欢迎来到八周青少年心理课堂 Welcome to the eight weeks of psychology of adolescence
我们今天将要探讨青少年生活中的家庭 We are gonna talk about families of adolescence life for today
图中所示的是一个非常快乐的家庭 See there is a picture of a very happy family
家庭对每个人 以及我们生活中的每个时刻来说 Family is very special for everybody
都是非常特别的 And for every moment of our life
每个人都无法否认家庭的重要性 As you admit the importance of the families
但是呢 家庭它很重要可是我们的 But family it's very important but not
家庭生活不一定总是快乐的 necessarily all the time we have a happy life in our family
所以我们要考虑家庭在生活中扮演一个什么样的角色 So we are gonna think about what's the role of family
尤其是在青少年时期 especially during adolescence
今天的课堂提要讲到家庭的进程 Today's lecture outline talking about family processes
那是对家庭的一个大体上的介绍 that's a more general introduction to the family
之后呢 尤其是在青春期 and then adolescent's time particularly
青少年与父母是什么关系 what's the relatonship with their parents
亲子关系在青少年生活中扮演什么样的角色 what's the role of parent relationship with adolescents
以及在现代社会中我们看到的很多家庭模式的转变 and then in modern life modern society we see many changing type of the families
我们也都会讨论到 we are gonna talk about that
还有 共建和谐家庭 倡导快乐的家庭生活 and then to build a healthy family and to provide a happy family life
我们需要向青少年提供哪些政策 what kind of policies we need to provide to the adolescents
这就是我们今天要涉及到的话题 That's our topics to cover for today.
首先 我们一起来看一下家长与青少年的关系 Start with the parent of adolescent relationship
调查表明以上二者都影响我们在家庭发展的 Research shows that they are both
非常重要的因素 Very important aspects of development
因为我们出生于家庭 cause our life start in a family
所以 如果我们不 So we cannot think about our life without
不先考虑到家庭 何谈我们的生活 taking consideration of the family
况且 家庭在青少年的生活中也起到了积极的作用 And also the family is more positive especially during the adolescents' life
比我们想象当中的更为积极 Uh more positive than once thought
我不知道 当你还是青少年的时候 I don't know what's your relationship was
你和你父母的关系是什么样子的 with your parents when you are in early adolescent
也不知道 成年的你 And what is your relationship with your parents
和你父母目前的关系如何 in these days as a late-adolescent or emerging adult
有的人说 或许所有的青少年 Some people say that uh probably all
每天都会和他们的父母有争执 adolescents they have a fight everyday
有部分的青少年和他们的父母存在着消极的关系 And severe relationship negative relationship with their parents
但让人惊讶的是 研究调查表明 But surprisingly the research shows that only 20% about 20%
只有百分之二十的青少年和他们的父母有冲突 of adolescents stay have severe conflict with their parents
但更多的青少年和他们的家庭保持着积极的关系 But more majority of adolescents they have a positive relationship with their family
这是非常理想的 That is good news
要了解一个家庭 To understand a family
我们需要知道家庭的发展过程 We need to the family process and what kind of process and what kind of
研究家庭成员组成的过程以及互相的关系 relationship among the members to understand
来了解个人的发展过程 individuals of developmental process
首先我想谈一下互交社会化 First I am talking about the reciprocal socialization
互交 的意思是相互的事情 Reciprocal meaning the mutual things
所以不一定是家长对青少年以及儿童进行社交 So not necessarily parents socialize adolescents and children
以此同时 是让青少年去促使他们的家长社交 But at the same time adolescents re-socialize their parents
所以当我们想到家庭的时候 So when we think about the family
存在着双向的非常重要的影响 There is a bidirectional influences existed that is a very important thing
因为人们通常会说 妈妈使得我陷入不堪的局面 Cause in usually people says that mum makes my life in a terrible situation because
她总是过多的惩罚我 这就是 mum punished me so much and that's why
为什么我成为了一名少年犯 I'm a juvenile delinquent for example
但是我们需要明白 But we need to understand this
青少年的一些行为确实使得他的母亲烦恼不堪 Some part of our those adolescents behavior make his mum crazy
所以除了惩罚 妈妈找不到其他的方法 And that's why there's no other way for his mum (to)
去处理她孩子的反社会行为 deal with her son's some anti-social behavior
所以这种就是相互影响 So there is the reciprocal mutual influences each other
所以这不是某方的问题 而是双方的 So it's not a one way influences but is mutual bidirectional influences
同样 家庭作为一个系统意味着作为家庭的一员 Also family that as a system meaning that as a member of family
有的时候我们会失去我们的个体性 Sometimes we will lose our individual
有的时候作为一名家庭成员 identity sometimes as a member of the family
