早上好 今天要讲的是变化 Hi,good morning! So today's lecture is about change.
今天很多事都会发生变化 And things are going to change today.
我们之间的关系会发生变化 敬请关注啊 Our relationship is going to change today.So stay tuned.
上节课 Last time,
上节课结束的时候 我们谈到很多种不同变化 last time we ended by talking about the different kinds of change
第一种方式 是渐进式的 The first approach—the gradual approach,
好像滴水穿石 like water wearing down stone,
要花时间的一点一点 慢慢的 chipping away gradually slowly taking our time.
第二种方式 是突发式的 The second approach—the acute change,
好像用大锤开山劈石 the sledge hammer breaking stone creating a new pathway,
凿出一条路 一个隧道 a new channel.
对于这两种变化 或是所有形式的变化 The important thing to keep in mind with both forms of changes,
必须要注意的是 with all form of change,
我们讲的重点是要将变化持续下去 lasting change that is,which is what we are about.
而不是突然一变之后又恢复原状 Not just the spike and the return to base level.
因此要注意的是 The thing to keep in mind about change
变化既不是药到病除的灵丹妙药 is that neither is quick-fix.
即便当我们举起大锤 Even when we pick up that sledge hammer,
就是这举起来的动作 even when we pick it up,
也需要我们在之前做很多准备的功夫 we need to do a lot of work before the preparation.
因此 举例来说 渐进式的变化 So for example,gradual change,
包括每天都做感恩练习 slow change would be doing the gratitude exercise everyday,
慢慢成为一个更容易找寻美好的人 slowly becoming more and more of a benefit finder,
逐渐的看到更多积极的事物 gradually looking more at the positive,
一点一点的构建起新的神经通路 creating a new neural pathway neuron by neuron.
还记得我们之前说过的两个重要概念 Remember neuroplasticity and neurogenesis—
神经塑性和新生神经元吗? two very important concepts
因为通过了解和理解我们大脑的变化 because just by knowing by understanding that our brain changes
我们自身也将更容易产生变化 that in and of itself makes us more likely to change.
Carol Dweck做过相关研究 And this is work done by Carol Dweck,
我们之后谈到完美主义的时候还会提到她 whom I'll discuss in future courses when we discuss perfectionism
另外大锤的例子和探索经验是一回事 And then the sledge hammer example is like the Eureka experience,
真知灼见不是凭空产生的 而是经过 the great insight that doesn't come in a vacuum.
长时间准备后千锤百炼而得来的 It comes after a lot of hard work after a lot of preparation.
大家都知道所谓的灵感来自于99%的汗水 You know the 99% of perspiration that leads to that inspiration.
所以说 没有灵丹妙药 而且 So no quick-fix.And the believe in quick-fix,
正是那种对灵丹妙药的笃信和渴求 the expectation of the quick-fix that is one of the reasons
导致了今天抑郁症如此高发频发 why levels of the depression are so high today,
因为大家都很郁闷 很失望 because people are frustrated.They are disappointed.
发现灵丹妙药不管用的时候 They think there's something wrong with them
就觉得是自己出了问题 when they don't succeed in the quick-fix.
我在书里也写了 很可能他们认为 But they have just,I just write in the book that it's possible.
"如果做完这五件事 我的人生就会美满了" If I do these five things,I'd be happy for the rest of my life.
结果五件事做完 我却没有变得更快乐 And I do these five things.And I'm not happier.
于是我就开始怀疑自己 And I begin to question myself.
没有灵丹妙药 任何事都需要时间 No quick-fix.It takes time.
没有所谓什么"幸福生活五步走" No five easy steps to happiness.
在我们讲变化过程之前 Before we go to the change process,
我们先要理清一些概念 there are a few things we need to understand.
首先我们要问的是 The first thing to understand is this.
我 或者你 真的想要改变吗? Do I,do you really want to change?
我是不是真的想要改善我的个性 Do I really want to improve certain things in my personality…
或者我不喜欢的性格或行为 things that… or character,or behavior,things that I don't like.
这不是一个无关紧要的问题 And it's not a trivial question.
也不是象征性地问自己一下 It is not a rhetorical question
因为表面上我们可能会说当然了 because very often on the conscious level we maybe saying yes,
但是潜意识里却有东西在阻挠我们 but on the subconscious level something is stopping us.
我给大家举个例子吧 Let me show you an example.
早在80年代的时候 Langer So this is the study done by Langer and,
和Thompson曾做过一个实验 and Thompson back in the 80s.
这个实验是这样的 And here is what they did.
他们找来一些学生或参与实验的人 They brought students in or participants in.
然后问这些人 And they asked them
他们想不想要摆脱自己性格的某个方面 whether they wanted to get rid of certain characteristics,
比如说古板 或者容易轻信别人 like rigidity,or being gullible,or grimness.
或是冷酷 他们问这些人 And they asked them
想不想要摆脱这些性格 whether they wanted to get rid of these characteristics
想不想在这方面变的更好 and whether they succeeded in becoming better in this area.
是不是真的能改变自己 即是说 Were you able to introduce change,
如果改变对于你来说真的很重要 so were you able to actually become less rigid,
那你能不能最终变得不那么古板 if this was important for you to change,
不那么容易轻信别人 不那么冷酷 or less gullible,or less grim?
这就是他们最初问的两个问题 So this is the first two questions that they asked.
想不想改善 想不想改变 Did you want to improve it? Did you wanna change this?
第二个问题 能不能改变 The second question – were you successful?
然后 在他们问了这些问题之后 And then after they answered these questions,
实验还有第二个阶段 在这个阶段 there was the second part of the study
他们让这些人去评估 where they asked them to evaluate the positive,
评估下列正面性格 比如 the,the following positive characteristics.
言行一致对于你来说是否重要 Consistency,is it important to you?
值得信赖 是不是重要 Is it important to you to be trustworthy?
以及 被认为是一个严肃认真的人 And how important it is for you
对于你来说有多重要 to be and to be perceived as a serious person?
下面我们来说这个实验的有趣的结果 And here is the interesting finding of this research.
所有给这些正面性格打高分的人 Those individuals who rated the positive traits,
这些黄色的是正面性格 the ones in yellow,who rated them high,
认为这些性格很重要的人 as personally important to them
反而比较不容易去改变自己的负面性格 were less likely to change the negatives.
大家明白这其中的奥妙么? Do you understand implications of the study?
也就是说 比如 So what is saying is that…
我想要摆脱古板的个性 Let's say I do wanna get rid of rigidity.
我不喜欢自己那么古板 I don't like being rigid.
但是 与此同时 However at the same time
言行一致在我看来是非常重要的品格 consistency is a very important value to me.
我反而不容易去改变自己的古板 I'm less likely to change my rigidity
因为在我的意识里 它们是相互关联的 because they are associated in my mind.
对 我不想要古板下去了 And yeah,I don't want to be rigid.
同时我潜意识里有个小人却在说 But at the same time subconscious talking here.
我想要言行一致 I want to be consistent.
别摆脱古板 因为我把两者结合起来了 Don't let go of this rigidity because I couple them,
我把两者联系在一起了 I associate them together.
因此不想舍其一 Not wanting to get rid of one
因为我不想把婴儿和洗澡水一起倒掉 because I don't want the baby out with the bath water.
对于我来说两者是紧密相连的 And to me they are linked.
同理 还有轻信和值得信赖 The same with gullibility and trustworthiness.
这两种品质 可以说 值得信赖的人 We can say that
另一方面很容易轻信别人 这种性格 the other side of gullibility someone who's trustworthy.
极端化以后 人会变得容易轻信别人 Now going to the extreme.I become gullible.
然而 我却不想丢掉轻信别人的习惯 However I don't get rid of my gullibility
因为同时我不想丢掉我值得信赖的优点 because I don't want to also get rid of my trustworthiness.
同样的例子还有冷酷 我的冷酷 Same with grim.I may be grim
可能在潜意识里正反映出我的严肃认真 but that's also subconsciously a sign of my seriousness.
很多年来 真的是很久以来 You know for years,literally years,
我在思考分析 并写了很多 when I've been thinking and writing
关于完美主义的东西 and analyzing the notion of perfectionism,
我不能理解为什么我自身的情况 I couldn't understand why it didn't get better,
长久以来并未好转 for very long time.
因为我知道自己深受完美主义其害 Because I knew perfectionism was hurting me,
我读了研究报告 反省个人经历 I read the research,I look through personal experiences.
我知道完美主义对我百害无益 有损于我的健康 I knew it was hurting me in terms of my well-being for sure,
从长远来看 也阻挠我成功 but also in the long term in terms of my success.And
但是我却摆脱不了它 直到我读了这个报告 yet I couldn't get rid of perfectionism until I read the study.
于是 我问自己 And I asked myself,
'OK 与完美主义相对应的是什么呢' ‘OK,so what is the counterpart to perfectionism?
在我的意识里 它和什么联系在一起? What's tied in my mind?
完美主义和什么密切相联呢? What goes hand in hand for me with perfectionism?’
和它密切相联的是动力和雄心 What goes hand in hand is drive and ambition.
如果我需要自我定义的话 首先要做的 And if I had to define myself,this is one of the first things
定义就是我有动力和雄心抱负 that I would define myself as I'm driven and I'm ambitious.
同时因为我不想失去这些品格 And because I didn't want to lose these characteristics,
我的潜意识便阻止我 my subconscious didn't let me,
摆脱对完美主义的追求 stopped me from getting rid of the perfectionism,
我对完美主义的定义是 perfectionism which I define as a debilitating fear of failure,
对失败的极度恐惧 失败会阻止我们 failure that prevents us…
我们会用整整一周来讲完美主义 we'll have a whole week on perfectionism.
到时候会讲的更深入一些 So we'll get more in depth if you'll understand what it means.
只有当我明白了这两者之间 And it was only once I understood
的密切关联 that for me these two things go hand in hand,
我才能够把它们拆开 分开 I was able to unpack them,to distinguish them.
我只想保留其一 I said I want to keep one not the other.
再比如 担忧和焦虑 Or for example,worry and anxiety.
其实我已经说过很多次了 Look I've mentioned these many times before,
我最终摆脱了焦虑的困扰 next time I'll talk to you about the process
下次我会和大家说说具体的过程 that I underwent to overcome anxiety.
自从很久以前开始 Part of me since the time I can't remember myself.
我上大学的时候 每当有壁球比赛也好 Being anxious whether it's before matches in squash,
或者是考试也好 whether it's before exams,
或是在分组讨论的时候发言之前 whether it's before speaking up in section
我都会非常焦虑 when I was an undergrad.
我不想再这样下去了 我不想要焦虑 And I wanted to stop that.I didn't want that.
然而 我却丢不掉这种担忧和焦虑 However,I didn't let go of worry and anxiety
因为我同时很重视责任感 because I also sort with responsibility.
如果我会焦虑 说明我有责任感 Well if I'm anxious,it can mean I'm responsible.
我会在上课前更认真的做准备 So I prepare for class much more
而不是随便糊弄 偷懒 as opposed to just let go and become a slacker.
因此我把焦虑和正面品格责任感联系起来 So I associated a positive trait which is responsibility.
还记得关于Brandon的故事吗 And remember Brandon? No one is coming?
责任感是非常重要的品质 Very important trait,responsibility.
但是它却阻挠我摆脱担忧和焦虑 But that prevented me from letting go.
这都是在潜意识里发生的 Subconscious level,
我之前并没有意识到这些 not conscious of the worry and anxiety that I often experienced.
还有 罪恶感 Guilt.
有好的罪恶感 也有不好的罪恶感 Again there is good guilt,there is bad guilt You know,it is.
我不想摆脱罪恶感 因为 Well,I don't want to get rid of guilt because what that means
我不想变得对他人冷漠无情 I'm not being empathic and sensitive toward other people.
我们经常会把这两者联系起来 Very often we connect the two..They go hand in hand.
