我们今天的课 OK,so,what we're gonna do today
要把自我实现预言的信念讲完 is finish up with the beliefs of self-fulfilling prophecy lecture
并开始讲下一课 关于专注 and move on to the lecture on focus
和专注如何创造现实 and how focus creates reality.
我们上一课讲到哪里? Where did we end last time?
我们讲到Rena和其他的一些事 We ended by talking about Rena and other things.
我们讲到模型 Dan Gilbert的模型 We talked about the model,the Dan Gilbert model,
Philip Brickman模型 the Philip Brickman model,
成功或失败过后 会有大起大落 where after a failure or a success there is a spike up,
但我们会恢复过来 spike down,but then we recover.
我们一生基本沿基准的幸福发展 And we basically move along a base level of well being
其中有起伏和变迁 through out our lives,with the ups and downs,the vicissitudes.
所以问题是 The question then became,
或说有好消息也有坏消息 or rather there was good news and bad news.
好消息是 我们不必太过担心 The good news was,we don't really need to worry that much,
我们能冒更多风险 也更容易回到基准线上 we can take more risks,we can put ourselves on the line more.
失败往往 虽然不是所有的失败 Failure usually,not all failures,
往往只是使幸福水平暂时的下降 but usually is just a temporary decline in our wellbeing level,
还有自尊水平 然后会迅速回升 self esteem level,and then every quickly we jump up again.
所以这是好消息 So that's the good news.
坏消息是 如果我们总是回到原来的水平 The bad news is: if we're just around the same base level,
那我们为什么要努力寻求幸福呢? you know,why should we put any effort into our wellbeing?
而答案 And the answer to that,
这整个课程本质上就是对它进行回答 and the whole course essentially is an answer to that.
我们如何提升基准水平? How can we raise that base level?
一个方法是去面对 把自己置于风险之上 One of the things is coping,putting ourselves on the line.
我们这么做的原因 And the reason why coping,
是因为这样能产生积极的影响 why putting ourselves on the line yields positive
结果 幸福基准会上升 results in terms of the base level of wellbeing going up,
意思是仍然有起有落 meaning still the ups and downs,
但起伏是像这样斜线上升的 but ups and downs looking this way
而不是在一条直线上或者 as opposed to around a straight line
平行线上徘徊 我们去面对时能想象我们的行动 or a parallel line is that when we cope,we see ourselves coping,
想象自己在努力 通过自我知觉理论 we see ourselves trying and through self perception theory,
我们对自己做某种总结 we derive certain conclusions about ourselves:
我一定很勇敢 oh,I must be courageous;
我一定是自尊心强的人 oh,I must be a person who has high self esteem;
我一定是非常渴望成功的人 oh,I must be a person who has a strong desire to succeed
等等 and so on and so on.
然后我们给自己做出的结论 And then we derive conclusions about ourselves in the same way
就像我们给他人的结论一样 that we derive conclusions about other people.
这就是自我知觉理论 That is self-perception theory.
第二个原因是一旦我们经常经历失败 The second reason is that once we started failing more often,
我们会意识到那其实并不那么糟糕 we realized that actually it's not that bad,
不像我们想象的那么糟 it's not what we make it out to be.
我们脑中想象的失败的痛苦 The pain that in our minds we associate with failure
比实际的痛苦要多得多 is far greater that the actual pain of failure when that comes.
也许不是即时的 而是稍后才感受到 Maybe not initially when it happens,but after a while;
当我们恢复后 就知道我能应付它 and then we recover again,and we see,oh,I can deal with it,
我一定是一个有适应力的人 I must be a person with resilience.
最终 努力去面对后会有更多成功 And finally,there is more success as a result of coping.
学习失败 或在失败中学习 Learn to fail,or fail to learn,
成功没有其他途径 there is no other way to succeed.
我现在要说的是 So what I want to move on to now and just finish up on
我们如何变得更乐观 is how do we become more of an optimistic.
我们谈过优点 谈过长寿 So we talked about the virtues,we talked about longevity,
乐观的人实际上活得更久 people who are optimistic actually live longer.
我们谈过更高水平的成功 We talked about higher levels of success,
更高程度的快乐更能克服忧郁 higher levels of happiness,more likely to overcome depression.
乐观的人 People who are optimistic
患上忧郁的机会是八分之一 are eight times less likely to be depressed;
他们会更快乐 they are much more likely to be happy.
再说一遍 乐观是指诠释的方式 And again,optimism as an interpretation style,
而不是盲目地自我感觉良好的方式 not as a Pollyannaish feel-good kind of approach.
我们如何变得更加乐观? So how do we become more of an optimism?
我想谈谈三个方法 I want to talk about three techniques.
首先是采取行动 尽管去做 First is to take action,to just do it,
把自己置于风险之上 to put ourselves on the line.
第二点 我要讲想象力 Second,I'm going to talk about the power of imagination,
形象化的力量 你们许多人熟悉这点 visualization,many of you are familiar with that,
尤其对运动员而言 作为一项技巧 especially athletes as,as a technique.
我们要谈论这个技巧 So we'll talk about that technique.
最后一点是认知疗法 And finally,cognitive therapy,
至少研究表明 是当今最成功的 which at least according to research,is the most successful,
最有效的治疗干预手段 most effective therapeutic intervention out there today,
我们要讲一些基本要素并进行归纳 so we'll talk about some of the basics and summarize those.
我们先说行动 So let me begin with action,
这是基于Albert Bendura的研究 this is based on research by Albert Bendura,
你们会了解到自我效能 you'll read about self-efficacy,
他的基本概念上是要有坚定的信念 his concept basically the idea of having strong believes
他将它描述得更学术化 and he just made it more academic,
更科学化 并研究了数年 more scientific and researched for many years
我们谈过自我效能的许多益处 and we talked about many benefits of self efficacy.
Bendura所做的大部分工作是反对 What Bendura is coming out against in much of his work
人们称为“自尊运动”的活动 is what has become known as the self esteem movement,
或者说他反对的是 or he's coming against
被称为“感觉良好运动”的活动 what has become known as feel good movement.
所谓的 告诉小孩他们有多好 Alright,so tell a child how great they are,
他们有多棒 how wonderful they are.
每天早上站在镜子前对自己说 Standing in front of a mirror every morning and tell yourself:
“你好精神”十遍 你将更成功 hi,gorgeous ten times,and then you will be more successful,
你的自尊会提升 你会变得很好 your self esteem will be high and you'll be gorgeous.
这不管用 相信我 这不管用 It doesn't work,believe me it doesn't work.
我都试过 实际上经常 I've tried everything. The thing though is that very often,
事实上长期以往会造成伤害 会伤到自尊 it actually hurts in the long term,it actually hurts self esteem
它实际伤害了那些学生的积极性 it actually hurts the motivation of students
他们经常被夸奖说"你们很棒" who are constantly told you are wonderful,
"你们都很了不起" you are terrific no matter what.
我们会讲如何对赞扬更有辨识力 And we'll talk about how we can be more discerning with praise,
如何正确地赞扬 how we can praise in the right way
在我们过几周谈论Carol Dweck when we talked about the work of Carol Dweck
关于心态的文章的时候 on mindsets in a few weeks.
同时Bendura表明 In the meantime,what Bendura showed,
Carol Dweck表明 what Carol Dweck showed,
还有其他许多人都表明 这还不够 what many others showed was that it's not enough,
通常情况 只给你积极的言论 积极的肯定 very often,its even detrimental to just give the,you know,
无论来自外部或内部 positive,positive talk,the positive affirmation.
这甚至是有害的 Whether it comes from the outside or from the inside,
这也许其中的一部分 但不是全部 maybe part of the equation,certainly can't be all.
Bendura说的是 我们需要的是行动而不是空谈 What Bendura is saying,that rather than talk,we need action.
我们对任何事都要付出努力 We need to put hard work into whatever it is,
我们想变得更自信 就需要去应对 we want to be more confident about,and we need to cope.
我们要把自己置于风险之上 很简单 为什么? We need to put ourselves on the line. Very simple! Why?
因为努力和面对必然能获得成功 Because hard work and coping inevitably leads to success,
至少比以前 more success at least than we had before,
以前不行动 不去面对时要成功 when we didn't act and we didn't cope.
即使只是一点点成功的贡献 So even if it's a little bit,in and of itself contributes,
也有助于提高自我效能 that success contributes to our self-efficacy,
有助于增加自信 而自信反过来 to our self confidence. And then,that self confidence in turns,
反过来激励我们更努力 in turn motivates us to work harder.
我们开始更加相信自己 We started to believe ourselves more.
这是个很简单的模型 我是说任何人 Now,this is a very simple model,I mean,anyone you know,
一个五岁小孩都能做出那个模型 the five year old could draw that model.
然而考虑到对我们生活的影响 However think about the implications for our lives,
考虑到对教育的影响 think about the implications for education,
我们应该仅是对学生不停地说你们很棒 do we just tell students constantly you're terrific,
你们真厉害 还是应该像Marva Collins那样 you're wonderful,you're great,or do we like Marva Collins,
让他们努力奋斗获得更多成功 make them actually work hard so that they succeed more,
让他们想象自己回归自我概念理论 so that they see themselves going back to self conception theory,
想象自己努力奋斗 see themselves working hard,
想象自己投身其中 see themselves putting themselves on the line,
面对失败 重新站起 coping and failing,and getting up again.
它和我们身体免疫系统运作方式相同 It works also in a similar way to our physical immune system.
当我们身体不适 当我们生病时 You know when we get sick,when we get ill,
我们的身体感应到抗体 our body sense anti-bodies
我们实际上会免疫得过的病 and we actually become immune to whatever it is that we had.
我们的身体通过失败获得免疫力 So our body become immunize through failure.
在心理层面也相同 失败会被低估 Same on the psychological level,failure is underrated.
我希望你们拥有的东西之一 You know one of the things that I wish for you,
我是很真挚的 and I mean it genuinely.
希望你们能多经历失败 One of the things that I wish for you is that you fail more.
我不是随便说说 我真这么想的 I'm not saying it ingest,I really do.
另外 我希望当你们失败时 And,coupled with that,I hope that when you fail,
你们也能学习用不同的方式去诠释 you will also learn to interpret it in a different way
而不像大多数人那样诠释失败 than most of us usually interpret failure.
因为没有别的方式取得成功 'Cause there is no other way to succeed,
成长的途径只有这一条 there is no other way for growth,
像这样的生活 只是在逃避 it's an elusion that a life looks like this,
我们会继续谈这个 we will talk about it much more
当我们谈论完美主义时 when we talk about perfectionism.
健康的生活 真实的生活 A healthy life,a real life,
快乐的生活基本都看起来像这样 and a happy life ultimately looks like this,
一个带起伏的螺旋 不是一条直线 a spiral with ups and downs,not as a straight line.
当我们看到自己去面对 努力奋斗时 When we see ourselves cope,when we see ourselves work hard,
我们对自己做出结论 we derive conclusions about ourselves,
我们的自信增长 我们的动力增加 our self confidence goes up,our motivation goes up,
我们的信仰上升 等等 our belief goes up and so on and so on
以一个上升螺旋的趋势发展 in an upward spiral of growth.
