在上节课结束之前 I ended last time by
我跟大家分享了我生平的一些事 sharing some biographical details about my life.
后来有人问我"是真的吗?" Some people asked me after,"are they really true?"
没错 是千真万确的 So yes,they are absolutely true.
这个故事我是从两个不同的角度来讲的 And I told the incident from two different perspectives—
第一个是消极者的 第二个是积极者的 first as a fault finder,and then as a merit finder.
大家要记住的很重要的一点是 Now the important thing to keep in mind
我们所说的积极者并非 when we think about the merit finder is that it's not that
不会感到痛苦或失望 the merit finder does not experience pain or disappointment,
愤怒或羞辱 恐惧或失望 or anger,or humility,or fear,or disappointment.
至少无法追求自己的目标 It's very disappointing to say the least,
是一件很让人失望的事 not to be able to pursue one's goal,
如果这个目标碰巧是关于职业生涯的 if the goal happens to be a professional career in squash.
或者是如果自己是唯一一个 It is very humiliating to be the only person
没有拿到学位的人 who fails of a program and to have to walk around
而不得不在Willam James大楼再呆一年 for a whole year in William James while
就像脑袋长了一个角那么羞愧 feeling like you have a horn coming out of head.
这种事没有快乐可言 非常痛苦 It's not fun. It's painful.
但是积极者...对不起 However,the difference between a merit finder,sorry,
积极者和消极者的区别在于 a benefit finder and a fault finder is that,
积极者明白 the benefit finder understands that
这世界是不会事事如愿的 while things don't necessarily happen for the best,
但我们可以扭转坏事 it is possible to make the best of things that happen.
事情会好转的 一切会变顺利的 Things will be OK. Things will turn out fine.
可能需要点时间 It may take a while.
可能要过一段时间才能看到曙光 Until I see the benefit of it,it may take a while and I will
可能要过一段时间才能忘了羞辱痛苦失望 get over the humiliation or the pain or the disappointment.
但一切不好的事都会过去 But that,too,shall pass.
也就是说 积极者明白 In other words,The benefit finder understands that
这些感觉是暂时的 他会允许自己 these feelings are temporary,gives him or herself the permission
有人之常情 他会明白 to be human and then understands
事情最后会好转的 things will turn out fine at the end.
我明白这点 发生的都发生了 这就是人生 I know that. Been there. Done that. Part of life.
允许自己有人之常情 包括允许自己 Permission to be human,which includes permission
感受这些负面情绪 允许自己失败 to experience these emotions and also the permission to fail.
我们稍后会深入讲允许自己失败 We'll talk a lot about this permission to fail
等我们讲到完美主义时 when we talk about perfectionism.
因为完美主义对失败有强烈的情绪 Because perfectionism is real intense for your failure
如果做不到最好的 那就是最差的 or we feel it's all or nothing.
如果你不是完美无瑕 那你就是一无是处 Either we have a complete flawless record,or it's useless.
要么就是非凡 要么就是平庸 没有中间地带 It's either phenomenal,or catastrophe. All or nothing.
积极者明白 The benefit finder understands that nature,
人的本性决定了 the human nature dictates that
我们会有痛苦的情绪 人的本性 we have painful emotions and human nature,
或者说是人就会有失败的时候 但失败会过去的 or being human dictates we also fail. And that,too,shall pass.
做积极者有很多好处 There are many benefits to be a benefit finder.
第一个好处就是幸福感多了 So the first benefit is we simply feel better.
积极者感到更多幸福 还有其他好处 We are happier for it. But there are many many others.
例如 For example,
波莫纳大学的Suzanne Thompson做了以下的研究 Suzanne Thompson from Pomona University did following research.
她找那些在加州大火中 She went to people who had just lost their homes
失去家园的灾民 in a fire in California.
那时候很多灾民...那是一场很大的山火 There were many of them at the time- it was a large wildfire.
很多人去失去了家园 And many people lost their homes
火灾过去 她去采访他们 and she interviewed them after that.
她把积极者和消极者区分开来 And she distinguished who were benefit finders and fault finders:
积极者并没有说"我很高兴火灾发生了" the benefit finders didn't say "I'm so glad it happened",
而是说"这场天灾也有好的一面" but they said "well there are some positive here-
"我可以重新开始 火灾给了我一个新起点" I can start a new; it's a fresh start;
"现在我更喜欢我的家 我的家人都安全无事" and now I'll appreciate my home more; my family is OK;
"这让我很欣慰 这是好事" and I'm relieved and that's good.
所以积极者看到的是好的一面 So they focused on the positive.
随后她跟进这些受访者 When she followed up with these individuals,
那些跟消极者区分开来的积极者 those who were benefit finders as opposed to fault finders
长远来说 他们感到更幸福 were happier in the long term,were able to,
他们有更多积极情绪 were experiencing more positive moods,and less likely
焦虑的情绪更少 身体也少患病 to be anxious and had less physical symptoms.
所以对身心都有好处 Both psychological as well as physical consequences.
有很多研究针对积极心态对身体的影响 例如 Numerous,a lot of research on health benefits-for example,
Glenn Affleck找一些人做过一个研究 Glenn Affleck did research with individuals
这些人有过心脏病发 who had a heart attack.
有些人把病发看成大灾难 And there were some individuals who saw it as the catastrophe,
世界末日 the end of the world.
另外一些人当然不会为病发感到高兴 There were others who were certainly not happy about it,
但他们会说"这是一个警钟" but said "OK,so this is a wake-up call.
"心脏病发也有好的一面" It's actually some positive here,
"因为它告诉我要好好照顾自己的身体" because it is telling me I need to take care of myself better".
或者病发让他们对自己的价值观有所改观 Or it helped them revise their personal values.
看到积极的一面的人 Those individuals who saw the positive,the benefit,
把心脏病发视为一个警钟的人 who are able to see the wake-up call there
再活八年的几率更高 were more likely to survive 8 years later;
而且再次心脏病发的几率也更低 less likely to have a second heart attack.
这听起来很显然而见 Now that sounds pretty obvious,
因为他们会改变生活方法 because you know they change their life style.
但原因不只是改变了生活方式 But it's not just about changing life style.
我上次介绍的UCLA大学的Julienne Bower Julienne Bower we talked about last time from UCLA
他研究过一些艾滋病患者 找出其中的积极者 looked at AIDS patient and identified the benefit finders there-
不是那些说"太好了 我有艾滋病"的人 not the people who said "I'm so glad that I have AIDS",
而是那些说"因为患了这个病" but rather the people who said "as a result of that,
"现在我更懂得感激一些事" I am able to appreciate certain things more;
"因为患了这个病" as a result of that,
"我更关心那些真正重要的事" I focus more on the things that really matter;
"因为这个病 我和一些人更亲近了" as a result,I am getting closer to certain people".
四到九年后 她跟进这个研究 The benefit finders,when she followed up 4 to 9 years later,
她发现积极者的存活的几率更高 the benefit finders were more likely to survive,
活下来的可能性更高 were more likely to be alive.
Laura King和Minor做的研究表明 Research by Laura King and Minor: what they showed
我们可以把人培养成积极者 was that it can also be used as an intervention.
所以除了那些天生的积极者 So it's not just people who are born benefit finders
或者消极者以外...我们知道积极与否和基因有一定关系 or fault finders - and we know there is a genetic component too,
但除了天生的以外 还可以后天培养 but there could be an intervention.
他们找来一些生活中受过创伤的人 So they brought in people who'd experienced traumas
让他们写下这些创伤 in their lives and they had them write about these traumas
写下从创伤中"看到"的好处 and their "perceived" benefits of the trauma.
那些写下从创伤中"看到的好处"的人 Those who wrote about the "perceived benefit" of the trauma
身体和心理都更健康更幸福 were physically healthier and psychologically healthier,happier.
另一个研究的对象是癌症患者 Another research on cancer patients.
那些参加研究的女性写下她们的病情 The women came in and wrote about their cancer.
她们还会写 And they wrote about
"患上癌症带来的好事" "good things that came out of my experience with cancer".
写出这些的女人 The women who wrote about this,
看医生的次数更少 visited the doctor office less often,
战胜癌症的几率也更高 were more likely to survive their cancer.
通过改变她们的观念 改变她们的关注点 Just by changing their perspective,by changing their focus.
这些女人没有说"患上癌症最好了" Now these women did not say "it happened for the best".
也许有些人会这么说 但大部分不会 Maybe some did; but most did not.
他们会说"但愿我没有癌症" They said "I wish I didn't have this cancer".
"但我确实患上了 However it happened,you know. Stuff happens.
关键是我们怎么处理 怎么看待这个病" The question is what we do with it; how we interpret it after.
然后她们跟自己说 Then they said to themselves
"我们和家人更亲近了" "OK,so we get closer to our family;
"我现在更感激生活了" I'm appreciating life so much more now;
"我可以享受一下花香了" I can enjoy the breath or flower,
"现在我和家人乐也融融" or I couldn't before my family so much closer now;
"现在我知道谁才是真正的朋友了" I know who my real friends are".
她们从坏事中找出好事 而不是把坏事看到好事 And they found benefit in it. Not for the best.
但她们会尽力从坏事中看到好的一面 But they made the best of the things that happened.
这种心态甚至会影响到他们的寿命水平 And that made the difference even to their mortality rates.
有很多人研究乐观 There's a lot of research on optimism,
积极心态和长寿之间的联系 例如 benefit-finding and longevity. For example,
在Mayo诊所那839位住院病人中 in a sample of 839 residents in the Mayo clinic,
研究人员用他们作研究对象 when they looked at them,
他们区分开积极者和消极者 they identified the benefit finders and fault finders.
两年后那些乐观的积极者 The benefit finders that are optimists were,after 2 years,
存活率高出19% were 19% more likely to survive.
到目前为止 在研究积极心态和乐观领域中 By far,the most influential and interesting study done
影响最深最有趣的实验就是修女实验 in this area of benefit finding and optimism was the nun study.
这个实验从多方面表明圣经里说得没错 The nun study showed in many ways that the Bible was correct,
快乐真的能使人长寿 that joy does prolongeth our lives.
这个修女实验是从1932年开始做 And the nun study was done,started in 1932.
1932年 178位修女完成受训 In 1932,178 nuns who just completed their training-
她们的年龄大约为22岁 they were around the age of 22,just about to embark
这些即将开始传教的修女受到方方面面的测试 on their mission were tested on numerous accounts.
其中一个就是她们要写自己的短小传记 One of the things they did was write biographical sketches
这个资料几十年前就收集起来了 of themselves. And we had this data for decades.
最近心理学家才打开这些资料 And psychologists just very recently opened up the data
想对它进行研究 and wanted to look at it,
想弄明白 wanted to understand what predicts longevity.
有几个修女活到了今天?活了多久? Which of the nuns are still alive today? How long did they live?
这个实验在1932年展开 她们当时22岁 OK,this was done in 1932 when they were avergae age of 22.
他们想找长寿的预测因素 And they looked for predictors of longevity
所以他们看她们的传记写得多深奥 so they looked at how complex their essays were-
也就是说考察她们的智力水平 in other words,their intellectual capacities,
跟长寿一点关系都没有 他们看居住环境 zero correlation to longevity; they looked at place of residence-
看看居住环境的污染程度 maybe they lived in places with less or more pollution
会不会影响她们的寿命 that would impact how long they lived,
没联系 住加州的和住波士顿的没分别 zero correlation- California,Boston,no difference;
他们研究她们的虔诚程度 信仰程度 they looked at how devout they were,their levels of belief
她们那时才22岁 对长寿没什么影响 at that time at the age of 22- didn't predict longevity.
只有一样东西 There was one thing and one thing alone
跟她们的寿命有联系 that predicted how long they would live.
那就是积极情绪 And that was positive feelings.
研究人员所做的是 What they did,the researchers,
看她们写的传记 was looking at the biographical sketches-
他们不认识这些女人 now they had no idea who these women were,
所以这是一个完全盲法研究 so it was a completely blind study-
双盲研究 研究人员看这些传记 double blind. And they looked,
把传记分为四类 they categorized the writings into four categories:
最积极的 最不积极的 the most positive,the least positive
中间还有两类 and two categories in between.