还有一对概念 是精简化 Another couple is the notion of simplifying.
这也是我的切身体会 This is something very personal to me.
我想要减少工作量 因为 I wanted to do less because
我明白同时参与太多活动 有损于 I knew that taking on too many activities was actually hurting me
有损于我的工作效率 创造力和健康 was hurting my productivity,creativity,well-being.
但是我却没办法做到精简 I couldn't simplify.
为什么呢 因为我将它和失去优势联系起来 Why? Because I associate it in my mind with losing my edge.
所以我没办法做到精简 So I didn't let go.
还有我们上周谈到的寻找过错 Or fault-finding,we talked about this a week ago.
为什么人们不能停止寻找过错呢? Why do people not let go of fault-finding?
为什么要维持悲观的态度呢 Why do they remain pessimistic?
因为他们把寻找过错和现实主义联系起来 Because they connect it with the sense of realism.
我不想放弃这种现实的态度 I don't wanna stop being realisic.
不想变成一个脱离现实盲目乐观的人 I don't wanna be one of those detached Pollyannas.
因此我不会放弃寻找过错的习惯 And therefore I don't let go of my fault-finding.
幸福 Happiness.
通往幸福路上最大的障碍 One of the most significant barrier to people's happiness
就是人们把幸福和偷懒联系在一起 is that they associate happiness with slacking off,
因为当今文化中最为人所追捧 because the dominant paradigm,
所信奉的真理就是"没有付出就没有回报" the dominant mantra in our culture today is ‘no pain,no gain.'
如果我现在很快乐 就意味着我不再经历痛苦 If I'm happy now,I ignore experiencing pain.
就意味着我放弃了 It means I'm letting go.
意味着我不会成功 It means I'm not gonna be successful.
意味着我已经失去了棱角 It means I'm gonna lose my edge.
意味着我不再有动力和雄心 It means I'm gonna lose my drive and ambition.
所以我们在潜意识里选择不快乐 So our subconscious prefers to keep,keep us unhappy,
这样的话 我们就不会失去其它珍贵的东西 so that we don't lose the other things that we value highly,
比如雄心壮志 比如长处优势 things such as ambition,things such as having an edge,
比如勤奋刻苦 things such as our hard work.
当然 依我们现在来看 Now of course when we look at them
我们知道这些东西并不是密不可分的 we know that they don't necessarily have to go hand in hand.
正相反 比如说 快乐 On the contrary,for example,happiness,
我们从"拓延-建构"理论中学到 we know from the broaden and build theory,the positive emotions
正面的情绪是和成功联系在一起的 are actually associated with higher levels of success.
等到春假之后 当我们讲到完美主义的时候 Whereas I'll talk about after spring break,
我会讲一些 when we talk about perfectionism.
从研究中得来的理论 We know from research,
大家可以把这些理论和你们个人联系起来 you'll be able to connect it also in the person.
你们中间有很多人会发现可以 Many of you will be able to connect it in the personal level.
将其和自身联系起来 We know that letting go of this fear of failure and coping,
如果我们能赶走对失败的恐惧 学会面对它 putting ourselves on the line more,
学会冒险 从失败中学习经验 learning from failures looking at it as a,as a stepping stone
将失败看作是未来成功路上的垫脚石 that contributes to our success in the long term.
这些都不意味着我们会相应的 It doesn't need to take away from our drive
失去动力和雄心抱负 and ambition on the contrary.
克服对失败的恐惧 或担忧焦虑 And the key if we wanna overcome this fear of failure
或罪恶感 或种种不幸福的关键 or the worry/anxiety,or the guilt,or the slack of happiness,
通常 不一定总是 而是通常是关于理解 it's very often,not always,very often about understanding,
或更好的去理解这些品格的含义 or getting a better understanding of these characteristics.
举个例子 For example,
要理解 我想要摆脱对失败的恐惧感 understanding that I want to let go of my fear of failure,
不是一般的恐惧 而是消磨人意志的恐惧 the debilitating fear of failure,not just fear of failure
因为每个人都在某种程度上害怕失败 because every one is afraid of failure to some extent.
但是要摆脱这种消磨人意志的恐惧 But to let go of the debilitating fear of failure
同时保存我的动力和雄心 and yet maintain my drive/ambition.
就必须要理解两者是密不可分的 So more in nuance understanding that you need to go hand in hand.
又或者 你们知道 Or,I can't,you know,
我以前不会对人说不 I never used to be able to say no to people.
这么短小的一个词 简单的一个词 You know,such a short word,such an easy word,
有时候是那么难以说出口 so difficult at times to say.
为什么?因为我眼中的自己和我希望 Why? Because I see myself and now I want other people to see me
别人眼中的自己是有同情心的 as empathic as sensitive as under..as a nice guy.
善解人意的 是老好人 于是 And then I unpack the two.
我把两者拆开了 它们并不一定要 And it really doesn't have to hand in hand.
连在一起 我可以善解人意的说不 I can say no to people very sensitively
因为很多时候当我对别人说好 because very often when I say yes to others,
我其实同时在对自己说不 I'm saying no to myself,and in the long term,
从长远来看 也是在对亲密关系说不 very often to the relationship.
所以现在我更好更深入的了解了 So now I had a better more nuance understanding of
我什么时候能说不 什么时候不想说 when I can say no and when I don't want to say no
同时 我还能保留自己的善解人意 while maintaining my sensitivity and my empathy
和同情心 也不必在每次说不的时候 without experiencing the same levels of guilt
感到有种罪恶感 that I experienced before whenever I said no.
这里列出来的每种品格 And the same you can do for everyone of these,
都是可以被拆开的 of these characteristics.
大家可以想想有哪些品性 So think about what if you wanted to change for a very long time
是你很久以前就想改掉 却改不掉的 and weren't successful in.
对完美主义的追求? Was it perfectionism?
还是严酷无情? Was it,you know this very serious grimness?
还是你想变得更顽皮活泼? And you wanted to be more playful?
也许你并不想摆脱这种个性 Well maybe you didn't want to get rid of it
因为害怕自己会失去严肃认真的品性 because you were afraid of losing you seriousness.
其实你根本不需要失去 And you don't need do.
把婴儿留下 把洗澡水倒掉 The baby can stay,the bath water can go
前提是我们能搞清楚 if we have a more nuance understanding of
我们到底想改变什么 what it is we want to change.
下周的小组讨论活动 你们要和助教 In section next week,you are going to do an exercise
一起做一个叫完成句子的练习 with your teaching fellows called sentence completion.
下面要说的正是你们在练习中要做的事 In that exercise,this is exactly what you are going to do.
你们要识别... You're going to identify..
这个练习是Nathaniel Branden设计的 It's,,,it's an exercise devised by Nathaniel Branden.
它将帮助你识别 You're going to do an exercise that will help you identify
自己分别想要摆脱和保留的品格 what you wanna get rid of and what you wanna keep.
很多时候 不管在显意识还是潜意识中 Very often,that,just that switch that you make in your mind,
都有一个你自己制作的开关 subconscious as well as conscious mind
可以引发洪水 打开通往新隧道的大门 can open the flood waters,the gates to a new channel,
大脑里新的通路 真正永久性的变化 new pathway in our brain,real lasting change.
我们现在要讨论三个截然不同 We're gonna discuss three distinct..
却又相互连结的通向变化的途径 the interconnected pathways to change—
这就是我们之前提过的 心理学ABC理论 the ABCs of psychology which we have mentioned before.
ABC理论 A代表情感 情绪 The ABCs,the A is the affect,the emotion.
B代表行为 行动 The B is the behavior,the action.
C代表认知 思维 And C is the cognition,the thought.
我们今天要做的是 And what we gonna do is
我们会分别讲这三个元素 we're going to talk about each one of the three.
在分别讲这三个元素的时候 And for each one we're going to talk about
我们会谈到渐进式变化和突发式变化 the gradual change approach and the acute change approach.
可以说 我们用两种方法解释三元素 So in a sense we're building a three by two.
情感 行为 认知 乘以渐进式和突发式 Affect,behavior,cognition times gradual and the acute.
一共有六种变化的方式 这六种方式 And we're going to talk about six different approaches to change.
彼此相通 把它们联系起来很重要 These six approaches to change are interconnected.
我们希望能三者兼得 It's important to connect them.And ideally we want all three.
为什么呢? 引用一句我们提过多次 Why? Quote it up,we used it a few times and we'll use it again,
以后也会再提的名言 Dryden和Poet说的 John Dryden,British poet,
"我们养成习惯;习惯造就我们" “we first make our habit and then our habits make us.”
为了能改变习惯 产生永久性的变化 In order to change habit,in order to bring about lasting change,
我们不仅需要一种稳定的变化模式 we need to have as much of a solid approach as much..um..
也同样需要一种外部介入的力量 force in the intervention.
仅仅把注意力放在情感上是不够的 It's not just enough to focus on the emotions.
放在行动上也是不够的 It's not just enough to focus on action.
放在思维上也是不够的 It's not enough just to focus on our thinking.
我们要对三元素同时下功夫 We want to focus on the three.
A B和C三元素 The A,the B and the C.
大家可以想想看 It's ..Think about it.
就好象 我们把习惯看成一股洪流 It's like a habit can be looked as a flood.
一股我们思维的洪流 这股洪流是 There's flood in our mind
由来自不同通路的神经元构成的 of certain neurons firing in certain neuron pathway.
我们现在要做的是对抗这股洪流 And what we want to do is to overcome this flood.
为了做到这点 我们需要足够大的外力 And to overcome this flood we need as much force as we can,
因此我们要尝试尽可能多的方法 therefore we want to use as many approaches as we can.
在我们讲A元素之前 Before we jump into the A,
我再问一个问题 我们想改变什么? one more thing -- what do we want to change?
我们能改变什么?不能改变什么? What can we change? And what can we not change?
以Lyubomirsky Diener等人为首的 So according to researchers led by the lights of
研究者宣称 快乐是由三部分构成的 Sonja Lyubomirsky,Ed Diener,happiness comprises…
在我们试图分析一个人的幸福感时 as we're to explain an individual's happiness,
我们需要研究三个因素 we need to look at the three factors.
第一个因素是遗传排列 The first factor is the genetic set range,
不是遗传点 而是排列 not genetic set point,it's a range.
我们都生来具备一些 We're all born with
特定的快乐和健康倾向性体质 certain predisposition toward happiness and well-being.
有些人生来就是 Some people are born more with..
一张笑脸 嘴里含着"笑汤匙" you know the smiley face with the smiley spoon in their mouth;
另一些人则不然 others less so.
我们都排列在这条钟形曲线上 And we're all somewhere on this,
有些人注定比其他人更幸运 you know bell curve,some people luckier than others.
我之前也提过几次 我就没那么走运 As I mentioned couple of times before,I wasn't born that lucky.
我一出生就在曲线上偏焦虑的那一端 I was born more on the anxious side of this curve not with the,
嘴里也没含着快乐的小汤匙 with the happy spoon in my mouth,
但我的天性令我有资格教这门课 which by the way I think helps me teach this class,
因为我通过努力和各种尝试 because I do these things,I apply these things,
改变了自己的人生 I make a difference in my life.
我可以谈个人的经验 You know,been there,done that,doing it.
因为我有过那样的经历 I can speak from personal experiences as you know.
现在有些人可能会说 Now some people may look at it and say,
"我们还有遗传排列 真是太可怕了" ‘that's terrible that we have a genetic set range.'
对此 我想说 这不是什么好事 Well,my answer to that is,it's not terri..
也不是坏事 这只是既定事实 it's not good.It's not bad.It is.
就好象万有引力 无所谓好坏 The law of gravity.It's not good it's not bad.It is.
想要支配天性 必先服从天性 And nature to be commanded must be obeyed.
我们要认识自己的天性 We need to look at our nature,
理解 并充分善用这些天性 understand it and then make the best of it.