Soren Kierkegaard说过"勇于冒险或许会一时失足 Soren Kierkegaard: "To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily.
却步不前则会迷失自我” Not to dare is to lose oneself."
当我们去面对 去尝试 满怀期望时 To lose one's footing temporarily is the failure
一时失足而导致失败 that comes inevitably when we cope,when we try,
不可避免 而我们不去应对 选择逃避 when we have high expectations. Not to dare is to lose oneself,
却步不前则会迷失自我 that is when we don't cope,when we avoid.
因为这个模型倒过来也成立 Because this model also works the other way around.
当我们不断地逃避挑战 When we constantly avoid challenges,
当我们总能处理好困难经历 when we constantly shone difficult experiences,
当我们不允许自己失败时 when we don't give ourselves the permission to fail,
会形成一个向下的螺旋 影响自尊 a downward spiral is created,in terms of our self esteem,
我们的成功和幸福 in terms of our success,in terms of our well being.
第二个技巧 想象成功 Second technique: imagining success.
有件事我想和你们分享 Now there's one thing I want to share with you,
要和你们分享让我有点紧张 I'm a little bit nervous about sharing it
但既然已经说开了 无论如何我都会说 but I'll do it anyway,you know,since we've opened up,
尤其上节课真是我们关系中的转折点 especially last time was a real milestone in our relationship.
我要告诉你们些事 但别告诉别人 I'm gonna to tell you something but please don't tell anyone,
尤其别告诉我的客户 you know,especially don't tell any of my clients
或将来的潜在客户 or potential clients in the future.
我演讲前会非常紧张 I get really nervous before lectures.
我会很紧张 其实对我而言 I get very nervous,in fact for me,
我无论何时站在许多观众面前 whenever I stand in front of a large audience,
心里会七上八下的 there're butterflies in my stomach.
我觉得这很难 And it's very difficult for me
我说的许多观众是指多于五人 when I talk about large audience its anything above five.
所以这是个真正的挑战 So,this is a real challenge,
当我和客户们聊天时是个挑战 it's a real challenge when I talk to clients.
这一直是一个挑战 从我决定 And this is been a challenge since the dash I decided
当一名教师的那一刻起 当我听说了 that I want to be a teacher and I decided
Marva Collins的事迹时就决定成为一名老师 that I want to be a teacher when I heard Marva Collins,
我说"这就是对我的召唤" 后来我就成为了老师 and I said: this is my calling. And here is what happened then.
我曾说 "如果我在人们面前会这么紧张 I said,how can I be a successful teacher and effective teacher
我要如何成为成功而有效率的老师?" if I get so nervous when I stand in front of an audience?
记得成功的三要素 And remember the three components of success,
成功的秘密? 是乐观和自信 the secret of success? It was optimism,believe in oneself;
是热情 热爱你所做的 还有努力奋斗 it was passion,loving what you do; and it was hard work.
我有其中两个要素 So I had two of the three components.
我非常努力 实际上我的座右铭 I worked extremely hard,in fact my motto has become,
来自Richard Hackman教授 one that I got from Professor Richard Hackman,
他是我在这里读本科时的论文导师 as my thesis advisor as an undergrad here.
他是一个非凡的教师 And,what he said,he's a phenomenal teacher,
他走进教室后会说 and what he said when he goes into a classroom is the following:
准备 再准备...然后顺其自然 prepare,prepare,prepare,and then be spontaneous.
所以我遵照他的建议 我仔细看教案 So I followed his advise,now I read over my notes,
我准备好所有教案 然后不再去想它 I have all the notes written down and then I can let go.
我准备得很充足 我很努力 没问题 So I prepare a lot,I have the hard work,not a problem.
我有热情 我爱学习 I have the passion,I love learning,
这是我职业生命中最重要的事 it's the most important thing,professionally in my life.
但我缺少第三样 缺少乐观 But I lacked the third thing,I lacked optimism,
缺少自信 我问我自己 and I lacked confidence. And then I asked myself:
我要怎样提高第三个要素 how can I raise the third components
因为这是幸福的一个重要部分 because it is important component of wellbeing,
记得对运动员的研究吗? remember the research on athletes?
56%的成功 56% of the variance is accounted of success,
是源自乐观主义或自信 is accounted for by the sense of optimism or belief in yourself.
还记得John Carter二十年前的研究吗 Remember the John Carter study? Twenty years along
关于哈佛大学商学院毕业生的 when you look at Harvard Business School graduates,
将最成功的学生和其他人区分开的 one of the two components that
两要素之一 differentiated the most successful from the rest,
一个是相信自己 自信 one of them was belief in themselves,confidence.
这是成功的一个重要因素 而我缺少它 It's an important component of success and I lacked it.
我怎么办? 我回想到 So what did I do? I went back and thought about
打壁球时的事情 what happened when I played squash,
我的教练过去教育我要形象化 what my coaches used to teach me,and that was visualization.
我开始阅读这方面内容 And I started reading up and
我查看文献时 看到很多关于这方面的研究 when I looking at literature and there's a lot of research on it,
实际上在几世纪前宗教实践时就出现 it actually started off centuries ago in religious practices,
被东欧运动员引入到体育运动中 was brought to athletics through east European athletes
他们会想象自己 比如 who would imagine themselves,say,
在跑道上跑然后站在颁奖台上 running around the track and then standing on the podium,
领取金牌 receiving the gold medal.
越来越多的心理学家把它应用起来 And more and more psychologists started to implement it.
销售人员很有效地使用它 Sales people use it very effectively,
想象自己真的谈成了生意 seeing themselves actually striking the deal,
经历困难 去做 并获得成功 going through with it,doing it and succeeding.
那让它更有可能成为现实 And that made it much more likely to come true.
为什么?形象化背后有什么原理? The question is why? What's the mechanism behind visualization?
为什么这么重要?为什么它这么好? Why is it so important? Why is it so good?
为什么它这么有效? Why is it so effective?
为什么被这么广泛而成功地使用? Why it being used so widely and successfully?
答案归结到我们大脑的结构上 And the answer goes back to the structure of our brains.
这个研究是由心理系主任 This is research done by the head of psychology department,
Stephen Kosslyn教授做的 Professor Steven Kosslyn.
他说当我们看某样东西时 What he shows was that when we see something,
比如说我现在看着我的手 so let's say I'm looking at my hand right now.
我大脑中的某些神经元被激活 There are certain neurons in my brain that are firing,
实际上记住了这只手的形状 that actually take on the shape of this hand.
我的视觉皮质 后部 My visual cortex,the back.
现在 Now,
如果我闭上眼想象我在看这只手 if I close my eyes and imagine that I'm looking at this hand,
即使它不在那 如果我想象看这只手 even if it's not here,if I imagine that I look at this hand,
相同的神经元会激活 换句话说 the exact same neurons are firing. In other words,
我的大脑无法区别 my brain does not know the difference
真实的事物和想象的事物 between the real thing and the imaginary thing.
这解释了为什么梦境会那么生动 Which explains why dreams can be so vivid,
在漆黑的深夜 n the middle of the night,pitch dark,
你正梦到中午 and you are dreaming about mid of the day,
在院子里散步 walking around the yard.
我们的想象 Our imagination,
至少对于大脑而言与现实没有区别 least for the brain is no different than the real thing.
当我想象成功时 从某种意义上说 Now,when I imagine success,what happens in a sense is
我在为大脑做一个模拟 that I'm creating a simulator for my mind.
我可以说是在欺骗大脑认为 And I'm in a sense fooling my mind into thinking
这是真的事情 that this is the real thing.
我的大脑不知道两者的区别 My mind doesn't know the difference between the two.
潜意识无法区分 Subconscious mind doesn't know the difference
真实的事物和假想的事物 between the real thing and the imaginary thing.
如果我在脑海中反复想象着成功 Now if I imagine success over and over again in my mind,
记住大脑不喜欢不一致性 remember what the mind does not like is inconsistency.
换句话说 In other words,
如果我想象着成功并坚持不懈 if I create success in my imagination and I persist with it,
不止设想一两次 而是一次又一次 not just visualize it once or twice,but over and over again,
大脑不喜欢不一致性 the mind doesn't like inconsistencies.
因此它会让外部现实 And therefore,it will bring up the external reality
和内心的想象相符 to match this internal schema.
为什么?因为大脑不知道 Why? Because the mind doesn't know
真实的事物和假想的事物间的区别 the difference in the real thing and imaginary thing.
就像Thomas Just like Thomas,
就像Roger Bannister四分钟内跑完一英里 just like Roger Bannister run the four minutes a mile
在那之后 and after that,after that what happened was
每个人都有了和以往不同的想法 that everyone had a different schema:
四分钟跑完一英里是可能的 然后37人成功了 Oh,four minutes a mile is possible and 37 runners run it,
第二年超过300人实现了 over 300 runners run it the following year.
因为他们有了不同的想法 Because they had a difference schema:
我们可以通过场景模拟做到同样的事情 we can do exactly the same thing through the simulator.
因为大脑无法区分 Cause the mind doesn't know the difference
真实的事物和假想的事物 in the real thing and the imaginary thing.
不是总能成功 Doesn't work all the time,
不是百分之一百管用 doesn't work a hundred percent of the time,
但很多时候都很管用 but it works a great deal.
我每次演讲总要设想一下 What I do every time when I give a lecture is visualize.
我想象自己站在观众前 I imagine myself stand in front of the audience,
冷静 激动 热情 calm,excited,passionate.
当我正式开始演讲时 And then when I go into the real thing,
现在我不知道这是真的还是想象的 now I don't know if it is the real thing or I'm imaging,
但我假设这是真的 but I assume it's the real thing.
正式开始演讲时 我确实有同样的感受 When I go into the real thing,I do feel that.
我仍然会紧张 仍然会焦虑 I still get nervous,I still get anxious,
但这是健康的兴奋 but it's a healthy,excitement.
通过练习提高了我的信心和自信水平 Raising my levels of beliefs,levels of confidence by practicing,
就像一个...一个飞行员 just like a flight... a pilot,you would hope...
会希望能在模拟环境中先练习 would practice in a simulator
然后再飞越大西洋 before they take you on across the Atlantic.
思想是个模拟器 所以它能管用 The mind as a simulator,this is why it works.
关键是... 这有一个许多人都犯过的错误 The key here,this is a mistake that many people make,
无论是运动员或是... whether it's athletics or whether it's in the,
许多关于形象化自励书籍中的记载 a lot of the self-help books that talked about visualizations.
关键是不仅仅只关注结果 The key is to focused not just on the destination,
加州大学洛杉矶分校的Shelley Taylor Shelley Taylor,UCLA,
做了研究 把学生随机分成两组 did this research where she divided students in two random groups
一个学生想象在考试中得到A One student imaging themselves getting an A on the exam
一遍遍地这样想象 and imagine it over and over again.
第二组想象他们得到A The second group,imaging themselves getting an A
但也想象他们在图书馆坚持努力 but also saw themselves work and persist in the library,
为考试做准备 最后得到了A prepare for it,and then,get to that final A.
第二组想象了过程 The second group that imaging both the journey
和结果 他们更加成功 and the destination was much more successful,
考试成绩更好 much better result in the exam.