然后他们比较最积极那类 And then they compared the most positive quartile
和最不积极的那类 to the least positive quartile.
他们得出以下的结果 And here are the results that they found.
我先给大家读一段她们写的传记 Let me give you a sample though before so that
让你们了解积极的传记是怎样的 you get a sense of what a positive sample is
最不积极的是怎么样的 and what a less positive sample is.
这一段是积极类里的Cecilia O'Payne写的 So here is Cecilia O'Payne from the positive quartile:
"上帝为我的人生开了一个好头" "God started my life off well by bestowing upon me
他恩赐我生命以无尽的价值 过去一年" grace of inestimable value. The past year which I spent
"我在圣母学院受训 这一年我过得很快乐" as a candidate studying at Notre Dame has been a very happy one.
"现在我热切期待接过圣母的圣衣" Now I look forward with eager joy to receiving the Holy Habit
"接受主无上的爱" of Our Lady and to a life of union with Love Divine."
快乐 欢乐 爱 这是一个积极的人 Happy. Joy. Love. This is a positive person.
下面这位属于最不积极的一类 Now here is someone from the least positive quartile.
你们会看到 她并不是特别消极 As you'll see,this is not someone who is particularly negative,
但她并不关注于积极情绪上 没有欢乐 but not a person who focuses on positive,on joy,on happiness.
Marguerite Donnelly"我出生于1909年9月26日" Marguerite Donnelly: "I was born on September 26,1909,
"家里最大的孩子 五个女孩 两个男孩" the eldest of seven children,five girls and two boys.
"我在女修道院会受训一年" My candidate year was spent in the motherhouse,
"教化学 第二年在圣母学院教拉丁文" teaching chemistry and second year Latin at Notre Dame Institute.
"蒙主恩赐 我会尽力完成使命" With God's grace,I intend to do my best for our Order,
"传教 修道" for the spread of religion and for my personal sanctification."
非常写实 Again,very factual.
没有积极者的那么积极 But not as positive as much of a merit finder,
没有Cecilia O'Payne那么乐观 an optimist as Cecilia O'Payne.
现在我们来看看这些资料 Let's look at some of the data now.
85岁时 我要重申 她们85岁 At the age of 85,at the age of 85—and again,
是很多年前的事了 最积极那类有90% this is a looking back,90% of the most cheerful quartile were
还活着 而最不积极那类只有34% alive and just 34% of the least cheerful quartile were alive.
两个数据相差很大 This is significant difference.
这并不说明消极者就不会 Now that dosen't mean that there aren't some fault finders
活到120岁 也不能说明积极者就不会 who lived to 120 and merit finders
30岁死于心脏病发 当然个别例外是有的 who died of a heart attack at 30. Of course,there are.
但平均来说 But on average,
在这个长寿研究中 最能解释 the best predictor what accounts for the most of the variance,
两组相差如此大的数据的因素 in terms of longevity in the study,
就是积极情绪 总体的积极性 was positive feelings- positivity in general.
再过九年 她们94岁的时候 Here is 9 years later. Same study. At the age of 94,
最积极一类中有54%还活着 54% of the most cheerful quartile were still alive
而最不积极那类只有11% while just 11% of the least cheerful quartile were alive.
结果很显著 你也可以拿一些传记来 These are remarkable results. Again,you have some sketches.
分析它们 你不知道谁还活着 谁死了 You analyze them,not knowing who lived and who died.
只根据积极心态这一因素 And just based on the single factor- positivity,
你的预测就能达到很准确的程度 you are able to predict with remarkable significant levels.
你能预测谁会长寿 You are able to predict longevity-
谁还活着 谁已经去世了 who will be alive and who will not be.
现在我看这些资料 Now when I look at this data-
还有很多关于长寿 身体 and there's a lot more data on longevity,on health,
健康等资料 我觉得"太棒了" on well-being,I said to myself,"Wow. So this is fantastic!
"积极心态真的很有用 当乐观主义者真好" Benefit finding really works! Being an optimistic is good!"
但我有两个问题 "为什么不是每个人都是乐观主义者?" And I have two questions then,"Why isn't everyone optimistic?"
如果我们能更幸福更健康 If we become happier,if we become healthier,
为什么我们不都去做乐观主义者?这是第一个问题 why not,why aren't we all optimistic? That's the first question.
第二个问题是 如果我想当乐观主义者 The second question is: alright,so I want to be more optimistic.
我该怎么做? How do I become that?
第一个问题:为什么不是人人都是乐观主义者? So first one: why aren't more people optimistic?
第二个:怎么变成乐观主义者? Second: how do I become opticmistic?
我会回答这两个问题 I am going to answer these two questions.
先来看第一个问题 Let me begin with the first.
为什么乐观主义者这么少的主要原因是 One of the main reasons why there aren't more people
我们认为乐观主义是不切实际 who are optimistic is that optimists are considered detached.
我们怎么知道? And how do we know that?
谁让我们觉得这是不切实际 Well,or what leads to the sense of detachment,
谁让我们觉得乐观主义者不切实际?最主要是媒体 to the notion that optimists are detached? It's mostly the media.
我们在媒体上都看到什么?仇恨 Because what do we see? We mostly see hatred.
流血 不幸福 We mostly see blood shed. We mostly see unhappiness.
恐怖主义 如果有人说 We see terrorism. And then,when someone says
"我是乐观主义者 我觉得世界很美好" "well I'm optimistic; I think the world is a good place",
什么?你脑子不正常了吗? that person- what? Are you out of your mind?
你不切实际 你盲目乐观 You are detached Pollyanna.
你看看这世界发生的可怕事情 Just look at all the terrible things in the world.
在这样一个世界里 你怎么乐观? How can you be in such a world- how can you be optimistic?
你怎么积极? How can you be positive?
快乐幸福从哪谈起? How can you talk about joy and happiness?
在这样的一个世界里谈幸福心理学? And positive psychology in a world like this?
你太盲目乐观了 You must be Pollyannish.
很大程度上来说 Thomas Hobbes的话说得没错 In many ways,the message of Thomas Hobbes is correct:
人生短暂 残酷 可悲 you know,life is short,brutish,nasty and poor.
在现代世界 这种悲观情绪 And that seems much more likely to be true
比乐观情绪更切合实际 than an optimistic sense of life.
我们来看看几个新闻头条 Let's look at some of the headlines.
这是我几周前为本节课备课时 I got these just a couple of weeks ago
找来的新闻头条 as I was preparing for this particular lecture.
委内瑞拉 飞机失踪 航班延误 So Venezuela. A missing jet. Flight delays.
选举 科索沃再次发生暴动 Ok,this is the elections. Fresh violence in Kosovo.
新国家诞生 发生暴力事件 So a new state is created,and there is violence.
我们关注的却是暴力 地震毁了几百个家园 This is the focus. Hundreds of home damaged by quake. And so on.
土耳其入侵伊拉克 <血色将至> Turkey launches incursion into Iraq. Blood
(血色将至VS老无所依)两部电影竞逐奥斯卡 (There will be Blood vs No Country for Old Man)dual for Oscar.
这算是好消息 Tori Spelling... OK,that's a good one I guess. Yeah. Tori Spelling dishes...
继续 刚才是CNN的新闻 OK,let's move on. So that was CNN.
这是...什么?我忘了哪间媒体了 Here is... What was that? Forget which paper I got.
应该是路透社 伊朗核问题悬而未决 I think this is Reuters. Iran nuclear question remains.
还是土耳其 大使馆抗议 欧盟 And you know again,Turkey. Protest ambassies. EU.
之类的 都是消极新闻 这是福克斯新闻 So on and so on. Negativities. This is Fox News.
关注点是什么?小孩母亲想脱身 What's the focus? This kid's mom wants out.
一个母亲抛弃孩子 A mother leaves her child.
它没有关注那几百万个 You know it's not focusing on the millions,
几十亿个抱着孩子的母亲 billions of mothers who embrace their children.
而是关注想脱身的母亲 他们报道原因 It's the mother who wants out. And then they tell why- you know,
是什么让这位母亲想抽身离开 what led the mother to want out of this relationship.
之类的 这么多负面新闻 And so on and so on. So much negative.
在这样一个世界里 我们怎么乐观? How can we be positive in a world like this?
那太不切实际了吧? It would be really unrealistic of us,wouldn't it?
接下来让大家看一位专家 Well,I want to show you an excerpt now
我最喜欢的心理学家 Ellen DeGeneres by my favorite psychologist,Ellen DeGeneres.
Ellen DeGeneres(2003年<此时此地>片段) Ellen DeGeneres (Excerpt from "Here and Now" in 2003):
我前几天在看新闻 So I was watching the news the other day.
"由Paxal(抗抑郁药)赞助" 看完真的要吃 非常聪明的广告 Brought to you by Paxal. Well now I need it. Smart advertising.
我小时候每天只播一次新闻 That's another thing when i was a kid the news was once a day.
错过了就没得看了 You either caught it or missed it.
现在全天候都有新闻 这还不够 Now the news is on 24 hours a day. And that's not enough.
主持人在讲 下面还有滚动字幕 They got a guy talking and there's a crawl down there.
你一边看主持人 一边看滚动字幕 So you got that guy talkin and you got the crawl going
你还一边上网发表评论 and you're online and you put your opinion and you put..
"不 我要说不..." "Nooo!!..I said to that nooo...!"
又有一条滚动字幕不停播放 There should be one crawl that goes around over and over again:
"情况持续恶化" 还有完没完 "Things are getting worse". That's all we need.
还有本地新闻 “天啊 他们想你” And the local news- man! They want to you
每个新闻节目都看 是吧? to watch every broadcast they've got,don't they?
你看了自己想看的还不够 It's not good enough you watch the one you want?
他们还会想噱头来吊你胃口 They just... These teases get you to watch it later on.
这种做法太可恶了 They are so incredible cruel.
"这算得上全世界最可怕的东西" "It could be the most deadly thing in the world
"有可能就出现在你的餐桌上" that you may be having it for dinner.
"今晚11点为您揭晓" We'll tell you what it is tonight at 11."
是...青豆吗? Is it ..peas?
我觉得这些主播很可怜 I feel sorry for the news-casters,you know.
我们可以关掉电视 但他们的工作就是 We can turn it off. But that's their job and they have to read
读这些报道和字幕提示机上的字 these stories and they're just coming up at the teleprompter.
他们不知道下一条新闻是什么 They don't know what's coming up and they got to
他们的情绪大起大落 go through these range of emotions and that...
"无一生还",下一条 "There were no survivors. And next,
哪种糖能帮你减肥?继续下一条 which candybar helps you lose weight? Still to come,
有个小行星正撞向地球 it's an asteroid heading towards earth.
但先让我们来找找城里哪家批萨芝士最多 But first,where to find the cheesiest pizza in town?
有令人不安的研究表明研究很令人不安 Also,a disturbing new study finds that studies are disturbing."
她真的是我所认识的最聪明的心理学家 She really is one of the most brilliant psychologists I know.
这个学期我还会放很多她的录像 And we'll see a lot of her throughout the semester.
所以说媒体是罪魁祸首 Now...so the media does it.
确实媒体把大量关注点放在负面新闻上 The media does focus to the great extent on the negative.
但这样也不全是坏事 And that's not just a bad thing.
因为在公民社会 媒体的职能之一是 Because one of the roles of media in a civil society
把应该纠正的错误行为公诸于世 鼓励人们 is to highlight wrongs that can be righted,to inspire people,
去行动 去改变 让世界变得更美好 to act,to change,to make the world a better place.
但是我们要认识到 However,we need to realize
媒体报道时并不是就事论事 that the media doesn't just report reality as it is.
而是单独强调事件中的某几个方面 It highlights certain aspects of reality.
所以就会涉及媒体偏见了 And there is a media bias involved.
媒体偏见并不是说 左倾的CNN Now the media bias is not,you know,left-leaning CNN
和路透社对右倾的福克斯和华尔街有偏见 or Reuters versus right-leaning Fox and Wall Street Journal.