我们健康中和快乐相关的指数差异 About 50 percent of our levels of well-being of the variance
有50%并不是由遗传所决定的 in explaining happiness can't be accounted for by genes,
当然遗传基因是有影响的 which explains some of the results,
比如 双胞胎研究的案例 or for example,the twin studies.
为什么有很多对双胞胎 Why there were such similarities among the twins
在长期分离的情况下 even if they were,or between the twins,
彼此之间仍有那么多相似之处 even if they were real depart.
因为遗传决定的 这作用无所谓好坏 Because genes matter.Not good,not bad.It is.
也不是百分百由它决定 感谢上帝 They matter 50 percent,not 100 percent,thank God,
只有差异中的50% but 50 percent of the variance.
我们应该随时牢记 对于如何运用 The important thing to keep in mind is that
这些基因 我们是有很多的支配能力的 we have a lot of control what we do with these genes.
你可以说成功是...我只是随便举例 You know one could argue that success...
我并不知道确切的数据 and I'm just throwing out numbers.I don't know what it is exactly.
成功的篮球运动员 But successful basketball players
50%是由遗传基因决定的 比如 is determined 50 percent by genes in terms of how much fast
肌肉里有多少快肌纤维和慢肌纤维 twitch versus slow twitch they have in their muscles,
或者 能跳多高 协调性如何 or how high they can jump,how coordinated they are,
身高多少 这些都很重要 how tall they are.All these things matter.
这些都是由基因决定的 They go into the… And these are determined by genes.
但是 如果迈克尔乔丹从没练过篮球 However,if Michael Jordan hadn't worked on his basketball,
我应该能比他打的好 I would be a better player than he is.
如果他从没练过的话 而且我的确练过 If he didn't work on his basketball at all,and I did and do.
换句话说 在遗传作用的前提下 In other words also with genes,
不去努力争取幸福的人 people who don't work on their happiness
即便他们有最好的遗传基因 也不会比 even if they have the best of genes will not do
基因不如他们但努力争取的人快乐 as well as people with less happy genes who work on it.
所以说 后天努力至关重要 So work matters a great deal.
第二个对快乐差异指数 The second thing that matters that
有影响的因素 makes up the hundred percent of variance of happiness,
是外部环境 external circumstances.
当然了 外部环境很重要 Of course,extreme circumstances make a lot of difference,
我们生活在一个自由的国度 whether we're living in a free country versus oppression.
还是受人压迫 带来的结果是完全不同的 That makes a lot of difference.
但总的来说 外部环境只要不过于极端 However,in general,external circumstances beyond the extremes,
比如无家可归流浪街头 其实影响不大 beyond being homeless on the street,make very little difference,
在差异方面只有10%的作用 因此 in fact,about 10% of the total variance.So genetic genes 50%,
遗传作用50% 外部环境包括居住地 external circumstances such as place of residence,
包括收入 天气等等 such as income,such as weather.
另外这个不包括 And again not for people,for example,
有季节性情感异常的患者 who have seasonal affective disorder.
对于他们来说 有没有阳光太重要了 Then of course it matters whether we get sun or not.
我现在说的是大部分人 不包括有 I'm talking about,um,most people,not people with SAD.
季节性情感异常的人 因此除去极端案例 So out of these extremes,external circumstances make,
外部环境的作用不大 大概是10% matter about 10%,not much.
第三点 The third thing,
剩下的40%是由意向活动决定 the rest of the 40% is accounted for by intentional activities.
意向活动包括我们的所作所为所想 What that means is what we do,how we act,what we think about,
我们对世界的诠释 和我们关注的焦点 how we interpret the world,what we focus on.
简而言之 就是这门课的内容 In essence,what 1504 is about.
包括我们从第一节课开始讨论的内容 What we have discussed since the first class,
以及下半学期我们将要讨论的内容 what we're gonna discuss even more in the second half of the semester.
这些意向活动 我们关注的焦点 These intentional activities,
其实就是我们的ABC our focus,these are essentially our ABCs.
这也是产生有意义的变化的根源 This is what real meaningful change comes.
是我们将要关注的重点 And this is where we are gonna focus.
如果我们能改变遗传基因 当然很好 Would be nice if we could do something with our genes.
是很好 但是不可能 Would be nice.Cannot.Would be nice
如果我们能更好的控制外部环境 if we had more control of our external circumstances.
当然很好 但是即便是我们能控制 But even if we did and many people do.
结果也不会被改变 虽然在场的 Many people sitting in this room or watching at home,
或是在家看视频的人中 有很多的确 do have more control doesn't make that much of the difference.
能更好的控制外部环境 What makes the most difference
能改变结果的 能被我们所掌控的 that we have control over are the internal activities,
是内部活动 是我们对世界的诠释 our interpretation of the world and our action.
和我们的行动 好 现在我们就开始讲 So let's jump into it.
这部分的内容 A 情感 情绪 是一种连接 The A,affect,emotion,the heart, it's a connection between,
更多的是从逻辑上 语言上 and it's a more logical connection,
将情感 动力 动作连接起来 linguistic connection between emotion,motivation,motion.
情感 感动 移动 没有情感 E-motion to move away.Without emotion we wouldn't move.
我们将寸步难行 你们在书中读到了 You read about it in the book.
或者之后会读到 关于Elliott的故事 Or you will read about it in the book about Elliott,
Damásio做了关于他研究 the person who Damásio research
Elliott失去了情感功能 who just lost his emotional faculty
并随之丧失了行动做事的所有动力 and with it lost all motivation to act or do anything
尽管他还有认知能力 even though his cognition was in place.
我们要行动就必须要情感 We need emotion in order to move.
现在我要从两个方面谈情感 So I wanna talk about,again,two aspects within emotion.
首先 是渐进式变化 之后 是突发式变化 The first,gradual change.The Second,more acute change.
渐进式变化是一种专注冥想 The gradual change is mindful meditation.
专注冥想可以带来安宁沉静 Mindful meditation is arguably the most powerful intervention
被认为是最有效的疗法 for bringing about calm and equanimity.
有很多与其相关的研究 A lot of research on it.
我们之后会用一周的时间讲专注冥想 We're gonna spend a whole week talking about it.
今天我只想做一个简单的介绍 Today what I wanna do is just to introduce it,the basic,
讲一下专注力的螺旋曲线 the foundation of the spiral of mindfulness.
从许多方面来说Jon Kabatt-Zin Jon Kabatt-Zin who in many ways,
在这个学科领域做了很多重要的研究 is responsible for bringing serious research into this realm.
他和另外一些科学家 包括 He along with people like Tara Bennett-Goleman,
Tara Bennett-Goleman和哈佛医学院的 people like Herbert Benson from the medical school here,
Herbert Benson 一起在这个被认为 brought serious research to this
很神秘的学科领域里做了很多重要研究 what was considered a mystical field.
"对专注力的培养可以引领我们发现 “Cultivating mindfulness can lead to the discovery
身心纾缓 自身宁静和洞察力 of deep realms of relaxation,
的最高深的境界 calmness and insight within yourself.
通向这个境界的路径就在 The path to it in any moment lies no farther than your own body
你的体内 脑中 和你自己的呼吸里" and mind and your own breathing."
这就是专注力的奇妙之处 This is the amazing thing about mindfulness.
当我们讲到这些研究的时候 你们会看到 The result that you'll see that I'll talk about
那些研究结果是多么令人难以置信 when we talk about research,quite literally mind-boggling.
它们仅仅通过专注于呼吸 I mean they change the way our mind works,
和身体的某个部位 通过亲临现场 transform our brain just by focusing on the breath,
改变了我们的思维方式 改造了我们的大脑 by focusing on parts of our body,by being present.
"所有人都有专注的能力 "All of us have the capacity to be mindful.
关键在于开发我们在此时此刻 All it involves is cultivating our ability to pay attention
全神贯注的能力" in the present moment."
让我们花一两分钟体验一下这种感觉 Let's experience it just for a minute or two.
下面我想请大家做一个练习 So here is what I'd like you to do once again
还是那句话 如果你愿意做就做 if you feel comfortable with it.
请大家在椅子上坐好 将后背 So sit back,on your,on your chair with your back against,
靠在椅背上 against the,the back rest.
尽量坐舒服了 Make yourself as comfortable as you can.
两脚放松 平放在地上 Plant both feet on the ground comfortably.
如果你愿意 如果你愿意的话 And if you feel comfortable,if you feel comfortable,
闭上双眼 just close your eyes.
现在把注意力放在你的呼吸上 And move your attention to your breathing.
深吸一口气 吸至丹田 Take a deep breath in,into your belly.
慢慢的 静静的 轻轻的呼气 Slow,quiet,gentle exhalation.
再次慢慢的深吸一口气 直至丹田 Deep slow inhalation,all the way into your belly.
慢慢的轻轻的静静的长长的呼出来 Slow,gentle,quiet,long exhalation.
如果你的思绪飘走了 把它放回到呼吸上来 If you mind wanders,just return to your breathing.
现在想象你在脑中观察自己的身体 Now in your mind's eye,just scan your body,your forehand,
你的前额 眼睛 鼻子 嘴 脖子 胸膛 your eyes,your nose,mouth,your neck,your chest,
你的后背 腰 双腿 一直向下 your upper back,lower back,your legs,
直到你的双脚 上下观察你的身体 all the way down to your feet.Just scan your body
同时继续深深的慢慢的轻轻的呼吸 while continuing to breathe deeply,slowly and gently.
在你打量自己的时候 寻找身上的 And through your scan,find a part of your body
一个部位 比其它部位更紧绷 that is a little bit more tense than the others.
可能是你的下巴 脖子 It could be your jaws.It could be your neck.
可能是你的肩膀 你的胃部 It could be your shoulders,your stomach.
你感到这个部位有些不适 You're feeling a little bit of disease.
可能是你的腿 膝盖 双脚 Could be your legs,your knees,your feet.
找到这个部位 Identify that one part of the body
它比其它部位更紧绷 that is a little bit more tense than the others
把注意力放在这个部位上 继续呼吸 and focus on it and continue to breath.
深吸一口气 将气引至那个部位 Take a deep breath into that part of your body.
然后在你放松呼气的时候 And when you let go and you exhale,
把那种紧绷感也呼出去 放松 also let go of the tension that's there.Just relax it.
多深吸几口气至该部位 And take a few deep breath into that part of your body
然后放松 呼气 and relax it and let go.
重新将注意力放在呼吸上 深吸一口气 Return your focus to your breathing.Take a deep breath in.
慢慢的轻轻的静静的长长的呼气 Slow gentle quiet long exhale,relaxing with the exhalation.
同时放松 深吸一口气 慢慢的轻轻的长吐出来 Deep breathing in,deep slow gentle long exhaling.
在下次呼气之后 At the end of the next exhalation,
轻轻的慢慢的静静的睁开你的双眼 gently slowly quietly open your eyes.
另外 如果坐在你旁边的人睡着了 Once again if the person next to you is asleep,
请轻轻的把他们叫醒 just gently wake them up.
Tara Bennett Goleman Tara Bennett Goleman.Tara Bennett Goleman.
如果有人还在说梦话 请把他们叫醒 If someone is speaking in their sleep,please wake them up.
Tara Bennett Goleman 在她的 Tara Bennett Goleman,in her book,‘Emotional Alchemy'.
'情感炼金术'一书中写到"专注力 “Mindfulness means seeing things as they are,
意味着看到事物的本来面目 而不是 without trying to change them.
试图去改变它们 关键是要消解我们 The point is to dissolve our reactions to disturbing emotions,
对负面情绪的反应 而不是抵制情绪 being careful not to reject the emotion itself."
这就是所谓做人的权利 This is what permission to be human is all about.
随着情绪 感受情绪 Along the emotion,experiencing the emotion,
在这个过程中呼吸吐纳 and just breathing through it.
虽然不一定总会这样 但是很多时候 And very often when we do that,not always,
如此一来 情绪就消解了 but very often,it dissolves.
