以讲到3:45? We have until 2:45, 3:45?
好的 Okay. Great.
大概五分钟结束 I'll take about five more minutes to finish up
留给你们一些时间提问 and that'll give us some time for questions.
在实验室要怎么做呢? So how do you do this in the lab?
你把受试者带到实验室 Well, you can bring people in to the lab
我可以让一个助手和你们见面-- and I can present you with a confederate who--
我们说第一种情况 Let's say you are all in condition one,
这边的同学 everybody on this side of the room,
我对你们说 and I can say to all of you,
"请在这边稍等 我们马上开始实验 "Please wait here. We'll begin the experiment in a moment.
等待的时候 请填写这张表格" While you're waiting please fill out this form."
这张表格包含-- And the form includes how attractive--
你们对我这个实验者魅力评价 how attracted you are to the experimenter, to me.
我让这组同学也这样做 I can do the same thing over here.
我给你们这张表格 I can give you the form
对我的魅力指数打分 and ask you to rate how attractive you think I am
同样的指示 但有一点重要的差别 and I can give you the same instruction with a crucial difference
我对你们说"请在这儿稍等片刻 "Please wait here.
马上我们将要开始一个痛击实验 We will begin the painful shock experiment in a moment.
请在等待时完成表格" Please fill out these forms while you wait."
会发生什么? What happens?
得到痛击实验消息的受试者 The people who got the painful shock instruction
更有可能要先助手很有魅力 are more likely to find the confederate attractive. [laughter]
为什么? Why?
因为在等待痛击实验时 While they're sitting there thinking about painful shock
他们的心跳加速 it's making their heart beat faster, [sound of heartbeat]
手心冒汗 it's making their palms sweat,
可能呼吸开始急促 it's making them breathe harder maybe.
即使引起这些反应的原因非常明显 And even though it's fairly obvious what's doing that,
他们还是会产生性错觉 they still misattribute that arousal to
"以为这是爱的力量" "I must be falling in love,"
即使很明显 这是由于痛击实验引起的紧张 even with that obvious a--even with that obvious an instruction.
你也可以采用其他的方法进行实验 You can do this in other ways.
这是我最喜欢的方法之一 You can bring--Here is one of my favorite ones.
把受试者带到实验室 You bring people in the lab.
这次我们让他们作为控制小组 We'll make them the control group this time.
我们把你带入实验室 We bring you in the--to the lab
对这个控制小组的人说 and we say to this group of people,
"请在这里稍等 "Please wait here.
我们马上开始实验 We'll begin the experiment in a moment.
同时 你们可以填写这些表格" You can fill out these forms in the meantime."
表格调查你们认为实验的有多大魅力 The forms ask how attracted you are to the experimenter.
你现在是实验小组的一员 我说 You're now in the experimental group and I say,
"请稍等 "Please wait here.
我们马上开始实验 We'll begin the experiment in a moment.
需要你们完成一些表格" I'm going to ask you to fill out some forms"
"但首先 为实验做准备 "but first, to get ready for this experiment,
我想让你们在跑步机上跑十分钟" I'd like you to get on this treadmill and run for ten minutes."
所以你在跑步机上跑 So you've run on the treadmill.
而你坐在一旁 You've just sat around.
跑步的那个人 The people who've run on the treadmill,
即使很明显 even when that arousal is fairly obvious,
兴奋时因为做了一些有氧运动 you've got--you--doing a little bit of aerobic exercise,
你仍然发现实验者更具吸引力 对吧? you still find the experimenter more attractive. Okay?
这就是为什么佩恩·惠特尼健身馆四楼 This is why the fourth floor of Payne Whitney Gym
和危险的原因 is such a dangerous place [laughter]
作为院长 我劝你们 and I urge you as your dean
要十分小心 to be very careful there. [laughter] Okay?
有氧运动和健身衣所发挥的神奇效应 It's that combination of aerobic exercise and spandex [laughter]
会引起麻烦 that leads to trouble.
好 现在我们讲最后一个实验 All right. Now, here's the final experiment
我为此道歉 and I apologize for this.
在2007年 做这个实验 有点性别歧视的味道 It is a bit sexist in 2007 context,
我给你们解释一下 but let me explain.
我们不能再-- And we could never do this--
这种实验 如今再不能做了 and one could never do this experiment today
我给你们从头至尾讲一下 but let me go through it with you
因为实验中性别歧视的原因 我再次道歉 and you'll apologize for its--some of its qualities.
实验中 男性受试者被带入一个实验室 In this experiment male subjects were brought in to the lab
要求他们看这《花花公子》杂志的中间插页 and they were asked to look at centerfolds from Playboy magazine.
基本都是裸体女人的照片 So, these are essentially photographs of naked women.