这不是我所说的媒体偏见 That's not the bias I am talking about.
我说的偏见是一种倾向于负面的偏见 I am talking about bias toward the negative.
媒体关注突出的是负面 The media focuses,highlights the negative.
它就像一面放大镜 而不是眼镜 It acts as a magnifying glass rather than as a looking glass.
我们需要记住这点 并对此加以纠正 And we need to keep that in mind,and to correct for that.
媒体报道时没有就事论事 The media dosen't just reflect reality as it is.
纽约时报头版上的不是全面的事实 Reality is not the frontpage of the New York Times
华尔街日报上的头版不是全面的事实 or the Wall Street Journal. That's not reality.
它们只是突出事件中的某个方面 加以放大 That's highlighting a specific area of reality and magnifying it.
它强调负面 关注负面 It accentuates the negative,focuses on the negative-
土耳其发动的战争 科索沃的流血事件 the war in,with Turkey,or,the blood spilled in Kosovo,
或者说母亲弃儿 仇恨事件 or the mom leaving her child. The hatred.
媒体这样做会造成 And what it does,when it does that,
正面新闻得不到足够关注 大家想想 is also underrepresent the positive. Now if you think about it,
这两种做法正是我们之前讲过的 this is exactly two of the three mental distortions
三种心理扭曲中的两种 that we talked about.
放大消极 缩小积极 Magnifying the negative. Minimizing the positive.
也就是说媒体扭曲了我们的观点 In other words,what the media does is to distort our perception.
它实际上让我们变成了悲观主义者 It actually makes us into pessimists,
尤其是现在一天24小时都有新闻 especially because the news is on 24 hours a day.
我们不停地受到消极的轰炸 And we are constantly bombarded by negativity
一个接着一个 after negativity after negativity.
我们能从哪里听到正面新闻? And where do we get the positive?
新闻报道最后30秒 30 seconds at the end of the news.
没错 这世界还是有点好事的 Oh yes,there's also a little bit good stuff going on.
这样做只是为了让你笑一笑 让你明天 And it's just to make you smile so that you come back tomorrow
或下一小时 继续收看更多的坏消息 or the next hour for more bad news.
一个接一个的负面消息 Negativity after negativity after negativity.
扭曲 造成认知扭曲 Distorting. Creating these cognitive distortions,
这就是我们之前学认知治疗 the psychological traps that we talked about
和认知行为时 谈到的心理陷阱 under cognitive behavior,under cognitive therapy.
我们成为悲观主义者 有没有人想为什么大部分人 And we become pessimistic. Is it any wonder that most people
是悲观主义者? 当媒体对我们有那么大影响力时 are pessimistic when the media has such an impact on us?
我这样说不是贬低媒体的作用 Again,not to belittle the role of the media.
我这样说是为了突出 But what I am doing is highlighting certain aspect
我们需要认清并且反对的一个方面 that we need to be cognizant of,that we need to counter.
我们怎么反对...等一下再谈这个 And how we counter- we'll talk about it in a minute.
媒体突出什么?欺诈行为 例如玛莎家居 So what does the media highlight? The frauds- Martha Stewart,
安然 世界通讯公司 突出它们的欺诈行为 or Enron,or Worldcom. Highlighting these frauds,
而不是去报道世界上每天都发生的 but not reporting on the millions
另外那几百几千亿宗的正当交易 and billions of honest transactions that takes place everyday,
此时此刻就有很多正当交易了 right now as we speak.
强调负面 无视正面 Highlighting the negative. Ignoring the positive.
在我们身边每时每刻都在发生的 Millions and billions of honest transactions taking place
几百几千亿的正当交易 all the time,all around us constantly.
其他正在发生的事呢?我们... Now what else is happening? What we are doing,
或者说媒体推动我们 what the media is helping us to do is extrapolate
从一些负面例子中进行联想演绎 from a few instances where people want to hurt,
而无视了其他几十亿人 while ignoring the millions and billions of people
贡献他们的人生为世界传播幸福 who are dedicating their lives to helping spread the happiness
例如派送食物的救助站 in the world,whether it's in soup kitchens
让世界变得更好 to help the world a better place,
或者在后院里写文章 or whether it's writing in our back yard. Over 1800
1800多名哈佛学生在PBHA组织里当志愿者 Harvard students volunteer as part of Phillips Brooks House.
想想我之前谈过的错误刻板印象 Remember the false stereotype that I talked about-
不管是在哈佛还是在全美国 whether it's here at Harvard or in the United States,
很多人花了很多时间去帮助别人 so many people dedicate so much time to helping.
但我们关注的却是几个负面的 And yet the focus is on the few that hurt.
这会在我们头脑里形成一种观念 And that creates certain scheme in our mind
我们会觉得这个世界是一个很糟糕的地方 while we think the world must be a bad place.
现在我们特别关注恐怖主义 The focuses are on terrorism primarily.
但那几十亿个 But what about the millions and billions of people
想生活在和平中的人呢?这并不代表 who want to live in peace? Again,this doesn't mean
我们要无视恐怖主义 或其他负面新闻 we need to ignore terrorism or the bad,or the negative –
这是媒体一个很重要的职能 this is one important role of the media.
但同时我们不应该无视了积极的新闻 At the same time,we shouldn't also ignore the good.
媒体的关注大部份都是那些伤害别人的人 The focus in media is mostly on people hurting other people.
例如关注强暴 For example,through rape,while ignoring
无视了几十亿人的正常性爱 millions and billions of people who are making love everyday.
这不仅发生在童话故事里 And not just in fairy tales,
世界各地的人...我不认识他们 people all over the world- I've no idea who they are.
但愿他们不在这个教室里 这是谷歌搜来的图片 I hope they are not in the classroom. There is Google image.
不只是世界各地的人 在哈佛这里的人 And not just around the world. Also,right here- in Harvard yard.
我不知道他们现在还做不做这个调查 I don't know if they still have this survey,
但我在网上找到最近的一个是04年的 but the last one I found online was 04.
我不知道后来发生了什么事 你们当中 I don't know what happened since. Now for those of you
有些人不相信在哈佛也有人 who don't believe that there are people also at Harvard
在这里在做爱的 right here who make love.
这证明了的确有这些人存在 Here is a proof of positive that some do.
他真可爱 那婴儿很可爱 He's so cute. And the baby is adorable.
好了 OK. OK. OK.
我并非说我们在无视消极的新闻 Now what I'm saying here is not that we need to ignore the bad,
无视社会存在的问题 not that we need to ignore what's not working.
我们应该关注这些问题 We should focus on it. We should look at it.
我们应该改善世界 但同时 We should improve the world. At the same time,
我们还要明白 那些跟乐观主义者 we should also understand that people who say to the optimist,
和积极者说"实际点"的人犯了以偏概全的错误 to the benefit finder "Get real" are actually missing the point.
因为脱离实际的不是积极者 Because it's not the benefit finder who's detached.
相反是消极者 It's the fault finder who is.
因为世界上好事多过坏事 多得多 Because there is much more good in the world than bad. Much more.
事实上 看到积极占"整整一半"还不够 In fact,it's not just about focusing on the "full half"
看到一半还不够 要看到那90% or,the "full half". It's focusing on the 90%.
因为世界上好事比坏事多得多 Because there is a lot more good than bad in our world.
我们需要关注它们 不仅因为这样做是好事 And it's important not just because it is a nice thing to do,
不仅因为这样做能让我们更健康更幸福 not just because it makes us healthier and happier.
还因为关注能创造现实 It's important because focus creates reality.
我们都明白这个道理 I mean we saw it on so many levels.
当我们看到公车上没人照看的小孩 We saw it with the children on the bus that we didn't notice.
当Marva Collins说以下这句话时 We saw it when it came to Marva Collins who said
"我们要关注人性中伟大的种子" "let's focus on the seed of greatness in these individuals".
我们在恢复性研究里看过 We saw it with the research on resilience
当关注点从"为什么这么多人失败了" when the focus was on "why are so many failing" versus
转变为"为什么情况这么困难,但有些人能成功" "what make some individuals succeed"
我们就能明白这个道理 despite the unfavorable circumstances.
关注创造现实 大家想想 Focus creates reality. Also,think about it.
当我们看到诈骗罪时 I mean when we read about frauds
看到报纸上经常报道的不正当行为时 我们开始相信 and dishonesty in newspaper constantly,what we begin to believe-
我们开始相信 what we naturally begin to believe is
"你想成功?" "well,you want to be successful?
你想成为财富500强的CEO? You want to become the CEO of a Fortune 500 company,
像安然那样的公司?那你就要犯诈骗罪 like Enron? You have to engage in fraud.
除此以外,没有别的成功道路了 为什么? There is no real other way to succeed. Why?
因为另外那几百万个 Because the millions of other people
靠正当途径成功的人 没有被报道 who are succeeding honestly are not reported on,
大部分都没有被报道 我们关注的是负面 are mostly not reported on. And that's what we focus on.
我并非说揭发者存在并不重要 Not to say it's not important to have whistle blower
报道负面新闻并不重要 但同样重要的是 and to talk about these things. It's equally important though
我们还要关注那些正直而且成功的人 to also focus on those who do it honestly and well,
因为他们才是大多数 超过90% because there are vast majority,way over 90%.
因为如果不这样做 那些人就会想 Because if we don't,then the person will think "well,
"如果我想成为成功的商人" if I want to succeed in business,
"那我就要做违规的事" then you know I have to bend the rules".
当他们要作出道德决定时 And when an ethical decision comes up,
当他们在35岁当上经理时 他们就会想 when he or she becomes the manager at the age of 35,they say
"成功的唯一途径就是不要太守规矩 "well,the only way to succeed is I bend the rules slightly".
这就形成了自我实现预言 And that creates self-fulfilling prophecy.
这里有多少人...说真的 请大家举手 Or,how many people here- seriously show of hands-
想过进入政界 成为州长 once thought of going into politics,becoming governor,
总统或首相的? or President,or Prime Minister?
有多少人想过...除了我 How many people thought of going...No,other than me.
好的 很多 我们知道 OK,quite a lot. I mean,we know that,
在哈佛有很多 at Harvard,there are quite a few...
除了那些举手的人 Now out of those who put the hands up,
有多少人听过别人说 how many people were told by others
"你不要进入政界 你太诚实了"? "you shouldn't go into politics- you are too honest"?
太老实 我们经常听到这样的话 Too honest. You know,we hear it all the time.
这就成了自我实现预言 And that becomes self-fulfilling prophecy,
因为很多本来会从政改善世界的诚实人 because many honest people who could potentially make the world
有了这种想法后就不从政了 a better place by going into politics don't go in.
因为别人都说"政客是骗子" Because "politicians are crooks".
政客不是骗子 有些政客 Well,politicians are not crooks. Yes,there are politicians
是骗子 但他们只占少数 who are crooks,but they are the minority.
大部分都是诚实工作 The majority do honest work,
想让世界变得更美好的 want to make the world a better place.
他们确实会犯错误 毕竟他们也是人 They surely make mistakes. They are human after all,
但他们的意图是好的 他们有道德操守 but with good intentions,within ethical code.
虽然我们都关注坏事 但世界上还是有很多好事 You know it's a wonder that there is so much good in our world,
这确实算是一个奇迹 while the focus is so much on the bad.
在我来看 真的是一个奇迹 It really is a wonder to me.
这体现了人性的强大 It just shows how powerful human nature,
我们人性的善良因子的强大 and how powerful the good part of our nature is,
因为我们能保持这份善良 because we can sustain goodness.
还有 我们脑袋里不停有个声音在说 Also,how about this?- The constant chattering in our mind is
"为什么我不这样做 为什么我还没看书?" "why didn't I do this? Why haven't I done the reading yet?
"为什么我还没写完论文?" Why haven't I completed my paper?
"为什么我要跟他说这种话?" Why did I say that to that person?
"为什么她要跟我说这种话?"大部份都是消极的 Why did she said that back to me?" Mostly,negative chatter.
我们多久才听到这样的声音一次 How often do we have the chatter
"我今天跟别人聊得很开心?" "well you know I have a really lovely conversation today"?