随着这种情绪的消解 And with it,with the emotional dissolution of the emotion comes
令人痛苦的情感也得到了心理解离 also the psychological dissolution of this painful emotion.
还是那句话 春假回来以后 Again we'll talk much,much more
我们会谈到很多关于这个疗法的内容 about this very important intervention after spring break.
这就是渐进式的变化 This is about gradual change.
在我们待会说到研究报告的时候 What we'll see when we talk about research
大家会发现 即便这种渐进式变化 is that even if this is gradual change,
只是短短的8周的日常冥想 within as little as 8 weeks of regular meditation,
我们的大脑也会开始改变形状 our brain actually starts to change its form to transform.
我们的免疫系统得到增强 Our immune system strengthens
即便只有短短8周的日常冥想 after as little as 8 weeks of regular daily meditation.
而且不一定是一天5小时的冥想 It doesn't have to be 5 hours a day.
有时候就是一天30或20分钟 As little as 30 minutes or 20 minutes a day
已经足以带来变化 can already affect change.
这个过程是循序渐渐的 缓慢的 This is gradual, slow,
希望大家可以用一生去实践 hopefully something that you'll take up as a life time,
这是一个终身疗法 life long intervention.
下面的例子是从突发变化的角度 Here is an example of more acute change
分析我们的情感 所以 when it comes to our emotion.
当我想填满这个3乘2模型的方盒子 So when I thought about filling in this box in the 3 by 2 model,
我应该怎么去找情感突发式变化的 how do I find the acute emotional change?
案例呢?我立刻想到了一个临床心理学 Immediately my mind went to research in clinical psychology,
研究 是关于创伤后应激障碍的 specifically to post-traumatic stress disorder.
有成千上万的文章 Post-traumatic stress disorder,something
都是关于创伤后应激障碍 that has been studied thousands and thousands of articles;
我们系也做了相关的研究 research done in our department too.
当我想到它的时候 我对自己说 And when I look at it,I said,
'好吧 这是一个突发式变化的案例 'well,this is an example of an acute change,a very acute change
非常突然的变化' 因为实际上 Because what happens when we have a trauma,
当我们有创伤之后 很多人的一生 many people after the trauma are changed forever,
因为创伤后应激障碍而从此改变了 for the rest of their lives if they have PTSD.
它实际上改变了 It actually has changed,
我们大脑中的化学物质 changes the chemical that flow through our brain.
它改变了我们大脑的结构 It changes the structure of our brain,
建立了新的神经通路 破坏了很多 creates new neural pathways,kills a lot of old neural pathways
以前的神经通路 全都是因为 as a result of a single experience.
一个单独的经历 就像是大锤一挥 It's a sledge hammer.
很不幸的是这是一个非常常见的疾病 It is very widespread unfortunately.
我上次已经说过了 I mentioned it last time.
30%的越南战争老兵有创伤后应激障碍 30 percent of Vietnam vets have PTSD.30 percent.
30%之多 80%的第一次海湾战争老兵 80 percent from the first Gulf War have PTSD.
有创伤后应激障碍 我之前也提过 As I mention
我们现在还没有关于第二次海湾战争 we don't have the exact data yet from the second Gulf War.
的确切数据 但是相信人数只会更多不会更少 But the numbers are likely gonna be higher than that.
在911之前 在纽约110号大街以南 After 911 or before 911 right,there were 20,000 individuals
有两万人有创伤后应激障碍 with PTSD south of 110th street New York.
911刚刚过去之后 Right after 911,
有6万人有创伤后应激障碍 60,000 individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder.
这对人是有影响的 Now this has consequences.
影响了我们的大脑功能 Again it has consequences on the way our brain functions,
这种影响很多时候是终其一生的 very often,not always,but very often for the rest of our lives.
这就是突发式的变化 So this is an acute change.
伴随着创伤而来 It comes immediately one trauma,
比如911 或者在战争中的恐怖经历 911 or seeing something terrible in war.
从而影响了余生 And then that often has an effect for the rest of,
影响了整个人生 for the per..,for the entire life.
这是一种休克疗法 消极的休克疗法 It's a shock treatment,a negative shock treatment.
当我想到创伤后应激障碍的时候 Now when look at PTSD when I thought about it,I asked,
我问'OK 这和积极心理学有啥关系' ‘OK,so what is positive psychology have to do with this.'
这属于临床心理学的范畴 就是所谓的 I mean this is clinical psychology.
消极心理学 但是其实有很大关系 This is ”negative psychology”.Well the answer is a lot.
首先 从1998年起开始有很多相关研究 First of all,a lot of research started only 1998,
仅仅是在10年以前 就是在 again,10 years ago,
人们开始关注幸福心理学的时候 the time when positive psychology came in to the scene,
开始有很多关于创伤后成长的研究 research on post-traumatic growth.
研究发现 实际上更多的人在经历创伤后 And what was found was that in fact more people experience growth
得到的是成长 而不是应激障碍 as a result of a trauma than post,than PTSD.
然而 没人提起创伤后成长 However,we don't talk about post-traumatic growth.
每个人都知道创伤后应激障碍 Everyone knows about PTSD.
但是再次说明了 这又是一个关于 But again this is another example of where the light is not shed
人们不愿去关注正面事物的案例 on something that is actually working well.
如何正面呢 就是大部分人 And what is working here?
其实是非常有能力去承受创伤的 Most people are extremely resilient able to withstand trauma.
这是一个非常振奋人心的事实 And that is a very empowering understanding to have.
如果人们知道这是可能实现的 We'll become more of a self-fulfilling prophecy,
是常见的 如果人们不会对经历 and more people will experience post-traumatic growth
创伤后成长感到愧疚 那么 if they only knew that it was a possibility that it was common.
我们就会有更多自我实现的预言 If they didn't feel guilty about experiencing growth
也会有更多人拥有创伤后成长的经历 as a result of trauma.
在我经历了越南战争之后 有了 How can I grow after what I saw,what I visioned,
那样的所见所闻 我怎么会成长呢? what I experienced in Vietnam.It's wrong.
这是不对的 再说一次 世事总有不幸 Again things don't happen for the best.
但是有些人能尽量从世事中受益 But some people are able to make the best of things that happen.
当人们开始关注事情带来的益处时 Post-traumatic growth,
就会产生创伤后成长 it happens when people begin to focus on the benefit.
那么 创伤能带来什么好处呢 So what is the benefit of this trauma.
发生这种事终归是不幸的 It didn't happen for the best.
比如 我从患癌症这件事上学到什么呢 But what if I learn from my cancer for example.
和家人的关系更亲密 更珍惜生命 Well,to be closer to my family,to appreciate the breath,
更珍惜花草自然 更享受 to appreciate the flowers,to enjoy my friends more.
和朋友在一起的时光 这件事 Didn't happen for the best.
的确不幸 但是我却尽量从中受益 But I'm gonna make…I did make the best of it.
这就是价值发现 Benefit finding.
再或者 很多人能在写日记的时候 Or many people are able to find meaning in it through journaling.
得到启示 我们下节课会讲到记日记 We'll talk about journaling next class.
再或者 有些人能够分享创伤经历 Or people who are able to share their experience of the trauma.
还记得二战大屠杀的幸存者 Remember the difference
和越战老兵之间的区别吗? between holocaust survivors and Vietnam vets.
对于不幸的经历 大屠杀幸存者拿来 Holocaust survivors shared,talked about it,wrote about it.
分享讨论 把它写出来 越战老兵则 Vietnam vets ruminated about it.
只是反复去想 回到我们之前说的 Going back to the Lyubomirsky study.
Lyubomirsky的研究 当你只想不说 And when you just ruminate without sharing,
不把心里话倒出来 without,without taking it out.
它会积压在心里 更容易形成 It becomes stronger and it's more likely to become PTSD.
创伤后应激障碍 并不一定要这样 But it doesn't always do that.
了解创伤后成长的好处 And it's important to understand
是至关重要的 the magnetism of post-traumatic growth.
那么现在我向大家提一个问题 So here is the question that I have.
既然这是讲幸福心理学的课程 This is a positive psychology course.
大家应该还记得幸福心理学 Remember what positive psychology is;
关注的是有用的有效的事物 is that it focuses on what works.
因此在备课的时候 So the question that I asked myself
我问了自己一个问题 as I was preparing for this course was this.
有没有一个正面的和创伤相对应的元素 Is there a positive equivalent to trauma,
它的效果强大 但同时是正面积极的 something that is so powerful yet positive
并最终能像猛击大锤一样 that will change the way our brain functions
瞬间改变我们大脑的运作模式? in an instance like a sledgehammer?
有这样的元素吗?换句话说 我想问 Is there something like that? Or in other words,what I asked is,
会不会有一种正面的经历可以创造 can a single positive experience create a positive channel
一条正向的通道 引领我们得到更多 that will lead to a permanent increase in wellbeing,
健康 宁静 和积极的回忆 也就是说 calm and positive memories.
和创伤后应激障碍正相反的反应 In other words,the opposite of PTSD.
再重复一次:勤问必有所得 求索始于追问 And again asking you shall receive.A question begins a quest.
当我问出这个问题 在我眼前立马开启了 And as soon as I ask this question,it open up channels that
一条我前所未见的通道 I didn't see before that were literally right in front of my eyes
这就是我多年来一直钻研其中的 And this was the work that
我心目中的最伟大的知识分子 I've studied for many years of one of my intellectual heroes,
马斯洛提出的高峰体验理论 Abraham Maslow who talks about the peak experience.
我现在要说的这个理论 更多的 Now,what I'm gonna talk about now
是一种假设性理论 而未经过实证的 is more hypothesis than well grounded research.
我希望你们当中有人能 It's a hypothesis that I hope some of you will,
将这个假设性理论当成论文课题研究 will research either here as your senior thesis,
或者以后 能鼓励别人研究这个理论 or in the future,or will encourage people to research these ideas.
我在这个课上讲的理论 Everything that I share in this class
都是经过大量研究证实的 is based on very rigorous research.
只有这个领域是假设性的 This is one area where it's a hypothesis.
但还是请大家听一下 我讲完后 But bear with me and see what you think of it,
请好好想想这个假设性理论 of this hypothesis when I finish explaining it.
因为虽然是有一些相关研究 Because there is some,some research on it,not enough,
但是不多 不足以证实其真实性 you know for a stand of approval yet.
但还是请大家想想看它有没有道理 But think about it.Does it make sense.
那么 让我们先了解一下什么 So let's see what is a peak experience.
是高峰体验 马斯洛的定义是 Maslow's definition of a peak experience:
'高峰体验是人类生命中最精彩 ‘it's a generalization for the best moments of the human being,
最幸福的时刻 最令人心醉神迷 for the happiest moments of life,
欣喜若狂 极乐体验的高度浓缩 for experiences of ecstasy,rapture,bliss,of the greatest joy.
我发现 这种体验一般来自于 I found that such experiences came from profound aesthetic
深度美学体验 包括创作时的喜悦 experiences such as creative ecstasies,moments of mature love,
爱情 完美的性体验 为人父母 perfect sexual experiences,parental love,
自然分娩 以及其他的人生体验' experiences of natural childbirth,and many others.'
每个人 或是绝大多数人都有这种体验 Everyone or most of people have the experience,
这种高峰体验 peak experiences again
不管是你的男女朋友在一起的时候 whether it was with your girlfriend boyfriend,
还是在读一本好书的时候 whether it was reading a book,
还是在听你最爱的音乐的时候 whether it was listening to your favourate piece of music.
这种体验就好象 嗯 Just being one with the experience,it was..um..
许多神学家会说宗教体验 Many of theologians talk about as the religious experience,
信仰体验 比如当你走在花园里 as spiritual experience where you just walked through the yard
突然你看到了约翰哈佛(铜像) 也许 and suddenly felt one -it was a John Harvard.