因此 体系就意味着像星座的子系统是根据 So the system meaning that (as) a constellation of subsystems defined in terms of
时代 性别以及角色所形成的 generation, gender and role
所以当我们说金先生的家庭 So when we say that there's Mr.Kim's family
就有夫妇的子系统 也就是丈夫和妻子 There's a subsystem of couples so that the husband and wife
另外在其他子系统中 是家长和孩子 Then in other subsystems are parents and the
同样也有兄弟姐妹的子系统 children and also siblings' subsystems
对于子系统而言 各个家庭有着自己的生活 自己的进程所以 And the subsystem, the family they have their own life their own process so
个体有的时候也在家庭中扮演着其自身的角色 individual sometimes they have particular role expected in a family
所以有的时候孩子不得不恭维他们的父母 不论心情如何 So sometimes the children have to please their parents all the time regardless their mood
这就是他们被期望扮演的角色 So that is the expected role
这可以是有意的或者是无意的 It can be intentionally or unintentionally
所以这两个家庭的方面是非常重要的相互影响或者 So these 2 aspects of the family are very important things mutually influences or
我们需要去了解的家庭作为一个体系所以家庭成员有着 family we need to understand that as a system so individual of the family they have
来维持这个家庭体系的角色 the roles they are expected to sustain the family as a system
所以这是一种非常简单的图形来展示 So this is a kind of very simple diagram and picture to show that how marital
夫妇间的关系和家教以及孩子行为发展有着相互的影响 relationship and parenting and child behavior and development have a mutual influences
当有的时候 青少年儿童表现出有问题的行为 Sometimes when the child adolescent shows that there are some problematic behaviors
有的家长就会说 他脾气不好 或者太逆反 Some parents see oh he has a bad temper because of that
因此他表现出反社会的行为 he show anti-social behavior or he is too rebellious
但是我们需要明白的是 这种逆反现象反映了 But we need to understand that those rebellious behaviors have influence of
父母控制欲过强的家庭教育方式 a certain kind of too much controlling parenting style
然后我们同样也需要去了解为什么 And also we need to understand that why
那些父母会去控制他们的孩子 those a mother or father is controlling their child
或许他们婚姻不美满 Maybe their marital life is not happy
所以他或者她需要一些借口来发泄他们的怒火 So he needed to or she needed to some kind of excuses to
所以那是一个亲子关系的因素 vent their anger so that is a fact of parenting relationship
所以研究表明 各个孩子的行为需要联合 So research shows that individual child behavior needed to
父母婚姻关系以及家教方式进行理解 understand in the context of marital relationship and also the parenting style
通常我们忽略了父母婚姻关系的重要性 Usually we ignore the importance of marital relationship
而单纯的去看家教方式 to understand the parenting style
所以有的时候在亚洲文化 当母亲 So sometimes in Asian culture when the mother the wife
也就是妻子不满意她的丈夫 is very disappointed in the
就会这样说 我将用我的儿子替代我的丈夫 marriage with her husband say that I'm gonna replace my son with my husband
所以 她将会和她的孩子走的很近 试着成为一名 So has a very close relationship and
最好的母亲 因为她对她的婚姻感到失望 try to do her best as a mother because she was
想要从作为一名母亲中 而不是作为一名妻子中找到幸福感 so much disappointed in the marriage and wanted to get some happiness or
她认为这是她生活中完全不同的两个方面 satisfaction as a mother not as a wife and she thinks that it's a very distinctive
但事实并非如此 independent area of her life but it's not that true
要有良好的亲子关系你需要 To have a very good parent relationship you need to
有良好的婚姻关系 have a good bases of marital relationship
有的人认为 这种调查或者发现是非常的让人失望 So some people feeling that this kind of research or the findings is very disappointing
因为我不能改变我的配偶那就意味着我不能成为一名好的家长 cause I can't change my partner then meaning that I can't be a good parent also
是的 很难去承认这是事实 Yeah it's difficult to admit that is true
所以当你作为一名家长在思考你的家教方式的时候 so when you think about your parenting style as a parent
或者当你在回想你父母的家庭教育方式的时候 or when you think about your mother's or your father's parenting style
你需要去思考她的父母的行为或者他的家教特点 you need to think about her mother's behavior or father's behavior or his quality of
是和父母的婚姻生活紧密相连的 parenting is closer relate to the marriage life as a partner's father and mother
所以调查表明良好的婚姻是良好家教的基础 So research shows that the good happy marriage that is a foundation of good parenting
而且 关系的发展建设意味着 And the development construction of relationship meaning that