想象过程和结果 So visualize the journey as well as the destination,
这是你们这周的作业 this is your response paper for this week,
想象你们实现目的 to visualize both your destination of getting there,
你们实现目的的过程以及目的本身 your journey of getting there,as well as the destination itself.
史上最有影响力的演讲 或者之一 Arguably,the most,or certainly one of the most influential
是马丁路德金的《我有一个梦想》 speeches of all time was Martin Luther King's I have a dream.
这个演讲我听了不下12次 I've read this speech more than dozens of times.
为什么?因为除了它很美 押韵和重要性之外 Why? Because beyond its beauty,its rhythm and its importance,
也表达了它的意图 it also captures what is means,
它的意图就是描绘出一幅成功的画面 what it means to create an image of success.
因为这是他为这个国家做的 'Cause this is what he did for this country
并为后来人所定义的远景 and defined generations to come.
因此首先 我想从中摘录几句 So first of all,I want to read some excerpts from it.
是对一个更美好的未来的想象 It is about visualizating a better future,
他说得很明确 没有隐藏 and he says it explicitly,doesn't hide it.
"我有一个梦想 朋友们 今天我对你们说 He says: "I have a dream,I say to you today my friends,
在此时此刻 我们虽然遭受种种困难和挫折 so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow
我仍然有一个梦想 I still have a dream.
这个梦想是深深扎根于美国的梦想中的" It is a dream deeply rooted in the America dream."
这都是关于想象 This is all about imagination,
但通过想象他创建了更好的现实 but through the imagination he created a better reality.
看他如何谈论这个过程 Look at how he talks about the process;
他不是仅仅谈到结果 he doesn't talk just about the outcome:
我们希望最后达到平等 we want equality at the end.
他谈的是我们如何获得这个结果 He talks about how we will get to this outcome.
让我读几句摘录的句子 So let me read you a couple of excerpts:
"现在绝非侈谈冷静下来 "This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off
或服用渐进主义的镇静剂的时候" or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism."
多优美 我是说 他这里说的是 How beautiful! I mean,what he's saying here is,
我们别只坐着等待 let's not just sit here and wait
想象会发生的事情 and imagine that things will happen,
让我们做些事情 让我们也着眼于过程 let's do something,let's also have a process.
他明确地说 And he says explicitly:
"在争取合法地位的过程中 "In the process of gaining our rightful place,
我们不要采取错误的做法" we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds."
这里他在提建议 提议 So here he's talking about advice,of suggestions,advice,
这个过程中什么该做 什么不该做 what we should and shouldn't do along the way.
"我们斗争时必须永远举止得体 "We must forever conduct our struggle
纪律严明 我们不能容许 on the high play of dignityand discipline. We must not allow
我们的具有崭新内容的抗议蜕变为暴力行动" our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence."
他在描述一个过程 He's describing a process.
"我们要不断地升华到 "Again and again,we must rise to the majestic heights
以精神力量对付物质力量的崇高境界中去" of meeting physical force with soul force."
我们要做的另一件事 Another thing that we need to do
当我们想象成功时 尽可能逼真点 when we imagine success is to make is as real as possible
尽量使人有所感受 为什么? by involving as many senses as we can. Why?
因为感受越真实 Because the more senses we can imagine,
我们的大脑就越相信这是真实的 the more our mind is fooled to believe that it is the real thing.
再次 马丁路德金这点上也做得非常漂亮 Once again,Martin Luther King does this beautifully.
让我读几句摘录的句子 Let me read you a few excerpts:
"我们将来也不满足 除非正义和公正犹如江海之波涛 "We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters
汹涌澎湃 滚滚而来" and righteousness like a mighty stream."
你们能感受到那江海波涛 I mean,you can feel the water,you can feel that stream,
你们能看到 能想象到 you can see it,you can visualize it.
"我们不要为了满足对自由的渴望 "Or,let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom
而抱着苦味和仇恨之杯痛饮" by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred."
他引入了味觉 苦味等同于仇恨 He's employing test,bitterness,equaling with hatred.
人们会联想到它 让它真实 具体化 People connect to it,making it real,concrete.
"有朝一日 阿拉巴马州的黑人男孩和女孩 "One day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls
将能与白人男孩和女孩情同骨肉 will be able to join hands with
携手并进" little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers."
你能想象到孩子们手拉手围成圈 I mean,you can see that circle of the kids holding hand,
再次让它变得真实 你可以想象到 看到它 again making it real,you can visualize it,you see it.
顺便说下 这是所有著名演讲的特征 By the way,these are the characteristics of all great speeches.
它们不是抽象的 They are not abstract,
看看那"伟大的沟通者"罗纳德里根 look at the great communicator Ronald Reagan.
看肯尼迪 Look at Kennedy.
他们演讲很精彩 因为他们创造了一幅图画 They gave amazing speeches because they created a picture,
他们利用了感官 创造了一幅成功的画面 they involve the senses,they created a picture of success.
"我梦想有一天 甚至连密西西比州 "I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi,
这个正义匿迹 压迫成风 a state sweltering with the heat of injustice,
如同沙漠般的地方 weltering with the heat of oppression will be transformed
也将变成自由和正义的绿洲" into an oasis of freedom and justice."
你真的能感受到那种酷热 You can actually feel the heat,
你真的能感受到他描述的那种汗如雨下的感觉 you can actually feel the sweat that he's describing.
这描绘出了一幅好的 成功的画面 This is what makes good,successful images.
这让演讲变得很精彩 This is what makes great speeches.
最后 要唤起情绪 And finally,it's about evoking emotions.
你不想只是做一个认知练习 You don't want just make it cognitive exercise,
你要对自己正在做的感到非常兴奋 you wanna really be excited about what you are doing,
否则将会失败 什么都没有改变 or else it will fall flat. Nothing,no change will happen.
这些词语间的联系 情感和行动 Again,the connection between the words emotion and motion:
没有情感就没有行动 without emotion,there is no motion.
如果你想让自己或别人行动起来 If you want to move yourself or others,
你得引起情感共鸣 you need to evoke emotions.
让我们稍微看看那段历史性的演讲 Let's look at,just a minute,of that historical speech.
"让自由之声响彻每个山岗 "From every mountain side,let freedom ring!
如果美国要成为一个伟大的国家 这个梦想必须实现 And if America is to be a great nation,this must become true.
所以 And so
让自由之声从新罕布什尔州的巍峨的崇山峻岭响起来 let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.
让自由之声从纽约州的崇山峻岭响起来 Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.
让自由之声从宾夕法尼亚州的阿勒格尼山脈上响起来 Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania
让自由之声从科罗拉多州冰雪覆盖的落基山响起来 Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.
让自由之声从加利福尼亚州蜿蜒的群峰响起来 Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
不仅如此 But not only that:
还要让自由之声从佐治亚州的石岭响起来 Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
让自由之声从田纳西州的了望山响起来 Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
让自由之声从密西西比的每一座丘陵响起来 Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.
让自由之声从每一片山坡响起来 From every mountainside,let freedom ring.
当这成真 我们使自由之声响彻时 And when this happens,when we allow freedom ring,
当我们让自由之声从每一个大小村庄 when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet,
每一个州和每一个城市响起来时 我们将能够加速 from every state and every city,we will be able to speed up
这一天的到来 那时 上帝的所有儿女 黑人和白人 that day when all of God's children,black men and white men,
犹太教徒和非犹太教徒 基督教徒和天主教徒 Jews and Gentiles,Protestants and Catholics,
都将手携手 合唱一首 will be able to join hands and sing
古老的黑人灵歌 in the words of the old Negro spiritual,
"终于自由啦！终于自由啦！ "Free at last! Free at last!
感谢全能的上帝，我们终于自由啦" Thank God Almighty,we are free at last!"
我看过十几遍 每次看都很激动 I've seen this as I said dozens of times,every time excitement.
假想你最后说 终于自由啦 终于自由啦 Imagine if you said at the end: Free at last! Free at last!
全能的上帝 终于自由啦 有同样效果吗 God Almighty,free at last! Would that have the same effect?
无聊 枯燥 你必须引发情感来创造行动 Boring,dry,you have to evoke emotions to create motion,
不论是在想象中或是对全国人演讲 whether is in our imagination or in a speech to the nation
另一个技巧 另一个我要说的技巧 Another technique...Another technique that I'd like to talk about,
第三个技巧 第一个是 努力行动起来 the third technique. So the first one was: work,
投入其中 去面对 put yourself on the line,cope,invest.
第二个 使用想象力 The second: use your imagination,
使用思想的模拟器 use the simulator that you have right here,
一个我们所知的最强大的模拟器 one of the most if not the most powerful simulator we know of.
第三是 认知疗法 The third is cognitive therapy.
认知疗法已被成功地运用四十多年 Cognitive therapy has been used very successfully over the last,
Martin Seligman是认知疗法的 over forty years,Martin Seligman was one of the founders
创始人之一 of the cognitive therapy approach.
他和Beck一起做研究 He studied with,with Beck,
Beck是这技巧的正式创始人 who was the official founder of this technique in this approach.
认知疗法的内容如下 And what cognitive therapy is about is the following.
它的基本前提是思想驱动情感 Its basic premise is that thoughts drive emotion.
比如 外部发生一件事 So for example: there is an external event.
我感知到那件事 I perceive that event,
我感知那件事后的行动是 and what I do then after I perceive that event,
对那事进行评估 there is evaluation of that event,
也就是对那件事进行思考 in other words,a thought about that event.
思考后就唤起了情感 And then,as a result of that thought,that evokes an emotion.
比如 事件 有只狮子向我奔来 So for example,an event,a lion is running toward me,
我的评估 天 它要吃掉我 my evaluation: oh my god,he's gonna eat me.
引发的情感是恐惧 然后自然就导致行动 The emotion: fear,and that of course leads to motion,
逃跑或勇敢地和狮子搏斗 run away or stand up bravely and fight the lion.
或另一个例子 一个事件 Or,another one: I see an event,
一个美女在街上走 我的评估 a gorgeous woman walking down the street,my evaluation:
是我的漂亮太太 引发的情感是爱 oh,it's my gorgeous wife,and the emotion:love.
事件 评估 思考 情感 Event,evaluation,thought,emotion,
然后导致行动 and then that leads to action.
认知疗法认为如果我们想改变情感 What cognitive therapy says is that if we want to change emotions
无论是忧郁或焦虑 whether it's of depression,whether it's of anxiety,
我们要干预的是 where we need to intervene is here,
评估和想法层面 is that the level of evaluation and the level of thought.
如果能改变这个 我们的情感也随着改变 And if we can change that,we also change our emotion.
特别地 认知疗法认为 Specifically,what cognitive therapy saying is that
我们要恢复理性意识 we need to restore sense of rationality,
我们要恢复真实 当然这不是说 we need to restore the real,it's certainly not saying,
比如 我有 let's say I have a,you know,
一个非常重要的试镜 我很紧张 a very important try out coming up and I get nervous.
认知疗法不是说停止紧张 Cognitive therapy is not saying stop feeling nervous,
我们改变你的评估 或你的想法 let's change your evaluation or your thoughts,
因为那是自然的 又或者我站在狮子面前 because that's natural or I stand in front of a lion.