"我刚做完这么多工作 我太高效了" Or "you know,I just finish so much work- I was productive.
"我做得很好 我刚拿了A-的成绩" I did so well." "Wow,I just got an A-
"我都没怎么花精力" and I didn't even work that hard for it."
当然 在这门课是不可能的 在别的课程上 I mean,of course,not here,but seen other places.
为什么我们脑袋里很少这种积极的声音? Why don't we have these kind of chattering in our mind?
因为我们的观念都关注在消极上 Again,because our schema focuses on negative.
我们下周再来谈改变 We are going to talk about change next week
我们会明白媒体在我们脑袋里 and we'll understand there are actual neural pathways
形成了一条神经通道 that have been created by media,
因为它让我们关注于消极问题上 by the focus on what is not working. Having created it
所以我们慢慢就变成了消极者 so we gravitate toward becoming fault finders.
怎么改变?我们等一下再谈这个问题 How we change that? We'll talk about that in a minute.
关注于好事上是很重要的 It's important to focus on the good.
你知道人们怎么评价甘地吗? You know what they say about Ghandi?
他为他国家做的最重要的一件事是 That the most important thing that he did
他使印度为自己感到自豪 for his country that he made India proud of itself.
他使印度为自己感到自豪 这是伟迹 He made India proud of itself. That is so important to do.
美国呢?你们为美国感到自豪吗? What about America? Are you proud of America?
我们住在这里 这里的大部分美国人 Do we living here or,as Americans,the majority here,
你们让美国为自己感到自豪吗? do you make America proud of itself?
你们知道美国也有缺点 不是一个完美国度 Because you know America has faults. It is not a perfect country.
它从建国起就在犯错 以后还会继续犯 It has made mistakes from 1776 and will continue to
希望还会犯很多年 make mistakes for,hopefully for many years to come.
但我还是说这是一个伟大的国度 But still,I would argue,the greatest country in the world.
很多人想来这里生活 为什么? So many people want to come here,want to live here. Why?
因为这里的自由和机会 Because of the freedom. Because of the opportunities.
虽然不完美 但这是一个伟大的国度 Again,not perfect,but a great country.
我们感激美国吗?我们感激它的伟大之处吗? Do we appreciate America? Do we appreciate its greatness?
因为如果我们不感激 我们会付出很大的代价 Because if we don't,we can pay a high price.
现在国内很流行"抨击美国" It's in vogue now "US bashing" in this country. In this place.
当我们专注于抨击时 And the problem is when we just focus on bashing,
当我们专注于消极时 when we just focus on the negative,
我们没有改善现实 反而使其恶化 we create a worse reality rather than improving the reality.
没错 我们需要有批判精神 So yes,we need to be critical.
这个国家的伟大之处之一就是 And one of the virtues of this great country is that
你可以站在大街上 或者写一篇文章 you can stand out in the street or write in articles
批评政客 制度 其他人 and critize the politicians,the system,other people.
这就是这个国家对世界的重大贡献之一:言论自由 It's one of the great contributions of this country: free speech.
但同时我们有这种自由 But at the same time,we also have the freedom
我们应该把这种自由用于专注 and we should exercise the freedom to focus on
社会中的好现象 what is working on the good.
因为感激很重要 不管是感激一个国家 Because appreciating is important,whether it's a country,
一段关系 一个人 whether it's a relationship,whether it's individual,
一个学生还是一个老师 whether it's students,whether it's teachers.
感激很重要 Appreciation is important.
我从字典查来"appreciate"的意思:重视其价值 The meaning of "appreciate" from dictionary: valuing;
认同我们身边的人或世界中最好的一面 the act of recognizing the best in people or the world around us;
肯定过去和现在的优点和潜力 affirming past and present strengths and potentials;
感激那些为生物 to perceive those things that
赐予生命 健康 活力和优点的事物 give life (health,vitality,excellence) to living systems.
appreciate的第一个意思就是感激 So the first meaning of appreciate is to say thank you.
这是一种好行为 That's a nice thing to do,
但它不只是一种好行为 but it's much more than just a nice thing to do.
我们以前谈过这点 We talked about this before.
"appreciate"第二个意思是增值 The second meaning of appreciate is increasing value:
经济增值 银行里的钱增值 the economy appreciates; money in the bank appreciates.
这个意思很重要 And that's an important meaning,
因为当我们感激好事时 好事增值 because when we appreciate the good,the good appreciates.
当我们感激生活中的好事时 When we appreciate the good in our lives,
当我们感激其他人的善良时 when we appreciate the good in other people,
当你感激这个国家的伟大之处时 when you appreciate the good in our country,
好事就会增多 可惜反之亦然 we get more of it. Unfortunately,the opposite is also the case.
当我们不懂欣赏时 不管是我们自己 When we don't appreciate something,whether it's ourselves,
我们国家 还是我们的恋情 whether it's our country,whether it's our relationship,
好事就会贬值 这点我以前就讲过了 the good depreciates. Remember I talked about it in the past.
有没想过为什么很多恋情不顺利 Is it any wonder so many relationships flounder,
蜜月期过后就撑不下去 fail after the honeymoon phase?
人们都会问"出什么问题了?" If the main question becomes "what's wrong?"
或者"我们怎么能改善这段关系?" or "How can we improve the relationship?"
如果我们单纯问这些问题 and if we just ask this question,
我们就会专注于问题和弱点上 our focus becomes on what is not working,on the weaknesses.
我们就会无视优点 And we ignore the virtues,the strength,
顺利的地方 the things that worked and are working.
当我们不专注于优点上 优点就会贬值 And when we don't focus on these things,they depreciate.
在我们眼里甚至看不到这些优点的存在 As far as we are concerned,they don't exist,
就像在你眼里 公车上那个小孩 just like the children on the bus that not exist for you
是不存在的一样 as far as you were concerned.
本质上 感激能形成一个良性循环 What appreciating does is in essence create a growth spiral.
我来解释一下 我来随便举一个例子 Let me expand. Let me just give you a random example.
例如 星期一早上 或星期二早上 Let's say,Monday morning,or Tuesday morning,
你正走向1504室 you are walking toward 1504.
突然你看到你的一个朋友 And suddenly you see a friend of yours.
你知道这个朋友是个很真诚的人 A friend of yours you know who's genuine,
你信任的一个人 你朋友看着你 is real- someone you trust. And your friend looks at you
然后说"你看起来真精神" and says,"Wow. You look fantastic!"
这时候你会有什么感觉?你会觉得自己很精神 Now,how do you feel at that point? You feel fantastic.
你走路会走得更得意 And you know you walk a little bit more pride,
然后你走进这间教室 more proud and you walk into the classroom just here.
另一个朋友看到你说"你看起来真精神" And another friend sees you and says,"Wow! You look fantastic!"
这时你会有什么感觉?更精神了 And how do you feel at this point? Well,fantastic-er!
然后你进来 坐下 And then you come in. You sit down here.
另一个一个月没见面的朋友 And another friend who you haven't seen for a month sees you,
"你真精神" 这时你有什么感觉? "Wow! You look fantastic!" And how do you feel at this point?
你精神到不能再精神了,往复循环 Fantastic-ist! And so on and so on and so on-
你这天就会越过越好 made you day in an upward spiral.
现在假设是另一种情境 Now think about a slightly different scenario.
星期四早上你走进1504课室 You walk in 1504 on Thursday morning.
突然一个你信任和重视的朋友 And suddenly a friend of yours whom you trust
看到你跟你说"天啊 你怎么了?" and value sees you and says,"oh my God,what's wrong?"
本来你没事的 Now there may have been nothing wrong before;
但现在有事了 你走进教室 there is a lot wrong now. And you walk in the door,
有人看到你说"天啊" and someone sees you and says,"oh my Lord."
你会有什么感觉?你会觉得更糟了 And how do you feel? You feel even worse.
你刚坐下看到又有人看着你 And you sit down and you see someone else who looks at you,
完全震惊了 just completely shocked.
这时你的感觉跌到谷底了 And you are feeling worse-r and worse-ist.
恶性循环 越来越糟 And so on and so on and so on in a downward spiral.
感激能形成良性循环 Appreciation creates upward spiral.
我们知道有时候 一日之始听到的 And we know,sometimes,one sentence,one word at the beginning
一句话一个词能让你过上愉快的一天 甚至一周 of the day- and you have a wonderful day,or week.
这个研究表明一句话如何 This research showing how a single sentence very often
影响一生 这是Bandura做的研究 can impact an entire life. This is work done by Bandura.
一句感激之言就能让我们有力量支撑下去 Single sentence of appreciation can give us strength to go on.
但这有一个关键:感激一定要出自真心诚意 Now the key here: it has to be genuine appreciation.
等我们谈到自尊时 我们会谈到 One of the things we'll talk about when we discuss self-esteem
虚假的感激会带来多大的伤害 is how destructive and harmful ingenuine appreciation is.
我不是说你们的男朋友或女朋友 And now I am not talking about your boyfriend or girlfriend
穿着同一身衣服出去玩了一晚 ask you "so how do I look" having just come out,
第二天回来问你"我好看吗?" come back from a day and worn something the whole night.
你当然不能说"很难看" You are not going to tell them "well,actually awful".
我们说的不是这种灰色地带 So OK. We are not talking about these grey areas.
感激一定要真诚 要跟实际相关 But it has to be real. It has to be connected to reality.
等我们讲到自尊时再深入谈这点 We'll talk about that much more when we talk about self-esteem.
但关键是你要明白 The key though is that you need to understand
你总能找到可以感激的东西 there is always something real to appreciate.
想想刚才的癌症病人研究 或者艾滋病人研究 Think about the study with the cancer patients,or AIDS patients.
连他们都能在这么悲惨的境况中 Even they were able to find something good in a very difficult,
找到值得感激的事 当他们感激时 tragic scenario,situation. And when they appreciate the good,
当他们从坏事中看到好事时 好事就会升值 when they find benefit in that situation,the good appreciates.
越变越好 Oprah是真正的积极者 It grows. Oprah,a real benefit finder:
"你专注的东西会变大 当你专注于生活中的好事上" "What you focus on expands,and when you focus on the goodness
"你就能创造出更多好事" in your life,you create more of it.
"机会 恋情 甚至钱都会向你滚来" Opportunities,relationships,even money flowed my way
"当我学会感激" when I learned to be grateful
"不管我生活中发生了什么事" no matter what happened in my life."
因为我们专注的东西会升值 Because what we focus on appreciates.
再次说明 我一直在课堂上 Again,the metaphore that I have been talking about
用这个比喻:种子 throughout the course: the seed-
如果我们不给它浇水 它会怎样? what happens to a seed if we don't water it?
如果我们不让阳光照射它 它会怎么样? If we don't shed a light on it?
这种子就会凋萎死去 What happens to that seed is that it withers and dies.
很可惜 人类的大部分潜力就是这样被扼杀的 And that,unfortunately,is the fate of most human potential.
大部份恋情和国家的潜力 Most relationship potential. Most countries.
如果我们想它成长 想它开花 And if we want it to grow,want it to blossom,
我们就要让阳光照射它 给它浇水 we have to shed a light on it. We have to water it.
Marva Collins正是这样对待她每个学生 This is exactly what Marva Collins did with the seed of greatness
身上的伟大的种子 that existed in every one of her students.
在经典的皮格马利翁实验中我们看到 This is what the Pygmalion,the classic experiment showed,
当老师的专注投在那些 was that when teachers were made to focus on the potential
被挑为"潜力生"的潜力上时 in those individuals who were deemed "fast spurters".
当老师专注于他们时 就等于投射了阳光 When they were made to focus on it,to shed a light on-
当阳光投射在他们的潜力上时 when a light is shed on their potential,
这些学生就开始变聪明 that's when the children grew.
他们的潜力就发挥得更充分 That's when they fulfilled much more of their potential.
那我们怎么改变这种错误的思维呢? So how do we correct the false schema?
我们该怎么做?我跟大家说一些 What do we do about it? Let me share with you something
社会层面上的做法 和一些个人层面上的做法 on the societal level,something on the individual level.