有人认为我们与父母有持续而不变的关系 Some people believe that we have a continuously same kind of or similar parent of
也就是说 如果在儿童时和她的父母有着良好关系 the relationship meaning that when the kids have a very good relationship with her
那么这种良好关系 father or mother when they were young then
就将持续到青少年时代 adults' quality can be continuous in the evening of adolescents' life
但有的人说这是不能延续的 But some people say it's discontinuity view
比如 即使有的孩子非常难应付而且脾气很坏 For example even though the kids were very difficult kids had temper when they
但是随着时间的推移 在能学校成功完成学术课程 were young but as time goes on accomplishment have a very successful academic
那么这对对孩子的性格是有很大影响的 things in school then it has influenced kids' personality
那么他们将能够与父母发展良好的关系 then it has a possibility to have a good relationship with the father and mother
所以这里有两个不同的视角 So there are 2 different perspectives
另外一个重要的因素是成熟化 Another important thing is the maturation
当我们联想到青少年以及他们和他们父母的关系的时候 And when we thinking about the adolescents and their relationship with their father
我们通常只会想到青少年的成熟化 随着生理上的改变 or mother we only think usually just adolescents' maturation so there are biological
我们也开始认知 情感上同样也变的成熟起来 changes as we covered already cognitively and also emotionally their mature changed
但是我们没有注意到的是他们的父母也在衰老 But we don't pay attention to their parents also get old
通常当他们的第一个孩子成长到青少年的时候 Usually the first child when they get to the adolescent's age
通常他们的父母也四十岁左右了 到了中年危机的时候 Usually their parent are at their 40s is the midlife crisis
所以对于男人来说 父亲正面临着各种职业问题以及即将退休 So as for men the father have gone through all kind of career issues and retirement
更多的孩子的教育负担以及经济压力 and more educational burden and financial burden
同样对于母亲而言 And also the mother
母亲作为一个女人 她同样 The mother as a woman she also has gone through
也面临着各种生理上的变化 all kind of biological changes as a midlife crisis
所以这一点表明了去理解亲子关系不仅仅是 So this the points shows that to understand the parent relationship not just
看到并理解青少年的各种问题 adolescents have all the problems and all the issues to explain the adolescents and
我们同样要明白 parent relationship we also need to understand there is a similar actually the
父母也有着同样的危机与变化 changes and similar crisis of their life as their parents
同时 他们受到了中年危机以及 So simultaneously they have mutual influences as a midlife crisis and also crisis that
寻求自我认同的影响 start their own identity struggle
当我们想到父母的时候 我们 When we think about the parents the first point is
首先会想到父母需要扮演管理的角色 the parents need to take a manager role
管理就意味着各种监管 给予方向以及提供 Management meaning that kind of supervision and give some direction and provide
信息 提供非常重要的资源 some information provide very important resources
家长作为一名管理者 这是最能被理解以及期待的角色 That is a necessary and expected role to understand parents as a manager
有的人或者有的文化会认为 我才不要视我的父母为管理者 So some people or some culture feeling that I m not gonna see my mother or my
因为我很独立且我能自给自足 我不需要其他的资源 father as a manager I'm independent enough and I m self-sufficient I don't need any resources
所以 这里存在着跨文化的不同以及个人差异但是 So there is some cross-culture differences and was individual differences but
对于青少年的管理是非常有必要的因为青少年还不能够 manager for the adolescents' child is very necessary cause adolescents is not a time
完全的去独立判断事情 to declare independence fully independence
所以作为青少年我们需要一些支撑以及监管 So we need some kind of support we need some kind of supervision as an adolescence
所以家长的管理者角色对于那个年龄是非常重要的 So parents their manager role is very important for that ages
第二个定义是家教 这已经被戴安娜鲍姆林德所升华 她说 And second definition is parenting style that is developed by Diana Baumrind and she
她把家教分为四个子方式 下一个幻灯片 says that she classified the parenting style (into) these 4 sub styles and next slide
她同样将展示了更多关于此的细节 she also (explained) more in detail what is that about
正如你所看到的这一次元 这是关于 so if you see that is one dimension that is about the warmth so how much the
父母的接受和理解程度 mother or father accepting
另外一个极端是拒绝 The other extreme is the rejecting
所以这是一种温暖维度的影响 So this is a kind of affection a warmth dimension
另外的维度是关于是否要求或者不要求 The other dimension is about whether demanding or undemanding
