梨花女子大学 Ewha Womans University
大家好 Hello, everyone.
上周我们探讨了人家关系 Last week we thought about the relationship.
青少年时期的家庭关系 Family relationship of during the adolescences.
家庭对我们来说非常重要 在我们探讨的关系模式中 Our family is every important at place and very important relationship
也是非常重要的一种 when we think of our relationship pattern.
与此同时对青少年来说 在青少年时期 But also at adolescences, during the adolescences there are
我们还需要考虑另一种关系 other type of relationship we also need to think of.
那就是同伴 朋友和恋爱关系 That is peers, friends and also romantic relationship.
我不知道你们的书里有没有这张图 This picture I don't know whether you have.
图里面的事情你们在青少年时期甚至是现在都经历过的 This is an experience during your adolescences or even in these days.
你所有的朋友都要去一个地方 Every other your friends go to the such places,
不见得一定要是酒吧 it doesn't have to be a bar.
但是他们去的地方你不去 But they go to this place, but you have to say no.
青少年时期需要面对的一个问题是做自己到底有多难 The problem in adolescences is how hard it is to be yourself,
比如说不与朋友为伍 选择不同的方向 if it is against all your friends go to the other direction.
这也是我们今天的课题 So we are gonna think of that issue for today.
分为三点来说 This is outlines of our triplet lines about
同伴 朋友和交往关系 the peers, friends, and dating relation.
首先 同伴关系包括 First of all, I think of the peer relationship include
同辈 朋友 还有一种同伴关系是 the peers and firends, and also another type of peer relationship
群体关系 这是在青少年时期的一个非常独特的现象 is group relationship, that is very unique phenomenon in adolescences.
还有一个也许是你们现在最感兴趣的关系 Another issues, probably one of your the major interested these days,
那就是交往和恋爱关系 dating and romantic relationship.
首先说同伴关系 Start exploring peer relationship.
同伴的定义是什么呢 What is the definition of the peers?
我们所说的同伴是指 When you say that the peers,
一个年龄层相似的群体 that is the age group,
年龄相同相仿 或者是说心理年龄如此 so the people about the same or similar age or maturity level.
他们之间不一定要有私人联系 It doesn't have to be the personal connection or
或者是个人的喜爱 personal affection emtionally connected.
只是年龄或者心理年龄相同相仿的在一起 But it's a group of the same age or maturity level,
所以可以被视为同伴的是一个很广的范围 so it's a very wide range people can be considered as a peer.
同伴关系有很多作用 There are several functions of the peer relationship.
比如说同伴可以提供一些 For example, when you have the peers they can provide some
非常重要的信息 very important information,
同时他们还可以作为一个参照群体 and also they can be very good important reference group
让你对比自己从而判断自己是怎么样的人 you can compare yourself to decide whether you're an okay person.
同伴还有一个重要的作用是 And also the peers can be the very important
提供生活方向和实际的支持 in terms of they can provide life direction or physical support.
所以同伴关系有很多作用 So there are several important functions of the peers.
还有一个就是我们 And another issues we talked about
上周讨论过的家庭关系 the family relationship before in last week,
家庭关系和同伴关系之间的关系 What's the relationship of the family relationship and the peers,
又是另一个课题了 that's another issues.
还有同伴从众性 如我们在第一张幻灯片里看到的一样 And peer conformity, we see the picture of the first slide is
里面展示了同伴之间的压力 迫使他们要随大流 shows that the pressure, peer pressure to conform to the peers.
这在同伴中是异常重要的 That is particularly very important along the peers.
所以在同伴关系中 So when we say the peer relationship,
这些点都是非常重要的 these topics is very important.
还有一点就是同伴中的地位 你是否认为自己是 And anther thing is the status of peers, whether you consider
一个受欢迎的人 还是受无视的人或者是受排挤的人 yourself as a popular one, neglected one or rejected one.
一些人的青少年时期过得很艰难 And some adolescents they had really hard time,
有很悲惨的回忆 they had really terrible memory
因为遭受过同伴的排挤或无视 because of rejection or neglection by the peers.
这又是一个点 So that is the another issues.
还有就是同伴群体的作用 So peer group functions when you think of peer group functions
我已经跟你们说过了实际的支持和力量 I told you already as physical support and equal strength,
还有提供信息 provide some kind of information.
还有就是对比群体来确定 And also they can be comparison group to make sure
自己是否合格 you are an okay person or not.