感到害怕是自然的 重要的 健康的体验 It's natural,it's important,it's healthy to experience fear.
但是 But
它说的是我们的想法有时是荒谬的 what it is saying is that sometimes our thoughts are irrational,
我们上节课提到过 比如 and we'll mention that last time,for example,
我有一次考试成绩不好 I don't do well on one test
我立刻认为自己很笨 and immediately I classified myself as stupid
或认为我考试永远不会取得好成绩 or the fact that I will never succeed in tests again.
或者 我约别人出去 被拒绝了 Or,you know,I asked someone out and he says no,
突然觉得没有人需要我 and suddenly nobody wants me.
这个事件引发一个荒谬的想法 That event led to an irrational thought,
对情景的荒谬评估 irrational evaluation of the situation.
那只是一次性的 短暂的失败 It was just once,it was temporary,
而那会引发不好的情感 比如放弃 and that led to difficult emotions such as resignation:
没人会再需要我了 nobody will ever want me again.
而认知疗法做的是恢复理性 And what cognitive therapy does is just restore
通过说“是的 这很伤人 很痛苦” that rationality by saying: yeah,it hurts,it's tough,
但你知道 哈佛还有3200个其他男人 but,you know they are,what? 3200 other men at Harvard.
认知疗法极其有效 Cognitive therapy has been shown to be extremely effective,
比其他干预手段都更有效 more effective than any of the other intervention,
虽然它对于 the jury still out
极端棘手的精神病理学病例不太管用 when it comes to extreme cases of psychopathology,
但对于大多数精神病理学病例 多数的焦虑症状 but in terms of most psychopathologies,most anxiety,
多数的忧郁症状 它已经被证明是最成功的 most depression,it has been shown to be the most successful,
且起效最快的方法 它不仅有用 and it works the fastest. Not the only thing that works,
而且最有效 最迅速 but it works the best and much more promptly
相对其他干预而言 than the other interventions.
总体上 不是人人有效 但大多数有效 On the whole,not right for everyone,but for most people.
最后 这是我们能学会的重要的内容 And finally,and this is the important thing we can learn it.
我们提过 So we talk about right?
五年的剑桥-萨默维尔研究失败了 The five-year Cambridge Somerville study that failed.
Karen Reivich在一个两周的项目中 Well,Karen Reivich teaches these cognitive skills
教授这些认知技巧 in a two week program.
那个两周的项目旨在帮助市中心的 And that two week program helps kids in inner cities,
危险人群中的孩子们 at risk population,
降低陷入忧郁和吸毒困境的可能性 reduce the likelihood of falling into the trap of depression,
增加幸福的可能性 of drug abuse,increases the likelihood of wellbeing
这个为期两周的认知疗法或技巧的课程 and success in the long term just as a result
结果在长远看来是成功的 of two weeks teaching them cognitive therapy or these techniques,
所以这是可以学到的技能 so it's an accquired skill
这就是重要之处 and this is the important thing about it.
不是说很容易 That doesn't mean its easy,
不是说你听了一次课 doesn't mean you're just gonna hear a lecture now for the,
下面的十分钟我要讲一些概念 the next ten minutes I'm gonna describe some of the ideas
就能改变你的生活 你要运用它 and that's gonna change your life. You need to apply it,
你们将要把它运用到之后两节 and you are going to apply it in the next two,
之后两节课中 但你们要做的更多 next two classes,but you need to do more than that.
我给你们讲下认知疗法的概要 So let me share with you a summary of cognitive therapy
这三个M是首字母缩写 and this...the 3Ms is my acronym.
我所做的是从本质上把 And what I did there was to put together essentially the work
我刚提到的Karen Reivich的成果 of Karen Reivich whom I just mentioned,
Martin Seligman的成果 the work of Martin Seligman,
Seligman的老师Aaron Beck的成果 the work of Aaron Beck Seligman's teacher
还有David Burns的成果 你们也许有人知道他 and the work of David Burns. Some of you may heard of him,
《好心情手册》的作者 也是Aaron Beck的学生 The Feeling Good Handbook,who is also a student of Aaron Beck.
把他们的成果结合起来 So this is putting together their work
成为三个M 每个M有二个建议 into 3Ms subdivided each into 2 suggestions.
你们会看到它们互相有联系 They're inter connected as you'll see.
区别不怎么明显 但你们会注意到 It's not a very clear distinction. However what you'll notice is
你们总能联系上三M中的一两个 you could usually relate to one or two of the 3Ms.
在你们行动之前先问自己 Things that you do yourself. So beyond the lookout ask yourself:
“我在哪处扭曲了事实? "Where do I distort the reality?
我在评估方面 或者 Where do I have distortion in terms of evaluation?
想法方面哪里歪曲了事实?” In terms of my thought?"
导致了某些不必要的消极情绪 That lead to certain negative emotions that are unnecessary,
因为如果我恢复理性 because if I restore rationality
我就感觉不到同样程度的情感 I will not feel the same emotion to the same degree.
所以当你们学习三个M的时候问自己 So ask yourself when you look through the 3Ms.
三个M指的是非理性想法的三个陷阱 The 3Ms...essentially the 3 traps of irrational thoughts.
第一个是放大 The first one is magnifying.
就是夸大发生的事情 比如 It's exaggerating something that happens. For example,
归纳法是天生的本能 you know induction is something very natural.
一个孩子看到这个 会叫它凳子 A kid sees this and will call it a stool
然后他们在酒吧看到另一张凳子 and then they see another stool in the bar
当他们一岁时出去 when they go out at the age of one
再看到另一张凳子 看过20张凳子后 and then they see another stool. After they see 20 stools
开始形成一个观念 认为这东西就是凳子 they begin to form a concept they induce that this is a stool.
现在他们看到一张 And now they see one even one
以前从没见过的凳子 他们也知道是它什么 that they have never seen before they know what it is.
就像我看见一个人在街上 Just like I see a person in the street
以前从没见过他 我知道这是个人 whom I never encounter before I know this is a person,
因为我从其他发生过的事件中 because I induce from all the other events
归纳出这个也是一个人 that happened before that this is also a person.
这就是归纳法 是健康的 重要的 So that's induction. That's healthy. That's important.
我们就是这样形成观念和语言的 That's how we develop concepts and language.
但有时我们做得过头 归纳过度了 But sometimes we take this too far and we over generalize.
比如 我期中考成绩很差 Once again,I did poorly on the midterm...conclusion,
归纳为 我不聪明 我不能成功 generalization: I'm just not smart. I just can't succeed.
这个学生就是归纳过度了 他的评估 Here is a student. Over generalization,the evaluation,
他的想法是非理性的 the thought,irrational.
或他拒绝了我 因此大家都会拒绝我 Or he just said no to me. Everyone is gonna say no.
而不是实事求是地说 "看看周围 instead of being realistic and saying,"wow,just look around.
1504课堂上还有有很多帅哥" There are so many wonderful and sensitive and caring men in 1504"
另一件事我们经常讨论的是 So,another thing this is something we'll talk about a lot...
全有或全无态度 the All or Nothing approach. The All or Nothing...
我们会在讲完美主义时讨论它 we'll talk about it when we talk about perfectionism.
它是把失败小题大做 It's catastrophizing failure,
而不是把失败当做一次机遇 not seeing failure as an opportunity,
一个跳板 而是视之为世界末日 as a stepping stone but seeing it as the end of the world.
我大一时得了B 现在要无家可归了 I got a B as a freshman. Now I'm going to be homeless.
永远找不到工作 全有或全无 Not finding a job ever. All or Nothing.
要么全是A 要么就是彻底的失败 Either straight As or complete failure.
我们会多次提及它 We'll talk about that a lot.
因为这是阻止我们去面对的一个关键要素 Because it's one of the key elements that prevents us from coping
阻止我们投入进去 from putting ourselves on the line.
它的另一面 The other side of it,
同一个硬币的另一面 是极小化 which is actually other side of the same coin is minimizing.
这是我经常做的 This is something I do very often.
这是我仍要警惕的陷阱 This is my trap that I still have to be aware of,
我至今仍会考虑 I still think about today,
虽然我几年前就注意到它了 even though I became aware of it years ago.
直到现在我才能够迅速醒觉自己在这么做 Only now I catch myself doing it much promptly.
极小化的第一个概念是 So the first idea of minimizing is
Karen Reivich称之为“隧道视野” what Karen Reivich calls tunnel vision.
比如 我的课堂里有620个学生 For example,let's say I have 620 students in my class.
620个中618个在看教材 And out of these 620 students 618 are engaged in the material.
一个在看天花板 在看灯 One is looking at the ceiling,at the lights.
620个中的另外一个在睡觉 And another one,out of the 620 students,is asleep.
隧道视野指的是当我关注那个睡觉的人 Tunnel Vision is when I focus on that one person who is asleep.
对自己说 And I say to myself,
“我的课肯定讲得让人无聊 犯困” " Wow,I'm giving boring,sleep inducing lectures."
或反过来 620个学生中618个睡着 Or the other way around: I have 620 students,618 are asleep.
一个在开小差 一个听得十分入迷 One is looking around. And one is going "wow!"
我只关注那个人 我说我是个好讲师 and I only focus on that person and I say I'm a great lecturer.
我非常受鼓舞 I'm so inspiring.
然而不管怎样这都是不现实的 Again,it's unrealistic. One way or the other. And
认知疗法把现实主义引入这个等式 what cognitive therapy does is bring realism into the equation.
我也经常因此而困扰 Again this is something I often fall into.
我最近刚遇到这个情况 And just recently I fell into this. And it happened...
你们许多人看过Jon Stewart脱口秀 I know many of you saw the Jon Stewart show.
在Jon Stewart脱口秀中 他讲得太快 So what happened in the Jon Stewart show...he was so fast,
对我而言超级快 我感觉就像落后了两拍 way too fast for me...I felt like I was 2 questions behind
还在深思和考虑着两个之前的问题 still contemplating and thinking and saying
“这会是个很有趣的研究” "well,this could be interesting research."
而Jon已经领先了10步 And Jon was...he was already 10 steps ahead.
我落后了 感觉很迟钝 So I fell behind and I felt slow.
我也说了些后来让自己后悔的话 And I also said something that I later regretted.
只是一句话 It was just one sentence.
没什么大不了的 但我专注在这上面 No big deal. But that is what I focus on.
我后来飞回家 飞回以色列 You know I flew home after. I went back to Israel.
在飞机上我一直在想这事 The whole flight that what I was thinking of.
忽略了其他的事情 Ignoring the other things.
Jon Stewart脱口秀完了后二小时 You know the fact that 2 hours after the Jon Stewart show,
这本书成了最畅销书 我完全忽略了这个 the book became a best seller. Completely ignore that.
我根本没去考虑那 Didn't exist as far as I was concerned.
我一直在想那句话 我怎么会说出来的? It was just that one sentence. How could I say it?
为什么没有更好的准备? 等等 Why didn't I prepare for it better? And so on.
然后我突然说"等一下" 隧道视野 And then I suddenly said," Hey,wait a minute!" Tunnel Vision.