在社会层面上 我们可以创造好消息 On the societal level,create good news.
现在对好消息的报道不够 有人说这好消息没市场 Not enough of it around. Now people say it's not marketable,
很无聊 没错 有很多是没市场 it's boring- well,OK. A lot of it is not marketable.
部分原因是因为好事太平淡无奇了 Part of it is because it is the norm,it's the usual.
但我们可以报道伟大的技术突破 But why not report on the great technical advances
让我们的生活变得更美好 that are making life better?
为什么不报道那些伟大的医学进步 Why not report much more on the great medical advances?
为什么不多点报道和平?健康? Why not report much more on peace? And well-being?
大家都知道和平代表这个故事没有吸引力了 You know a situation stops being interesting once there is peace.
有战争时才有吸引力 It's interesting when there's a war.
那何不更多关注这些领域? Well why not focus more on these areas?
这是一份在网上成立的报纸 Here is a newspaper that was started online-
好新闻网络 我强烈建议大家去看看 Good News Network,that I highly recommend you to go onto.
几年前才开始的 Just in a couple of last years it was started.
它让大家更加关注好现象 Getting people to focus on what is working.
大家都知道爱因斯坦 You know about Albert Einstein,
53年那一天柬埔寨获得了独立 about Cambodia gaining independence on that day in '53.
柏林墙 它会提醒我们 Berlin Wall. You know,focusing,
自己历史上的好事和今天的好事 reminding ourselves of historical good as well as on present good
他们会谈论一些很好的消息 and they have great news that they talk about.
另外一个叫Geemundo 我不知道这是什么意思 Another,Geemundo,another,I don't even know what that means
这是另一个专注于好现象的网上报纸 but another online newspaepr that focuses on things that work.
除了看华尔街日报和纽约时报 Why not start a day with that,well,in addition to opening
何不一大早就上来看看 the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times.
看看这些网站 抵消我们的负面思维 Looking at that as well. Just to counter the negative schema.
艺术 对于改善世界非常重要 Art. So important. So important in creating a better world,
对于改变我们的内在思维非常重要 in changing our internal schema.
看看文艺复兴画家弗米尔画中的光 Look at the light in Vermeer's- Renaissance artist in his picture
在看不到多少曙光的时候的一束光 A light during a time when there was not much light.
因为那时是中世纪 黑暗时代 I mean consider the Dark Ages. The Middle Ages.
但画家专注于一束光这个好现象上 But the artists focused on what is working on the light,
专注在人的潜力上 为文艺复兴奠定基础 on the human potential and paved the way the Renaissance.
一切从艺术开始 又如在18 19世纪 浪漫主义 It all started with arts. Or in 18th and 19th century,Romantics.
贝多芬或雨果 他们都遭遇很悲惨的困境 Beethoven or Victor Hugo. They encountered a harsh reality.
但他们专注于崇高伟大的事业上 But they focused also on heroic,on the great,
专注于人的潜力上 亚里士多德曾经说过 on the human potential. Aristotle once said,
"小说比历史更重要" "fiction is more important than history."
因为历史只是一五一十地描述生活 Because history depicts life as it is,
而小说则是描述对生活的憧憬 where the fiction depicts life as it can or ought to be.
对生活的憧憬 人的潜力 As it can or ought to be. The human potential.
这为世界上更高层次的自由和平等 And that paved the way to much higher levels of freedom
奠定了基础 又如上世纪30年代的美国 and equality in the world. Or 1930s' America.
很大程度上 好莱坞鼎盛时期的导演Cukor In many ways the heyday of Hollywood were directors like Cukor,
Capra Sturges正是在大萧条时期 Capra,Sturges,created masterworks during a time
拍出他们的代表作 when there was Great Depression.
人们会去电影院看这些电影 And people used to go to the cinema and watched these films
鼓励他们 帮助他们度过困难时期 to inspire them and helped them get through the difficult time-
这段时期同时也正好是... it was also between the two- you know,
一战和二战中间 全世界都陷入困境 the Great War and the WWII. Difficult time in the world.
正在复原的世界突然又陷入另一场大战 World recovering and then plunging into another war.
但这些艺术家还是不停地鼓励人们 And yet the artists continued to inspire.
他们并非无视问题 而是在改善 Not ignoring what is not working. Not ignoring,but improving.
这是我最爱的电影《苏利文的旅行》 That,by the way,is my favorite movie,Sullivan's Travels.
现代艺术也是 如果我们走进画廊 Modern art as well. Wouldn't it be lovely if we go into a gallery
感受到艺术对我们的鼓励 不管是摄影 and we feel inspired by the art- whether it's by photography,
雕塑 电影 还是书 这样不是很好吗? whether it's by sculpting,whether it's by movies or books?
还有更多的例子 There has be much more of it.
艺术家的作用之一也是突出 Again,one of the roles of the artists is also to highlight
社会中的问题 使我们对其加以改正 what is not working so that it is improved.
但如果艺术家 如果一个人真的很想 But if an artist,if an individual is really concerned about
把好事发扬光大 那么光是专注于不好的现象上 improving the good in the world,it is not enough to only focus
是远远不够的 or highlight what's not working.
因为如果我们不突出好事 Because if we don't highlight the good,
如果我们不感激好事 好事就会贬值 if we don't appreciate the good as well,the good depreciates.
基本上这就是幸福心理学的本质 Positive psychology- this is what it is very much about.
大家想想幸福心理学家做的两件事 Remember there are two things that positive psychologists do.
们做的第一件事是 What they study the first thing that
研究好的现象 第二件事是 they do is focusing on what works. Second thing that
他们专注于优秀中的优秀 they do is focusing on the extraordinary on the tip of the stem.
通过这样做 引用Miriam的话 And by doing that,the words of Miriam,
他们使优秀民主化 they democratize excellence.
因为他们专注于好事上 Because they are focusing on the good,
他们没有忽视每个人的优秀之处 not ignoring what works in each individuals,
没有忽视那些优秀不凡的人 not ignoring the extraordinary individuals,
没有忽视世界上的Marva Collins the Marva Collins of the world,
没有忽视高危人群中那些不屈不抗的孩子 the resilient kids in at-risk population and so on.
除了媒体外 还有一个原因导致我们 Another reason in addition to media why we tend to
忽视了好事 专注于坏事上 ignore the good and focus mostly on the bad is that we adapt.
我们会适应于习以为常的事 We adapt to what is common and what drives us,
驱动我们 吸引我们的是不平常的事 what's interesting to us is the uncommon.
是反常 而不是常态 The exception rather than the rule.
因为世界上有很多好事 And because there is so much more good in the world-
好事太平常了 我们就习惯了 it's so much more common,we adapt to it.
我们就再也看不到好事 而坏事 We stop seeing it after a while,whereas the bad-
是一种反常 总能吸引到我们的注意力 为什么? the exception always captures our attention. Why?
因为大自然把我们造就成这样 我们是变化探测器 Because nature create us such that we are changed detecters.
我们是变化探测器 当有变化发生时 We are changed detecters. And whenever there is a change,
我们的头脑就马上专注于变化上 our mind immediately goes to that change.
有些不同的事发生了 不管是我们看见 Something different that happens,whether it's something we see,
还是听见 or something we hear (sound: car alarm set off in the background)
这是给那些睡着的同学听的 for those of you who were asleep.
使我们惊醒的是反常 适应性是好事 It's the exception that wakes us up. And that's a good thing.
大自然把我们造就成这样是好事 It's a good thing that nature creates us that way.
因为它能帮我们逃离险境 Because it helps us in case of danger.
例如 当我们听到有狮子 Because it helps us for example,hear when there is a lion
向我们走来 或者想悄悄接近我们时 coming toward us or trying to creep up toward us.
它能帮我们闻到毒味 It helps us smell poison.
一些不同的事 发生了变化的事 Something that is different,that changed.
还帮我们听到熟睡的宝宝的动静 It also helps us hear a sleeping baby it's incredible
这太厉害了 沉睡时 你知道... how this works. Fast asleep- you know there,
可能房子塌下来了 但你不会醒来 there can be- the house may be falling. You don't get up,
但如果宝宝在哭 你就会马上醒来 but there is a baby crying and you are up in a second.
我们都是变化探测器 大自然把我们造就成这样 We are change detectors. And nature created us such-
或者说上帝把我们造成这样 让我们能更好地生存 or God has created us such so that we can survive better.
某些程度上来说 适应性是好事 Now it's actually a good thing that we adapt on a few levels.
首先 如果我们不适应 First of all,if we didn't adapt,
我们就会听到各种各样的吵声 我们会变疯的 if we are hearing all the noises,we will quite literally go nuts
因为我们现在周围有很多嘈杂声 Because there are so many noises right now
除了我们在听的声音外 going on in addition to what you are listening to.
打字声 呼吸声 People typing. People breathing.
偶尔外面传来的汽车声 Once in a while car from the outside.
如果我们什么都听得见 我们会疯的 And we would go crazy if we were always atune to everyithing
所以适应性是件好事 that was going on. So it's good that we adapt.
这就是为什么有些人住在高速公路旁边 That's why people can live literally on the highway
晚上还能睡得着 and still fall asleep at night.
因为过了一两个月 他们就听不到汽车声了 Because after a month or so,they stop hearing the cars there.
我们有亲戚住在协和地铁站附近 We have relatives in Concord,
可以说他们就住在地铁站上方 who live quite literally on top of the train.
我们去他家吃晚饭 有辆地铁经过 And we went to visit him for dinner and a train passes by.
房子震动了 声音非常大 And you know the house shakes. And it's enormous noise.
一开始 And at the beginning of the time,
我们看着对方 他笑了笑 we looked at each other,and he smiled.
第二次地铁经过时 And second time the train goes by.
房子又震动了 非常吵 The house shakes and huge noise.
我禁不住问"你不觉得烦吗?" And I couldn't help myself and said,"Dosen't that bother you?"
他问"什么?"他不知道我在说什么 And he said,"What?" He didn't know what I was talking.
我说"地铁刚经过" I said,"The train just passed." He said,
他说"我们现在都注意不到了" "Oh. We don't notice it anymore
"因为每隔二三十分钟就有地铁经过" because it passes every half an hour or every 20 minutes."
他们没注意到 所以适应性是好事 They don't notice it. So good thing that we can adapt.
在困境也这样 Also in terms of difficulty.
我个人遭遇过最大的困境是 Personally the most difficult experience that I endured
1997年9月19日 was on the 19th of September,in 19th of December,1997.
当时我住在新加坡 I was living in Singapore at the time.
我最好的朋友从印尼过来看望我 My best friend was coming over from Indonesia to visit me.
那时她对我来说是世界上最重要的人 The person who was the most important to me at that time
她的飞机坠毁了 胜安航空MI185 and her plane crashed. SilkAir Flight MI 185.
在座可能有些人记得 我的世界崩溃了 Some of you may remember this. And my world crumbled.
我这辈子第一次 For the first time in my life,
觉得我不想活了 我没有了活力 I felt that I didn't want to go on anymore. I had no energy.
我打电话给家人和另外一个人 And I called up my family. And I called up another person
他对我的人生产生过很多影响 who had made a lot of difference in my life,
Nathaniel Branden 出于很多原因 Nathaniel Branden,for various reasons.
首先 他是一个著名的作家兼心理学家 First of all,Nathaniel Branden had just- he's a wellknown author
他当时刚去过新加坡 and psychologist- he's just visited Singapore.
他刚见过Bonny 我打电话给他 He just met Bonny.And I called him up
因为他是心理学家 我认为他能帮我 because he was a psychologist whom I thought could help me.
还因为他45岁时失去了妻子 But also because at the age of 45,he lost his wife
她在泳池里中风发作溺水 who drowned in a pool when she had apoplectic fit.
他回家时在泳池里发现她溺水了 He found her drowned when he came back home in their pool,
他经历过这种痛苦 比我早25年 in their home. So he'd been through that,but 25 years earlier.
所以我想听听他的建议 So I wanted to talk to him to get his advice.