不是他 总之是一种集之大成的体验 Maybe not.But experience just one with everything.
这种体验就是人们所说的禅 This is the experience they talk about in Zen,
与现在连接起来 being connected to the present,
感觉是如此美好如此完整 feeling so good so complete like you don't need anything else.
好像你已经完满了 拥有了一切 Everything is right here.
我和家人在一起的时候就有这样的体验 Now I know I experience with my family at times.
昨天晚上我和亲朋好友一起吃晚餐 You know last night having dinner with my family and friends.
你们知道吗 当我们围坐在一起 You know we were sitting around,I just felt this is it.
我感觉 这就是了 夫复何求 You know what else do I need.
感觉如此完整 享受当下 这就是 Just being so complete,so in the moment.A peak experience.
高峰体验 但是这种体验一般不会长久 Now these peak experiences usually don't last for very long.
是会消逝的 它只存在于高峰一刻 They come and they go.It's a peak.
但是 它是有震荡效应的 However,they can and often do have repercussions.
现在 也许你们已经知道我 Now,maybe you can see now where I'm going with this.
接下来要说什么了 当我想到 So do I,what I thought about
高峰体验的时候 我发现它也许 when I thought about peak experiences was maybe,
只是也许 和创伤带来的影响是同等的 just maybe this is the positive equivalent to the trauma.
也许它是一种喜悦式的休克疗法 Maybe it's a shock treatment of ecstasy
能够带来超越体验本身的效果 that can have effect beyond just the experience itself,
就好像创伤后应激障碍一样 just like PTSD has effect beyond the experience itself.
时至今日 仍有人活在911的回忆中 There're people today who are living and reliving 911,
这些回忆仍然影响着他们的大脑 still affecting them,still affecting their brain,
创造着新的通道 新的神经通路 creating new channels,
01年9月11日之前并不存在的通路 new pathways that didn't exist before 9/11/01.
所以说 高峰体验是一种喜悦式的 So is peak experience shock treatment of ecstasy?
休克疗法吗?如果它反面对应的是创伤 If peak experience is the positive equivalent of a trauma,
那么和创伤后应激障碍对应的就是 then the equivalent of a post-traumatic stress disorder
我管它叫高峰体验后通路 is what I called post peak experience order.
我知道 是土了一点 但是我觉得 I know,cheesy.But I think there is something behind it.
是有道理的 相关的研究其实很少 Some research on it.Some,very,um,very little.
但是我认为这理论是有效的 But I think it actually works.
其中一个研究 So one of the research studies
是由马斯洛的一个学生做的 that was done it was by one of Maslow's student.
她研究是 生过小孩的妇女 She studied,um women after child birth.
她发现在一些时候 And what she found was that sometimes,
这种情况并不是大多数 妇女有时候 not always,in fact not most times,
在生小孩的时候会有高峰体验 but often these women experience peak experience.
这种体验改变了她们的人生 And it changed their lives.
体验带来的后果是 她们变得 As a result of it,they became more confident,
更自信 更宽容 更友善 更快乐 more generous and benevolent,and happier,
一切都源于一个单独的人生体验 just as a result of a single experience,
一种喜悦休克疗法 这种体验 a shock treatment of ecstasy,something which was,
发生在她们身上 对她们意义非凡 which happened to them,which meant so much to them.
这个实验是在50年代初期做的 Now they did this research in the early 50s or late,
还是晚期 不 是50年代初 no,early 50s.
现在 这种情况对于男士也更常见了 Today it may also happen more often with men because
因为现在的男士比起以前更可能 men today are more likely to be present when the child is born.
出现在孩子出生的现场 当我儿子 I know that in my…when David was born,
David出生的时候 我当场喜极而泣 you know I burst out crying.
对于我来说 那是一种非常强烈的 It was a very powerful experience when it happened;
体验 绝对是一种高峰体验 certainly peak experience for me.
下面是马斯洛对于高峰体验的阐释 Here's what Maslow says about peak experiences.And
他没明白说就是高峰体验后通路 again not talking specifically about post peak experience order,
但是也算是一种暗示 but alluding to it.
'高峰体验通常会带来一些后果 ‘Peak experiences often have consequences...
效果等同于心理疗法 They can do the same there as psychotherapy,
前提是体验者目标明确 if one keeps his goals right,
有自知之明 and if one knows just what he is about,
并且清楚自己的方向 and if one is conscious of what he is going toward.
一方面 我们当然可以只讨论 We can certainly talk,on the one hand,
怎么分解症状 怎么老调重弹 of the breaking up of symptoms,like the breaking up of cliches,
分解焦虑 或其它问题 另一方面 我们 of anxieties,or the like; or on the other hand,
还可以去探讨怎么培养自主性和勇气 we can talk about the development of spontaneity,and of courage,
怎么培养奥运选手 幽默感 诸如此类 and of Olympian or Godlike humor and suchness,
感知认识 身体感知 和其它.' sensory awareness,body awareness,and the like.'
所以他的意思是说 如果我们做一些 So what he's saying here is that these effects
事后跟进的工作 那么会产生一些具有 can have consequences beyond just the peak experience
影响力的效果 而不仅仅是高峰体验 if we do certain thing such as follow up on it.
W. James在'宗教经验多样化'一书中 William James in The Varieties of Religious Experiences talks about
谈到改变人生的时刻 以及它们 such moments that change lives and how they change lives.
怎样改变人生 高峰体验可以创造 Peak experience can quite literally lead to a new brain order.
新的大脑结构 虽然相关问题 And again the jury still out on the research.
仍待研究 但已有越来越多的迹象 But there's more and more suggestions.
显示这是有迹可寻的 And we'll talk about it next time as well
如果我们知道该怎么做 高峰体验 that show that there is something there,
可以产生和创伤相对应的正面效应 that it can be the positive equivalent of a trauma
下次我们会详细讲这部分的内容 if we know what we do,to do with it.
现在我们要说一个很关键的问题 And here's the important issue.
首先 我们会有高峰体验吗 The question is first
我们能有更多的高峰体验吗? do we experience peak experiences and experience more of them?
其次 在我们经历了高峰体验之后 And second,after we experience peak experience,
我们怎样做才能获得高峰体验后通路? how can we make it more likely that we enjoy PPEO?
因为正如同 并不是所有人都会经历 Because just like not everyone after a trauma experience PTSD.
创伤后应激障碍 事实上大部分人没有 In fact,the majority don't.Just in the same way,
同样 大部分人在高峰体验过后 most people don't experience PPEO after a peak experience.
并未获得高峰体验后通路 How do you increase the likelihood,
怎样增加首先是高峰体验发生的概率 first of increasing peak experience and second of increasing
其次是高峰体验后通路的概率 the likelihood of post peak experience order.
因此 怎么增强高峰体验 So to enhance peak experience,
这堂课基本上讲的就是关于这个内容 just very briefly because essentially the course is about that.
现在我要讲几个概念 当中有 So I'm gonna just throw out a few ideas that
我们以前讲过的 也有之后要讲的 we've talked about and some that we'll talk about.
首先 全然为人 接纳 接纳你的情绪 First,permission to be human.Acceptance,accepting emotions.
为什么呢 因为如果我们不能接受 Why? Because if we don't accept painful emotions,
痛苦的情绪 如果我们不能让自己 if we don't give ourselves permission to be human,
全然为人的 我们就阻断了自己的 we're blocking our emotional pathways.
情绪通路 而所有积极和痛苦的 And positive emotions and painful emotions
情绪都流动于同一条情绪通路 often flow through the same emotional pathways.
当我们限制其一的时候 我们也限制了 And when we're limiting one,we're very often limiting the other.
另一方 因此如果我们开启通路 So if we open up the pathways,
接受自己全然为人 give ourselves the permission to be human
无论是出于悲伤或极度的喜悦 and give ourselves the permission to cry
允许自己哭泣 when we're sad or ecstatic.
我们就能开启通路 That very often opens up,
让自己更容易感受到积极的情绪 makes it more likely that we experience positive emotions as well
看似矛盾 Paradoxical,
但这就是全然为人的隽语 but this is the paradox of the permission to be human.
当我们允许自己感受痛苦的情绪 When we give ourselves permission to experience painful emotions,
我们就会更容易感受到积极的情绪 we're more likely to experience the positive emotions.
还有就是 专注力 感受当下 Mindfulness,being present.
举个例子 很多时候 当我们听音乐 Lot of time when we are listening to music,
就是全神贯注的听音乐的时候 for example,really listening to music,
不是放着背景音乐 在一边发短信 not just having it as background while text messaging,
做功课 和朋友聊天 doing homework,and talking to our friends.
而是全神贯注的听我们喜欢的音乐 But when we really listen to music that we love,
很多时候 我们会有临场的高峰体验 very often we have a peak experience being present.
根据马斯洛的理论 According to Maslow's research,
这两个条件能令我们最可能 these are two of the most likely,
获得高峰体验 most likely areas where we can experience the peak experience.
顺便说一下 我相信这也是一种天赋 And by the way this I believe is,is innate.
我从我一岁的女儿Sherio身上看到了 You know even I see with,with Sherio,my one year old daughter.
这种天赋 每当音乐响起 我们随之起舞 You know when there is music,when we dance,she laughs.
她就会开心的笑 这不是我们教她的 This is not something we taught her.
人对音乐和舞蹈的爱好是天生的 We were born with,with this inclination for music and dance.
我们需要花时间去发掘这种天赋 We need to take time for that.Having a meaningful goal.
制定一个有意义的目标 When we're on purpose,
当我们有所追求 做自己爱做的事情 when we're doing things that we love to do,when what we are,
做自己觉得有意义 重要的事情 we are doing is meaningful and significant to us,
我们更容易获得高峰体验 we're much more likely to experience peak experiences.
最后 我们当今文化中最严重的问题 Finally one of the greatest barriers in our culture,time.
时间 当我们匆匆忙忙赶时间 倍感 It's very difficult to experience peak experiences
倍感压力和焦虑的时候 我们很难 when we're on the rush,when we're stressed and anxious.
获得高峰体验 这些都是高峰体验杀手 These are peak experience killers.
无论是在做爱的时候 Whether it's when making love,
还是听音乐的时候 whether it's when listening to music,
或者和朋友一起的时候 whether it's with when spending time with friends,
当所有这些发生情况的时候 都一样 or all of the above together.
那么一旦有了高峰体验 我们应该如何 How do we enhance the likelihood of PPEO once
增加获得高峰体验后通路的可能性呢 we have experienced peak experience?
首先 我们可以重演画面 First thing,replaying an image.
还记得吗 我们说过大脑 Remember the mind
并不能分辨真实和想象 doesn't know the difference within the imaginary and the real.
它可以将发生过的画面多次重播 It plays it over and over again.
当我们多次重播该画面的时候 And when we play it over and over again,
神经通路得到了巩固 the neural pathway is reinforced.
这条通路由大锤凿开 The sledge hammer begins the neural pathway.
之后我们通过画面重演来巩固它 And then we reinforce it through replaying through imagination.
我们还可以把经历写出来 Writing about it.
下周我们的心得报告作业 This is gonna be a response paper next week.
就是要大家写自己的高峰体验 Writing about a peak experience.
当我们记录这种体验的时候 只是描述 When we journal about it,describing it,not analyzing it.
而不是分析 记住Lyubomirsky说的两者差别 Remember the difference with Lyubomirsky.Positive emotions,
正面的情绪和经历不适于被分析 positive experiences is not as helpful to analyze.
所以 只要去描述这种经历 So just to describe it,once again reinforce the neural pathways.
再次巩固神经通路 We relive it.We replay it.
花时间去重演 花时间去重播它 Once again taking time,taking time.
最后 就是要采取行动 And finally taking action
通过采取行动 我们能巩固最初的体验 which is how we can reinforce the initial experience of the,
即高峰体验 巩固神经通路 um,the peak experience,reinforce the neural pathways.