有的人说这是一种严格度 这是一种温柔度 Some people say this is a firmness and this is a gentleness
所以当我们在思考家教的时候 这里有两个非常重要的标准 So when we think about the parenting style there are 2 very important criteria
要么是家长通过他们的家教 Either it's a how much firm(?) how much demandingness did
表现出多严格 要求多高 the parents shows in their parenting
另外的因素 就是接受 人们通常称的温柔 And the other aspect is the acceptance or some people say the gentleness
所以通过这两个标准 我们想出了四种不同的家教方式 So using these 2 criteria we come up with the 4 different styles of parenting style
第一种是权威式的 这种是一种理想类型的家教方式 意味着接受 1st is the authoritative this is ideal type of parenting style meaning accepting and also
同样也要求 at the same time demanding
要求意味着控制或者是限制 Demanding meaning is that controlling or to restrictiveness
这就要给予更多的期望以及更多的指导之类的所以 This is more giving expectation and giving some guidelines this kind of things so
用温暖以及温柔来给予方向 giving a structure with some warmthness and some gentleness
这种方式同样也是权力者 And this the type is also authoritarian which is rejecting with
用权力来拒绝逆反的要求 the power demandingness
所以势力以及魄力是父母通常用来 So power and assertiveness is always that their parents
设立规则的标准 孩子毫无回嘴之力 set up a rule and there is no
完全不允许青少年儿童表达他们自己的意见 talk back from the or the allowance of the children's ideas or adolescents' opinion
无知观点 that's the ignorant
只有父母 Only the father or the mother
是你必须听从的对象 we are the king of the family you have to listen that type of style
另外一种家教是纵容 and the other style of the parenting style is the indulgent
意味着没有约束 meaning that no the control so everything is ok
孩子干什么都可以只要他高兴 so all things are permissive but with an acceptance
现在看来 独生子女通常情况下是母亲选择纵容的 so in these days the only one child usually the mothers choose to stay in indulgent
家教方式 that kind of a parenting style
掌上明珠 so you are so precious
我将不会限制你任意的行为 以导致太多的许可 so I will let a non restriction of every behavior so too much permission actually
而疏于管教 and the neglectful
有时候称之为忽略或者漠不关心同样也包含在该家教方式里 sometimes you call it an ignoring or indifferent are involved in parenting style is that
没有关爱 关心以及权力 no love and no care with a no power
在教课书上表明了 每个家教方式都有它的利和弊 so in the textbook shows that each parenting style have pros and cons even though
尽管 这是一个非常理想的家教方式 this is a very ideal type of parenting style
作为家教的结果我们得知什么样的青少年行为 and as a consequences of the parenting style we expected what's the adolescents'
能够被他们家教方式所解释 behavior can be explained by their parenting style
在跨文化的方面影响 有着一些文化的差异 in terms of cross culture perspective there is some differences in certain culture
我们可以看到 在家教方面哪一个 see that in terms of a parenting style which one is more
是更为普遍的 哪一个是更受欢迎的 prevalent and which one is more popular
所以在亚洲的文化里面权威者意味着更多的控制 更多的要求 so in Asian culture authoritarian meaning more controlling and more demanding
父母是更为普遍 以此同时 权威性的方式就更为流行 parents is more popular and at the same time authoritative style is more popular
有很多不同的家教观念 控制在西方文化中 and different perceptions of the parenting the control meaning that in western
或许是权威父母总是规定子女的方向 控制以及管理 culture probably authoritarian parents always giving direction and control and a structure
那些家长被认为是具有虐待倾向或者爱惩罚的 Those parents can be perceived sometimes as very abusive parents or punitive style
他们被认作是非常负面的 and they are perceived as very negative
但是在亚洲文化 那些具有控制力的家长被认作是爱护 But in Asian culture those parent of control can be considered as a parenting love
所以 这里有着对家长控制力上的不同看法 So there is a different perception of the parent control
所以在亚洲文化或许权威家教方式不被评为 So in Asian culture maybe authoritarian parenting style is not necessarily can be
不良的家教方式 assessed or evaluated as one of the negative parenting style
这就是跨文化的不同 So that is a cross-culture difference
但是我们也要明白家教方式也有一些局限性 But also we have to understand that parenting style has some limitations
限制的例子没有必要举出 父母表现出的局限性 Examples of the limitations are not necessarily parents showed that one the
通常集合了的家教方式 花一点时间回想一下 parenting style usually combined the parenting style just take a moment to think
你父母的家教方式 about your parents' parenting style