受试者带着耳机 And they are wearing headphones
放大心跳声音的耳机 that amplify their heartbeat
问了他们很多事情 其中包括他们认为 and they are asked among other things how attracted are they
插页中的裸女多有魅力 to the centerfold photograph that they're looking at.
我不知道他们看了多少张照片 So, maybe--I don't remember how many they look at.
或许十张 Maybe it's about 10.
开始放幻灯片 So, these slides are coming up.
他们都带上耳机 They've got the headphones on.
耳机放大他们的心跳 The headphones are amplifying their heartbeat
幻灯片一张接一张 and the slides are moving one after another
每张停留几秒钟 for a few seconds each slide
他们听着自己的心跳 and they're listening to their heartbeat.
第一张 第二张 第三张 Slide one. Slide two. Slide three.
第四张 第五张 第六张 Slide four. Slide five. Slide six.
然后问他们哪张最有吸引力 And then they're asked which one did you find most attractive,
哪张最勾魂? which one are you most attracted to?
"噢 第五张 毫无疑问" "Oh, slide five, absolutely. "
"我的老婆就该是她这样儿的" "She's the woman I want to marry." [laughter] Right?
事实上 And what has happened is
他们在用自己身体的信号 they're using this bodily cue of their heartbeat
心跳的强度来确定谁更有魅力 to infer that that's who they find more attractive.
有一个误会 Now, here is the twist.
他们听的 实际上不是自己的心跳 They're not actually listening to their heartbeat.
而是心跳的录音 They're listening to a tape recording of a heartbeat.
实验者回到实验室 带着录音设备 And the experimenter is back there with the speed knob [laughter]
随机地 and at random intervals
他加速了心跳的录音 he just speeds up the tape of their heart [laughter]
然后又慢下来 and then slows it down.
他在放哪张幻灯片的时候 And it doesn't matter which slide he speeds up
加速录音并不重要 the tape of the heartbeat on,
受试者更有可能认为 that's the one the subject is more likely to think
这个幻灯片上的人就是他的梦中情人 is the person of their dreams, the person they're attracted to.
即使你有真的性觉醒错觉 So even you can misattribute real arousal.
也有假的性觉醒错觉 You can even misattribute phony arousal,
假的性觉醒不是你身体发出的 arousal that isn't even coming from your body.
是随机发生在你身上的 It's just coming--It's just being played to you randomly.
你也可以弄错 You can even misattribute that.
我认为这些实验很可爱 Okay. I think these experiments are cute
我认为存在一个有趣的现象 and I think there's an interesting phenomenon there.
说是的 在某种意义上 And it says something, in a way,
我们很容易 about how easily we can be misled
被周围环境中的事物所误导 as to what things in our environment,
甚至被来自我们自身的东西误导 even things coming from our own body, mean.
但是这类研究也有些严肃的暗示意义 But there's also some very serious implications of this kind of work.
其中之一与家庭暴力有关 One of them has to do with domestic violence.
想想家庭暴力的情景吧 So think about domestic violence situations
为什么不寻求解脱呢 and why people stay in them.
为什么还要在暴力中逆来顺受? Why do people stay in relationships that are violent?
首要原因 Now the number one reason,
我们必须承认 and we have to acknowledge it up front,
通常是因为 经济上没有其他选择 is usually economically there's no alternative
或者人们认为别无选择 or people believe there's no alternative.
"我不能离开 如果我离开就无家可归了 "I can't leave because if I leave I'd be homeless.
如果离开 我会饿死 If I leave I will starve,
我孩子也会饿死 if my--if I leave my kids will starve
或者孩子会遇到危险" or there'll be danger to my kids."
这些考虑使得人们被困在家庭暴力中 And that keeps people trapped in abusive relationships but--
这是第一个原因 And that's number one,
还有什么原因呢? but what else might be going on?
有时 人们没有意识到 Sometimes people don't realize
自己被虐待 that the relationship they're in is abusive--
心理和感情上受虐待 it's psychologically or emotionally abusive.
他们大打出手 They get into these fights
声嘶力竭的辱骂对方 and screaming matches and name-calling and such
即使没有身体暴力 even if it's not physical violence.
当这些发生的时候 他们感觉到某种兴奋 And they feel a certain arousal when that happens
他们错误地认定 and they misattribute it.
"他不会对我大喊大叫的" "Well, he wouldn't be yelling and screaming at me "
"如果他不爱我的话" "if he didn't love me." Right?
他们错误地把 They misattribute that,
可能的愤怒 what might be anger,
侵犯或暴力 what might even be aggression and violence,
解释为爱 to an expression of love.