我在电话上连话都说不清楚 I was on the phone and could hardly get my words across-
因为我不停地哭 他跟我说 I was crying constantly. And he said to me,
"Tal 我现在跟你说的话可能没意义 "Tal,what I am going to tell you now is not going to make sense.
但我说的是真的 你会撑过去的 But it's true. You are going to get over this.
我知道你会的 我们会撑过丧亲之痛 虽然很难 I know you are. We get over losses. It's difficult.
很痛苦 哭吧 把情绪释放出来 It's painful. Cry. Give the emotions their spaces.
但你会撑过去的 我们都能克服痛苦的情绪 But you are going to get over it. We get over painful emotions.
我们都能 因为如果我们不能 那只有主能救我们" We all do. Because if we hadn't,then God help us all."
因为如果我们不能 就只有主才能救我们 Because if we hadn't,then God help us all.
过了很久 And it took a long time.
大约三个月后 我才可以重新投入工作 It was after 3 months that I could start working again.
过了一整年以后 我才感觉到 It took a whole year for me to feel some of the bounds,
我以前有的那种动力和热情 some of the passion for life that I felt before.
现在我想起Bonny 我会苦笑一下 But now I think about Bonny. And I smiled wistfully,sadly.
但我学会感激我们度过的美好时光 But I can also appreciate the good times that we have together.
感激我有荣幸认识她 And the privilege that I had of meeting her.
适应性是一种好事 很重要的一种能力 We adapt and that's a good thing. That's an important thing.
因为如果我们不能适应 就只有主才能救我们了 Because God help us all if we hadn't.
但适应性也有坏的一面 There is another side though to that equation.
有坏的一面 There is another side.
当我们适应了 我们就会习以为常 When we adapt,we also take things for granted.
这不是好事 因为我们 And that's not a good thing. Because we take for
我们对重视的家庭习以为常 granted our family that we care about so much.
我们对友情习以为常 And we take for granted our friends.
我们对在餐厅里为我们端上的饭菜 And we take for granted the food we are about to have
感到习以为常 这是多么奢侈 in the dinning hall that is served to us. What a luxury.
我们对坐在旁边的人习以为常 And we take for granted the person who's sitting next to us.
我们对在学校里上的课程习以为常 And we take for granted the classes we take here.
因为我们适应了 Because we adapt.
在处理消极的事情时 适应性是好事 And it's a good thing when it comes to the negatives.
但当我们对生活习以为常时就不是好事了 It's not such a good thing when we take life for granted.
我们需要问的一个问题是 And the question we need to ask is:
能不能做到两全其美? is it possible to have it all?
能不能适应消极的同时 Is it possible to adapt to the negatives,but at the same time,
不对积极的东西习以为常 not to adapt as much to the positive.
有一个犹太传统故事里讲到一个男人 There's a story in the Jewish tradition about a man
住在一个犹太小村里 who is living in one of the shtetls,
东欧的一个犹太小村 他过得很苦 one of the villages in Eastern Europe. And he really had it bad.
他住在一间小房子里 家里有很多孩子 I mean he was living in a tiny home with many kids,
他妻子整天在耳边唠叨 with a wife who was constantly nagging him.
他们不停地吵架 生活得太糟糕了 They were constantly fighting. And they were really terrible.
那个男人想改善他的生活 所以他去找拉比 And that man wanted to improve his law so he went to the rabbi
把他的情况告诉他 and recounted him how terrible his life is.
他说"我们活在小房子里 挤满了孩子" He said "look. We live in a small home. The kids are all over.
"没有隐私" You know no privacy whatsoever.
"我妻子整天在唠叨 拉比 帮帮我" My wife nags constantly. Rabbi,help!"
拉比说"你后院有鸡吗?" So the rabbi said,"in your yard,do you have a chicken?"
他说"有" So he said,"yes,we have chicken."
"下周 把鸡带进屋里" "For the next week,bring the chicken into your home."
"拉比 你在说什么?我们没有地方..." "But rabbi,what are you talking about? We have no pla..."
"把鸡带进屋里" "Bring the chicken into your home."
男人很虔城 信任他的拉比 The person was a devout man,believing his rabbi,
一整周都把鸡放在屋里 brought the chicken for the whole week in their home.
鸡毛 鸡粪 臭味 什么问题都有 Feathers. Dirt. Stinks. You name it.
孩子们吵得更凶了 他妻子更唠叨了 The kids coutinue to fight even more. His wife nags even more.
"你为什么要这样对我们?房子本来就够小了" "what are you doing to us here? Our house is small as it is."
"拉比吩咐的"他们继续吵架 "The rabbi said." And they continue to fight,and bickering.
这一周终于结束了 The week finally finally ends.
他跑到拉比那里说 And he runs to the rabbi and said,
"拉比 帮帮我" 拉比说"情况怎么样?" "rabbi,help!" And the rabbi said,"how are things going?"
他说"更糟了 家里没地方了 我们整天吵" He said,"Well,worse! No place at home. We are fighting.
"很臭 太糟糕了" It stinks. It's terrible."
"孩子 你后院有牛吗?" "My child,do you have a cow in your backyard?"
"有 拉比 我们有牛" "Yes,rabbi. We have a cow."
"把鸡和牛都带进屋里一周" "Well,bring her into the house in addition to the chickens
"拉比 但是...""听我说的做" for the week." "Rabbi,but..." "Just do it."
所以他把牛带进屋里 这一次也很糟糕 So he brings in the cow. And again,it's awful.
他鼻孔里都是这股臭味 It stinks to the enth degree in his nose.
他们一周不得安睡 太糟糕了 And they don't even sleep for the whole week. And it's terrible.
一周过去了 By the end of the week,
他整个人衣衫不整 憔悴不堪 you know he's looking terrible,disheveled.
浑身臭味 他去找拉比说 He stinks. He goes to the rabbi and says,
"拉比 帮帮我 情况太糟了 糟多了" "rabbi,help! Situation is terrible. Yes,it's so much worse."
"你家后院有马吗?" "Do you have a horse in your backyard?"
"有 我知道你想怎么做了" "Yes,rabbi. We do. But now I understand the pattern here."
"把马带进屋里" "Take the horse and bring it into your house."
他又把马带进屋里 So he takes the horse and brings it into the house.
太糟糕了 马乱踢乱叫 And it's awful. The horse is kicking and yelling
到处地跳 把东西摔坏 and jumping and breaks stuff.
家里一片混乱 吵声不断 糟多了 And there's mess and chaos and bickering and... So much worse.
终于一周过了 他跑去找拉比 And finally the week ends. He runs to the rabbi.
拉比说"现在你过得怎么样?" And the rabbi says,"how are you doing?"
"拉比 太糟了""好的 下周" "Rabbi,it's terrible! It's awful!" "OK. For the next week,
"你把动物都带出去" why don't you take out all the animals
"然后再来见我?"一周过去了 and come and see me then?" At the end of the week,
他来见拉比 拉比问"现在情况怎么样?" he comes and the rabbi says,"how are things going?"
"拉比 太好了 家里宽敞多了" "Rabbi,it's wonderful. We have so much place.
"气味太好闻了" The smell is so good.
"我们一家人乐也融融" We are getting along now like we hadn't ever before.
"孩子很高兴 非常感激你 拉比" The kids are happy. Thank you so much,rabbi."
问题来了 Now here is the question.
我们要等到情况恶化 Do things need to get worse before we appreciate
才得到感激眼前和身边的好事吗? what's right in front of us and all around us?
我们什么时候开始感激健康? When do we begin to appreciate our health?
等我们或旁人的身体现出问题时 When something goes wrong with us or with someone else.
我们什么时候开始感激生活? When do we begin to appreciate life?
当我们有危险时 当我们失去亲友时 When ours is in danger,or when we lose someone dear to us.
我们需要问自己一个问题 And the question that we need to ask ourselves is
"一定要等外界发生一些异常的悲剧时 "must something external,extraordinary,
我们才开始感激习以为常的东西吗?" unusually tragic happen for us to appreciate the ordinary?"
我们身边和内心都有无尽的幸福 You see there are treasures of happiness all around us
就在我们身边 餐厅里 and within us,right next to us- in the dinning hall,
坐在旁边的同学 在你家里的房间 sitting next to you here,in your room at home.
我们身边我们心里 There are wonderful things- things that are worth
有很多好事值得我们感激 your appreciation all around us or within us.
但我们都把它们习以为常 真的要等悲剧发生吗? But we take them for granted and do we need to wait for that.
答案是不 如果我们把感激当成一种生活习惯 And the answer is no. No- if we learn gratitude as a way of life,
如果我们培养感恩的习惯 if we cultivate the habit of gratitude.
正如媒体培养我们成为消极者一样 It is just as the media has cultivated the fault finding.
我们可以把自己培养成积极者 We can cultivate the benefit finding.
我们可以培养感恩之心 We can cultivate grateful.
因为当我们感恩时 Because when we are grateful for something,
我们不再把好事习以为常 we do not- we no longer take it for granted.
G.K.Chesterton说"你们在餐前感恩" G. K. Chesterton: "You say grace before meals. All right.
"但我听音乐会和歌剧前" But I say grace before the concert and the opera,
"在看戏剧哑剧前" and grace before the play and pantomime,
"在我打开一本书 画素描前" and grace before I open a book,and grace before sketching,
"画画前 游泳前 剑击前 拳击前 走路前 玩乐前 跳舞前" painting,swimming,fencing,boxing,walking,playing,dancing
"把钢笔头醮进墨水前 都会感恩" and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.
"感激能带来人类感受到的" Gratitude produced some...produced the most purely joyful moments
"最为单纯的快乐" that have been known to man."
大家想想 Think about it.
想想你上次感激别人时 Think about the last time you are grateful to someone.
当你向别人表达你的感激时 你有什么感觉? And you expressed that gratitude. How did you feel?
你使对方有什么感觉? And how did you make the other person feel?
或者当别人感激你时? Or someone who was grateful to you and appreciated you?
你会有一种飘起来的感觉 形成一个良性循环 You were walking on air,created this upward spiral as a result.
前提是这种感激是真诚的 When it's genuine,when it's real.
我们感激得不够 We don't do it enough. We don't do enough appreciation.
我们的感激之情表达得不够 We don't express gratitude enough,
不管是对我们吃的食物 还是写作 whether it's to the food that we eat,whether it's to writing,
不管是对朋友 还是对家人 whether it's for our friends or family.
这是在关于感激的力量方面最好的书 So this is the most wonderful books written about the power
这不是一本教材 但我等一下谈到的很多观点 of gratitude- it's not a research book,but a lot of these ideas
在这本书里都有所研究 that I'll talk about in a minute have researched.
Brother David Steindl-Rast写的《论感激》 "About Gratitude" by Brother David Steindl-Rast.
他还办了一个很棒的网站 谷歌他的名字就能查到 He also has a great website. If you google his name.
我们怎么培养感激?他的建议很简单优雅 How do we cultivate gratitude? His advice is simple and gracious.
"何不先审视平凡的一天?" "Why not start by surveying a typical day?
有什么事是你不自觉地就会去处理的? What is it that you tend to tackle with spontaneous mindfulness,
有什么事是毫不费力你就会全心投进去的? so that without effort your whole heart is in it?
也许是你早晨喝的第一杯咖啡 Maybe it's that first cup of coffee in the morning,
让你感到温暖 睡意全无 或者是带你的狗 the way it warms you and wakes you up,or taking your dog
出去散步 或者是跟孩子玩骑背背 for a walk,or giving a little child a piggyback ride.
培养感激需要经过一次又一次的练习 It is a matter of practice of doing it over and over again
直到变成第二天性 til it becomes second nature."
直到变成习惯 直到我们把一次的感激 Til it becomes a habit. Til we take a stake of gratitude
变成我们性格的一部分 and turn it into a gratitude trait.
这是有可能做到的 And it is possible to do it.