为什么这些同伴会有这么些作用呢 Why those peers can have those functions? How come?
因为处在青少年时期的人强烈地需求 Because people during the adolescences they have strong needs
朋友和同伴的喜欢和认同 to be liked and accepted by friends and peer groups.
可能你还小 在上小学的时候 So probably when you are young, like the elementary school,
妈妈说你是个好人 很聪明 when mother say that, you are a good person and you're smart.
也许你就这个当做正确的回馈接收了 And probably they just take it as right feedback.
在进入青少年时期之后 他们会觉得因为是自己妈妈才这么说的 But when they enter adolescences they feel that that's because my mom,
因为我是她的儿子或女儿导致了她的偏心 she kinda bias because I am her son or daughter,
所以他们更多的会寻求同伴的回馈 so they are more looking for the feedback from the peers,
也对同伴的回馈更加 And they have more interest in and more credit of
感兴趣和信任 the feedback from the friends and peers.
因为这种强力的需求 And because of the strong need,
使得同伴起到了很重要的作用 the peers can have play very important functions.
有几种不同的同伴 And there are different types of peer.
第一类是只是相识的人而已 First of all, just acquaintance.
你认识这个人 却没什么必要的私人联系 You know the person, no necessary personal relationship involved in.
就是点头之交而已 But certain people you just say hi because you know that person,
没有私人联系 but no personal relationship.
第二类是大群体 And second level is a crowd.
因为相似的活动 比如上 同上一节课 So similar activities, for example, taking same classes,
你认识了这个人 知道他坐那儿 you know where the person, he or she take a seat,
只是同在一个大群体中 so just a crowd, that's a group of peers
没有什么必要的私人联系 but none necessary person relationship involved in.
第三类是小集团 Third type of the peer is a clique.
是一个范围更小的群体 通常只有五六人 It's a more smaller size, about five to six.
这些人都有某些相似性 And you know that person have similarity of you
之间也有更加私人的互动 and more personal interaction you can observe.
所以我们称之为小集团 So that is clique we call that particular name of it.
还有一种更近更亲密的关系 And then more closer relationship, have more intimate relationship
我们称之为朋友 that you can call that as a friend.
是一对一的更加亲密的关系 So one to one, more intimate relationship,
这也是同伴的一个分类 that is another type of the peer.
最后一类就是恋爱对象了 Then finally romantic partner.
传统意义上只是异性恋的恋爱对象 Traditionally it's heterosexual partner,
但现如今同性恋的伴侣 but in these days homosexual partner also
也被看做恋爱对象 can be considered as romantic partner.
与友谊相比 恋爱对象是更加唯一专有的 Compared to the friendship, the romantic partner is more exclusive.
只有你和我之间的关系 Just you and me relationship.
更加激烈亲密 更加私密的 只有你和我的关系 So more intense and intimacy, and also more secret, just you and me things.
这也是同伴的一个分类 So that is another type of the peer.
同伴关系有积极作用 积极的影响 Peer relationship have a positive role, positive influences,
但也有消极的方面 but also at the same time, it can be negative.
说到同伴作用 When we think of the functions of the peers,
之前我所说的都是积极方面的 as I told you before, it's all positive.
没有同伴 没有同伴关系 So without peers, without peer relationship,
也没有了对比的意义 there is no point for you to compare yourself with
或者为了什么准备 this is the things I need to prepare,
比如说 你要报名什么样的项目 or for example, what kind of subjects, what kind of classes
什么样的课程 you need to sign up.
通常同伴群体是一个很好的参照群体 Usually peer groups appear very good reference group
还有其他积极的作用 and other things also have very good positive functions
我们之前也说过了 we already talked about.
就这方面而言同伴关系可以说是积极的 In that aspect the peer relationship can be considered positive.
但是同伴关系也可以是非常消极的 But also the peer relationship can be very negative.
导致过很严重的后果 It's been a very painful consequence.
你们曾经被同伴群体孤立或者 Have you had any experiences to be isolated or neglected by
无视过吗 you know, the peer groups.
这是非常恶劣的 It's terrible.
如果你有此类经历 那么你的内心非常强大 If you have the experiences, the you can have power, inner power
可以做到不理睬这些孤立和无视 to ignore those isolation and neglection.
但是因为青少年对朋友的认同感和喜欢 But since adolescents have strong need to be accepted and
有强烈的需求 to be liked by friends.
所以这可能发展出很严重的后果 It can be very serious.