所以说 当我有了高峰体验之后 So I had it inside,
我心里会感到柳暗花明 豁然开朗 an Ah-ha moment as a result of this peak experience.
现在我得付诸行动 Now I'm gonna do something about it and act,
这也是我今天要讲的第二部分-行为 which leads me to the second point,which is B-behavior.
20年来 自从我还未满20岁的时候开始 I've been teaching and participating in workshops
我就一直在教和参与各类关于 and seminars and classes on self improvement psychology,
自我提升心理学 幸福心理学 positive psychology and clinical psychology for almost 20 yeas
临床心理学的课程 讲习班和研讨会 since I was,since I was,well before I was 20.
我发现 不管是在别人的讲习班上 And what I noticed in other people's workshops,
还是自己的讲习班上 or in my workshops in seminars in classes is the following.
如果课程效果好的话 大部分人 Most people,if the workshop or the class is good,
在周末或期末离开的时候 exit the classroom,or the weekend or the semester.
如果之前他们在这里 If they were here before,
之后他们都会经历一个高峰 they usually experience a relative high after.
但是一般人会分为两组 But there're two groups of people.
两组人都会经历高峰 Both groups experience a relative high.
第一组人 很不幸这组人占大多数 The first group which unfortunately are the majority.
在经历了高峰之后 最后回到了原来的 After that high,go back to their base level of happiness,
幸福基点 我们对此并不陌生 something we're familiar with.
第二组人 不是多数 The second group,not majority,
是一小部分人 在经历了高峰之后 but not a small minority experience that high after.
这种高峰并不持久 That high doesn't last forever.
但是当他们落下来的时候 However,they go back,but when they go back,
他们的幸福基点比之前高出来 their base level of wellbeing is higher than it was before.
之后尽管也有起起伏伏 And they continue to have their vicissitudes,
但是都是在这个新基点上下起伏 but this time along a higher base level of happiness than before.
不用说 我当然很想 Now needless to say,
知道为什么有些人是这样 I want to understand why people experience this,
另一些人是那样 some people and other people experience this,
因为我想让参加我课程的人能拥有 because I want people who take my class
持久性的变化 而不是昙花一现的改变 to enjoy lasting change as opposed to temporary.
只是短暂的感觉良好是不够的 Nice,feels good,not enough.
这既对不住他们为课程所付出的努力 It doesn't justify the effort that they put into the workshop.
也对不住我为课程付出的努力 And it doesn't justify the effort that I put into my work.
所以我很想弄明白两者之间的差异 So I want to understand the difference between the two.
下面就是我发现的这两组人 And here is the single most important difference
之间存在的最重要的差异 that I identified between these two groups.
第二组人所具备的显著特点 Group 2,the distinguishing characteristic
就是在讲习班或课程或研讨会结束之后 was that after the workshop or class or seminar,
会立刻做出行为上的改变 not at the end of the semester if it was a semester long class,
如果是一个学期的课程 他们不是在学期 after each class or after many of the classes
结束后才做 而是每节课或几节课之后就做 introducing immediate behavioral change.
他们不会边等边说'好吧 等课程全结束了 They don't wait and say ‘ok,after this course is over,
我到时再重新评估人生 看自己能做什么' I'll reevaluate my life and see how I do.
而是立刻采取实质上的行为改变 Immediately introducing real behavioral change,
比如 做一些上课讲过的练习 doing exercises that we talked about in class,
学着承担以前不敢承担的风险 taking risks that they haven't before
总之 立刻改变 而不是等着 but introducing change immediately,not waiting.
而这些立刻改变的人并不会因此 And those introduce change immediately
而拥有永久的高峰体验 don't have a high or peak experience constantly.
但是他们的幸福基点会提高 But their base level of happiness goes up
而不像其他人 因为没有改变 as opposed to going down returning to
而回落到和以前一样的水平 where it was before when there was no behavioral change.
所以 现在每当我有长达数天的 And now I start every workshop and seminar
讲习班和研讨会 我都会在一开始就 when I have a few day workshop
给大家介绍这种变化的模式 or seminar introducing this model of change.
我们从很多心理学研究中学到 What do we know from a lot of research in psychology
态度和行为是密切相关的 is there is a relationship between attitudes and behaviors.
这一点我们以前讲过 提到过 And we talked about it,we illuded into it already in the past.
所以说我们都有自己的态度 无论是关于 So we all have attitudes whether it's attitudes about psychology,
心理学的态度 还是关于其他人 whether it's attitudes about another person,
或是关于自己的态度 whether it's attitude about myself.
这些态度影响着我们的行为 And these attitudes affect our behavior.
比如说 如果我对心理学 或是幸福心理学 So for example,if I have a positive attitude towards psychology
抱有好感 相对于对心理学 or positive psychology,I'm more likely to take 1504 than
完全没好感的状况 if my attitude towards psychology
我更有可能去选1504这门课 and positive psychology is negative.
或者说 如果我对一种想法 Or if I have a good attitude toward a certain belief
或对一个人有好感 about a certain person,
比起对其毫无好感的情况 I'm much more likely to want befriend this person
我更有可能和他成为朋友 if I like him than if I don't.
所以说 态度影响行为 So attitudes affect behavior.
这是显而易见的 很容易理解 That's very clear,easy to understand.
但是一些心理学家 包括Alice Eagly But what psychologists have found,
Daryl Bem和其他一些人 the likes of Alice Eagly,Daryl Bem and others.
他们发现行为同样也能影响态度 What they have found is that behavior also affects attitude.
这是一条双行线 It works both ways.
所以说如果我有某种行为模式 So if I behave in a certain way,
我的行为很可能会改变我相应的态度 it is likely to change my attitude in accordance with my behavior
这个问题我们以前也讲过 And remember we talked about it.
为什么呢?因为如果说我们有某种态度 Why? Because we have an attitude.
我们的行为就好像外在的世界 And our behavior is the outside world.
我们的大脑不能接受 The mind doesn't like
内在和外在不一致的情况 when there is incongruence between the inside and outside.
因此如果我们的行为是这样的 So if we behave in a certain way,
那我们的态度就会被拉下来 the attitude is gonna be pulled down to reflect that behavior.
和行为相对应 如果我们的行为是这样 If we behave in this way,
大脑不喜欢不一致的情况 the attitude the mind doesn't like incongruence,
它就会让两者达到对等 it's going to create equality between the two,
让两者之间达到一致 谐调 congruency consistency between the two.
方法就是要不然改变我们的行为 或者 And the way it'll do that is either by changing our behavior,
这点很关键-更多时候 改变我们的态度 and here is the key,or more often by changing our attitude.
我们在场的所有人 不管你是 Now all of us here,
18岁还是80岁 我们都有自己的习惯 whether you are 18 or whether you are 80,we all have habits.
我们最初养成习惯 习惯之后造就了我们 And again,we first make our habits and then our habits make us.
习惯是一种行为模式 思维模式 Habits are behavioral patterns,thinking patterns.
行为 行动比语言更有力 Behaviors are more powerful.Action is more powerful than words.
如果我们在这堂课之前 有某种行为习惯 If we have a certain behavior that we had before the class.
这堂课改变了你对某件事的态度 What the class does is change your attitude about a certain thing
如果因此你的态度变得和行为不相符 But if it doesn't match with your behavior,
下课之后 你的大脑寻求一致性 after the class the mind looks for consistency.
你的态度会被拉回到原来的状态 The attitude is gonna be pulled down back to where it was before
除非你改变自己的行为 unless your behavior changes to match your change of behavior.
所有的课程 不管是1504还是公正课或 All the class can do,whether it's 1504 or Justice or Psych 1.
心理学1 所有的课程 讲习班 研讨会 All the class all workshop and seminar.
所做的都是改变态度 All they can do is introduce attitudinal change.
在这门课上 In this class,
态度的转变就是 比如说 自尊 attitudinal change is one,for example,self-esteem.
什么是自尊?是一种我对自己的态度 What is self-esteem? The attitude that I have toward myself;
高自尊就是正面的 低自尊是负面的 high self-esteem positive,low self-esteem negative.
价值发现者和错误发现者的不同 What is the benefit finder versus the fault finder
在于他们看待世界的态度不同 is the attitude toward the world.
我把这个看成是积极的 能带给我 Do I see this positive as a resource for wellbeing?
幸福的呢 还是像错误发现者一样觉得是消极的 Or do I focus on the negative as a fault finder.
完美主义 是一种对待失败的态度 Perfectionism.It's an attitude toward failure.
这门课能做的 我和你们的助教所能做的 But all this class can do all I can do all your TFs can do
就是激发或鼓励你们在态度上的转变 is introduce or encourage attitudinal changes,
通过介绍这些研究 让你们相信 to convince you through research
正向思维的作用 that learn to focus on the positive.
但是 如果你们不在行为上做出改变 However,if you don't follow up with behavior
比如去做感恩练习 and that means doing the gratitude study,
比如这周要交的感谢信 um the gratitude exercise that means writing the letter
这个练习是应该定期去做的 you are responsible for this week but doing it regularly.
除非之后有相应的行为 Unless behavior is gonna follow,
否则你的态度会回复原状 the attitude will go back and reflect your attitude
你的态度和行为都和上课 and your behavior from before the class
或是接受疗法之前没有两样 or before the intervention.
必须要有行为上的改变 There has to be behavioral change.
现在我要给你们看一些研究 Let me show you some studies showing
这些研究的结果显示了行为改变的影响力 the impact of the behavioral change.
这个研究实验的对象是 This was done prisoners of war
朝鲜战争期间的美国战俘 in American prisoners of war during the Korean War.
当时就在街对面的MIT 科学家E.Schein And what Edgar Schein who's just across street here at MIT showed
发现关押战俘的人最终改变了美国战俘 was that the captors of the Americans got them
对于共产主义 对于中国人的态度 to change their minds about Communism,about the Chinese.
这些关押他们的人只是很简单的 Captors.
要求他们把共产主义的优越性 How gradually by simply asking them
写下来 write about the good things within Communism.
我们知道 我们不喜欢共产主义 We know we don't like Communism.
如果喜欢的话 我们也不会打仗了 We wouldn't be fighting if we did.
但是要求他们只写优越性 But write about the positives of it.
写给你的狱友看 Write it to your prison-mates.
写信回家 告诉家人你被如何对待 Write letters home,telling them how you being treated
当然确保他们只能写好话 所以他们 and making sure of course they only focus on the good.
并没有要求战俘们撒谎 虽然战俘确实 So they didn't ask them to lie necessarily though often they did.
时常写些谎话 他们要求战俘只写优越性 But they asked them to focus on the positive.
长此以往 态度发生了转变 Over time,the attitude actually changed.
他们对关押者的戒备少了 And they became actually more open
好感多了 and more positive toward their captors.
因为他们的态度变了 通过写信 Because their behavior,writing letters,
和朋友聊天 talking to their friends about it,
还要做报告 每一次都在 they have to give lectures on it,
说"我觉得这样很好" was one of “I feel positive about this”.
长此以往 他们的态度发生了转变 And their attitude over time actually changed.
变得更积极正面了 And they became more positive.
认知距离-这个词 Cognitive distance,
你们中间上过心理学1的人可能听说过 those of you who have taken Psych 1 or others heard about it.
认知距离的产生是因为两种想法 Cognitive distance is when there is incongruence
之间不一致 两种信念相冲突 between two thoughts when two beliefs are conflicting.
或者说行为和信念相冲突 We don't like it.We want there to be a match.
我们不愿看到这种情况 我们想要一致 Or when there is a conflict between behavior and a belief.
认知距离理论是讲这种冲突 And what cognitive distance says is that this is...
必须要被消解 has to be resolved.
我们消解它的方法就是让我们的 And the way we resolve it is usually by getting our attitudes,
态度 我们的想法和信念 尽量符合 our thoughts,our beliefs to match our behavior.
我们的行为 因为行为比语言更有力 Again behaviors is more powerful than words.