其中一个方法就是每天都找出 One of the ways to do it is to identify everyday
一两次件 有意地专注于这些事上 just one or two things to do mindfully,to focus on them,
不管是在餐厅喝的第一杯咖啡 whether it's the first cup of coffee in the dinning hall,
还是走向教室的那段路程 whether it's the walk to class,whether it's 10 minutes
还是你独自在房间里闭着睛神集中精神 in the afternoon when you just listen to the music in your room,
听十分钟音乐 by yourself with your eyes closed and focused,
欣赏你最喜欢的歌曲 appreciating your favorite piece.
不仅花时间去变成红酒鉴赏家 Taking our time to not just become wine connoisseurs
还要成为生活的鉴赏家 but also life connoisseurs.
这门课很大程度上就是要教我们感激生活 This course is in many ways about life appreciation.
他继续写道 He continues,(Brother David Steindl-Rast):
"感激之心能量度我们活得多充实 "Gratefulness is the measure of our aliveness.
对习以为常的东西 难道我们不是死了一样没感觉吗?" Are we not dead to whatever we take for granted?
"麻木就如同死亡" 大家想想 Surely to be numb is to be dead.” Think about this.
斯坦福精神学家Irvin Yalom做过很多研究 So Irvin Yalom,Stanford psychiatrist did a lot of research
研究患不治之症的病人 他找来那些只剩三个月 on terminally ill patients. He went to people who had 3 months,
六个月 最多一年的人 研究这一类人 6 months,up to a year to live,and researched this population.
他同样也发现这些人 And what he found time and again is that these people,
也有这样的感受 time and again were something to the effect of
"我这辈子第一次觉得自己活着" "for the first time in my life,I feel that I am alive."
"我这辈子第一次觉得自己活着" "For the first time in my life,I feel that I am alive."
为什么?"因为我这辈子第一次懂得呼吸的价值" Why? "Because for the first time,I appreciate breathing."
"这么多年来 我第一次感激我丈夫" "For the first time in many years,I appreciate my husband,
"我妻子 我朋友 我孩子" 感激花草 my wife,my friend,my children." Flower. The grass.
聊天 我这辈子第一次懂得感激这些东西 The conversation. For the first time of my life,I appreciate it,
而以前他们根本不关注这些东西 whereas before,the focus was just not there.
他们关注别的东西 关注困难 It was other things. On the difficulties,
关注苦况 大部份都关注消极的东西 the hardships- mostly on the negative.
记住 在我们眼里 And remember,as far as you are concerned,
公车上的孩子是不存在的 the children on a bus did not exist.
在大部分人眼里 As far as most people are concerned,
他们生命中 恋情中美好的东西 the good things in their life,in their relationships,
并不存在 因为我们并不感激它们 do not exist. Because when we are not grateful for them,
当我们对它们习以为常时 在我们眼里 when we take them for granted,as far as we are concerned,
它们就不存在 我们对它们的感觉得麻木的 they are not there. And we are numb to these things.
对于这些东西 我们像死了一样没感觉 我们需要一个警钟 We are dead to these things. And it takes a wake-up call,
像患上绝症一样 才能醒悟吗? like a terminal disease to wake us up?
才能让我们关注我们内心或身边 To get us to focus on what is right inside us
美好的东西吗?为什么?为什么还要等? or all around us all the time? Why? Why wait? Why wait?
有很多人研究感激的价值 There's a lot of research on the value of gratitude.
你们之前也看过了 You've read one before.
你们看过Robert Emmon写的文章 You'll be reading one of the articles by Robert Emmons
还有加大分校Michael McCullough写的文章 and Michael McCullough from UC Davis.
我把这两个研究合总结在一起 Let me summarize two studies there into one.
他们的研究就是随机挑出一组人 So what they did was essentially take random
把他们分成四组 group of people and divide them into four groups.
第一组每天晚上睡觉前 First group every night before going to bed write
都要写下至少五次他们感激的事 at least five things for which you are grateful.
大事小事都行 Big things,or little things.
第二组写下至少五件生活中遇到的 Second group write at least five hassels in your life-
与别人的争吵 坏事 five bad things that happen to you.
第三组写下至少五个 Third group write at least five things that
你比别人优秀的地方 you are better than others at- superior to others.
第四组是对照组 他们可以随便 And the fourth group- control group write about anything
写下一天中遇到的任何事 测量标准是 that happen to you during the day. The outcome measures
看他们的乐观 幸福程度 are that they looked at what optimism,happiness,
身体健康程度(过去参加这个研究的六个月 physical health (how often they visited the doctor of
他们多久去看一次医生) the six months of the study,one of the studies),
他们对别人有多慷慨和仁慈 how generous and benevolent they were toward other people
最后还有他们达成目标的可能性 and finally how likely they were to achieve their goals
他们为自己设下的目标 that they set for themselves-
也就是说他们有多成功 in other words,how successful they were.
结果最差的那组是与人争吵的那组 The group that performed the worst was the hassels group.
生活中发生的五件坏事 Five bad things that happen to you.
结果最好的那组 最快乐的那组 The group that performed the best that is happist,
最乐观 最有可能达成目标 most optimistic,most likely to achieve their goals,
对别人最大方最仁慈 最健康的那组 most generous and benevolent toward other people and healthist,
就是每晚睡觉前 was the group every night before going to bed wrote
写下他们感激的至少五件事的那组 at least five things for which they were grateful.
对身体和心理都有好处 Both psychological and health benefits.
这个研究在很大程度上是 The study was,in many ways the beginning,
他们后来做的一连串实验的开端 one of the first studies they conducted.
这本书最近才出版 The book just came out recently,
Robert Emmons写的《谢谢》非常好的一本书 called "Thanks" by Robert Emmons,which is wonderful
书中追踪了很多研究和方法 and traces through a lot more studies and research and exercise
能帮助你变得更有感激之心 that you can do to become more grateful,
把感激培养成一种生活习惯 to have gratitude as a way of life.
对身体的好处 包括心率变异性 Physiological benefits such as our heart variability,
它能预测我们是否能长寿 which is a predictor of longevity,
预测我们是否健康 which is a predictor of health is increased.
当我们感激时 副交感神经系统功能增强 The parasympathetic system increases when we are grateful.
使我们变平静 从而加强免疫系统 And that induces calm. And that strengthens our immune system.
当感激成为我们的性格 还有很多好处 There are also many benefits to trait gratefulness,
所以感激不只上一种心情 也是一种性格 so it is not just a state of being. It's also about the trait.
我们怎么培养感激? How do we cultivate that? How do we cultivate that?
通过一次又一次的感激 我每晚都这么做 By doing it over and over again. I do this every night.
从1999年9月19日开始到现在 I've been doing it since 19th of September,1999.
从1999年9月19日一直做到现在 Since 19th of September,1999,I've been doing it.
这个研究2002年才开始 而我早就开始了 I've been doing it long before the 2002 study.
当Oprah叫我这么做时 我就开始做了 I started to do it when Oprah told me to do it.
真的 从那时起一直到现在 Really. I've been doing it ever since.
我和大家分享一下我昨晚写的 Let me share with you what I wrote about last night.
昨晚是26号 上帝 家人 It was 26 last night. OK. So God,family,
我深爱的妻子Tomush 瑜伽-我练瑜伽 David-他很棒 Tomush my love- my wife,yoga- I did yoga,David- so wonderful,
Sherial-宝贝（我的孩子们） 办公时间 Sherial- precious (my two children),office hours-
我昨天在办公室过得很开心 I had office hours yesterday and I enjoyed it a lot.
这个不能说 对不起 这个也不能说 对不起 Beep- sorry. Another beep- sorry.
这门课有时候需要打马赛克 some censorship in this class is important.
需要花点时间才... It took you a while but eh..
这个也不能说 开玩笑的 我妻子做的汤 OK. Beep- no just kidding about this one. And Tommy's soup.
她做的青豆汤很好喝 我昨晚喝了 She made this unbelievable pea soup which I had yesterday.
大事 小事 You know,big things and little things.
大事 小事 Big things and little things.
现在也有东西值得我感激 And here are other things that I am grateful for right now.
我感激Shawn Achor I am grateful for Shawn Achor,
这个班的首席助教 the head TF of the class. (Applause)
我感激他的工作 他的热情 I am grateful for his work,for his inspiration.
我感激Debb I am grateful to Debb,
另一个班的首席助教 the head of TF of the other class. (Applause)
我感激所有的助教 I am grateful to the teaching fellows
他们为了你们的教育投入了很多时间 who are investing so much time in your education,
为了让你们在这门课学得幸福 in your happiness in this course. (Applause and cheers)
我感激Barry 他在幕后 I am grateful to Barry who's there behind the scenes.
大家不常见到他 You don't see him much.
但这个课堂很多东西都要靠他 But he's responsible for so much what's happening
感激他的支持 他的谦虚 为我们做了这一切 for his support,for how humble he is,doing all that. (Applause)
我感激我的学生 And I am grateful for my students,
因为没有你们 我今天就不能站在这里讲课 because it wouldn't be a class- I wouldn't be here today,
做我喜欢做的事 doing what I love to,
如果没有你们 我就做不了我最喜欢做的事 what I care about most if you weren't here.
谢谢你们 我感激你们 So thank you. I am grateful. (Applause)
这样做的关键是坚持 Now the key with this is to do it as well.
这样做矫情吗?绝对矫情 Yes is it cheesy? Absolutely.
这样做能起作用吗?绝对能 Does it make a difference? Absolutely.
我还会每天晚上和我的孩子David这么做 You know every night I also do it with my kid,with David.
我怎么做?我问David 他现在三岁半了 And how do I do it? I ask David- he's three and a half years old,
"你今天有什么开心事?"他回答我 然后又问我 "what was fun for you today?" And he tells me and he asks me,
"你今天有什么开心事?" "what was fun for you today?"
这个方法是我从一个朋友那里学来的 他是手工匠人 I learned about it from a friend of mine who,a hand worker-
他前几节课有来过 who was here just a couple of classes ago.
他来看我 有一天我去他家吃晚餐 He was visiting. And I came over for dinner one day.
他听到我讲课的内容 他跟我说 He heard me speak about this. And he said,
"我有些东西要给你看" 他有两个小孩 "I want to show you something." And he has two young kids.
他们都站在旁边说着 And they were standing around and talking about
五件他们感激的事 the five grateful,things for which they were grateful.
他们都是很小的孩子 Daniel和Maya These were young kids. Daniel and Maya.
我看着他们 我感动得流泪了 And I looked at it and I started to cry.
非常温馨感人 It was so moving and so touching.
从那时起我也和我的孩子这样做 And I've been doing it ever since with my kids.
我妻子也会定期和我这样做 My wife do it every day on regular basis.
她容忍我的矫情 但这样做很有用 She puts up with my cheesiness. It helps. It works because
因为我们不会对好事习以为常 we don't take the good things in our life for granted.
关键是要保持新鲜感 The key when we do this is to maintain freshness.
怎么保持新鲜感? How do we maintain freshness?
这个练习的缺点之一就是 One of the things that happens with this exercise is that
它很容易变得一种习惯 失去新鲜感 it very often becomes a habit and we lose it.
我们找不到新鲜感 无法用心去练 We lose the freshness of it. We lose the mindfulness of it.
我们把这种练习当做家常便饭了 And we just take it for granted as an exercise.
关键是 Lyubomirsky说 And the key is,one of the things that Lyubomirsky says,
一周做一次吧 对有些人来说 well,try to do it once a week. For some people,
一周做一次比每天做会更好 once a week is actually better than doing it every day.
但是这样做是有代价的 每周练一次 However,there's also a price. It's much less likely to
很难变成我们的一种性格 become a trait if we only do it once a week.
我们怎么保持新鲜感?每天都做 So how do we maintain freshness? Doing it every single day.
我怎么保持新鲜感?很幸运 How do I maintain freshness? Well,fortunately,
有很多人都在研究这个问题 there's a lot of research on this topic-
有些是Lyubomirsky做的 有些是其他人做的 some of them by Lyubomirsky,as well as by others.
第一个方法是变着来做 The first thing is introduce the variety.
例如我写Sherial有关的事 有些东西 So let's say I write about Sherial and there's something
是我每天都写的 that I write about every day.
我女儿 我儿子和我妻子 It's Sherial my daugter,David my son. It's Tommy my wife.