我把它缩小了 我把视野扩大 And I zoomed out. I looked at the bigger picture.
然后我说”我说了一句让我后悔的话 超赞啊” Then I said,"okay,so I said something that I regret. Big deal."
这是喜剧 很有趣 许多人在看 You know. It's comedy. It's fun. So many people,
你的许多朋友都看过 都很喜欢 so many of your friends have watched and enjoyed it.
这是个很好的机会 我看到了更大的方面 It was a great opportunity. I looked at the bigger picture.
允许自己做回一个人 Gave myself the permission to be human.
会感到后悔 但从总体上 To regret it.But then overall,
我能用比以前更理性的目光看待它 I could see it in a much more rational light than before.
像我说的 我仍然在用这些想法 Big dealSo again,as I said,I still apply...I still use these ideas.
过去 In the past,
我可能要花几个月才不会想这句话 it would take me months to get over this one sentence.
但是现在 视野变窄 评估想法 非理性的影响 Whereas now,zoom out. Evaluation thought,irrational.
能更迅速地恢复 And recover much more promptly.
消除积极或者消极的影响 Dismissal of positives or negatives. So the person
有隧道视野的人不会去留意其他618个 who has tunnel vision doesn't see the other 618 people
专心听课或睡觉的人 who are engaged or asleep.
忽视了积极面的人看到那些 The person who dismiss the positives see those
但说他们不重要 它们很微不足道 but says they're unimportant; they are trivial in comparison to
比起我的失败或我做的错事 比如 how I just failed or what I just did wrong. So for example,
我经常会遇到的一个困境 and this again,something that I...a trap that I often fall into.
我大四时申请了奖学金 When I was a senior,I applied for fellowships
我得到去剑桥的奖学金 and I got a fellowship to go to Cambridge.
我得的是John Elliot奖学金 And I got the John Elliot Fellowship.
剑桥有四个奖学金 And there are 4 fellowships that go to Cambridge:
John Elliot和Fiske 还有Pembroke the John Elliot,the Fiske,um...one other...Pembroke;
还有一个是John Harvard奖学金 then there is the John Harvard fellowship.
我得到了John Elliot奖学金 四个之一 So I got the John Elliot,one of the 4.
我得到后不久 我就得到消息了 Immediately when I got it,I know that I got it obviously.
并不是我无视了它 It wasn't that I was ignoring it.
但我想为什么没能得到John Harvard奖学金 But then I said why didn't I get the John Harvard fellowship.
它们之间除名字不同外没任何区别 Now there is no difference between them except for the names.
但那是我的脑袋里立刻想到的 But that's immediately what my mind went to. And that,
对我而言是很重要的经历 因为我说 that was very important experience for me because I said
“看看你” 我在那个时候开始意识到 "wow,look at you. "and that's when I started to recognize
我们的评估的重要性和威力 the importance and the power of our evaluation.
它是怎样决定或甚至毁掉 And how that can determine or even ruin
本该是一件值得庆祝的事 what should have been a celebration.
但一旦我们认识它 一旦了解它后 But once we recognize it,once we understand it,
我们可以怀疑它 可以质疑它 we can dispute it. We can challenge it.
可以重组它 也能看到积极的一面 We can reframe it and see the positive as well.
此外 认知疗法就是要我们实际点 Again,all it's saying in cognitive therapy is let's be real.
第三个M是虚构 或称捏造 Making up or fabricating the 3rd M.
这是我们无中生有的时候 This is when we create something ex nihilo,from nothing.
比如 我们个人化或者归咎他人 So for example,we personalize it or we blame.
被虐待的人身上经常能看到这点 We see this very often with people who are abused.
受虐待的妻子经常会说 So an abused wife will very often say
“是我做的 我的错 我做的不对” "It's my doing. It's my fault. I'm not behaving appropriately."
而不是理智地说 Instead of rationally saying
“这个家伙虐待我 我要离开” "This guy is abusive. I'm out of here."
那是不理性地个人化 That's irrational personalization.
它也会有别的方式 It can also be the other way around.
我有次考试成绩很差 You know,I just did poorly on an exam
我因此责怪我男朋友或女朋友 and I blame my boyfriend or girlfriend for it.
那也是不现实的 我得承担责任 That's also unrealistic. I need to take responsibility.
要记住Nathaniel Branden的例子 没有人会来 You got to remember Nathaniel Branden. No one is coming.
承担起责任而不是责备别人 Take responsibility rather than blame.
Marva Collins和她的学生交流的 One of the key ideas (that)
重要的观点之一 Marva Collins communicates to her students.
不是过度个人化 So again,it's not going to the personalizing...over-personalizing
或过度责备 而是面对现实 or over-blaming,it's being real.
最后是情感的推理 And finally,emotional reasoning.
我满怀妒嫉 因此我肯定是个坏人 I am envious; therefore I must be a bad person.
或我在试镜前 Or I'm experiencing danger
遇到了危险 所以肯定很危险 before a tryout therefore it must be dangerous.
选取一种情绪 让它成为现实 Taking an emotion and making it into reality
而不是把情感只当做情感 whereas instead of understanding an emotion is an emotion,
不必符合现实 it doesn't necessary capture reality,
而是我对现实的评估 it is my evaluation of reality.
或者 我非常害怕失败 因此 Or,I'm extremely scared of failing...and therefore...
意味着失败是很危险的 it means that failing it's really dangerous,
实际不是的 我会马上回到这个话题 while in fact it's not. I'll get back up again very quickly,
所以要有正确的评估 so it's having the correct evaluation,
更正轨迹 更正这些错误 correcting for the track,correcting for these errors.
更正"我很平庸 Or feeling that,
心理学或数学我学不好"之类的想法 I'm second-rate and I'm no good in psychology or maths,
因为我有那种感觉 我的评估就是 and because I feel that,my evaluation of it is,well,
我肯定真的很平庸 学不好 I must really be second-rate and no good,
而不是理性的想法 让我试一下 instead having the rational belief of,well,let me try out,
看看事情会怎么样 更正扭曲的想法 let me see how things go,correcting the distortions.
再说一次 关键是真实化 The key,once again,is to get real.
我们如何通过我们的提问变真实? How do we get real through the questions that we ask?
我在这要给你们举几个例子 I am going to give you just a few examples here;
你们要自己去练习 you are going to practice with those on your own.
这些是其中几个 But here are just some of them.
首先 我的结论和现实相关吗? First of all,is my conclusion tied to reality?
第二 那合理吗? 它们是相关联的 Second,is it rational? They are interconnected.
我忽略了什么重要的事吗? Am I ignoring something important?
比如 之后那本书销量很好 Like the fact that---you know the book did well afterwards---
比如1504教室还有别的男孩 等等 like the fact that there are other cool guys in 1504,and so on.
什么重要的迹象 What important evidence
是我需要考虑的? do I still need to take into consideration?
进行辩论 举出证据 现实化 This is about disputing,it's evidence,it's get real.
但小心别只是进行几何形状的扩大 Look out,don't just zoom in on the geometric shapes,
公交车上还有孩子 there are also children on the bus.
这是这些问题做的 让我们放开思绪 And this is what questions do. They open us up,
它们打开我们的视野 创造现实 they open our vision and they create in your reality.
我夸大了什么?我在贬低什么? What am I magnifying? What am I minimizing?
我陷入困境了吗? Am I falling into the traps?
我忽略了什么进展很顺利的事吗? Am I ignoring anything that is going well?
我忽略什么进展不顺的事吗? Am I ignoring anything that is not going well?
这不是不计代价地盲目乐观 It's not about Pollyanna feel good at all costs,
是要联系现实 最终缩小范围 it's about being tied to reality. And finally,let me zoom out.
大的画面是什么 What is the big picture.
结论是 Ed Diener和Martin Seligman To conclude,Ed Diener and Martin Seligman
对幸福无比的人们做了重要研究 did very important research on extremely happy people.
这是对高端的研究 This is tip of the stamp research.
看那些百分之十最幸福的人 Looking at the 10 per cent of the happiest people out there,
我们能从他们那里取经 people that we can learn from.
他们的研究结果很有趣 And what they found was very interesting.
首先 这些人经历痛苦 First of all,these people did not experience painful emotions
不比其他人少 any less times than the rest of the people,
比如最不幸福的10%或中间的10% say the bottom 10 per cent or the mid 10 per cent.
他们经历过痛苦 They experience painful emotions,
他们与剩下的人之间的区别是 the difference between them and the rest was that they recovered
由于不同的诠释 他们恢复得更迅速 more promptly as a result of different interpretations.
所以他们沮丧时 他们很乐观 不说 So when they felt down,they were optimistic instead of saying
“这个月剩下的日子我都会沮丧” "ok,so I'm going to feel down for the rest of the month",
他们说“我很沮丧 没什么大不了” they said "ok,so I'm feeling down,big deal.
我能从中学到什么?发生了什么? What can I learn from it? What happen?
我怎样让自己感觉好点? How can I make myself feel better?"
然后他们比悲观者恢复得更快 And then they recovered more promptly than the pessimists,
悲观者会沮丧很长一段时间 the people who remained depressed for a much longer time.
事件发生 世上有很多事发生 You see,events happen,things happen in the world,
经常不受我们的控制 very often out of our control.
我们不能创造所有遇到的事物 We don't create everything that we encounter.
有些事件是不好的 有些是消极的 And some of the events are bad,some are negative.
更重要的是我们之后怎样对待它们 What matters more is what we do with them after,
怎样评估它们 事实上 how we evaluate them. And what happens is that
我们的评估成了自我实现预言 our evaluation becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy,
因为悲观者会说"我现在心情不好 because a pessimist will say "I'm in a bad mood now,
会持续很长时间 it's going to last for a very long time,
不会消失" 而乐观者会说 it's not going to go away",whereas an optimist says
"这是暂时的 会消失的" "it's temporary,it's going to go away"
并相信我们的自我实现预言 and believes our self-fulfilling prophecies.
如果我认为它会持续六个月 If I believe that it will last for six months,
它更有可能 不一定 it's much more likely,not necessarily,
但更可能持续六个月 but it's much more likely to last for six months
比我说“那也会过去的” than if I say "that too shall pass".
我们对待信仰的方式 And what we do with our beliefs
是造一个向下的忧伤沮丧的螺旋 is we create a downward spiral of depression,unhappiness,
或一个向上的拥有积极情绪的螺旋 sadness or an upward spiral,capitalizing positive emotions
并越来越多 and having more and more of them,
Barbara Fredrickson所说的 what Barbara Fredrickson talks about
“扩大和构造”现象大部分取决于我们自身 the "broaden and build" phenomenon. A lot of it is up to us.
没有捷径 通往幸福 成功 There are no short cuts. There are no easy steps to wellbeing,
和自身更高水平的信念的道路并不容易 to success,to high level of beliefs in ourselves.
那需要付出和努力 无论是形象化 It takes work,it takes effort,whether it's work visualizing,
还是努力奋斗和积极面对 whether it's hard work and coping,
或是学习如何消除非理性思想 or whether it's work learning to dispute irrational thoughts.
并不是弄明白一次 And it's not enough to just understand it once
然后就一劳永逸 and then we are all set,
我们一生都必须持续努力 we are all inoculated for the rest of our lives.