自我认知理论 我们已经讲过很多次了 Self perception theory,we talked about a lot.
这次我不打算详细说了 I'm not gonna elaborate on it any more.
就是我们认识自己 We see ourselves.
并从中衍生出自我结论 And we derive certain conclusions about ourselves.
脸部回馈假说 Facial feedback hypothesis.
如果你现在皱眉或者轻柔的微笑 If you put on a frown now or a nice gentle smile,
你体内的化学物质会发生变化 your body chemistries are actually going to change to reflect
这种变化反映了你表情的变化 whatever your face is showing.
引用一句名言 是...一行禅师说的 So this is a quote by..where is it? By Thich Nhat Hanh.
他的名字不好念 他是一个佛教僧侣 Kind of difficult to pronounce his name,a Buddhist monk.
"有时你的欢乐是微笑的源泉 "Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile,
但有时你的微笑也可以成为欢乐的源泉" but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
所以说实际上 我们面部表情的变化 So we actually influence our body.
能够对我们的身体和情绪产生影响 We actually influence our mood through our face.
这也解释了为什么演员 不管演的 That's why actors very often can get into
是什么角色 都经常会入戏很深 whatever character they're playing simply by acting.
因为脸部回馈于身体其它部位 Because there's the facial feedback to the rest of your body.
在你做面部表情的时候 You actually release chemicals
你体内释放了相应的化学物质 according with the face that you are making.
William James的一段话 William James.
"吹口哨壮胆绝不仅仅是一种比喻 “Whistling to keep up courage is no mere figure of speech.
同样 无精打采的坐一天 On the other hand,sit all day in a moping posture,sigh,
哀声叹气 语气阴沉 and reply to everything with a dismal voice,
都会加重你的忧郁 and your melancholy lingers...
舒展眉头 发亮双眼 Smooth the brow,brighten the eyes,
挺胸收腹 声音洪亮 contract the dorsal rather than the ventral aspect of the frame,
友善的夸奖别人 and speak in a major key,pass the genial compliment,
除非你的心如钢铁 and your heart must be frigid indeed
否则不会不为这样的人所动" if it does not gradually thaw."
William James所说的已经不仅仅 What essentially William James is talking about
是脸部回馈假说 is something beyond the facial feedback hypothesis.
而是一个很少有相关研究的假说 It's something where there is not much research
身体回馈假说 just a little research on which is the body feedback hypothesis.
如果你整天这样坐着 而不是骄傲的 If you sit down all day like this versus upright in proud,
挺胸抬头 你的情绪会因此受到影响 it will affect your mood.
它会从几个方面影响你对自己的观感 It will affect how you feel about yourself in a few ways.
首当其冲的是 你向自己传递的信息 First of all,the message you communicate to yourself,
也就是自我认知理论说的 self perception theory.
但是同时 还有别人是如何看你的 But also in terms of how other people perceive you.
如果你握手是这样软绵绵的 If you shake hands like this limply versus shake hands firmly,
而不是这样坚定有力的握手 your are communicating message to the person
你在向与你握手的人传递某种信息 with whom you are shaking your hands.
那种信息最终会回到你这里 And that message comes back right at you both in terms of
一是通过别人对你的观感 how they perceive you and that impacts you
一是通过你的自我认知 but also in terms of how you perceive yourself.
你们知道 之前有个学生选了这门课 You know one of the ex students from 1504.
她当时是冰球队的 She played,er..she was on the hockey team,
去年毕业了 今年夏天我碰到她的时候 just graduated last year.So I met her over the summer.
她走过来 同我握手 And she comes over.And she shakes my hand.
然后我哭了 因为实在是太疼了 And I was in tears.It hurt so much.
我想她绝对是专心听课了 And I thought she must have listened in class.
所以千万不要太过分 坚定也得友好 So don't exaggerate,just firm,nice.
我是说真的 我觉得她把我的手骨 I mean really I think she broke some of the bones in my hand.
握碎了好几块 但是这真的很重要 But it matters.
因为握手传递了信息 It communicates a message.
我以后绝对不会找她的麻烦 永远不会 You know I'm not gonna mess with her ever.
我现在怕死她了 I'm scared of her right now.
这个握手传递的信息就是力量和信心 It communicates a message of strength and confidence.
如果我们走路时昂首阔步 我们在传递 If we walk around proud,we're communicating a certain message.
一种信息 如果我们走路时弯腰驼背 If we walk around stooped,
我们同样也是在向外界传递一种信息 we're also communicating a message to the environment
外界因此会给予我们回馈 that then reflects on us,
这种信息我们也会传递给自己 but also to ourselves and that also reflects on us too.
并产生自我回馈 最后我想给大家 And finally,I must share a study with you.
讲的是Hammerly做的研究 This is by Hammerly.This is a study done...
算了 我还是下次再讲这个研究 you know what,actually I'm gonna leave that to next time
因为我今天还有一些重要的事情要讲 because I wanna get to something important.
所以下节课一开始我就会讲这个研究 So I'm gonna start next time with this,with this study.
这个研究报告很长 Because it's say,it's a long study.
但是又很重要 所以下节课 But it's a very important study.
我要讲的第一件事就是这个研究 So I will,I will talk about it next time first thing in class.
今天下课前我还要讲一些内容 I want to get to something before we end,
这些内容足以改变我们的人际关系 something that will change our relationship.
弄假直到成真 Fake it till you make it.
David Myers在这个属于幸福心理学 David Myers has done a lot of important work
的领域里做了很多相关的研究 in this area of positive psychology.
他在研究中发现 很多时候即便我们是 What he showed was it very often even if we act happy,
假装快乐 假装很有自尊 像William James even if we act with high self-esteem,
说的假装高兴 我们的情绪也会因此改变 even if I act joyful as William James said,that affects our mood
问题来了:那我们怎么能全然为人呢 The question now becomes what about permission to be human.
好 首先 总有些时候 Well,first of all,
我们不想弄假直到成真 there are times when we don't want to fake it till we make it,
我们想要哭泣 we wanna cry,
我们想要难过 并表现出来 we wanna be miserable and we wanna act that way.
但是 同时 我们还得要 However,we need to find
准时出门 参加派对 when is it the time to get out and to go to that party
即便我们一点也不想出门 even if it's the last thing in the world that I wanna do.
这里的区别就在于积极接受 And the difference here is about active acceptance.
我仍然接受我的情绪 I can still accept up my emotions.
接受我的痛苦 并感受它 I can still accept my pain and experience it
同时选择用最适当 最对自己有益 and still choose to act in accordance with how I deal more,
的方式去面对 most appropriate or most helpful.
所以说 我能接受 So I can accept the fact you know
被女友抛弃这个现实 我能接受 I was just dumped say by my girlfriend,
自己感觉糟透了的现实 但是三天之后 I can accept the fact that I feel terrible about it and awful
照样出门到Oaks参加派对 疯玩一通 but then three days later go out to Oaks and party,go wild.
因此 正是因为脸部回馈假说 So faking it again because of the facial feedback hypothesis
因为身体回馈假说 because of the body feedback hypothesis
因为自我认知理论 because of self-perception theory.
行为影响了我的态度 The behavior will affect my attitude.
在Oakes狂欢一夜之后 And after a crazy night out in Oaks,
我实际上感觉好多了 也更健康了 I will actually feel better and healthy.
好吧健康不一定 但是感觉是好多了 well,may be not,but better.
下面我要播放一段Marva Collins的录像 Here's a quick video of Marva Collins,
当中她谈了一些自己的经历 talking the,talking about some of her experiences.
"我觉得也许我现在这样是因为 “I think that maybe what I am is my parents and their consistency
我的父母和他们的坚持 我想要和他们一样成功 I mean I wanted to be as successful as my parents,
和我的祖父母一样成功 my grandparents.
在以前 成功的黑人是很少见的 In those days,it was quiet rare to be black and to be successful
所以我认为是我父母和祖父母的决心 So I think the determination of my parents and grandparents,
他们...我们会抬头挺胸 they are...we would get chest high.
我和比我小14岁的妹妹 As I said I was 14 years older than my one sister.
去教堂的时候 如果我们没有挺胸抬头 But if we walked in church and didn't hold our heads up.
我妈妈会说 My mom would say,
'你们今天这么了?老低着头走路?' ‘what was wrong with you today walking with your head all down?'
她会在我上学的时候 She would scream down the street,
在街上喊'抬起你的头来!' ‘get your head up!' on my way to school.
我常听见别人对她说 People I've often heard them comment to her.
'我一眼就能在操场找出你的小孩' I can always tell you child are on the playground.
我们就是在这种骄傲的氛围里长大的" We were brought up the great sense of pride."
抬起你的头 直着走 如果你仔细观察 Get your head up,walk up straight when you watch Marva Collins.
Marva Collins 你会发现她就是这么走路的 That's how she walks.That's how she carries herself.
她的姿势就是如此 并因此给她的学生和其他人 And that communicates a message to her students
也给她自己传递了一种信息 to other people to herself.
我现在要跳过一些内容 I'm gonna jump to this point.
所以大部分行为上的变化都是渐进式的 So very often behavioral change is gradual.
那什么是突发式变化呢 So what is the acute change.
突发式变化关注的是如何应对 The acute change is about coping.
关注的是承担风险 It's about putting ourselves on the line.
当我们去应对的时候 And when we cope,
我们需要冒险 the important thing…when we to... it's to take risks.
需要做一些不太愿意做的事 It's to do something we don't feel comfortable doing.
换句话说 In other words,
就是 离开舒适区 进入学习区 it's about exiting our comfort zone and entering our stretch zone
现在我要给大家讲两个我自己的故事 Now what I wanna do now is share with you two stories from,
这两个故事乍听起来毫不相干 但如果 from my past,two stories that initially you will see unconnected
大家听明白了的话 就会发现它们息息相关 but as you will understand soon are very much connected.
第一个故事不轻松 另一个也不轻松 One a difficult story,the other a difficult story.
我的第一个人生记忆 My first memory.
大家知道当人们开始记事的时候 You know most people can,
记得的第一件事就是 most people have a first memory the first time
第一个人生记忆 when the first thing that you remember.
我的第一个人生记忆是发生在 My first memory is from September 1973.
1973年9月 那时我快满三岁了 I was almost 3 years old.
那天是赎罪日 一年当中最神圣的一天 And it was Yom Kippur the holiest day of the year.
我记得我当时在家 突然电话响了 And I remember being at home and suddenly the phone rings.
我的父母是非常正统的教徒 我从小 Now the phone my parents orthodox.I was raised orthodox.
成长在正统的家庭里 我们的电话在安息日 The phone never rings on Shabbat,on a Saturday;
周六都不会响的 更不要说赎罪日了 但是 let alone Yom Kippur.But the phone rings.
这天电话响了 Both of my parents.
我记得他们当时跳了起来 向电话奔去 I remember them jump up and run to the phone.
我爸爸拿起了电话 My dad picks it up.
我当时站在父母中间 And I'm standing between my parents.
我爸爸看着我妈妈 小声说着什么 He looks at my mom and said something whispering.
我听不清 但是我看到我妈妈的脸色 Couldn't hear what it was.But my mom's face changes.
变了 我从她眼里看到了恐惧 我哭了起来 And there's terror,fear in her eyes.And I begin to tear.
我爸爸把我抱起来 他对我说 And my dad picks me up
我要离开几天 不过我会回来的 and says I'm going for a few days but I'll be back.
现在我知道当时发生了什么事 Now I know what happens.
当时 我父母接到我叔叔打来的电话 So what happened was that my parents got a call from my uncle
他当时在军队服役 在情报部门 who at that time was doing his reserves in the military.
他说战争爆发了 He's in,he is in intelligence.And war had just broke out.
在以色列一年当中最神圣的一天 Young people at the holiest day of the year in Israel.
年轻人 以色列军队 The Israel military
当时都不在边防线上 is most of the people are not the boarders,are not protecting.