有时会导致自杀或者抑郁 So sometimes commit a suicide and depression,
会引起各种各样的心理问题 you can cause a lot of different kinds of mental problems
因为没有处理好同伴的关系 because of those failed in peer relationship.
如果同伴关系处理的很好 So if the peer relationship goes smoothly,
是有非常积极的作用的 it can be very positive.
但是因为各种原因的影响 But for some reasons, many reasons can be involved in.
如果青少年没有处理好同伴关系 But if somebody, the adolescents failed in the relationship,
就可能有非常消极的影响 it can be very negative.
同伴关系的消极影响还有一个就是 So another issue for negative peer relationship is that
青少年有可能加入反社会集团 adolescents involved in anti-social gang.
就群体来说 这个离经叛道的同伴群体可能引发很严重的问题 As a group, then as a very serious problem with deviant peer affiliation.
很快就会学会反社会行为和非法行为 So that is a time run very quickly anti-social behavior, illegal behaviors,
在学校家庭社会中引起很多麻烦 and cause lots of troubles at school and family and also in society in general.
事实上少年犯罪的主要源头就是他们 So actually juvenile delinquency are part of development to face
少年犯罪的多发与加入离经叛道的同伴群体有很大关系 the juvenile delinquency is involved in deviant peer affiliation.
这也是同伴关系消极方面的一部分 So we can see that it is another part of negative peer relationship.
家庭关系和同伴关系之间又是什么关系呢 What's relationship of family relationship and peer relationship?
在之后的幻灯片会给大家演示 People showing that the rest part of the slide.
问你们一个问题 I'm gonna ask you that.
你们觉得和父母关系良好的青少年 Do you think that the adolescents have good relationship with parents
会有良好的同伴关系吗 反之亦然吗 can have good relationship with peers? or vice versa?
有人提出如果我和父母的关系不好 Some people said that if I don't have very good positive relationship with my parents,
也许我会把友谊看做是对家庭关系不好的一种补偿 maybe my friendship can be a compensation for the bad relationship in family.
也有些人提出 因为我知道如何处理好 Or some people can say that since I know how to make positive
我和父母家庭的关系 所以我也知道如何 relationship with my parents and my family, so I know how to
处理好和同伴之间的关系 develop good relationship with the peers.
这又是一个讨论点 不同的理论 That is another story, different theory.
所以是青少年的强大动力让他们和同伴在一起 So it's adolescent's strong motivation to be with their peers
变得更加独立 and become independent.
但家庭关系和同伴关系有着紧密联系 But still there's strong connection between family and peer either way.
可以是补偿 对不和谐家庭关系的互补 It can be a compensation, as a compensation of the bad relationship in family.
也可以是一种平行关系 Or kind of the parallel process
因为你的家庭关系是积极正面的 because you have positive good relationship at the family
那么相同的你也很可能拥有 as a parallel that's a high possibility you can have
积极的同伴关系 of positive relationship.
研究结果两个结论都是支持的 Research actually support in both way.
这句话说明青少年时期的 So this sentence shows adolescents live in
家庭关系和同伴关系是相互连接的 a connected world with parents and peers meaning that
也就是说家庭关系和同伴关系不是相互独立的 it's not family relationship and peer relationship mutually independent,
而是有着千丝万缕的关系 it's connected to each other.
那么他们是什么关系呢 可是互补也可以是平行 So how did they connect? It can be compensation or parallel,
这取决于我们拥有什么样的家庭和同伴 that's depending on what kind of families or what kind of peers we have.
家庭和同伴之间的关系的 And actual the bases of this connection between
实际基础其实是一种依恋情绪 the parents and peer relationship is that attachment theory.
依恋情绪解释了一种依序的观点 So you remember that attachment feeling explain that is continuous point of view
与此同时又是一种不间断的观点 at the same time they provide this continually as perspective.
这种观点解释了依恋风格的不同 When the continuous point of view to explain an attachment style,
他们相信如果家庭关系处理得当 they believe that if somebody have good relationship with family,
那么他们也能和同伴或者其他人保持良好的关系 then they continuously have good relationship with peers and other people.
但是相反的观点 我们有也调查数据表明 But also the discontinually perspective, they prove certain empirical data
如果家庭关系不好 showing that somebody had the negative or the wrong relationship with family.
在其他关系方面也不见得一定会持续这种模式 But it doesn't necessarily continue the same pattern,
他们可以改变和朋友之间的依附关系 保持良好的关系 they can change the secure attachment style with the friends, have good relationship.