如果你想继续努力 If you want to continue working,
我们必须一直致力其中 we have to continue working at it.
下个内容 讲"关注"的问题 Let me move on...And talk about the question of "focus".
因为我们关注某一要素 Because just like if we focus on specific element
或事件与否 有很大的区别 of an event or not makes a difference,
它对我们整个生命的宏观层面有巨大影响 it applies on the macro level to our entire life.
我现在要进行详细的阐述 What I am going to do now is elaborate,
对一些我们经常讨论的 go up higher level of the spiral of understanding and learning,
关于某事的理解和学习螺旋进行更高层次分析 of something that we have talked about time and again.
Ed Diener 我刚提到他的研究 Ed Diener,who is also,I just mentioned his research,
他也是国际积极心理学协会的 he is also the president,first president
第一任会长 of the International Positive Psychology Association,
他来自伊利诺州 经过多年研究 他发现 he's from Illinois. After years of research,concludes,
对幸福而言 人们感知世界的方式 it appears that the way people perceive the world
比客观环境更重要 is much more important to happiness than objective circumstances.
如果你想一下的话 很有道理 Now if you think about it,that makes a lot of sense.
我们认识许多看起来拥有一切的人 We know a lot of people who seemingly have everything,
无论是财富 或很好的朋友或家人 whether it's wealth,whether it's wonderful friends and family,
他们的梦想都已成真 但仍很痛苦 all their dreams have come true,and they are still miserable.
而有些人拥有的很少 While there are people who have very little,
经历了一次次困境 who have experienced hardship after hardship
而从没停止为生活感到欢庆 还有些人 and who never cease to celebrate life. Then there are people
他们拥有一切并很感激这一切 who have everything going for them and really appreciate it,
不觉得理所当然 他们很快乐 有些人 don't take it for granted and are happy. And there are people
拥有的不多 永远都在抱怨 who don't have much and never cease to complain.
换句话说 不只是内在的...抱歉 In other words,it's not just the internal or...sorry,
重要的不只是外在 it's not just the external that matters,
更重要的是内在 what matters more is the internal.
幸福不是取决于我们的处境 Happiness is not contingent on our status,
或我们银行账户里的金额 or the state of our bank account,
更依赖于我们的思想状态 it's much more dependent on our state of mind,
依赖于我们选择关注什么 on what we choose to focus on.
因为我们的感情 Because our emotions are determined
由外部和内部状况一起决定 by external circumstances as well as internal,
如何去诠释很重要 比如 interpretation matters. For example,
看爱迪生如何对待5000次的失败 look at what Edison did,5,000 failures to the external observer,
对他而言 评估和常人不同 for him the evaluation was very different.
内部评估 主观的评估 The internal evaluation,the subjective evaluation,
我证明了5000种方法不管用 it was 5,000 times where I showed what doesn't work.
要关注什么由我们自己决定 And it's up to us to decide where we focus.
我们庆祝成功或视为理所当然? Do we celebrate successes or take it for granted?
我们觉得失败和困难都是灾难 Do we perceive failures and hardships as a disaster
或是成长的机会? 爱默生说过 or as an opportunity for growth? Emerson:
“对不同思想而言 世界既是天堂又是地狱” "to different minds the same world is a hell and a heaven."
莎士比亚说过 And Shakespeare:
“事情没有好坏之分 只是思想使然” "Nothing is good or bad,but thinking makes it so."
我不是百分之一百同意莎士比亚 Now,I don't 100 per cent agree with Shakespeare,
但从很大程度上看他是对的 住在达尔富尔的人 but he is to a great extent right. A person in ???
就像生活在地狱中 很难改变环境 is living in hell,and it's very difficult to reframe,
并在那样的处境中表现得积极乐观 and to derive,and to look at the positive in that situation.
对住在集中营的人也一样 Same for a person living in a concentration camp.
所以有的外部情况会有影响 So there are external circumstances that matter.
一个人 无家可归的人 A person,a homeless person,you know,
如果给他们足够的钱买房子 买食物 if you give them enough money for a home,for food,
接受基础的教育 他们当然会更快乐 for basic education,of course they will become happier
因为外部情况的改变 because of the change of external circumstances.
然而 在基本需要和基本的自由外 However,beyond the basic needs,beyond the basic freedoms,
主要和我们如何认知现实有关 it is mostly about how we perceive reality,
以及我们如何让生活变成天堂或地狱 and we are able to make it into a heaven or a hell.
我们做个练习 Let's do an exercise
来帮助我们理解"专注创造现实"这一观点 that will capture this idea of "focus creating reality".
我有个问题问你们 有多少几何图形? So I have a question for you: how many geometric shapes?
不幸 这个很棒的练习 只能做一次 Unfortunate,it's a great exercise but it only works once.
记住这点 你如何创造现实 Remember this,how you created your reality
基于你提的问题 just based on the question that you asked.
当我们看这幅图时我们在思考 We think when we look at the picture,
当然不是每个人都在看那个 you know not everyone of course is looking on the children
时钟上的公共汽车上的那个小孩 对吗? on the bus on the clock,right?
但它就在你面前 而你没看到 But before it was right in front of you and you didn't,
你们许多人没有看到这点 是专注的问题 most of you,did not see it,because it is a question of focus.
我们经常抱怨生活 我们认为 Very often we complain about life and we think,
事情很糟糕 很可怕 而没意识到 you know,things are terrible and awful not realizing
我们是它的起因 要么是在想象它时 that we're the cause of it,either by imaging it
然后我们的信念变成自我实现预言 and then beliefs become self-fulfilling prophesies,
或因为我们只专注于不对的方面 or,because we just focus on what is not working.
而这并不意味着 And one thing and this does not mean
没有什么客观的糟糕的情况 that there are no objective terrible circumstances out there.
但很大程度上 我们一起创造了现实 But to a great extent,a great extent,we co-create our reality.
我的一个学生 You know one of the students
两年前在1504教室 向我推荐这本书 who was in 1504 two years ago recommended this book to me---
《深夜加油站遇见苏格拉底》是本好书 Way of the Peaceful Warrior. And it's a wonderful book,
我刚开始看 它有部同名电影 对的 I just started reading it...and there is a movie on it,right...
我昨天才开始看 我看到这个... I just started reading it yesterday,and I came across this...
这个寓言很巧合 我想读给你们听 you know coincidentally this parable,so I want to read it to you
作者Dan Millman讲了一个故事 The story that Dan Millman,the author,tells:
我和他在中东一个建筑工地认识 I met him on a construction site in the Middle West.
当午餐哨吹响时 When the lunch whistle blew,
所有的工人都会坐在一起吃饭 all the workers would sit down together to eat.
每天Sam都会打开午餐桶 开始抱怨 And everyday Sam would open his lunch pail and start to complain.
"该死的家伙"他会大叫 "Son of the gun,"he would cry,
"又是花生酱和果冻三明治 "not peanut butter and jelly sandwich again!
我讨厌花生酱和果冻" I hate peanut butter and jelly!"
他埋怨着花生酱和果冻 He whined about his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
日复一日 day after day after day,
直到一天工作组里的一个人终于说 until one of the guys in the work crew finally said:
"Sam 如果你这么讨厌花生酱和果冻 "Sam,if you hate peanut butter and jelly so much,
为什么不叫你老婆 why don't you just tell your old lady
给你做点别的?" to make you something different?"
"什么我老婆?"Sam回答说 "What do you mean my old lady?" Sam replied,
"我没结婚 我自己做三明治" "I'm not married,I make my own sandwiches."
我们经常自己做三明治 You know,very often we make our own sandwiches
而没意识到这点 因为我们问的问题 and we don't even notice it. Because the questions that we ask,
我们问的问题决定我们的现实 the questions that we ask determine our reality:
花生三明治 几何形状 或车上的孩子 a peanut sandwich,or geometric shapes,or children on the bus,
或香肠 无论什么 我们创造我们自己的现实 or salami,whatever it is. We very often create our own reality.
如果我们理解这点 我们能改变 And if we understand this,we can transform,
改变我们认知的方式 改变关注的事 change the way that we perceive,change our focus,
改变我们的问题 change our questions,
无论是辩论非理性评估 whether it's questions disputing irrational evaluations,
或是关注积极面 whether it's questions focusing on the positive,
还是创造新的现实的问题 and questions create a new reality.
我们将在这里讨论 There are essentially two archetypes
本质上来说有两种原型 that I would like to discuss here,
在如何认知性地重建 加强 创造现实等 two archetypes that capture in many ways
多种途径有着两种原型 how we can cognitively reconstruct,enhance,create our reality.
两个原型分别是积极者和消极者 The two archetypes are the benefit-finder and the fault-finder.
首先消极者 消极者是 First of all,the fault-finder,the fault-finder is a person
总是专注不成功的事情的人 who always focuses on things that don't work,
花生酱和果冻 专注进展不顺利的事 on the peanut butter and jelly,on things that are not going well
专注交往中的问题 他或她自己的问题 on problems in the relationship,on problem in him or herself,
工作的问题 总是爱抱怨的人 problems with the job---the consummate complainer.
我们都存在于消极和 Now,we all exist on the continuum of
积极两个极端之间 between extreme fault-finding and extreme benefit-finding.
没有人 You know there is no one
总处于某一个极端 who is all the way on the extreme this way or that way,
每个人都在这个集合当中的某处 everyone is on somewhere on the continuum.
我想要鼓励的是 从消极向积极的方向 What I'm going to argue for is to move a little bit more
逐渐移动 from the fault-finding toward the benefit-finding,
因为这样有很多好处 我等下会讲到 because there are many benefits to it that I'll discuss later.
消极者 The fault-finder,
这名字出自梭罗的书中 I got the name from the work of Henry David Thoreau,
消极者甚至在天堂都能找到缺陷 the fault-finder will find faults even in paradise.
极端消极者总会经历辞职 The extreme fault-finder experiences resignation,
感到无助感 为什么? learned helplessness. Why?
因为他或她开始真的相信 Because he or she begins to really believe
糟糕的现实真的存在 that the terrible reality is very much out there independent of
不受他或她的想法支配 what he or she thinks,
而没意识到是他们创造了那个现实 not recognizing that they create that reality,
他们开始相信无论他们做什么 they begin to believe that no matter what they do,
无论找什么工作 总有个糟糕的老板 no matter what job they find they have a terrible boss,
无论和什么人搭档 no matter what partners they have
他们都很糟糕 不顾及别人 they are always awful and inconsiderate,
无论去什么饭店 服务总是很糟糕 no matter what restaurant they go to the service is always awful,
他们总是吃同样的花生酱 and they always keep on getting the same peanut butter
和果冻三明治 是他们自己做的 and jelly sandwich that they made for themselves.
他们向现实屈服 And they resigned to the reality
那同时当然也让他们的存在 and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of course,
变成自我实现预言 their existence.
消极者用柠檬榨柠檬汁 A fault-finder makes lemonade out of lemons,
抱歉 用柠檬汁做柠檬 sorry,makes lemon out of lemonade.