还有上帝 我每天都写这些东西 It's God. I write about these things every single day.
我也会写其他事 And I write about other things as well.
我可以写这些事的不同方面 I can write about different aspects of these things.
某一天我可以写Sherial的微笑 So one day I can write about Sherial's smile.
她才一岁还没有牙齿 笑起来很可爱 You know her beautiful,one year old,toothless smile.
另一天我可以写 And another day I can write about the fact
她第一次走路 that she's taken her first steps now.
变着来写 另一天我可以关注别的... So vary. Or one day I can write about,focus...
这一周我可以专注写我的工作 One week I can focus about my work.
下一周我可以专注写个人私事 Another week it can be mostly focus about personal things.
诸如此类 And so on.
变化是生活的调味剂 很有效 Variety really is the spice of life- makes a difference here.
第二个方法 Ellen Langer说的用心 Second, Ellen Langer talks about mindfulness.
她把用心定义为创造出新的差别 she defines mindfulness as creating novel distinctions.
其实跟变着来练差不多 It's similar to creating variaty.
看我以前没留意过的东西 Looking at the things that I haven't seen before,
我没正眼看过的东西 that I haven't looked at before.
这也是维持爱的一个办法 This is also a way to maintain love.
有些人说随着时间过去 You know people talk about how over time you become,
他们就会适应一段恋情 其实 you adapt to your relationships. well,
我们每次都能从别人身上看到不同的东西 there's something new to discover about a person every time,
不管是父母 还是情人 whether it's about my parents,whether it's about lover,
还是朋友 创造新的差别 whether it's about my friends. Creating novel distinctions.
用心去看 专注在上面 Looking at it mindfully. Focusing on it.
通过这个新的专注产生新鲜感 And maintaining freshness through this focus.
图像化 William James大楼的Steven Kosslyn Visualizing it. Steven Kosslyn from William James Hall,
我们系的主任做过一个研究 head of our department did research,
表明孩子会在脑海里把单词形成图像 showing that kids actually visualize most words.
所以当他们看到...假设是母亲 So when you see- let's say mother,
他们脑海里马上形成母亲的图像 immediately the picture of mother comes up.
很多时候我们说这些词 如果不是有意识地话 Or it's very often for us when we talk these words unautomatic,
都不会在脑海里形成图像 we no longer visualize it,
这就是为什么孩子的思维比我们慢 which is why it takes kids longer to think.
因为他们还在脑海里把单词变成图像 Because they are still visualizing the words.
但大人要有意识地才能形成图像 It is not unautomatic anymore,
这就解释了为什么孩子活着这么有童真 which also explains why kids live like kids,
为什么他们会感激简单的东西 why they are able to appreciate the simplist of things,
看到飞机都这么高兴 to be mesmerized by airplane up there.
谈到他们在日托所做的开心事 Or when they talk about what they did at day care.
他们活得很有童真 They live like children.
我们长大成人时 And what we have become over the years.
我们适应了 我们对这些东西都麻木了 We adapt to it. We become numb to a lot of these things.
除掉这些麻木的方法之一 So one of the ways to chip away the numbness,
就是在脑海里形成图像 one of the ways to do it is to visualize.
当我们形成了图像 And when we visualize,
我们就能重新像孩子一样看待事物 we start to see things once again like kids do.
下节课我们再继续谈这点 Next time we'll continue with this,
在这节课结束前 我想和大家分享一个故事 but I want to end today by sharing a story with you.
这个故事是关于一个 A story about the person who,
我认识的人中最当之无愧的积极者 to me more than anyone else captures what benefit finder is.
我的人生模范 A person who is my role model
她教会我学会专注于事物好的一面 when it comes to focusing also on the good.
我外婆1915年在罗马尼亚锡盖特出生 My grandmother was born in 1915 in Sighet,Romania.
她的童年很普通 她是最小的女儿 She had a very regular childhood. She was the youngest daughter
她有一个姐姐 五个哥哥 of 7- one more sisters,5 more bothers.
他们过得很好 她的很多哥哥 And they were doing well. Many of her brothers
成为有名的拉比 小提琴家 音乐家 became important rabbis,violinists,musicians.
她是个过着快乐平凡生活的小女孩 And she was a young girl,happy,living a normal life,
直到1940年希特勒入侵罗马尼亚 until 1940 which was when Hitler invaded Romania.
希特勒入侵罗马尼亚 她的生活被颠覆了 Hitler invaded Romania and her life changed radically.
她全家人都被带到集中营 Her entire family was taken to one concentration camp
从一个转到另一个 最后去到奥斯威辛 after the other,ending up in Auschwitz.
在奥斯威辛 她有十几个外甥女 In Auschwitz,she had over a dozen nieces
和外甥 他们都被谋杀了 她五个哥哥和父亲 and nephews were all murdered. Her five brothers and parents
都在她眼前被谋杀了 were murdered in front of her very eyes.
战争结束时 她和她姐姐活下来了 At the end of the war,somehow,she and her sister survived.
英国人来到奥斯威辛解救集中营的人 The British came to Auschwitz to liberate the prisoners.
他们当时带着一个医生 And when they came,they came in with a doctor.
医生会一个一个检查集中营里的人 And the doctor would go through the prisoners.
当然大部分都死了 那些还活着的人 Most of them were of course dead; those who were alive,
他会说这个带走 这个留下 he would say take that person,leave that person here.
因为他们资源有限 地方有限 Because they had limited resources,limited places.
他们认为活不下去的病人 Those prisoners who they thought would not survive,
就会留下来 当看到我外婆时 they left them there. And it came to my grandmother,
她当时只有26公斤 也就是54磅 who weighed the time 26 kilos which is 54 pounds.
我外婆长得很高大 但她只有54磅 My grandmother was a large woman- 54 pounds.
他说你留下 然后看到她姐姐 And said,leave. And then he saw her sister
她就在她身旁 她姐姐36公斤 79磅 who was right next to her,who weighed 36 kilos- 79 pounds.
他做这个动作 说把她放到车上 And he said,he made this motion to put her on the truck.
当然她太虚弱了 起不来 And of course,she was too weak to get out.
所以英国士兵抱起我外婆的姐姐 So the British soldiers picked up my grandmother's sister
她的名字叫Shanti whose name is Shanti.
他们抱起Shanti 她抓住她妹妹 They picked Shanti up and Shanti held on to her sister.
她不肯放手 他们想松开她的手 And she wouldn't let go. And they tried to open her grip.
虽然她很虚弱 And even though she was weak and sick,
但他们无法松开她的手 they couldn't open her grip.
于是医生说 好吧 两个都带走 所以士兵把她俩都带走了 So the doctor said,fine,take them both. So they took them both.
他们把她们抱上车 And they put them on the truck. And they were,of course,
他们很肯定我外婆会死去 certain that my grandmother would die.
一个月后 她活下来了 A month passed and she survived though
虽然她体重没有增加 she didn't put on a single gram.
他们以为她随时都会死去 但她顽强求生 Any day they thought she would die,but she refused to die.
三个月后 她体重开始上升 她活下来了 After three months,she started putting on weight. She survived.
半年后 她回去锡盖特 Six months later,she went back to Sighet,
看看她的家变成什么样了 to see what was remained from her home.
到达后 她从马车上下来 She arrived there,got off the cart with the horse.
一个叫约瑟夫的男人看到她 And the man by the name of Joseph- Jose saw her.
他看到一个弯着腰 头发还没长回来的女人 And he saw a woman who was stooped,who still had no hair.
但他认出了那双眼睛 因为那双眼睛充满骄傲 But he recognized those eyes. Because those eyes were proud.
充满生命力 他认出了我外婆Goldie And those eyes were alive. He recognized Goldie.
他收留了她 两周后他们结婚了 And he took her with him. And two weeks later,they got married.
外婆恢复健康 怀孕了 And Goldie got better and got pregnant
生下一个死产儿 她又怀孕了 and gave birth to a stillborn. And she got pregnant again
再一次生下死产儿 and once again gave birth to a stillborn.
他们从罗马尼亚搬到特拉维夫 They made their way to Tel Aviv from Romania.
他们被英国人抓住 They were caught by the British.
因为当时以色列是英国托管 他们被英国人抓住 It was British mandate at that time. They were caught by British
被送回到塞浦路斯的集中营 and sent back to a concentration camp in Cyprus.
在集中营里 And there,in the concentration camp,
我外婆在塞浦路斯又怀了一个孩子 my grandmother in Cyprus had another baby.
这次她生下了一个女儿 A baby girl who survived.
后来又生下一个男孩 也是死产儿 And then they had another boy who was stillborn.
我外婆不能再生育了 And my grandmother could have no more children.
她的身体吃了太多苦 Her body had endured too much.
我外婆活了下来 生活得很好 My grandmother survived and thrived.
Shanti也是 Shanti不能生育 As did Shanti. Shanti could have no children,
但她把我妈妈视如己出 but my mother was her child too.
她把我当成外孙一样 我记得 And I was her grandchild as well. I remember,
那是1988年10月 this was in October of 1988.
Shanti几年前去世了 Shanti had passed away a few years earlier.
她去世那天 我们去墓地 And we went to the cemetery on the day that she passed away,
在她的墓碑前祈祷 to say some prayers over her tombstone.
我和我外婆去 我们一起走 And I went with my grandmother. And we walked there.
我外婆站在墓碑前 And my grandmother stook in front of the tombstone.
墓碑上不仅刻着Shanti的名字 And on the tombstone,we engraved not just Shanti's name,
还是她兄弟父母的名字 but the names of all the brothers and her parents.
她看着墓碑 And she looked at the tombstone-
我听到她跟Shanti说 and I thought she talked to shanti- and said to her,
"我们真幸运 不是吗?我们很幸运 "we are so fortunate,aren't we? We are so lucky.
你看 Talik也来了" 她叫我Talik And look Talik is here." She called me Talik.
然后她跟她说我干什么工作 And then she told her what I was doing.
她告诉她我兄弟姐妹在做什么工作 And she told her what my brothers and sisters were doing-
她们的外孙 我父母 their grandchildren. And about my mother and father.
跟她说生活有多美好 And how wonderful thing were.
她在说美好的事 And she was talking about the wonderful things.
她偶尔会哭 想念Shanti And she was crying once in a while,missing Shanti.
她是一个有血有肉的人 她站在那里 She was so human,just standing there,
有时说依地语 有时说希伯来语 and talking half Yiddish,half Hebrew.
偶尔会跟我说一两句 Once in a while,talking to me.
然后又跟救了她一命的姐姐说两句 And to her sister who saved her life.
她跟我说"走吧" 然后我们一起走 And she said to me,"let's go." And we walked together.
我们周围有几千个坟墓 Thousands of tombs around us.
我们在小道上向车走去 We walked along the path toward the car.
那时是十月 很美丽 太阳西下 It was a beautiful October day. The sun was out.
风在吹 树在摆动 The wind was blowing. The trees were swinging.
然后她停下来 向天空望去 And she suddenly stopped. She stopped and looked up.
她站得很骄傲 很稳重 And she stood so proud,so poised.
她紧抓住我的手 抬头看天 再看着我 And she held my hand so tight,looking up and looking at me.
她说"Tal 这个世界真美好" She sais,"Tal,it's such a beautiful world.
"可惜我们都要离开" 她笑了笑 我们继续走 Just a pity we have to leave." And she smiled. And we walked.
我外婆见过成千上万的尸体 My grandmother saw thousands of corpes.
她亲眼看着她家人被谋杀 She saw her family murdered in front of her very eyes.
她生了三个死产儿 She had three stillborn children.
她没有无视生活中可怕的事 She did not ignore the terrible things in life.
她怎么能无视?但是同时 How could she? However,at the same time,
她也拒绝无视生活中美好的事 she also refused to ignore the good things in life.
生活中美好的事 The wonderful things in life.
她心怀感激 她撑下来了 And she was grateful. And she survived.
我外婆告诉我 这是一个美好的世界 My grandmother told me that this is a beautiful world.
我相信她 谢谢大家 I believe her. Thank you.(Applause)