两个理论都有调查数据支持 So both sides they have empirical data to support each theories.
但是我们需要明白的是 家庭关系和同伴关系是 But anyhow we need to understand that the family relationship and peer relationship,
相互联系的 they are connected.
同伴从众性 也是青少年时期一个非常独特的现象 Peer conformity, that is very unique phenomenon of adolescents,
也就是说他们内心有很大的压力 要随大流 meaning they have strong pressure inside, I need to conform to my peer.
否则就会被整个群体踢出去或者孤立 Otherwise I'm gonna be kicked up or rejected or isolated in a group.
这个图表中有一些数据 It's a little block, the letter and writing.
你们可以在课本中找到这张图 You can find the same picture in your textbook.
这张图显示出不同行为的从众性 It shows the conformity, the pattern on its difference depending on
的不同发展模式 what kind of behavior.
你们要着重注意这条曲线 So actually I want you just pay attention to this particular line.
这是反社会行为的发展曲线 It shows the anti-social behavior.
你们可以看到反社会行为的人在小时候的 And you can see that low level of conformity of anti-social behavior
从众性不是很强 when people are young.
但是到了青少年时期 反社会行为的从众性就很强了 But this is time of adolescences, it's a high level of conformity
特别是到了八年级九年级的时候 of anti-social behavior, especially about eighth to ninth grader.
也就是韩国中学里的二三年级 In junior high school in Korea, it's second grader and third grader.
他们的从众性会激增 It's a dramatic increase of anti-social behavior,
这是青少年时期的从众性 this conformity among other adolescents.
之后减退 And decrease.
其他两条曲线是亲社会行为和中立行为的 And other this is prosocial and this is neutral behaviors.
没有太大变化 It's not much changes.
但是对于反社会行为来说 But particularly anti-social behavior,
同伴从众性对他们来说是很重要的 peer conformity has a very important play a role,
对青少年的行为有很大影响 have influences on adolescent's behavior.
同伴的压力 The peer pressure,
并不是所有人都有这方面的压力 要向其他朋友屈服 not everybody had those pressure and conform to other friends.
那么什么样的青少年容易随大流呢 Which adolescents are most likely to conform to the peers?
这是一种普遍的现象 但是有个体的差别 It's kind of general phenomenon, but there's individual differences.
研究表明青少年对自己的社会定义不明确 And research shows that adolescents who are uncertain about their social identity.
所以他们更倾向于跟随他人 They are more likely to conform to other people.
青少年通常不那么自信 这一点也算是他们的共性 And adolescents have low self-esteem, kind of their similarities.
同时青少年的社会焦虑很严重 And also adolescents have high social anxiety, they should,
他们内心认为自己该跟随自己的朋友 inside they feel I should conform to my friends otherwise
否则就会非常焦虑 认为自己无法处理 otherwise it's very anxious and I cannot handle that.
另一个很重要的课题就是青少年的地位问题 Another topic, important, related to peer is peer status.
这个表格里表明青少年有四种地位 This diagram shows that four different types of peer status
这个格子里是他们被当做最好朋友的 we can see this category shows how frequently the adolescents are
频率 也就是说你被邀请去 nominated as best friends, meaning that how frequently you are
参加他们生日派对或者被邀请去 picked up or invited for their birthday party or you are invited
看场电影之类的频率 to joining or going to a movie, something like that.
这个格子是你被他人讨厌的程度 And this category is how actively you are disliked by other people.
这个表格组合一下就出现了四种同伴地位 Combination of this true catagory shows ended up four different types of peer status.
我们从最好的开始说 受欢迎的 Start with the best one, it's popular one,
受欢迎的人经常被当做最好的朋友 meaning that this popular one nominated frequently as best friend
每个人都想成为他 和他做朋友 and everybody want to play, to be friends with this particular popular ones.
他们很少被讨厌 And they are rarely disliked by peers.
他们是非常理想的人物 大家都想成为这种人 So they are very ideal people, people are ambitious of these popular ones.
想成为受欢迎的群体的一员 Wanting to belong the popular group of adolescents.
被无视的 他们很少被当做最好的朋友 And neglected one, is that they are infrequently nominated as best friend
同时也很少被人讨厌 but also the same time not disliked by peers.
所以他们算是小透明 透明的青少年 So they are kind of invisible person, invisible adolescents.
大家一般不太注意到这些被无视的人 People don't pay, not much pay attention to this neglected ones.