我有一个社会心理学家朋友 I have a friend who's a social psychologist
她曾经给我说过一个故事 who told me a story once
让我很紧张 that really made me very nervous,
虽然她现在一切都好 although she's fine.
她说, "我和我老公拍拖那会儿-- She said, "When I was dating my husband--
那是30年前的事儿了 this is thirty years ago--
有段时间关系很恶劣 we were having a tough time.
我们吵架成了家常便饭 We were in many, many arguments--
吵得不亦乐乎 We got into many, many arguments
有一次 发生些事情 and one time something happened
他来到停车场 走到我车边 where he came up to my car in a parking lot
他透过车窗朝我大叫 and he was yelling at me through the window.
我讲车窗门拉起 And I rolled up the window
没等我反应过来 and before you know it
他一拳就砸在了玻璃上" he had punched out the window."
朝她大喊大叫还砸玻璃 And yelling at her and punched out the window.
但他没有动她一根汗毛 He didn't touch her.
他对我说, "那时 我才知道他是真的爱我" And he--she said to me, "That's when I knew he really loved me."
我想 天哪 真恐怖 And I thought that's scary and I--
不开玩笑 我听了真觉得够惊悚的 and, all joking aside, that's scary
但是这也是性觉醒错觉 but that's misattributed arousal.
"我觉得--他那样做似乎让我感觉 "I'm feeling--when he did that I felt something
到一种爱" and I assumed it was love."
她把什么错误当成了爱呢-- What she was misattributing as love--
把他攻击性的反应当成了爱 Well, she was misattributing his aggressive response as love.
把她自己的恐惧当成了对他的爱 She was misattributing her own fear as mutual attraction,
"我一定爱他" as "And I must love him."
尽管我们觉得这些实验十分好笑 So, although we joke about these kinds of experiments,
说起来也有趣 and they are fun to talk about
因为它们不同寻常 而且可爱 because they are unusual and cute,
但实际上是由深刻含义的 there is also some serious implications
我们可以思考一下这类研究的含义 of this kind of work that one might think about.
也可以思考其他含义 And you might think about other possible implications as well.
今天就说到这里 Okay. Let me stop there
你们有什么问题尽管提 and see what kinds of questions we might have.
掌声 [applause]
非常感谢 Thank you. Thanks very much. That's very kind of you.
因为我们的课在录音 所以我要把问题重复一遍 Because we are on tape I'll repeat any questions that come in.
好 Yeah.
学生:[听不清] Student: [inaudible]
恩 问题是 Right. So the question is
在像痛击实验中 in experiments like the painful shock experiment
如果提前告知受试者 if you are told in advance, like you all are,
通过表格 或者实验者说明 through a consent form or by the experimenter,
"这是一个涉及痛击的实验" "This is an experiment involving painful shock,"
你还会认为实验者更有吸引力 will you still rate the experimenter as more attractive
会产生性觉醒错觉吗? or will you not be able to misattribute the arousal?
这是真的 It is true.
我们越突现觉醒原因 The more salient we make the source of the arousal,
越不可能获得这个效果 the less likely you can get the effect.
如果在思维实验中 我对我朋友说 If in my thought experiment I say to my friend,
"我知道为什么你会有这样的感觉 "Well, I know why you're feeling that way.
原因在于 The reason why you're feeling that way
店员犯了错 is because the barista made a mistake
给了你带双倍咖啡因的咖啡 而不是无咖啡因的 and gave you caffeinated espresso when you asked for decaf
或者你是真爱上我了" or maybe you just love me." Right.
我朋友不太可能说, "我猜是爱" The person is not likely to say, "Oh, I bet it's love."
他们更可能思考 或许真是咖啡因的作用 They're more likely to think oh, caffeine, yeah.
这个解释有点蹩脚" That's the parsimonious explanation here."
但是真的 So it is true.
我们越突现觉醒原因 The more salient you make the cause of the arousal,
越不可能获得那个效果 the less likely you'll get the effect
但是 你看到 在实验中 but you can see even in experiments
有时性觉醒的原因显而易见 where the cause of the arousal is somewhat obvious,
至少对于我们而言 能发现时错觉 at least to us, you can still get a misattribution effect.
其他问题 Other questions.
你来 Yes.
学生:[听不见] Student: [inaudible]
你的问题是 Yeah. So the question is
有没有一个因素 are any of these factors,
尤其在这三大因素当中 即空间接近, 熟悉度和相似性 particularly the big three, proximity, familiarity, and similarity--
会影响关系的维持? Do they affect the maintenance of relationships?
或者它们只是影响最初的相互吸引? or just the initial attraction?