而积极者 加大洛杉矶分校的Julian Bauer做的研究 The benefit-finder,research Julian Bauer,now at UCLA,
积极者相反 专注于成功的事物 the benefit-finder is the opposite,focuses on what works.
积极者专注生活的光明一面 The benefit-finder looks on the bright side of life,
在乌云笼罩中找到一丝白光 finds the silver lining in the dark cloud,
用柠檬榨柠檬汁 makes lemonade out of lemons,
不因讲师说太多陈词滥调而和他争吵 and doesn't fought an instructor for using too many clichés. The benefit-finder finds the miracle in the common,
积极者能在普通中找到奇迹 Ralph Waldo Emerson,the consummate benefit-finder,
爱默生就是一个模范积极者 focusing on the positive and what works.
专注于积极面和进展顺利的事上 Now the problem here may be that
这里的问题也许是 the benefit-finder may be detached,
积极者也许会孤立地... this is one of the criticisms of people who always see,
这是人们经常看到的一种批评 you know,the bright side of life,
只看到生活的光明面 and that is the problem if that is the case. Again,
这样的话的确是一个问题 this class is not advocating focusing only on the positive;
这节课不提倡只专注积极面 its focus is advocating reality.
它专注于提倡现实 And reality comprises both good and bad,
现实包含好的和坏的食物 reality comprises both geometric shapes
现实包含几何图形 and children on the bus,and the key is to focus on both.
和车上的孩子 关键在于要同时关注两者 So the detachment,
分离 the detached benefit-finder is certainly not an archetype
分离地看待事物的积极者 不是一个原型 that I would advocate nor would it lead to mental health
在长期条件下 in the long run.
它当然也不会使人心理健康 "There is a need in the world" ---of Nathaniel Branden---
Nathaniel Branden说过 "to respect reality."
“世界上需要尊重现实” We don't create reality simply by the focus,
我们不能只凭专注创造现实 however,we are co-creator.
我们是共同创造者 Let me read you extensively from William James,
我给你们读一段William James的话 "Now however fixed these elements of reality may be,
"但这些实在的因素 虽然都非常固定 we still have a certain freedom in our dealings with them.
而我们对付它们 还是有一定自由的 Take our sensations,
拿感觉来说 THAT they are is undoubtedly beyond our control;
感觉的存在 我们虽不能控制 but WHICH we attend to,note,and
但是在我们的结论里 我们注意哪个 make emphatic in our conclusions depends on our own interests;
着重哪个 毕竟得凭我们个人的利益来决定 and,according as we lay the emphasis here or there,
着重之点不同 quite different formulations of truth result.
结果构成的真理可完全不同 We read the same facts differently.
事实全同 我们的看法可各异 'Waterloo',with the same fixed details,
同一个滑铁卢之战 具体情节绝无二致 spells a 'victory' for an Englishman;
而英国人看来是"胜利" for a Frenchman it spells 'defeat'.
法国人看来是"失败" So,for an optimist philosopher the universe spells victory,
同样 宇宙也如此 乐观主义者看作是胜利 for a pessimist,defeat. What we say about reality thus
悲观主义者看作是失败 我们对现实抱有怎样说法 depends on the perspective into which we throw it. "
全看我们怎么给他配景" William James said these back in 1890,
这是William James在1890年说的 understanding how we co-create our reality.
理解我们如何共同创造现实 Here is one of my...one of my favorite poems by R.L. Sharpe:
这是我最喜欢的R.L. Sharpe的诗 Isn't it strange,how princes and kings,
"是不是很奇怪 王子和国王 and clowns that caper in sawdust rings,
在木屑圈裡跳來跳去的小丑 and common-people like you and me,
一如你我的凡人 are builders for eternity?
怎么会是永恒的打造者? each is given a list of rules,
人人都拿到了一份规则表 a shapeless mass and a bag of tools;
一大块不成形的东西 一袋工具 and each must fashion your life is flown,
在生命流逝之前 人人都必须雕出 a stumbling block or a stepping stone.
一块绊脚石 或是一块垫脚石“ Very often what we get in the beginning
经常我们在开始得到的东西 is a large piece of stone. What do we do with it?
是一大块石头 我们怎么办? Do we create it into a beautiful "David"?
我们把它凿成漂亮的"大卫"? Chipping away the excess stone?
凿碎多余的石头? Or,is it a barrier to our success?
或者它只是我们通往成功的障碍 And very often it is up to us,as we co-create our reality.
通常这是由我们决定的 因为我们共创现实 The stone is there,we are not responsible for it;
石头就在那 我们不用负责 but what we do with it,we are responsible for.
但我们用它做什么 我们要负责 Cognitive reconstruction
认知重建 is about learning to interpret things optimistically,
是要学习乐观地诠释事情 another words,in the positive light.
换句话说 要积极的肯定值得肯定之处 Ann Harbison,colleague of mine,
Ann Harbison 我同事 used to teach also with Philip Stone,
以前也和Philip Stone一起教书 said that "never let a good crisis go to waste".
说过“永远不要浪费一次好的危机” Crises have the potential through growth.
危机在发展中有潜力 One of the books that we will talk about
我们将谈到的其中一本书 when we talk about relationships is Passionate Marriage
《热情婚姻》是关于婚姻关系的 by David Schnarch,who talks about crucibles in marriage.
作者David Schnarch 谈论婚姻中的考验 And what he says is that ...the thriving relationships,
他说 成功的婚姻 a relationships,not that have been,you know,
婚姻关系不是一直 all fine and dandy for years. These usually fail after a while.
和睦融洽的 往往会有争吵 But the relationships that go through crucibles,
而是经历过磨难 that have crises,disagreements and then,you know,
有过危机 有过分歧的婚姻关系 Thesis and Antithesis and then there is a Synthesis,
就像黑格尔的否定之否定规律 and there is a growth as a result of these hardships.
往往会因为经历过这些困难而获得更好的发展 And he says that there is no other way,
他说没有其他办法 again learn to fail or fail to learn,
学习失败或在失败中学习 there is no other way for a long-term success of a relationship.
维持长期的关系必须靠这个方法 Relationship does not,cannot look like this.
关系看起来不像这样 It has to have these ups and downs.
它必须有起有落 Never let a good crisis in a relationship go to waste.
从不错失关系中的一个好危机 That doesn't mean that every crisis needs to be resolved
不是说每个危机都要解决 and there are some that could end,and should end a relationship.
有些关系可以结束 也应该结束 But most crises can be solved and need to be dealt with.
但多数危机能被解决 需要处理好 Same on individual level,work by Warren Bennis,
在个人层面也是一样 Warren Bennis的研究表明 he is from USC,
他来自南加州大学 taught for a few years here at the Business School,
在这里的商学院执教过几年 has identified the leading leaders,
他鉴定了一群领袖人物 whether it's younger ones what he called,
无论是他称为“极客”的年轻一代 whom he called "the geeks",the thirty-year-olds,or elder ones,
或者是30多岁或更大的 "the geezers" he called them.
他称之为“怪杰”的老一辈 He has a book called Geeks & Geezers,
他出过一本叫《极客与怪杰》的书 where he talks about the differences
他在里面讨论了 between the two leadership styles,approaches,passions,
这两种领导风格 领导方式 激情以及 interests and there are numerous differences.
兴趣爱好的区别 有许多的不同之处 For example,you know,
比如 the geeks---the younger one talk about work-life balance,
极客 年轻一代会谈论工作生活平衡 the geezers don't know what he means by that.
怪杰们则不知道那是什么意思 You know it was usually,he,a man,
而男人工作 worked while the woman took care of the family and the man.
女人照顾家庭和男人 So that was for the geezers,for the older generation.
则是对怪杰而言的 对老的一代而言 The younger generation,they talk about work-life balance
年轻的一代 谈论工作生活平衡 and how they can incorporate all the elements of their lives.
他们如何结合生活中所有的元素 There are of course many more women in the geeks than the geezers
当然在极客中的女人数比怪杰中多 Numerous differences among the generation,one similarity.
两代人有无数不同点 但有一个相似点 All the great leaders,
所有的伟大的领袖 whether they were thirty-year-old or eighty-five years old,
无论是30岁或85岁 all of them had been through very rough crucibles
他们都经历过艰难的困境 and leave to tell the tale.
留下一段充满惊险的往事 Our most people go through crucibles,
我们大多数人经历过困境 but there are certain people
但有些人 who are able to find benefit in these crucibles
能从这些困境中找到益处 and grow as a results.
从而成长 Never let a good crisis go to waste,
永远不要错失一个好危机 whether it's professionally,whether it's interpersonally,
无论你在经历的是 whether it's intra-personally in terms of
职业上或人际关系上 what you are experiencing.
或是内在个性上的危机 But four years ago or five years ago,
四年或五年前 when I was still a resident tutor in Leverett house,
我还是Leverett宿舍的住宿导师 and we had one of these pre-business events
我们举办了开学前活动 where we talked about the upcoming year
我们讨论了即将来临的一年的情况 and the recruiting and so on.
和招聘事宜等等 That particular year was a terrible year,
那一年是很糟糕的一年 Goldman Sachs was laying off,wasn't recruiting on campus,
高盛在裁员 没有校园招聘 Credit Suisse,First Boston they were laying off as well,
瑞士信贷 第一波士顿银行也在裁员 Deutsche Bank,first time in his history was laying off employees
德意志银行建行以来第一次裁员 really bad market. And we talked about this,each of us gave it,
市场环境非常糟糕 我们讨论时每个人 what should be about the market and what they can do,
都在估测市场的形势和他们能做什么 very sober presentation. And then one of the students,
非常严肃的话题 然后一个学生 you know my students Sean Fieldscoy,was a senior then,
我的学生Sean Fieldscoy当时大四 was sitting there,Had studied positive psychology there.
他坐在那里 他学了积极心理学 He put up his hand and said:
他举起手说 "Tal,you know,as...you know you portrait a very pessimistic
"Tal 你描绘了一个非常悲观的 and negative picture,
消极的画面 but as a teacher of Positive Psychology
但作为一个积极心理学老师 can you maybe shed some optimism here?" And you know,
你能否说点积极的?" few chuckles in the audience and then silence.
观众中有些窃笑 然后是一片寂静 And everyone is looking at me,
每个人都看着我 I don't know what to say and my immediate reaction was to say
我不知道说什么 我第一反应是说 "Well Sean things happen for the best." Exactly. (laughs)
“Sean 事出皆有因” 没错 And then,
然后 just before it came out of my mouth I said...I thought to myself,
当我说出口前 我心想 "Actually I don't believe that."
"其实我不相信" I don't believe that things happen for the best.
我不相信事出皆有因 But while I don't believe that things happen for the best,
但虽然我不相信事出皆有因 I do believe that some people are able to make the best
我的确相信有些人能够因事制宜 of things that happen,and there is a very big difference here.
这里有一个很大的区别 Because when I say "I'm not happy about what just happen here,
因为当我说“我不满意刚发生的事” I don't like it,I much rather have the market be a good market,
我不喜欢它 我更希望市场是好市场 where people are hiring,
人们就业很容易 where they all come to me on a silver platter and offer me a job.
许多人争相向我提供工作 Of course,I would much rather have that.