或许能够想到我的父母结合了至少其中一个或者几个或者全部 Probably you can think that my mother my father combine either one of them or few
这就要看他们的心情以及 of them or sometimes all of them depending on their mood
他们的处境还要看问题的状况了 or their situation and depending on the issues
这里有一个局限我们不能仅仅 So there is a limitation we cannot classify parenting using
使用一个家教方式来进行分类 just one of the parenting styles
同样 另外一个局限是在有的文化中被分为这四个子类型的 And also another limitation is that in some cultures actually the parenting style using
家教方式也不一定是完全相同的 that the 4 subtypes is not necessarily the match exactly
比如说在亚洲就有一些局限 For example in Asian culture so there is some limitation
在性别方面我们有着老套的 母亲的角色 以及 And in terms of the gender we have a certain stereotypes of the mothers role and
父亲的角色 the fathers role and there are stereotypes
但是目前正在改变中 更多的人会说 But it is a changing in these days there are more people say that there are lots of
共同监护 才更有益 benefit of the co-parenting
父亲愿意去做履行 And the fathers are willing to do some mothers' role
传统上属于母亲的义务 which was traditionallyconsidered as mothers job
因为目前有工作的母亲的数量在不断的增多 Because working mum is an increased number working mum is increased these days
所以共同监护是很有必要的 因此需要就此展开更多的研究 So co-parenting is necessary so more research has to be conducted for that issue
另外的因素是亲子之间的冲突 And another thing is that the parent-adolescent conflict
正如我在前面所说的 通常人们所说的 As I told you in the beginning usually people say that around
青少年和家长的冲突会是很严峻的 these adolescents they conflict with the parents can be very severe
是的 如果青少年有着严峻的冲突 Yes if the people the adolescents have a severe conflict
后果也将是非常严峻的 The consequences can be very severe
但也不至于有太大争端 But it's not necessarily more stuff of adolescents have that big fight
通常青少年与家长的冲突都是关于一些琐事 比如 Usually the parent adolescent conflict is about the trivial things
我有什么样的衣服 我应该剪什么样的发型 what kind clothes I have what kind of hair style I should have
这些琐事只会导致一些轻微的争吵 Their kind of trivial things they have a some light fights
不至于导致严峻的问题 but it's not necessarily very severe things
同样 相反的调查表明家长和青少年展示出相似的 And also on the contrary research shows that parents and adolescents are show the
价值观以及相似的教育期许 similar values and similar expectation of their education
而不是严峻的冲突 rather than having a severe conflict
所以这是我们应该思考的另外一个问题 So that is another issue we need to consider
为了了解健康的或者积极的亲子关系 and to understand healthy or the positive-parent adolescent relationship the
课本上说明了两个非常重要的概念 textbooks shows 2 very important concepts which is autonomy
就是自我管理以及依附 and another thing is attachment
当我说到自治不是说要分开 孤立或者冷漠 When I say that autonomy is not necessarily separateness or distance or coldness
自治的意思是自我引导而且独立 Autonomy by definition is self-direction and independence
所以青少年必须有一些能力 So adolescent has to have some capacity to
去放弃对父母孩子似的依靠 relinquish childlike dependence on their parents
所以家长同样允许青少年去自我引导以及独立 So parents also allow their adolescents to have those self-directions and Independence
这是非常重要的氛围 去培养青少年能够 That is a very important environment very important nurturing for
自己发展他们特性是非常重要的 the adolescents to develop their own identities
自治是亲子关系一个 So autonomy that is one necessary very important essential components of
非常重要的成分 a healthy parent-adolescent relationship
另外一个是依附 Another one is attachment
依附是一个经过科学调查 非常广泛的一个概念 Attachment is one of the concepts to be investigated scientifically very widely and
它有着悠久的历史以及进行过许多的调查 had a long history and lots of the researches had been conducted on that issue
传统调查者将依附分为安全的及不安全的 但近几年来 Traditional researchers classified secure insecure attachment but in these days it's
有了更多种的细节分化 因为这是一种 more kind of a detailed classification because it's
非常复杂的现象 而且非常重要的现象 a very complicated phenomenon and very essential phenomenon
一个安全的依附意味着 有着信任的关系 母亲是非常有 One secure attachment meaning that has a trustful relationship the mother is very
责任以及值得信任的且对孩子很体贴 responsive and trustworthy and consistency to the child
所以当青少年与父母之间是安全依附时 就意味着 So when the adolescents have a secure attachment with their parents meaning that