这类人会有消极的后果 There is negative consequence of this particular type.
还有被拒绝的青少年 他们很少被当做最好的朋友 And rejected adolescents, they are infrequently nominated as best friend
而且经常被人讨厌 and also the same time they are actively disliked by peers.
所以是拒绝 某种程度上可以说是孤立 So rejection. So we call some kind of isolation.
有时候青少年会对对方做出一些很恶劣的事情 Sometimes people, the adolescents do the terrible things to the other adolescents.
还有备受争议的 一些青少年很喜欢这样的人 And controversial, some adolescents really like this one,
另外一些则很讨厌他们 some people really don't like this one.
他们有个性 标新立异 So they are own character, so very unique personality.
备受争议 没有固定套路 Kind of controversial, it's not just one direction.
这四种不同的类型 其中这两种经常 This is four different types, and usually this two types of adolescents
会出现问题 情绪上的问题 they got such relationship issues, emotional issues.
有时候他们在青少年时期需要专业的帮助 Sometimes they need professional help during the adolescences.
因为被无视和孤立在青少年时期是非常严重的 Because it's very terrible consequences of
有可能产生非常恶劣的后果 neglection and rejection among adolescents is very severe.
所以对被无视和孤立的人来说 So for the neglected one and rejected one,
需要教导一些社交认知技巧 we need to teach social cognitive skills,
所谓社交认知技巧 so we now say that the social cognitive skills,
就是通过一些策略来提升社交技巧 there are particular strategies to improve social skills,
如何正确的交朋友 how to make friends in a proper way.
什么是合适的社交技巧 So modeling of appropriate social skills,
但是社交技巧不是一个很死的东西 I wanna say the social skills here is not just antique thing,
更像是怎么去表达你对他人的了解 is more how to show your understanding of other people,
也就是你要从认知方面去理解 so meaning that you need to understand cognitively,
一些人非常聪明 但是却缺乏社交技巧 so some people is very intelligent, but they lack social skills,
不理解他人 既使他们理解课本上的知识 can't understand other people, even though they understand the textbook.
所以他们需要学习正确的社交技巧 So then they need to learn what is appropriate social skills,
如何倾听别人 how to listen to other people.
同时也要明白自己的感觉 And also at the same time you need to be aware of your own feelings.
这样才能防止压抑自己的感情 So in that way you can prevent your active out behavior
以更加安全的方式释放自己的情绪 and your emotions in a more protective way.
我所说的社交技巧包括 So when I say the social skills that including
倾听技巧和诸如此类的技巧 listening skills and also sort of skills at the same time.
还有讨论 Also discussion,
和你家人朋友之间的讨论 with your family and also with your friends,
以得到你人际方面的反馈 getting feedback about your interpersonal styles,
这样青少年也可以提高自己的社交技巧 in that way adolescents can improve social skills.
理解为什么要有社交技巧 And reasoning about the social skills,
我为什么要倾听他人之类的 why I have to listen to people, the same kind of things.
还有社交环境中法规的加强学习 And reinforcement for enactment in actual social situations,
对青少年来说他们很少有机会 so for adolescents usually they don't have much experiences to
体验各种社交关系 exposed to the different settings of social relationship.
所以包括家长和老师在内的成年人应该加强教育 So maybe adults including the parents and teachers need to reinforce
让他们知道什么是和朋友同伴相交的正确行为 what is proper behavior to be related to the friends and peers.
这样青少年可以提高社交技巧 So in that way adolescents can improve social skills.
友谊 我们之前说的同伴更加像是一个同龄人的群体 The friendship, we have talked about the peers that is more similar age group,
而朋友是相互之间有私人关系的 when i say friends here is more kind of personal relationship each other.
不同的类型 不同的作用 更加的细致 Different types and different functions, more in detail
陪伴 刺激 实际的支持 自我意识的赞成 社交对比 companionship, stimulation, physical support, ego support, social comparison
这些作用我们在讨论同伴时已经说过了 these functions I already talked about the peer functions.
对朋友来说你可以有亲密度和喜爱度 For friends you can have intimacy or affection,
这是与同伴相比朋友的另一个作用 that's another function of friendship compared to the peer functions.
说到友谊还有两个很重要的 Very importantly when you say that friendship there are two major
元素 ingredients have to be involved in.
就是亲密度和相似点 It's intimacy and the other thing is similarity.