当然 我更情愿那样 So things don't happen for the best necessarily,
所以事出未必有因 but there are some people who accept the situation
但有些人接受这种情况 and then are able to make the best of it.
并且能够因事制宜 The same with any crisis. Do you think the leaders,
对任何危机而言都一样 你们以为领袖们 whether they are the eighty- or ninety-year-olds,
无论他们80或90岁 invited those crucibles into their lives
会主动在生活中寻求严酷的考验吗 want these crucibles to happen?
会想让这些困难发生吗? Do you think partners go into a relationship and say
你觉得处在关系中的伙伴会说 "let's look for that crucible,
"我们寻找考验 let's really fight so that we can have a healthy relationship"?
我们吵一架让我们的关系更健康吧"? Of course not! But when it happens,
当然不会 但如果真的发生这种情况 that's when they make the best of it.
他们会充分利用它 You know,stuff happens,
有些事会发生 and we can either let it pollute or make fertilizer out of it.
我们要么无动于衷要么从中获取利益 I want to show you an example once again of a leader,
我再举一个领袖的例子 who is a consummate benefit-finder.
他是一个模范积极者 [MUSIC]
我们很荣幸能和曼德拉聊天 Wow. We are honored to be talking with Neilson Mandela,
南非前任总统 他不可动摇的勇气 the former president of South Africa,whose unshakable courage,
他的信仰和正直鼓舞了数千万人 his faith and integrity have inspired millions to see
看到自己生命中的可能 what is possible in their own lives.
我很高兴 很荣幸在此之前几次见过 I've had the pleasure,the honor of meeting Mr. Mandela
曼德拉先生 我告诉你们 on a couple of occasions before and I will tell you,
和他在一起真的 和你在一起 to be in his presence is really,to be in your presence
就像同时和庄严和优雅在一起 is like being a presence of royalty and grace at the same time.
我想知道一个人在狱中度过27年 I would think,I wonder how does a man spend 27 years in prison,
被压迫者迫害入狱 put there by an oppressor,
出来后没有铁石心肠 and come out of that experience with not a heart of stone,
没有漠不关心 not a cold heart
而怀着愿意原谅和容纳的心 but a heart that is willing to forgive and embrace.
我记得一晚吃晚饭时和你聊天 I remember talking to you one night of our dinner,
你对我说 我们对压制者的憎恨 and you had said to me that our hatred for the oppressor
太过强烈 我们没有看到和他谈话的价值 was so intense we did not see the value of talking to him.
那么你看到了什么价值 要放下仇恨 So at what point did you see the value of letting go of that hatred
并开展对话? and begin the process of talking?
首先我想说 这是一个很好的策略 Well,let me say first,that is a great tragedy
把一生最好的时间花监狱中 to spend the best of your lives in prison.
虽然看起来很讽刺 但有好处 But although it looks ironical,there are advantages in that.
如果我没有入狱 不会有... If I had not been at the prison,I have not...
我不会完成毕生中 I would not be able to achieve the most difficult,
最困难的任务 那改变了你自己 a task in life,and that is changing yourself.
我不会有那样的机会 I would not have an opportunity.
我有那个机会是因为 在监狱里你有 I had that opportunity because in prison you have
在监狱外工作所没有的 what we don't have in our work outside prison,
机会 可以坐下思考 这是重要部分 the opportunity to sit down and think,which is an important part
但你需要27年吗? Did you need 27 years of it though?
你可以用几天 几周 一个假期 You could have taken a few days,a week,a vacation.
你需要27年吗? Did you need 27 years?
好 Now,
他花了27年是有意义的吗? did it happen for the best that he spent 27 years of his life?
当然他经历时 很痛苦 很可怕 Certainly when he experienced it,it was painful,it was awful,
但他能改变这个 but he was able to transform this.
甚至在那个情况下 看到积极方面 And to,even in that situation,to see the positive.
当我们改变那个 And when we transform that,
那些知道他经历过什么事的人 those who know the history of what happen to him,
当他开始看这积极方面 when he started to look at the positive,
即使在监狱也有机会 even there are the opportunities in prison
当他改变思维模式 换句话说 when he changes his mind set. In other words,
不是外部情况 not the external circumstances,
外部情况确实开始改变 the external circumstances actually begin to change.
另一个积极者 Another benefit-finder,
"悲观者在每个机会中看到困难 "a pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity,
乐观者在每个困难中看到机会" an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
你不会想跟他争论 And you don't want to argue with him.
我想在结尾给你讲一个故事 I want to end by telling you a story,
一个关于我几年间经历的个人故事 a personal story about my experiences throughout the years.
一些自传细节 Some biographical detail,
一些你们多数人不知道的事 something that most of you did not know.
我要告诉你们 And I am going to tell it to you first
先从消极者的角度 from the perspective of the fault-finder.
我有轻微的注意力缺陷障碍 I have a mild case of ADD,
这让事情变得非常困难 it makes things very difficult for me,
我很难集中精神 我的脑子经常游离 it's difficult for me to focus,my mind wanders often,
我真的不断地与它斗争 and I really struggle with it constantly.
当我读高中时 When I was in high school,
我很想进入一个数学的赚钱项目中 I really wanted to get into a lucrative program in mathematics,
没通过入选考试 我很失望 did not pass the entry exam,I was very disappointed,
我没做到 成了专业壁球运动员 I did not make it. Becoming a professional squash player
是我11岁以来的梦想 was a dream for me since the age of 11.
那是我一直会想的事情 That is the thing that I thought about constantly,
那时这是我最重要的事 that was the most important thing for me at the time.
我想当一个专业选手 I wanna to be a professional player.
20岁时 At the age of twenty,
我在以色列马上就要服满兵役 I was about to complete my military service in Israel
我在壁球场受了伤 and I got injured on the squash court
拉坏了背部的肌肉 and pulled the muscle in my back.
医生让我选择 或者动手术 The doctor gave me an option of being operated on,
这有很大风险 或者放弃职业生涯 which was a big risk,or giving up my professional career.
我选择放弃我的职业生涯 I chose to give up my professional career,
一个我儿时的梦想 这个打击很大 a dream that I had from a very young age. It was a real blow.
我去了剑桥 I went to Cambridge,
哈佛毕业后 我参加一个博士项目 after graduating from Harvard and I enrolled in a PhD program.
我是那个项目中唯一没通过的 I was the only student in my PhD program to fail,
我被赶出了这个项目 很没面子 I was thrown out of the program. It was humiliating;
像浪费了一年 it seemed like a waste of a year
因为我甚至没拿到硕士学位 because I did not even get a master's degree.
这真的是个很艰难的经历 It was a real tough experience.
在哈佛 作为研究生 At Harvard,as a graduate student,I took,
我和其他学生一起 参加资格统考 with all the other students,my qualifying general exams.
在所有参加那个考试的研究生中 Out of all the graduate students who took that exam,
我是唯一没有通过的 I was the only one who failed it.
又是一个非常丢脸的经历 Once again,a really humiliating experience,
走在William James楼边 大家都知道成绩 walking around William James and everyone knows their results,
这很难堪 不只那样 我被临时 it was tough. Not only that,I was given provisional,
临时选择留在这个项目中 the provisional option of staying in the program.
他们对我说 你不仅要通过明年考试 They said to me,not only do you need to pass next year's exam
要和下一届一起考 when you take it with the next class,
你还要出色地通过考试 否则就出局 you have to pass it with flying colors or you are out.
剩下的这个学期 So,while the rest of the semester,
忙着于论文和写作的同时 while working on the dissertations,writing,
我几乎快毕业还得回去看最基本的知识 almost graduating I had to go back to the basics
把所有教材再复习一遍 and go over the whole material again.
天啊 我太不幸了 God,I am so unlucky.
我想说一些我生活中的某些自传性事实 I want to share with you some biographical facts about my life,
我有轻微注意力缺陷障碍 you know,I have a mild case of ADD,
这很棒 知道为什么吗? which is great,you know why?
因为 这实际迫使我只能学 Because,it actually forces me to only study things
我喜欢的东西 我关心的东西 that I love,things that I care about,
因为其他的事情 我就集中不了精神 because anything else,my concentration just goes away.
所以就像我有一个内部机制 So it's like,I have an internal mechanism
强迫我专注最终的东西 that forces me to focus on the ultimate currency,
专注让我快乐的东西 on things that make me happy. And
我只学我热爱的东西 这很棒 I only study things that I'm passionate about,it is wonderful.
我读高中时 You know,when I was in high school,
非常想进某个项目 I really wanted to get into a certain program,
一个可以赚钱的项目 但没能进去 in a very lucrative program,and I didn't get in,
我入选考试没通过 I failed the entrance exam,
这最终是塞翁失马 which turned out to be a blessing in disguise,
因为它让我有更多时间练习打壁球 because it gave me so much more time to practice and play squash,
我最终赢得了国际冠军 and I ended up winning international championships
在第二年 in the following year,
如果我进了那个项目就不会做到了 which I wouldn't have done had I been in that program.
当我在剑桥大学时 When I was in the University of Cambridge,
我在一个博士项目 我是班里唯一 I was in a PhD program,and I was the only one in my class,
据我所知 and as far as I know,
数年来唯一被赶出这个项目的人 the only one in years to be thrown out of the program.
这其实是个很重要的经历 And it was actually a very important experience,you know,
我哈佛毕业时 很自负 I got out of Harvard,I was arrogant,
我认为自己比谁都神圣 I thought I was holier than thou,
这是个非常令人羞辱的经历 and this was a real humbling experience
对我而言尤其重要 that was especially important for me,
因为第二年我去亚洲工作 because the next year I went to work in Asia,
在那里 自负是最糟糕的事情 and there,the worst that I could do was to be arrogant.
所以这个令人羞辱的经历 So this humbling experience actually helped me
对我后来的生活有很大帮助 a great deal in my future career,
也帮助我正确对待事情 as well as helped me put things in perspective.
当我来到哈佛 我是项目中唯一 When I came to Harvard,I was the only one in my program
没通过资格统考的人 to fail the general qualifying exams,
这是沉重的打击 很艰难 it was a hard blow,it was difficult,
但结果是个很好的经历 知道为什么? but it turned out to be a very good experience,you know why?
因为我得把相同的教材 Because I had to study the exact same material
这些厚厚的书和文章重新学习一遍 and these huge books and articles all over again,
不只是达到基本水平 and know them not just at the basic level,
我要学得非常好 因为这是条件 I had to know them extremely well because that was the condition
是教授让我留在这个项目组的条件 that the professors gave for me staying in the program.
这非常好 因为我把教材融会贯通 And it was so good because I learned the material so well
我的社会心理学 现在大概 that I know social psychology today probably
比我认识的任何人都好 这帮了我很大忙 better than anyone I know,and that helps me a great deal.
它帮我把这个1504课程整合起来 It helps me a great deal in putting together this course 1504,
没什么地方比这里更让我喜欢待的 and there is no place I would rather be than here.
天 我真幸运 God,I am so lucky.
谢谢 同样的事实 不同的诠释 Thank you. Same reality,different interpretations.
只要记住 我们经历的大部分事情 Just remember,much of what we experience,
我们参与创造 下星期见 we co-create. See you next week.