他们很可能和其他人也有着非常好的关系 they have a very good relationship with other people too high possibility
但是其他三个表现出一些消极的没有安全感的依附方式 But the other 3 show some negative insecure attachment styles
第一个是回避依附 意味着他们有着很大的 1st one is the dismissing avoidant attachment meaning that they have a big
挫折感以及在关系的初期 frustration and the beginning of the relationship
通常母亲是温情的给予者 with the care giver usually it's their mother
如果被他们的母亲拒绝后会感到极大的挫折 They got frustrated to be rejected
或许母亲不是有意去拒绝孩子 但孩子把其认作是很大的 Probably mother not intend to reject the child but the child went perceived it's a big
否定 然后慢慢的他们将发展为逃避 所以他们很少 rejection they develop avoidant so very few for to develop into the relationship with
会和其他人建立关系 我们称那些人为回避依附类型 other people and we call those people have dismissing or avoidant attachment style
第二种没有安全感的依附是矛盾依附 表现为 The 2nd style of insecure attachment is preoccupied ambivalent attachment showing
父母是否表现一致 例如当他们开心的时候 that if the parents showing inconsistence for example when they are happy showing
表现的很深情 但当他们不开心的时候他们就忽视 very affectionate responses but when they are unhappy they do ignore the
青少年的需求 然后导致了青少年发展为矛盾的个体 adolescents' need then as a result the adolescents or the child they develop
因此他们不能够预测其他同伴的关系 preoccupied ambivalent so they cannot predict the other partners' or other friends
且他们非常难以被理解并理解其他人 relationship and they are very difficult have a difficult to understand other people
他们展现出极大的焦虑 very high level of anxiety they are showing
最后一种没有安全感的依附是一种病理学的 And the last type of the insecure attachment is kind of pathological type of
人格障碍 personality disorder
非常极端的虐待儿童的类型 Very extreme type of child abuse or deprivation
像那样的话 我们看到了絮乱的依附类型 In that case we see that unresolved disorganized attachment style
他们和其他人没有任何的来往 So they have an actually no connection with other people
且本身就难以发展关系 and so difficult to have a relationship itself
这种关系模板 也叫做依附 So this kind of relationship the template we call the attachment
所以要有一个和父母的依附以及自治的良好关系 这里有 So to have a good relationship with the parents' attachment and autonomy that is a
两个方面去了解亲子关系的质量 2 components to understand the quality of the parent relationship of adolescents so
所以想一想你和你父母的关系来看你是否能够自我管理 think about that your relationship with parents whether you have an autonomy
同样和你父母建立一个安全的关系 enough and also have secure relationship with your parents
也对于你的其他人际关系有帮助 and that can be applied to other relationship
这是一个你需要回答的非常重要的问题 That is a very important issue you need to question
是的 许多安全依附的好处不仅仅 Yeah many benefits of secure attachment showing that
表现在亲子关系方面 还有 not just relationship wise but
对安全依附的孩子 also accomplishment secure attached the child they showed their high level of
显示出在学业上的高水平的发展 achievement in academically and other development and task
是的 近年来 社会改变了 离异家庭也不再是 Yeah the society changed the divorced families are not
观念中的典型家庭 正如你所看到的 a typical family in these days As many you've seen
在你身边的许多人 Many (people) around you
你的朋友和社区中是非常容易看到离异的家庭的 Your friends and your community it's very easy to see divorced families
那么青少年如何适应离异家庭呢 Then how the adolescents adjusted in divorced families
正如我们所知那些家庭已经支离破碎 and as we expected that those structures of family is ruptured and broken
这当然对孩子来说一个负面的影响 That is a negative influence on a child of course
所以这个画面展示了这是个离异家庭 So this pictures shows that this is a
这是一个完整的 从来没有过离异的家庭 divorced family and this is a intact or never
离异家庭孩子们出现严重的感情问题的 divorced family and this is the percent of children showing serious emotional Problems
几率是未离婚家庭的孩子 It's more than double rate of a divorced family's children or
出现情感问题的几率的两倍 adolescents they show that more emotional difficulties
这是离异家庭自然的产物 So it's a very natural consequence of the divorced families
那么家长应该为了年幼的孩子或者为了正处于青少年时期的孩子而在一起吗 But then should parents stay together for the sake of the children and adolescents
尽管他们不爱对方 尽管他们有冲突 even though they don't love each other even though they have a conflict
话说回来如果一个家庭充斥着 It says that if there is too much conflict in a family
太多的冲突 离婚或许是最好的办法 actually divorced family can be a better situation actually