完全出乎大家的意料 It is a complete surprise,
5个阿拉伯国家同时向以色列宣战 5 Arab armies,launch a war against Israel.
我爸爸把我放下来 走进他的房间 My dad puts me down,goes to his room from the top of the ..
一切仍历历在目 我看到他拿出自己的军装 I still see him taking out his army uniform putting it on,
穿好 拿出他的M16自动步枪 背好 taking his M16 sub machine gun,putting it on,
穿上鞋 系好鞋带 putting on his shoes tieing them.
我妈妈一直在他身边帮他整理 And my mom all the while with him making him things.
他们交谈当中偶尔会向我微笑一下 They are talking once in a while smiling at me.
但是我感到一种紧张不安 我不明白为什么 But I sense a tension there.I don't know why.
然后我们一起下楼走到我爸爸的车旁边 We then walk down to my dad's car.
他当时有一辆老式的绿色福特跑天下 He had a tur- old turquoise Ford Cortina.
他把鞋油拿出来 涂在车前灯上 He takes shoe polish and paints the lights of the of the car.
为什么呢 也是后来我才知道 Why? Again later I know
因为在夜里开车的时候 你开着车灯 because at night when you drive with your lights on,
车灯不能太亮 以防会遭到空袭 you don't want the lights to be too bright in case of an air raid
所以他涂了车灯 我就在一旁看着他 So he paints the lights.And I watch him do all that.
然后他把我抱起来 又一次的 And then he picks me up and hugs me
抱着我说 "我过几天就回来" and says once again “I'll be back in a few days."
然后他上了车 我开始控制不住的哭泣 He gets into his car.And I begin to sob uncontrollably.
我们的邻居 Sharlon One of our neighbours whose name is Sharlon.
他年岁太高不能服役 He is too old to go into the army.
他站在一边 So he is standing there.
我们一起看着我爸爸开车走了 We all look at my dad going off in the car.
他把我抱起来 我还在哭 He picks me up.And I'm crying.
他看着我说 And he looks at me and says,
"Tal 你长大以后想和爸爸一样 'Tal,do you want to be a soldier like Aba,
去当兵吗?" like your dad when you grow up?'
我说 "我想" and I say,'Yes,I do.'
他说 "那好 士兵是不会哭的" 于是我不哭了 'Well,soldiers don't cry.' And I stopped crying.
之后将近20年 我再也没哭过 And I didn't cry for almost 20 years after that.
我上了哈佛大学 我开始学心理学 Then I came to Harvard.And I started to study psychology.
你们知道我要讲什么是吧 You know where I'm going,right? I started to study psychology.
我开始学心理学 And studying psychology,
我知道自己想要做的 I realized one of the things that I wanted to work on.
想要做的最重要的事情之一 One of the most important things that I wanted to work on
就是找到自己女性化的一面 was getting in touch with my feminine side,
用荣的话说 就是阴和阳 knowing Jung's language,the Yin and the Yang;
雌雄同体 the anima the animus.
我想要找到自己女性化的一面是因为 I wanted to be more in touch with of my feminine side
我知道压抑情感是不健康的 because I knew that it wasn't healthy to repress emotions.
我压抑痛苦的情绪 I was repressing painful emotions.
同时也压抑积极正面的情绪 The exact same thing happens with positive emotions.
因为是同一条情绪通路 Same emotional channels.
但是我在一个非常强调男子气概的 But I grew up in a culture that's very macho.
文化环境中长大 男人不哭 士兵不哭 Men don't cry.Or soldiers.Or tough.
我们很坚强 可以搞定任何事情 We can handle anything.
这是我长大的文化背景 And that's the culture that I grew up.
而且 那是我人生的第一个回忆 And again this was my first memory.
之后我反复听过同样的话无数次 I heard the same thing over and over and over again,
传递的都是同样的讯息 the same message.
这样不行 表露情绪一点也不爷们 It's not cool.It's not manly to show emotions.
我现在想起来 It reminds me up
那时候我输掉了对于我来说最重要的 after losing one of the most important squash tournaments for me,
壁球比赛 全国冠军 losing the national championships
之前的一年我是冠军 当时我很震惊 after I'd won it the year before.Surprise.
我本不该输掉 本该赢的 Wasn't supposed to lose it; was supposed to win.
之后我和女朋友一起回家 I go to my house with my girlfriend after.
我们就是一起消磨时间 And we're just hanging out.
突然间她哭了起来 And suddenly she begins to cry.
我问她 "你哭什么?" And I say to her,'why are you crying?'
她说 "我哭是因为你不哭" And she said,'I'm crying because you are not crying.'
因为她明白这场比赛对于我有多重要 Because she understood how important it was for me.
这就是我在童年 青少年阶段的体验 And this is how I basically experience my childhood,teenage,
要坚强 要像个男人 being tough,being macho.
然后我来到这里 我明白我要释放出来 And then I came here and understood I need to let go.
我要找到自己女性化的一面 I need to be more in touch with the feminine side.
这就是我的第一个故事 So this is story number one.
现在让我来讲第二个故事 Let me move on to story number two.
我以前的一个学生 你们当中可能有人认识她 One of the students that I had here,some of you may know her,
她是04届毕业的 叫Lindsay Hyde class of 04,was Lindsay Hyde.
Lindsay Hyde在我这里学习 Lindsay Hyde studied with me.
我们也有一对一教学 经常一起学习 We had one on one tutorial as well.We worked a lot together.
Lindsay Hyde是'顽强女人顽强女生' Lindsay Hyde is the founder of 'Strong Women Strong Girls',
组织的创始人 一个非常棒的组织 wonderful organization part of PBHA.
隶属于菲利普斯布鲁克斯内务协会 She found it,now a national organization.
现在已是全国性的组织 我也是筹款委员会 I was also one of the funding board member of that organization.
的一员 有兴趣的人可以去他们的网站 Wonderful site swsg.org for those of you interested.
swsg.org看看 Lindsay邀请我给 I was invited by Lindsay to give a talk for
'顽强女人顽强女生'的导师们做报告 'Strong Women Strong Girls' for the mentors
这些导师都是些哈佛学生 以及来自 who were Harvard students as well as students from…
波士顿其它院校的女会员 other women from other colleges around Boston.
于是我去做了一个报告 照片上的就是Lindsay And I gave a talk.And here's Lindsay.
这是她和一个三年级学生在一起 她 She was with one of the students,3rd grade student,
还有其他几位哈佛学生是这个学生的导师 who she mentors and other Harvard students mentor
他们一起做了很多很棒的事 and do wonderful work.
我非常相信这个机构的理念 And I believe in this organization.
几乎从筹备的最初阶段我就支持他们 I support it from the from the get-go almost.And I gave a talk.
所以我做了一个报告 这个报告是关于 And the talk was about teaching the importance of role modeling,
模范人物的重要性 关于诚实 was about integrity.
我跟他们讲了Marva Collins I talked to them about Marva Collins
讲了他们要做的重要工作 and about the important work that they were doing.
我觉得 对于我和所有与会者来说 And at the end of the talk which went well,
整个报告进行的非常顺利 I think for myself for the participants,
最后 我收到了一份表示感激的礼物 I got a present,a gift a token of appreciation.
礼物是一件衬衣 And the present was a shirt.
这可不是普通的衬衣 It wasn't any shirt.
是一件粉色的衬衣 这个颜色我平时 It was a pink shirt,the color I don't normally wear.
不穿 当然在以色列我从来没穿过 Certainly I never wore it in Israel.
因为这是一件'顽强女人顽强女生'衬衣 Not only it was a pink shirt,it was,
这衬衣不仅是粉色的 而且 since it was the Strong Women Strong Girl shirt.
尺码还很小 It was also a very small shirt,
给三年级学生穿应该比较合适 more suited for the 3rd graders than for older ones.
但是他们还是对我说 But still they said,
'我们希望你能收下这份表达我们谢意的礼物' ' we wanted you to have it as a token of our appreciation.'
然后我就犯了一个错误 我当然是在开玩笑 And then I made a mistake.And I said jokingly of course.
当时我在教1504课程 我开玩笑的说 I was teaching 1504 at the time.
'我会穿着这件衣服去上课的' 然后我笑了 I said jokingly,'I will wear the shirt to class 'and laughed.
这就是我收到的那件衬衫 And here it is the shirt that I got.
我在1504班上的另一个学生 And then there was another student of mine from 1504,
Tory Martin 她在Lindsay走后 Tory Martin,who was who run the organization
接管了这个机构 她当时是主席 at that time took over from Lindsay at Harvard.
Tory Martin说 '我会确保你兑现承诺的' And Tory Martin said,'I'm gonna hold you to it.'
然后我又笑了 然后我差一点就哭了 And I laughed and then almost cried.Becau..
我说 '你什么意思?什么确保我兑现承诺 'what do you what do you mean hold me to it.
我是开玩笑的' 她说 '你看 I mean I was joking.' She said,
你不是刚给我们讲过诚实的重要性么' 'look,you just talk to us about the importance of integrity.'
我的确是讲了 你们看 这里 诚实 which I did,I mean look here,integrity.
尽管这么靠后也能看见 我是讲了 It's even behind.I did.I said,that's right,I did.
我说 '好吧 我讲了 我现在怎么办' So what am I gonna go back on my word?'
诚实可是我的核心价值之一 That's one of my core values,integrity.
然后我的眼前闪过了我的整个童年 And then my whole childhood flashed before my eyes.
然后我就想到了丘吉尔说过的一句话 And I thought about something that Churchill said
'在逆境中寻找转机' which was 'find opportunity in difficulty.'
于是我一直在寻找转机 So I looked for the opportunity.
现在转机来了 就在这件粉色衬衫上 And here it was an opportunity handed to me in a pink shirt,
让我找到自己女性化的一面 to be more in touch with my feminine side.
女士们 先生们 2008年春装展 So ladies and gentlemen.Spring fashion 2008.
[音乐] [MUSIC]
我懂 我懂的 你们也许不会相信 Now I know I know you're gonna find this hard to believe.
但还是相信我 当我说 But believe me
这个对于我来说是在我的舒适区之外 when I say that this for me was going out of my comfort zone.
实际上这已经都不在我的学习区之内了 In fact maybe it was going out from my stretch zone a little bit,
已经到我的恐慌区了 but into my panic zone.
上课之前 备课的时候 I was telling the TFs before class that
你们知道我都是要做笔记的 when I prepared for this class.
所以我在这里写下要干什么 You know I have,I have all my notes you know.
我跟助教们说 And here I write.
我刚写进笔记的时候 每次看过去 Every time I went over it,when I initially wrote it on my notes.
我都感到肾上腺素在胃里飙升 It was like a ...adrenalin rush in my stomach,
这就是在舒适区之外 going out of my comfort zone.
现在我也是在舒适区之外 Now I'm also out of my comfort zone
这就是为什么我要在下课前 which is why I have to have it at the end of the class
而不是刚上课的时候干这件事 as opposed to the beginning of class.
关键是要达到最适度的不适感 But the key is to attain optimum levels of discomfort.
我可能的确是有点太吓人了 I may have a little overshock a little bit.
但是关键是最适度的不适感 But the key is optimum levels of discomfort.
为什么呢?想要改变 别无他法 And why? There is no other way to change.
我可以想一天想破头 I can think about it all day long
一直说我要找到女性化的一面 and say I want to be in touch with my feminine side
我要更勇敢 我要释放出来 or I want to be more courageous,I want to get out.
我可以想一整天 I can think about it all day long.
什么也不会发生的 Nothing will happen.
什么也不会发生的 Nothing will happen
除非我们有真正的实质的行为改变 unless we bring about real actual behavioral change,
真正的实质的行为动作 real actual behavioral action.
当我们做到这一点的时候 天高任鸟飞 And when we do that,then the sky is the limit.
谢谢大家 下周四再见 Thank you.I will see you on Thursday.