很有趣的问题 我认为 It's interesting. My guess is
对两者都有影响 they affect both initial and maintenance over time
但是文献大多注重最初的吸引 but the literature mostly focuses on initial attraction,
很多这方面的数据 much richer data on that initial attraction
之所以关注感情的最初阶段 and those initial stages of the relationship
部分因为很难长时间对情侣跟踪调查 in part because it's a little hard to follow couples over time.
想想我们将遇到海登堡似的问题 Imagine the sort of Heisenberg-esque problems we would get
在一段时间内 小心谨慎地跟踪情侣 carefully following romantic couples over time
干扰她们的生活 and interfering with them
问问题 作观察 to ask questions and make observations.
会让情侣很难自然相处 It would be hard to let this couple naturally--
关系不能正常发展 this relationship naturally unfold.
因此 我们 So, we really get--
大多数实验的重点 So, really the focus of many of these experiments
在于开始阶段的吸引 is on initial attraction.
这就是为什么我的讲座主题是爱 That's why I always say my lecture is on love,
是关于爱的定义 the definition of terms is about love,
但是真正地 这些实验 but the experiments really
更多的是关于吸引 而不是爱 are much more about attraction than about love.
另外一个问题 Another question.
你来问 Yes.
学生:"一个人能同时和两个人以上拥有完美式爱情吗?" Student: "Can someone feel consummate love for more than one person?"
噢 一个人能否同时和两个人以上拥有完美式爱情 Oh. Can someone feel consummate love for more than one person?
提得非常好 That's a very good question.
其实这个问题在文献中有争议 It's actually a question that's debated in the literature.
我没有在这讲座中的实验中涉及 I didn't get into it at all in this experiment--in this lecture--
但是这是关于爱 but there's an interesting debate going on about love
和其他情感有趣的争论 and many other emotions between people
有人从进化论的角度来探讨 who take a kind of evolutionary perspective on these states
还有人可能从 versus people who take what might be called
更像社会建构的立场出发 a more socially constructed perspective.
两种观点不太相容 And these aren't necessarily so incompatible
但是持进化论观点的人认为 but the evolutionary perspective I think would argue
你可以和两个以上的人拥有完美式的爱情 that you can feel that kind of love for more than one person
至少会促进 or at least it would facilitate the passing on
你的基因传给更多下一代的人 of your genetic material to a larger array of the next generation.
我认为进化论角度解释没有问题 So I think the evolutionary explanation is not a problem
但是在我们的世界里 but we have constructed a world
大多数的社会 where in most societies,
除了一些特别的一夫多妻或一妻多夫社会 except for very unusual polygamist societies,
认为一个人不能爱上两个以上的人 the belief is that you can't love more than one. Right.
因此 两者之间有冲突 And so you've got this tension
一方面 从进化论角度来看 你有这样的冲动 between what might be evolutionarily wired impulses
但是从社会建构的立场看 and the kind of social constraints that say
这不合适 是社会禁忌 this isn't good, this isn't appropriate, this is taboo.
我的观点是 你可以爱上两个以上的人 And my guess is the result is yes,
你可以这样做 但是你会内心很矛盾 you could but you're not going to feel un-conflicted about it
因为这两者 and it's because these two
一直思想一直不停地在做斗争 are conflicting each other at the same time.
还提一个问题 然后结束怎么样? How about one more question and then we'll let you go?
不好意思 我先看到他 I'm sorry. I saw him first.
学生:自然选择会不会垂青 Student: Wouldn't natural selection favor the people
学习并践行这些知识的人? who learn all these things and then practically try to apply them?
他的观点是从进化论角度出发的 So he's making the evolutionary argument.
自然选择会不会青睐 Wouldn't natural selection favor the people
那些学习心理学导论 who take introductory psychology,
在情人节来听我讲座 come to my Valentine's Day lecture,
专心致志听我讲影响吸引力的三大因素 listen carefully to the big three
和四个有趣因素 and the more interesting four,
然后在生活中应用这些知识的人? and then go out there and put them into practice?
这样说来 It feels a little bit like the--like
感觉我们在传授可以习得的特征 we're trying to pass on an acquired characteristic,
这有点违反达尔文的理论 which is a little bit counter to Darwinian theory
但是如果你们可以设计一种习惯 but if somehow you could design a proclivity
来学习这些知识 for learning this kind of material,
按照进化论 自然选择确实可能垂青你们 evolution might indeed favor it.
我能说的就这么多 I can tell you this much.
世界上成千上万的社会心理学家 It would make the several thousands social psychologists
都将十分高兴 并且为自己的学科领域感到自豪 in this world very happy and proud of their field,
如果这点能成为现实 if that turned out to be true.
不管怎样 十分感谢你们 Anyway, thank you all very much.
情人节快乐! Happy Valentine's Day!
谢谢! Thanks!