但是我们必须明白 对于离异家庭来说这里有一些 But we need to understand that there are risk
冒险的因素以及保护的因素 factors and protect factors of the divorced families
离异家庭有着很多的冒险因素正如我们所说的 Divorced families (have) lots of risk factors as we are talking about these things
当父母离异的时候 Like when the parents are divorced
他们已不再年轻 All their ages is more destructive
在离婚之前 And also prior to the divorce
如果孩子或者青少年能够很好的适应会更好 If the child or the adolescents have the good adjustment it's better
但是如果孩子有适应上的问题 这将是非常危险的因素 But if there is an adjustment issue then it can be a very risk factor
而且性格和脾气是另外一个冒险的因素 And personality and temperament that is another risk factor
关于发展状态 如果一个青少年足够成熟 他就能处理 And developmental status if there is a mature enough adolescence they can handle that
研究表明 从性别来看 And gender the boys shows that based on the research (are having)
男孩子更难接受父母的离异 more difficulty when their parents get divorced
从监护权来说 如果你有一个大家庭 你的祖父母 But also yeah and custody if you have an extended family your grandparents can
能够提供支持以及保护 provide support and protections even though parents get divorced
尽管父母离异 这是另一个好的因素 that is another thing can be a good factor
重新安家也是另一个问题 And relocations is another issue
但是我们必须明白 这里有保护性因素 But we need to understand that there are protective factors
保护性因素的意思是 即使离异带来的负面影响 Protective factors by definition is even though there is a negative influence of the
同样也有冒险的因素 但是有一些因素可以缓冲或者调整 divorce and there are risk factors but there are some factors can buffer or mediate
或者减轻离异带来的负面影响 or moderate the negative influences of the divorce
所以我们需要提供保护因素 So we need to provide protective factors in the cases the parents there
在父母不能够生活在一起的情况下 is no way they can live together
关于家庭进程 Family processes
如果你和父母一方关系好的话 那么离异家庭的 If you have a good relationship with one of the parents then the divorced family is
孩子就能够有更多的空间与其谈论挫折 the children can have more room to talk about frustration to talk about ? to talk
以及父母离异的感受 about feelings about their parents' divorce
离异父母仍然能够有着和谐的关系 即使他们不住在一起 And divorced parents can have a harmonious relationship even though they don't live
但是他仅仅为了孩子而有着和谐的关系 所以他们能够 together but they can have a harmony in their relationship just for the child so they
彼此分享着孩子们的信息 can share the information and they can corporate even though
不作为夫妻 而是作为父母 not as a couple but as a parent
在这样的情况下 即使是如此挑战的任务 And if it's that case even though that is a very challenging task for the parents but if
如果他们的父母足够成熟去实现这个和谐的关系 their parents are mature enough to accomplish this harmonious
这将会是一个保护因素 relationship it can be a protective factor
权威性父母的家教方式意味着给孩子一个结构 And the parenting style of authoritative parenting meaning that giving a structure
给一些控制 与此同时再给一些 giving some control and at the same time giving a caring gentleness and love
关怀和爱护 那么这就是保护因素 then it can be a protective factor
如果在离婚之前青少年有这一个安全的依附关系 And if prior divorce if the adolescent have a secure attachment it can be a
这将能够缓冲离婚带来的负面影响 buffering also for the negative influences of the divorce
在一些家长他们重新结婚以后 也就是新的家庭 然而孩子或者 After some parents they get remarried that is stepfamilies and the kids or
青少年将会在设定界限上有问题 我和我生父母是什么关系 adolescents have a difficult to set up the boundary what's the my relationship with
我如何能够和我的继父母建立关系 the biological the parents and how can I set up the relationship with the step parent
这是界限关系以及界限模糊 that is the boundary issue and boundary ambiguity
所以这对青少年来说是一个特殊的任务 So that is the special task for adolescents
另外一种类型的家庭是现代社会的工作型父母 And another type of family in modern society is working parents
通常人们常说当他们的母亲在外工作的时候 And usually people say that when their mother especially working outside and there
有许多的问题以及有的国家说工作型母亲的孩子 are lots of problems and some country say that the kids of the working mothers
通常很难交朋友 (have) difficulties to have a friend even
重要的是 我们需要记住 父母的工作是 But very important we need to remember that the nature of parents'
非常重要也非常有必要的 work is very necessary very important