这里所说的亲密仅指可以让自己自我开放 分享一些私密想法的 Intimacy, this is defined narrowly as self-disclosure or sharing of private thoughts.
也就是说如果你把一个人当朋友 Meaning that if you think of a person as a friend,
那么你就可以放心透露自己的私人想法 then you are safe enough to open your private thoughts
可以很自在的放开自己 and you feel comfortable to do self-disclosure.
即使你说她是我的密友 Even though you say that she is my close friend,
但是你觉得你要隐藏一些事 but you feel that I need to hide something,
很难放开自己 and it's difficult for you to disclose yourself,
那么这就不是一般定义上的朋友了 then it's not actually generally friends by definition,
因为你们的亲密度还不够高 because you don't have that level of intimacy.
友谊的另一个元素就是相似点 And the other ingredients of the friendship is similarity.
通常青少年交朋友 Usually the adolescents pick up the friends
都是在某些方面有相似点的 because they have some similarities,
相似的可以是想法 价值观 亦或者是参加的活动或者爱好 it can be thoughts, values, or activities and hobbies and so forth.
所以说朋友基本上都是物以类聚的 So the friends are generally similar,
这样更容易成为朋友 it's more easy to be friends with.
朋友也算是一个青少年群体 And the friends is another one and also adolescents group,
同伴群体相对成年人关系来说是一种 peer group is another adolescents relationship uniquely compared to
独特的关系 the adult relationship.
群体的作用可以分解为准则和角色 So group funtions can be explained that norms and roles.
说到群体既有准则 When we say the group, they have the all norms,
这些准则不一定要口口相传 it's not necessary norms spoken to each other,
有时候是不言自明的 sometimes the unspoken norms, people have that.
比如说反社会集团 他们的准则是 For example, the anti-social gangs, they have norm to use
运用不雅的语言 他们的语言非常粗俗 这便是他们的准则 not that polite words, they just very aggressive the languages they're using is norm.
黑社会成员 So the member of gang member,
他们有压力迫使他们遵守这些准则 they feel pressure that to stick to the norm,
用不雅的语言彰显他们的攻击性 using the very inpolite languages to show their aggression.
还有我所说的角色 And also the same time roles I've given.
群体中的一员 To the member of the group,
有时候某些青少年充当领导人的角色 sometimes the adolescents take a leadership roles of the group,
而其他青少年则更多地是在取悦他人 and other adolescents take a more kind of pleasing other members.
照顾他人 每个人都有自己的角色 taking care of other members, so each members have roles
所以我们所说的群体 同伴群体 when we say the group, the peer groups.
所以当青少年各司其职 So when the adolescents taking roles,
他们是得到了社交锻炼的 他们有机会 they are socialized, they have possibility, opportunity to
提高自己的社交技巧 develop certain social skills.
做好自己在群体中的角色 Taking the roles in a group.
我已经简明的说到过了小集团和大群体 I already briefly talked about the clique and crowd.
事实上大群体是一个更大的群体 And actually crowd is more larger group,
是建立在活动基础上的 is based on activity level.
没有什么个人联系 It's none necessary personal connection
但是当我们说道小集团 一般来说有五到六个人 but when we say the clique, average about five to six,
他们有更多的个人联系 会分享私人的想法和情绪 it's more personal level and they share certain personal thoughts, emotions.
是更加私人的层次 It's more personal level.
在你们中学甚至大学的时候 When you remember you are in junior high or even college,
你们会拥有非常重要的小集团 you can have very important clique,
毕业之后 and after graduation from the school,
你们依旧会保持联系 the clique member stay continue the relationship even in later life.
好了 现在开始我们来说交往 Okay, starting with dating, here.
我不知道在大学期间 你们谈过多少次恋爱 I don't know during the college, how many times are you involved in dating.
对于交往的概念也有不同 There are different concepts about dating,
我们在交往的过程中 多少是有一些性兴趣在其中的 but when we the dating, is that some sexual interest involved in.
你和朋友出去 有一些浪漫的感觉 When you go out with friends, you feel some romance involved in.
那么就是友谊向恋爱的发展 Then relationship is changing to the dating relationship.
为什么人们会去谈恋爱呢 What do you think that why do people start to date.
实际上这个概念在二十世纪二十年代才产生 Actually the concept of dating start very recently in 1920s.
最初交往是为了找到结婚伴侣 The original purpose of dating was to get the mate for the marriage.
而去和有可能成为他们的妻子或者丈夫的候选人见面 这是最初的原因 So to meet potential candidate of husband or wife, that was original reason.