如果母亲说我对我的工作感到很自豪 那么她对她的工作是非常满意的 If the mother said I m very proud of job and then she is very happy about the job
而且对她的薪水也很满意 and happy about the salary then there's possibility
这将有利于青少年的成长 it could benefit of the working mothers toward the adolescents
如果母亲工作是为了孩子和青少年 And if the mothers working then high possibility for the children for the adolescents
他们有较少的性别刻板影响因为我所看到的是我的妈妈和爸爸 they have a less gender stereotyping because all I see (is) that my mum and father
在工作和家庭中都共同合作 working and they also cooperating at a house and they have a more
他们有更强的性别平等概念 egalitarian views of gender
这个幻灯片展现出这个国家人们对工作的渴望 So this slide shows that a country to those people expectation that working
父母特别是工作的母亲和他们的孩子面临很多困难 parents especially working mothers and their kids have a lot of troubles or difficulties
但同样也有很多的优点 but also there are some benefits
我们称之为门锁钥匙青少年 这是一种负面的影响如果他们 And we call there is a ? latchkey adolescents and it's a kind of negative images if
有自己的钥匙然而他们打开门进到房子里 they have their own key and they had open the key and they go to the house and
然后在里面呆上一整天 惹是生非 they spend the time daytime buy themselves and lots of trouble and lots of issues
但是正如我之前所说的 这是一个老的观点和老的情况 but as I've told you before this is old perspective and old images
关于工作的母亲 事实上这个正在改变 of the kids of working mothers and in fact it is changing
从跨文化的观点来看 我们在谈论家庭中的性别因素 in terms of the cross culture perspective we are talking about in general the family
同样也有家教方式 冲突 process and also the parenting style and the conflict there
还有跨文化的对比 are some cross culture comparison
父亲的角色在家里特别的不同 尤其因为 the father's role in the family is very different
男权家庭和亚洲家庭的认知对 especially patriarchical family and Asian family is
一个父亲的期望是非常不同的 a perception and expectation of a father is very different
尤其是和西方文化的父亲相比 compare to the fathers role in western culture
支持程度的体系意味着在亚洲文化中 我们是大家庭体系 And also the extent to which support systems meaning that in Asian culture we have
所以我们考虑到有的时候祖父母是 extended family system so we consider and sometimes that the grandparents can
非常重要的亲子系统但是在西方文化却是截然不同 be a very important subsystem but it is not so ? that is true in western culture
而在如何训导孩子 And in terms of how to discipline children
我已经谈论了在不同的文化里 I've already talked about the perception of the parents' control
关于对父母控制的认知有所不同 is different cross- culturely
但最普遍的模式是温暖以及控制 But most common pattern was a warm and controlling
只有结合温暖以及严格 So combination of warmth and the firmness
这种方式 That style
才是一个理想的家教类型 that is an ideal type of the parenting
既不是纵容也不是限制 that is neither permissive nor restrictive
哪一个都将是危险的 都不是好方法 either way can be a dangerous it's not a good way
在一些国家 权威家教正广泛使用 in some countries authoritarian parenting countries to be widely practiced
特别是在亚洲文化中 Especially in Asian culture again
总结来说 In conclusion
尽管我将提及的社会政策非常特殊 Nonetheless so specific social policy I m gonna present here
一些可行的政策 Some of are possible policies is
在你们的课本上已有 你们可以阅读它 Discussed in your textbook so you can read it
但是各种指导方针以及 But kind of the guidelines and kind of the principles of
我们关于家庭关系原则的这课 our lessons of family relationship
主要提倡温暖与尊敬的相处 1st showed them warmth and respect at the same time
培养持续的兴趣而非暂时的东西 And demonstrate sustained interest not just temporarily things
认识以及适应他们的发展因为他们在变化 And recognize and adapt to their development cause they are changing
交流对孩子的高标准的道德要求 And communicate expectations for high standards of conduct and achievement that
对于他们教育以及职业给予他们 give an opportunity for them to have a higher aspiration level of
更高的期望 their education and also the career
展示权威的 有建设性的方式去处理问题以及冲突 And display authoritative, constructive ways of dealing with problems and conflict
大家一定都还记得 You do remember that
权威分两个部分 严格以及温柔 爱护以及构建 Authoritative 2 components: firmness and gentleness and love and structure
所以这种的指导方针 不区别对待 So that is the kind of the guidelines regardless (of) cross cultural differences
文化的差异以及家教方式 and the parenting style and practice
才是对于家教关系的 This is the kind of basic the principles and the guidelines
基础原则和指导方针 for the parenting relationship