但是时代改变了 现在交往有很多作用 But it changed, and different functions of dating we can think of
像是放松娱乐 或者是为了某种地位和成就感 as recreation, it can be source of status and achievement,
也就是说如果你在大学没谈过恋爱 meaning that if you are not involved in date and if you don't had any experience
也许是你觉得有什么不好的地方 of date as college student, probably you think there's some defect, you will know.
为了让自己在同伴中有更高的地位 显示自己是个有魅力的女人 So to have more higher status of yourself in peers, showing I'm an attractive woman.
你会开始恋爱 表明自己的地位和成就感 You start to date ,to show the status and achievement.
另一个作用也是社交过程中的一部分 And another function is part of the socialization process,
没有交往就不了解异性关系 without dating, it's hard to know the heterosexual relationship
或者同性关系 也就是恋爱关系 or homosexual relationship also, it's romantic relationship.
这是社交过程 也是关于亲密的学习 So it's socialization process and also learning about intimacy.
亲密的感觉是什么 你向往亲密 What's intimacy enough and also you are desire intimacy.
这也是性试验和性开发的内容 And that is context for sexual experimentation and exploration.
不同文化意识的不同人对 Culturally and individually people set up different rule
这样的试验和开发有不同的限制 and different limitation of experimentation and exploration.
但是恋爱就是为此而作的一种设定 But that date is a setting for doing it.
另外恋爱也是陪伴 Also that dating provide companionship.
朋友也可以陪伴 Usually the friendship provide companionship
但是恋爱中的陪伴更加有趣和激情 but the dating companionship is more fun and more excitement involved.
恋爱也可以让自己形成自我认同和提升 And also through the dating you can have identity formation and development.
我是什么样的男人或者女人 What kind of woman or what kind of man I am?
这些事情你可以通过恋爱了解到 That kind of things you can have through the dating relationship.
最后恋爱的最初原因 And finally I told you this is original reason for dating,
但如今已经某种程度上变成了最不重要的原因 but in these days it's kind of last reason.
人们通过交往来筛选伴侣 The people date as a means of mate sorting and selection.
这里我想要解释一下爱的几点要素 Here I want to just explain what is components of love,
说到爱有三大要素 when you say the love there are three major components,
一个是激情 也就是你和伴侣在一起时获得的生理上的一种激动 It's passion, that's more kind of physical excitement when you are with your partner.
第二个是喜爱 And the second component of love is affection.
一种情绪上的相连 关照和理解 It's emotional connection, caring and understanding,
在伴侣的身边感觉很自在 and you feel comfortable be around with your partner.
这是另一个要素 That is another component.
那是许诺 这是和神爱相关的 And commitment is related to the agape love,
如果你许下诺言 我们就称之为神爱 when you have just the commitment, we call the that as agape love.
随着一对伴侣的年纪增大 So the couples when they get older and older,
他们的激情会消退 但是却越来越重视对对方的许诺 the level of passion is decreased and the level of commitment is getting higher.
三大要素的组合产生了不同类型的爱 So the combination of three components are resulted in different types of love.
一类是浪漫的爱 在青少年时期更加受欢迎 And romantic love, that is more popular love among the adolescents.
有时候我们把浪漫的爱称之为激情的爱或者情欲的爱 Sometimes we call that romantic love as passionate love or erotic love.
第二类是心灵相通的爱 And second type of love is affectionate love is
更和谐的爱 就像挚友一般 kind of more companionate love, like friends.
激情度没那么高但是更持久 It's not that level of excitement but it's long lasting,
感到更自在 被理解 feeling comfortable, being understood.
最后一种是神爱 The last type love is agape love.
宗教意味更浓一些 It's more kind of religious commitment,
没有什么必要的联系卷入 但是更像是一种许诺和献身 it's not necessary relationship involved in, but it's commitment.
因为决定爱你并视你为我的伴侣 Since I decide to love you as my mate or my partner,
这种深沉的爱我们称之为神爱 there is deep love of the commitment we call that agape love.
这张幻灯片说的是当你恋爱后 So this slide shows that when you have dating relationship,
里面都有哪些因素 what kind of ingredients, what kind of factors have involved in,
来维持这段关系 starting or maintaining dating relationship.
第一个是生理上的吸引 First factor is physical attractiveness.
很遗憾这么说 但是俊男美女 So sadly speaking, pretty woman and handsome man,
更容易开始一段恋情 因为他们生理吸引力大 they are easily start a dating relationship because of their physical attractiveness.
但这不是唯一的因素 But this is not the only one.
性 也是一个因素 Sexuality, another issue
还有一个因素我想要强调的是依附关系 and other issue I want to emphasize is attachment style.
尽管生理吸引力占得比重很大 Even though physical attractiveness is way high level,
但是他们有自己的依附关系 特别是 if they have own secure attachment style, that of species of themselves
不信任是很难维持一段关系的 also difficult to trust in other people cannot maintain the dating relationship.
恋爱关系中的第三个因素 So that is the third ingredient of dating relationship,
特别是对于维持一段关系来说 especially to maintain.
还有一个因素是 And another ingredient of dating relationship is that
对父母婚姻关系的观察 observations of their parents' marital relationship.
如果你父母关系好 So if your parents have good relationship,
也许你很容易放开自己 probably you are easily open up you mind,
在恋爱中会信任对方 you can trust your relationship with you partner.
这是另一个因素 So that's another factors.
说到恋爱关系 When we think of our dating and romantic relationship,
其中还有性别差异和文化差异 probably you know that there's gender differences and also cross culture relationship.
因为性别和文化 恋爱关系的发展也截然不同 Dating and romantic relationship may vary differently depending on gender and culture.
说到性别 不同性别的人谈恋爱的动机也是不同的 In terms of gender, there are differences found in motivation to the dating experience.
比如男人和女朋友出去 For example, for man to go out with girlfriend,
也许是为了好玩或者满足性需求 这是很常见的 maybe for fun or just fulfill the sexual need, that's more often.
而女人更多是为了得到爱慕 For woman, that's more kind of getting affection and
和呵护或者相互理解的关系 caring relationship or understanding relationship.
这里有一个更加典型的解释 This is more typical explanation
关于在男女之间性别的趋势和 by kind of general tendency, general differences in gender
差异所产生的恋爱动机的不同 between man and woman in terms of the motivation of the dating.
恋爱设定就是一个解释这种固定模式中的特殊认知 Dating scripts is particular concept to explain cognitive models that
青少年和成年人用它来引导和提高交往中的互动 adolescents and adults use to guide and evaluate dating interactions.
比方说 你出去约会 Specifically speaking, when you go out for date,
你对自己的男朋友或者女朋友是有某些期望的 you have such expectation for your boyfriend or for girlfriend
这些期望建立在你对自己性别和角色的理解上 based on your typical understanding of your gender, role.
说到恋爱设定 也是建立在性别角色定义和期望上的 When I say dating scripts, that is based on gender role explanation, gender role expectation.
比如说在传统社会 So, for example, in traditional society,
女性觉得买单是男性应该做的事情 women feel that paying for dinner is men's behavior,
男人一定要付钱 men has to pay for the dinner.
男性要为女生开门 这也是恋爱设定的典型例子 Men has to open the door for the girls, that is particular examples of dating scripts.
有一些人不明白自己的恋爱设定是什么 So some people don't understand what's my dating scripts,
自己伴侣的恋爱设定是什么 what's my partner's dating scripts.
如果他们在恋爱设定方面因为有分歧而吵架 If they have conflict because the differences of dating scripts,
他们就需要更加统一自己对恋爱设定的理解 they need to be more close about dating scripts.
总的来说 这一章节我们探讨了同伴关系 So in conclusion, this chapter we think of the peer relationship,
有积极的角色和作用 and there's positive roles and functions and also
还有更多的关系 包括有相似点和亲密度的友谊 more close relationship we call that as friendship including similarities and intimacy.
还有关于同伴关系的很多积极的方面 And there are positive, lots of positive aspects of the peer relationship
同伴关系也有消极方面 but also negative aspects of the peer relationship.
我们已经探讨了从众性 同伴压力 Relate to that we look over and think over conformity issues, peer pressure
还有同伴地位等问题 and also we though about the peer status,
这些就是你们需要理解的 that is what you need to understand.
最后我们还思考了一些恋爱关系 The finally we thought about the dating relationship,
这是我们通过恋爱关系 that is particular developmental task to
提高特别亲密度一个特别发展目标 develop very particular intimacy through the dating relationship.
我们考虑了性别和跨文化的不同 And we thought about gender and cross culture differences.
谢谢大家 在下一章我们继续讨论性方面的问题 Thank you very much and we are gonna talk about sexual issues on next chapter.